I'm So Not Ready for This!

I guess it's my fault, really. I mean, I should have asked him to specify which friend. But it never occurred to me. When Jamie asked me the other day if he could invite a friend to come to Wednesday night dinner and church with us, I immediately thought of any one of a dozen of his friends. His male friends. So, I immediately said "sure". I didn't think anything of it until the next day, when Jamie announced, "Oh, by the way, CiCi* said she can come to dinner and church with us."

Excuse me? Wait. What?!? Is this the same CiCi with whom you spend hours texting on the phone? Is this the same CiCi of whom you speak at least 20 times a day? Is this the same CiCi that you have admitted is the object of your very first big time crush!?!?!

When I pointed out to him that he isn't allowed to do group dates until he's in 8th grade and no single dates until he's 16, he said, "But, Mom, it isn't a date! It's church!" Yes, it's church, but we eat dinner at church before the service, then you and the other kids go watch a movie with a message. Dinner + movie = DATE!

But he has a point. It's church. There are worse (much, much worse) places he could have wanted to go. So I'll allow it. Grudgingly. While my mother's heart screams "NO!". But only if Ms. Stephanie sits right behind you two during the movie. With a flashlight. And there better be 12 inches of space between you two during the whole movie. And yes, I will give Ms. Stephanie a ruler to measure it.

*Name changed to protect the innocent

**That thunking sound you hear is me banging my head against the wall, trying desperately to forget that my son has a date (of sorts) tonight. Can I just lock him in a closet until he's 30? Please?!?!

On The Brighter Side

The good thing about being such a moody wench is the fact that, eventually, my dark despair turns into sunny optimism. Well, for a while at least. So, I'm taking advantage of a break in the gloom around here to post about the things that are giving me hope here lately.

1. I finally sucked it up and e-mailed the head of the Master's of Arts in Teaching (M.A.T.) program at TWU. This is the program that will give me a Master's Degree with initial teacher certification at TWU, my alma mater. To my utmost relief, the teachers are willing and eager to work around the whole "face-to-face"' meeting requirement for distance learning students. They have done so in the past and, the director ensures me, will continue to do so in the future. So, there's hope I can still participate in that program. All my documents are turned in, my file is complete, and all I'm awaiting is departmental review of my grades and recommendations. I hope to know something in the next week or two.
2. I finally decided that, although a Master's in Women's Studies interests me, there are more advantages to me teaching in the public schools than in academia. I was interested in teaching anyway, whether in K-12 or college. Due to the government programs to recruit qualified K-12 teachers, it makes more financial sense in the long run for me to pursue teaching K-12. I'd make a higher salary in higher education, but I'd still have a bunch of debt to pay off and would have to go further into debt to get there. By pursuing K-12 teaching, the government will give me free grants to pursue this degree, forgive $17.000 of my existing student loans, and forget about any outstanding debt after 10 years. Plus, there are more employment opportunities in K-12 than there are in higher ed.
3. My file is also complete at one of the schools here in town that is only about a 15 minute drive from my house. I went over Friday on my lunch break and turned in all the final paperwork to the financial aid department. This is a private university, but it also offers a Master's Degree program with initial teacher certification. My file is under review and I have a student ID number with which to check my application status. I should know something there in the next week or two, as well.
4. The other school here in San Antonio doesn't look as promising. Of all the things I've turned in and know, from checking my application status, that they have received, they've already lost two of them. I've received several phone calls from them about missing items that have already been logged in. I'm not stressing it, though, because this was my last choice school. They require the GRE (which is very expensive) and their program is still very new. It obviously has quite a few kinks to be worked out. I'm not worried about this one because I know from the other two schools I'm virtually guaranteed acceptance because of my GPA. It's merely a matter of who will give me the most financial aid.

So, that's life right now. Jamie's cruising through the final weeks of school, I'm cruising through work, and things are okay. My house is still a complete mess, but I'm not stressing about it too much right now. I'm keeping busy with music at church, going to services and other sundry churchly activities. I'm just taking a deep breath and trying to take things as they come. It seems to be working - for now. Ask me again in a week or two, and it might be a different story. :-)

Apologies and Thanks

I've done this to you twice now. I get all down and discouraged, write a down in the dumps/I'm so insecure post, then trot off to continue my real-life angst and leave you all staring at a really depressing post. My apologies. I think the stress of impending grad school has driven me insane. I do want to sincerely thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. They are very much appreciated!

In an attempt to bring you up to date with what's going on, I offer the following items regarding my quest to enter grad school this fall:

1. Trying to get ready for grad school applications is a major stress. I had forgotten how expensive just applying can be, not to mention the fees to take the required tests. Grad school may have to wait another year just to raise the money for the dang tests and applications!
2. TWU doesn't require a GRE, but did require an application fee. Which I paid first, seeing as how they already have all my transcripts. BUT - it looks like I can't do that program, after all. Their supposedly "on-line" education classes require monthly meetings. In person. In Denton. Which is about a 5-6 hour drive from here. [sigh] So I wasted $50 in application fees for nothing.
3. All the other programs down here, except two, require the GRE. It costs $160. I qualify for a fee reduction waiver, but that can only be used on one test, and still makes the cost $80.
4. Most of the programs down here don't offer the certification(s) I want. Seems like there's a shortage of programs for Science 4-8 and Technology Applications EC-12. Only a couple of places offer those particular certifications with Master's Degree in Education.
5. Of the two places that do offer what I want and don't require the GRE (but only because of how high my GPA is), only one offers a Master's program. The other is a post-baccalaureate program only. If I'm going to do this, I want a Master's degree to go with it so I don't have to go back to school later to get one (as most school districts require in X number of years).
6. If I go to grad school, I'm going to have to not work (or only part-time) while in school due to observation requirements and student teaching. But the program that has the nice living stipend is one of the ones that doesn't offer the certifications I want.

So, that's what has contributed to my stress and my funk here lately. But, I'm in a much better mood overall than I was.

In other news, tonight I'm singing a Shaun Groves song, "Kingdom Coming", for our Nat'l Day of Prayer service at church. I first heard the song on Friday. I've learned it, but last night the super talented musician who is helping me suggested I sing it up a key, because the key it's written in is just a tad low. So, he e-mailed me a mp3 of the song in a higher key, and I'm working on that. And singing it tonight. I hope I don't make the congregations' ears bleed. :-)

Jamie is doing well and excited that he only has 19 days of school left in the year. He's also excited at the prospect of my going back to school to be a teacher. He thinks it's cool. He also likes the idea of me being home when he is.

Much love and affection to you all, and thanks for the encouragement!

Mishmash

I've got all kinds of things zooming around in my head. I've got some sadness, some happiness, some anxiety and some calm. So I've got this big mishmash of stuff in my head and on my heart. In no particular order, here 'tis.

• I've begun the process of applying for grad school. The first place I applied is to my alma mater, TWU. I figure I won't have to wait as long to hear if I'm accepted or not, seeing as how they already have all my transcripts and all my academic references work there. All they have to do is pick up a phone and call Dr. X and say, "So, whaddaya think of Ms. Snarkypants?" I'm also applying to some schools that are here in (or near) San Antonio. I'm applying for a couple of different programs - Masters w/Initial Teacher Certification (MS Science, MS Technology Applications dual certification), Library Science (because I'm such a book and information nerd), and I'm even batting around the idea of the Women's Studies M.A. program. True, this would ensure me a life only able to work in academia, but I think I could handle that. They also have a Ph.D. program in Women's Studies. I REALLY enjoyed all my WS classes I took as an undergrad. I like how so many different subjects can be viewed through the WS lens.


• I've really been struggling with self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness here lately. This has been dragging me down in lots of ways, leading my mind to race a lot - and never shut up. Which has been preventing me from sleeping. Which has led to lots of reading and TV watching at 3 a.m. Not conducive to cognitive thinking the next day at work, let me tell you. Feeling like this has also affected other things, like singing, for instance. I love to sing and I always have. One of my earliest memories is listening to my sister's Farrell & Farrell cassette tape, singing along with the song "Through Your Eyes." At the end, there's a note that's held out for a while, and it's on the higher end of the range. I held out the note so long that my sister, not realizing it was me singing and not the tape, came running into the bedroom to see what I had done to her tape to make it hold out that long. She was very musical, and knew how long the note was held out on the tape. So it freaked her out when it seemed like the note went on longer than it should. I've always, always loved to sing. I sing when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm scared, when I'm lonely. But, as much as I love to do it, and as much as I want to do it, there's this voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. That my voice is horrible. That no one wants to hear me sing. That I sound like a frog croaking. Then I start remembering all the times growing up I was told by teachers or students or whomever that I should just shut up and stop singing. Then I doubt. And I worry. And I fret. So then I don't sing as much, even though I really want to. And then I get sad. And so the circle begins again. This has been bothering me a lot lately, because I really really REALLY want to sing something for the offertory music at church. And just when I think, "A ha! That's the song I want to sing!", those old doubts start hitting at me again.


• I just found out someone I had a long-term relationship with (albeit off and on) got married. We never seemed to feel the same way about each other at the same time, so there was a lot of back and forth in that relationship. When I visited home in 2006, I saw him again. I made an off-hand comment that was really stupid, and he never spoke to me again. At least, I think my stupid remark is why he never contacted me again. Seeing as how he never told me, I don't really know WHY. We had plans to go out to dinner or something one night while I was there, and he never showed up, never returned a phone call, or anything. My attempts to contact him since then were never successful, either. It always left a little hole in me. In a way, finding out he got married is sad and happy all at once. I'm sad that he didn't think enough of me to tell me outright "You said something stupid and I didn't like it." I'm sad that he didn't think enough of the fact that we were friends first to ever return any of my phone calls, e-mails, or facebook friend requests. I always wondered "what if" with him. But I'm happy for him, happy that he has someone he loves and who loves him in return. I'm hoping now I can move on for good from that chapter in my life. Though, let me tell you, the whole experience has done nothing for my confidence when it comes to dating!


• Susan and David are leaving next weekend to go home. I'm happy for them to be able to go back to their stuff and their friends and home... but sad that they are leaving, too. Safe travels, and we love you.

So, I set up my blogger account so I can blog via text message. I'm tech savvy, right? But, how meaningful can texted posts be if they are only this long, hmmm?

An Evening with (Jamie's) Strings

Not only have I been a bad blogger, leaving a morose snippet on my blog for way too long, I've been a bad mom, too, in that it took me nearly a week to upload and edit Jamie's strings concert from last week. Each spring, the school district hosts a district-wide "Evening with Strings" concert. The strings programs in the district are so plentiful they had to divide the event up into three different nights! The announcer said that Jamie's night, being the first night, was slightly smaller than the other two nights. At only 900 students that night, I can only imagine how many students played on each of the subsequent nights!

This year's theme was "A Little Rock n' Roll". Each school played an arrangement of a rock song. Jamie's school played "This Love" by Maroon 5. Now, I'm going to let my momma-pride kick in and say I think Jamie's school did the best. But, I will add that I heard several other parents from other schools who thought so, too. Good job, Krueger Orchestra!

There were 5th grade strings programs from 15 elementary schools, four middle school orchestras, and two high school orchestras represented. At the end of the night, they all joined together to play "We are the Champions" by Queen. It was, in a word, AWESOME!

Sorry it took me so long to get it up on here, and hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

Here's photos of after the concert, also.

Jamie right after the concert. Looks like he's worn out, doesn't he? He confessed that during the high school orchestra's 15 minute montage of Beatles songs, he fell asleep!

Spencer, Mr. Prado, and Jamie right after the concert. I think they're all glad it's over with!

An Ocean of Sadness

There is an ocean of sadness inside of me.

It ebbs and flows, ever changing, ever moving,

waiting to catch me unawares

and drag me under,

to force me to submit to the tears I hate to shed.

They are a weakness and I must be strong.

Days, sometimes weeks, will pass

when the ocean tide stays out.

I can laugh, love and live.

I can be the mother my son deserves.

But the silliest things will bring it roaring in.

A sad commercial.

A homeless dog begging at my door.

Newspaper articles.

A sudden memory.

And it crashes over me - washes away my will

to do anything but to hide in my home.

I feel too much

and drown in my tears.

And the Winner Is......

Remember this?

I hosted a giveaway of this luscious, preseasoned cast iron 6 qt. dutch oven. Using www.random.org, I picked one person who commented on my blog to be the winner. The following lucky commenter won the prize:

#1 - Tara - My favorite cooking memories involve my dad. He would make us doughnuts out of canned biscuit dough, egg sandwiches for Sunday night dinner (after church of course!) and could make better French toast or grilled cheese than mom. Sorry, Mom!

Congratulations, Tara! E-mail me your shipping information to stinkbumps@satx.rr.com so I can forward the information on to www.csnstores.com, the hosts of my giveaway!

Being the Mom is Not All Sunshine and Giggles

Jamie was supposed to go to a much-coveted, highly-technical, Grant-Imahara-Would-Be-Proud underwater robot competition at the NASA training facility in Houston this coming weekend. It is rare for 6th graders to be allowed to go, much less possibly DRIVE the robots in competition. This is the year they're being allowed to do so, due to this group's above-average capabilities and a shortage of 8th graders going.

But Jamie will not be going. And he's pretty upset about it. To put it mildly. I think "downright pissed" would be a more accurate description.

See, I can't go on the trip. And it's overnight. To Houston, which is a "mink stole" (think about it) from San Antonio. And Jamie has recently proven grossly irresponsible when it comes to his medical issues. This trip would necessitate the group eating together in a restaurant. The teacher going said if I gave him a list of places Jamie could eat, he would TRY to accommodate Jamie's food allergies on the trip. Well, I don't know what Jamie can and can't eat at every hole-in-the-wall eatery in San Antonio, much less in Houston. A recent scare when Jamie shoved food in his mouth at a restaurant we'd never eaten at before, only to ask AFTER he'd done it what it was cooked in (to find out it was cooked in peanut oil) has proven to me that my boy's brain cells flee when he's hungry, so I can't count on him to remember to askwhat stuff is cooked in before he eats it. As a test, I also asked Jamie what he would do if the teacher pulled up in front of one of the many restaurants Jamie knows he cannot eat in, and he said "Oh, I just wouldn't eat any dinner/lunch/breakfast." [blaring horn] Nope! Wrong answer. The answer is supposed to be that you tell the teacher you can't eat there and you find somewhere else to eat. So that knocked out any confidence I might have had in Jamie's ability to fend for himself in the food area. Jamie then said, "Oh, well, I could just nibble a little something and hope it isn't cross contaminated." Nope! Sorry! Wrong answer again.

This is typical of Jamie's attitude here lately. He thinks that if he doesn't want something bad to happen, it won't happen at all. This attitude very nearly hospitalized him, if not something worse, last Friday at our church's Middle School Madness night.

On Thursday, Jamie knew his inhaler was empty. On Wednesday, he knew it was low. On neither day did he tell me "Hey, Mom, we need to get my inhaler refilled." Nor did he tell me at any time on Friday. On Friday night, despite knowing he had an empty asthma rescue inhaler, and knowing he's supposed to take it 20 minutes before strenuous activity, he decided to go ahead and play "capture the flag" with his friends anyway. He had an asthma attack - a very severe one. It was so severe, in fact, that had there not been a doctor who just happened to be there to pick up his daughters, who just happened to have an inhaler on him, I'd be blogging right now from the hospital - IF Jamie made it that far. Those were the doctor's words, not mine.

I've known for a month how much Jamie wanted to go to that competition. All I've heard day in and day out is how cool it would be to go to NASA and to drive an underwater robot. But because I can't trust my son to take care of himself like he knows he should, I had to tell him no. I had to tell him unequivocally, emphatically, "no" he could not go on an overnight trip when he's shown a total disregard for his own health and well-being.

I had to break his heart, and it sucks. Big time. I wanted him to go. I relish him getting such educational opportunities that most kids can only dream of. Plus, I really was looking forward to having some downtime of my own.

But better I break his heart, teach him responsibility and keep him alive for another day.

Yep, being the mom is not all sunshine and giggles.

Baptism Pictures

Yesterday, April 11, 2010, Jamie got baptized. He had many friends (including my boss, his wife and their daughter), family and teachers in attendance, and his whole church family surrounded him in love on his very special day. I was standing in the choir practically right in front of him while he got baptized, so I was able to get two up-close shots on my cell phone. The mother of the other boy who got baptized was upstairs at the baptistry stairs and graciously provided several pictures of Jamie being baptized, as well. It was a wonderful day!

Jamie before the baptism

Jamie and Ethan get ready

GIVEAWAY TIME!

In honor of my 485th post, my mother's 64th birthday, and just because I feel like it, I'm hosting a giveaway! This giveaway is generously being provided by CSN Stores, a company that offers a wide variety of products for sale, from entertainment centers, cookware, bakeware, and toys to shoes, purses, bed linens and all kinds of other products. If you want it, you can find it there from the comfort of your own home!

Because I lurve my readers, because I lurve to cook, and because I'm just crazy that way, today I'm giving away one of these:

This is a pre-seasoned, cast iron, Emerilware 6 qt. Dutch Oven with lid. You can make lots of yummy stuff in it. (Oh, the possibilities in this baby are just dancing in my head right now!)

To enter this contest, all you have to do is answer this question in the comments section of this post:

What is your favorite childhood memory involving cooking/food?

Was it the first time you made homemade doughnuts? Was it helping your mother use the flour sifter and getting flour all over the floor? Was it the time you blew up the family's brand new microwave oven because you forgot to remove the wire twist tie from the frozen hot dog buns? (Yes, these are all real memories of mine.)

Only one entry per person. Contest is open until 12 noon EST (11 a.m. CST) on Monday, April 12, 2010. Winner will be chosen at random (utilizing http://www.random.org/) from all individual comments posted during the open contest period. Winner will be announced on Thursday, April 15, 2010. Good luck!

*Note: I received no monetary compensation for hosting this giveaway, nor am I employed by CSN Stores. Prize is provided by http://www.csnstores.com/. Thank you.

In Which I Admit I'm a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Mother (Or, I Didn't Fix My Kid an Easter Basket)

This is the post in which I admit that I'm a terrible, horrible, very bad mother. You see, my kid didn't get an Easter basket this year. Usually, he gets a nice basket with a chocolate bunny, a small toy or two of some sort, and some candy. This year, he got nothing. No. Thing. No basket, no chocolate bunny to chew the ears off of, no toys, nothing. I didn't even take his picture in his nice mint-green dress shirt, green/white/blue tie, and khaki pants. Tooz took one of him in front of the cross at church, but other than that - nothing. (BTW - Tooz, can you e-mail me a copy of that photo?) In my defense, I smashed the absolute heck out of my finger the day before - the day I had planned to go candy and toy shopping. Instead, after I smushed my finger all to hades and back at 7 a.m., I climbed into bed with a bottle of leftover prescription painkiller liquid. I still can't feel parts of my finger. I did manage to go to Walgreen's the other night in search of medicine to treat the mangledness that is my finger. There, I found a chocolate bunny of the kind he likes (and won't kill him to eat) on sale, and bought him one (and myself one, too). And I did manage to find one lonely little bag of pretty pastel Easter-dressed Hershey Kisses. Out of guilt, I bought him a small LEGO set at (insert big-box retailer name here) Sunday night. But none of it ever wound up in a basket. I think I'm going straight to parent Hell.

Without a Paddle (or Health Insurance)

I got a letter from Jamie's health insurance provider, the state CHIP plan. I have to verify my income for a six month review. Since I last applied for coverage, I got a raise (yay, me). Apparently, it's just enough of a raise that it may very well mean Jamie loses his health insurance coverage very very soon. I was expecting to lose it come the end of October. But I was not aware they'd be doing a review halfway through the year. I am now officially up a crap creek without a paddle. Him not having health insurance is not an option with as many special health concerns as he has. He takes about $1,000 (retail) worth of medication a month. That doesn't include the cost of doctor visits to the five different specialists he sees a month, plus any sick visits. Then there's the cost of the unplanned prescriptions - those for ear infections, sinus infections, etc. Sure, I can afford to pay for all his medications and doctor visits, if I stop paying rent, don't buy any food and stop making car payments or pay utility bills. I could get him insurance through my work - for about 20% of my monthly net income. Or I can purchase an individual health insurance plan for him at 15% of my net income and not have as much of his stuff covered, meaning I'd still pay a lot of out of pocket costs. It just seems totally unfair that I now make too much to qualify for CHIP, so I will be bankrupted by medical bills.

Misadventures in Cooking

Last night, I was craving something sweet yet spicy all at once. Then I started thinking, "How would a curry with peaches in it taste?" So I set to experimentin'. I modified another recipe for curry I found, sauteing some garlic cloves and half a sweet onion, then adding sausage links, curry powder and dried mustard powder. Then I added some chicken broth, put a lid on it and let it simmer for 15 minutes. Then I added a can of sliced peaches, recovered it and let it simmer for 8 more minutes. I didn't think it tasted too bad, but still wasn't quite what I was looking for. Also, Jamie apparently didn't like it at. all. I had forgotten one all important thing: Jamie hates peaches (unless it's my peach cobbler). If I experiment again with this, I'm going to try it with orange slices or mangoes instead of peaches and I'll add some red bell pepper strips and/or tomatoes, as well as a green vegetable of some sort (asparagus maybe?) to add some color and extra nutrients. I'm also going to use chicken instead of sausage. I'm also going to use more spices. I want my mouth to feel hot from the spices but cool from the fruit all at the same time. Any suggestions from my cooking friends on how to accomplish that?

Meal Planning, Cont.

I posted a quick blurb on R.O.U.S. that I was trying to plan out meals in advance for several reasons:

1. I spend way too high a percentage of my money on fast/convenience foods.
2. We eat way too much quick, easy, highly processed/preserved meals.
3. I want to incorporate more fresh/locally grown foods into our diets.
4. I'm sick of trying to decide at the last minute what the heck I'm going to fix for dinner.
5. I'm trying to save money at the grocery store. If I know exactly what I need for the month, I (hopefully) will be less likely to have to throw away food that expires before it gets eaten. Also, I'm hoping I'll be less likely to make "impulse" food buys at the store - thus, saving money.

I started with the goal of planning for the month. Well.... I got a little carried away. My meals are all planned through the end of the year. I've incorporated two nights a month having fast food (because, c'mon, gotta have my yummy fries sometimes!), one night a month ordering pizza, and one or two nights a month for leftovers. We won't have them more than that because I generally wind up eating the leftovers for lunch the next day. This schedule also takes into account times when Jamie will be gone on overnight trips and I will be eating either leftovers or microwave meals and our church's weekly Wednesday night dinner right before services start.

There isn't as much repetition in my schedule as I was afraid there'd be. Turns out, I know how to cook lots more than I thought I did. For recipes that we really like, I've scheduled them to repeat about every 25 days. For those that are good, but take a long time to fix, have more expensive ingredients or are not exactly what we ask for on a regular basis, I've scheduled them to repeat every 45 days. I also move things around so the more complicated items are on Friday or Saturday nights when it won't matter so much if we don't eat until 8:30 or 9 p.m. School nights are dedicated to recipes that are simpler and are a snap to fix.

I did this project in the calendar feature on Outlook. I will also be transferring it into iCal on my laptop. This makes it very simple for me to print out a week or a month at a time and put on the fridge. It also makes it easy for me to change out what days we do what, eliminate items we're sick of and substitute others, etc. It also makes it very easy for me to see what is needed for the month so that I know what to buy at the store.

I'll keep you all informed if this plan helps me save any money, and if I can actually stick to it. My first order of business is to go to the farmer's market this Saturday and see what kinds of fresh items are available (and how much they cost).

Giveaway!!!

In honor of my upcoming 500th blog post - okay, it WOULD have been my 500th blog post if I hadn't gone back through and deleted all my "draft" posts. Now it's more like the 485th blog post or some such. But, anyway - I'm going to be hosting a giveaway on my blog here soon. But, in order to do that, I need to know what you'd like to see given away... Cookware? Bakeware? Bed linens? Home decor? Toys for your kids/grandkids? Pet accessories? Home improvement stuff? Home storage? Office/school supplies? Shoes/purses/luggage? What strikes your fancy? I'm considering giving away a cobalt blue enameled cast iron dutch oven. Is this something you'd like? The company who is sponsoring the giveaway has tons of stuff. Leave me a comment and tell me the kinds of things you'd like me to giveaway.

No Ranting Today

I was going to post a rant today. Then, while I was cruising through the "coming soon" trailers, I came across this:

I want to see this movie!

Heaven, Help Me!

I was bombed yesterday. Not bombed as in "drunk", not bombed as in "actually had an explosive device dropped on me".... Bombed, as in "Mom we're talking about sex in health class for the rest of the year and so each night for my homework I have to ask you questions."

Oh, dear Lord, help me.

Now, I've talked in quite graphic detail with my son about sex. I've talked about how it's best to wait until you are old enough to handle it mentally, emotionally and physically. How God wants us to wait until we've found the person we're going to spend the rest of our lives with and actually are married to before we take that particular step. How oral sex is definitely still sex and it shouldn't be done, either. How diseases can be spread no matter which orifice is used, so it's much better to wait until you've both decided you love each other, are getting married, and have had all kinds of tests to make sure neither one of you is going to give each other a not-so-pleasant surprise. I even described in graphic detail the things that can happen to one's body parts as a result of some of those nasty diseases.

But I'm not sure how I feel about my baby boy asking me personal questions about sex. I mean, it's one thing for me to tell my son about sex, oral sex and such. It's quite another for him to ask me personal questions. And then, for him to say, "Yeah, the questions at first aren't so bad. But then I looked ahead in the book and.... oh, man! You aren't going to like the questions we have to ask!"

Lovely.

Lord, help me get through these next few months. Help us all. And help it do some good and keep our babies from trying to make babies of their own.

Opinions, Please

I have been approached by a company that is interested in hosting product giveaways and/or reviews on my site(s). What is your opinion of this possibility? Are you all for it? Do you hate it? Let me know in the comments if this is something you'd be interested in, please.

Also, I've slacked off on the "Rant Thursdays" a bit. Should this be a weekly feature? Or should I save them up and post one big rant once a month? Or, should I split the difference and just do it whenever I think of something to rant about? Again, please leave an opinion in the comments.

Also, if you have any other opinions about my blog, let me know. Do you want to read more about Jamie, the original reason for the creation of this blog? Do you want more pictures? Do you want more freaky-but-true stories about my life? Do you want me to post more poetry/short fiction? Or do you hate all those things and just want me to stick to stories about daily life? Is there any recurring item you cannot stand and never want to see again? Let me know you opinions in the comments. True, just because you leave a comment does not mean I'll change something you don't like, but at least then I'll be aware I'm annoying the crap out of you. Hey, I AM a little sister, after all. We like knowing we're annoying you. It makes us happy. :-)

Sadness

After months of posting ads on craigslist and every other "lost/found" dog website I could find, putting ads in the newspaper, putting up flyers, begging rescue organizations to help me find a home for my stray dogs - all to no avail - I had to take one of the dogs to the pound last night. It broke my heart. I chose the dog that had caused me the most trouble - she chewed everything, loved to drag my stuff outside through the doggie door and destroy it, and got loose and got pregnant, to boot. But she also would curl up by my feet, rest her sweet, soft furry face on my knee, and look at me with absolute adoration. And I took her to the pound.

As soon as we got there, she started crying. So did I. She hid under my chair while we waited in the lobby for the "intake process" to begin. She pressed herself as far up against the back of my legs as she could and shivered and shook the whole 15 minutes we had to wait.

And I bawled all the harder when they took her. She cried and scrambled to get back to me. The absolute betrayal she felt was clear. I know I had no choice, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Not one bit. I'll miss you, Li'l Bit. I hope they find you a forever home, but I know the odds are against it.

I wish I were young enough to delude myself into believing they'll find her a home right away. That they'll be able to find someone to love her and care for her, train her out of destroying stuff. But I know the pound only holds stray dogs for four days before they deem them "adoptable" or euthanize them. If a dog does, miraculously, get deemed "adoptable", they only hold them for about a week in the pound before they destroy them. And in that week, sweet, loving dogs are held in cold, concrete cages. No freedom to run and play. No one to rub them behind their ears or find that special "tickle spot" that makes them kick their legs and get a look of absolute bliss on their faces. They're kept locked in cages, where I'm sure they wonder what they did wrong, why their people don't love them anymore, why, why, why.

I know I had no choice. These stray dogs are killing me - financially, emotionally, and just the hassle. It's part of what's keeping me up all night. I exhausted every other possibility. Again, it doesn't make me feel any better. Not one bit.

Breathing Underwater

I kind of fizzled over the weekend. That seems to have become a pattern with me; I bust my butt all week at work, can't sleep nights, then wind up crashing (and usually having some sort of illness) over the weekends. This past weekend was no different. I've been battling a sinus infection for a while, and it apparently has decided it wants to move into my lungs. I've felt like I've been breathing underwater for days.

There for a while, my sinus infection seemed to be doing better. Mama Tooz and Daddy Dave gave me a nasal asperating thingie (basically a neti pot, but less breakable) and I was using it daily. Then parts of it disappeared. I used it one morning, handwashed the innards of it, and laid them out to dry. Jamie got home before me and started doing dishes, as he'd been instructed. Normally, I'd be jumping up and down for joy that he actually did something he was supposed to. But when I came home from work, the innards were missing. We didn't see them on the floor, couldn't see them in the crack between the dishwasher and refrigerator.... Nowhere. Since he lost the top and the tube that carries the saline from the bottle up to and through my nose, it is now unusable. A couple of days later, the infection started kicking in with a vengeance, then migrated south to my lungs.

Because I've felt craptastic all weekend, Jamie got to help me do some necessary fixes around the house. The funky, spinny, roof vent thingamabobbers had come off their spindles, and the wind blew them off their holes at about a 45-degree angle. This meant that any rain could get into the attic, possibly causing mold. Unfortunately, there is also a hole in the garage ceiling that is right below one of the roof spinny thingies, and under that hole in the ceiling is where the washer and dryer (and, ergo, the electrical outlets for the washer and dryer) sit. Rain would not be a good thing to introduce to the electrical outlets. We were forecasted to receive (and did receive) rain over the weekend and into this week. So, we borrowed a ladder from the neighbor, and under my close supervision, Jamie got to go up and fix them for me.

Of course, "supervision" meant I took pictures of him up there, and made sure he didn't fall completely off the roof should be come tumbing down. He was very excited and enthusiastic about being up there. Considering I was several years younger than him when my brother and I used to beat the crap out of each other with cane poles on the ridgeline of our three story house, I didn't see much harm in him climbing up on a single story house to fix the doohickeys.

Fixing doohicky number 1

Fixing doohicky number 2

He was much more enthusiastic about getting up there and looking around the neighborhood than he was about getting down. When it came time for him to swing his legs around and feel for the ladder, he announced emphatically, "I'm just going to stay up here. I don't want to get down. I don't want to get down! I can't get down! You can't make me!" By this point he was screaming, while I was snickering (and coughing) into my sleeve. Finally, I was able to get him down with minimal screaming and no destruction of gutters, roof, ladder or boy. I then rewarded him with a cup of hot chocolate.

Other than that, we did nothing all weekend. Food consisted of soup and sandwiches and whatever else Jamie could fix himself. I'm marginally better today (well, better enough to come to work). I'm hoping Mucinex will loosen enough of this crud to get it all out. I can't afford to go to the doctor, so I'll be fighting this with OTC medicines and spicy food to clear out the sinuses.
Jamie's spring break is next week, so I'm hoping to be feeling well enough that we actually get to do something on his spring break, instead of me spending my vacation days at home in bed, being miserable.

Life in Haiku (Or, My Pathetic Attempt to Make My Mundane Life Seem More Interesting)

Sleep is elusive.
The sheep I count defected.
I am so grouchy!


Work is still stressful,
reports unending burdens.
I need a day off.

Relaxation comes;
babysitting night at church.
Solitude beckons.

Infinite worlds will
blossom in my mind tonight.
Love that "new book" smell.

Sadness comes this way.
Tomorrow one puppy leaves
to go to the pound.

No rescue groups came
to help me find her a home.
I cannot keep her.

Two puppies remain
but are not as aggressive.
I can take my time.

My boy grows by leaps
and bounds; he climbed on the roof
to fix broken vents.

Climbing up was fun!
He could see for miles, but the
climb down was scary.

UT was so great!
Making Rube Goldberg Machine
highlight of the day.

He grows so fast, my
heart breaks watching my boy turn
into a young man.

The sands of time move
swiftly. They take childhood and
leave behind a man.

Rant Thursday - Fatigue Edition

This week's rant, I'm afraid, will be just as brief as last week's. I'm tired, folks. I've been working for two weeks on the same monster report (in fact, I took my laptop with me today and worked on it while I was waiting with Jamie to see his pediatrician. He has yet another ear infection.) So my rant this week is about being tired. All. The. Time. I wake up tired, I go through my day tired. Get home tired. Trudge through the evening tired. Then I go to bed. What do I do when I get there? Stare at the ceiling. Insomnia's a pain, yo. When I do finally fall asleep, it's only to have to get up in four hours or whatever and do it all again. Then I got on the scale at work today and about had a heart attack. But I'm too tired by the time I get home to do anything about it. Being tired all the time stinks. So tell me, when coffee fails, Mt. Dew leaves you dozing and you don't have one scrap of energy left in your body, how do you keep going? Got any secret, sure-fire energy boosters? Please share! I'd love to have some new things to try to get me through my day.

Oh, yeah, and if you have something you want to rant about - please, feel free to leave it in the comments section. I want to know I'm not the only ranting and raving person in the blogosphere.

Thursday Rant - Your Turn!

Okay, so I'm really really busy today. But I've made a commitment to myself to be a better blogger, so I've been trying to post more regularly and do more fun and interactive things on here (BTW - Amazon.com gift card winners, your cards are coming, I promise!) So, since it's Rant Thursday, and I don't have much time, I thought I'd take this opportunity to let you rant. Go on, vent a little. Post in the comments something that's been bugging you lately.

Is it crappy parents who go on vacation to Florida for a week and leave their 11 year olds at home to fend for themselves?

Is it people who are supposed to serve and protect their cities who instead abuse their power and wind up killing innocent people?

Or is it whiny bloggers who make up Rant Thursdays and then blog about everything they think is wrong with the world? :-)

Please, leave a comment and rant away! I want to know I'm not the only one ranting and raving.

Announcement, Apologies and Awards

ANNOUNCEMENT:
Mrs. Allroro has graciously declined the $25 Amazon.com gift card I was giving away (I still think it's weird how Jamie picked the exact same numbers the random number picker picked!) I didn't have my oracle handy, so I used random.org again and got the number 3... Jessi! Please contact me at stinkbumps (at) satx (dot) rr (dot) com so I can e-mail you your prize!

APOLOGIES AND AWARDS:
I owe Suze and Jessi an apology. A month ago, they both gave me an award, and I never acknowledged it. Bad, Jenn, bad! I wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I was quite flattered and kept meaning to continue the awards, but.... This thing called life and rants about life got in the way, and next thing I knew, a month had gone by and I hadn't done anything about the awards. Sorry, ladies!

Since I think it is better to be late than never, here's the rules and such of the awards, and my nominees...

1) List 10 things that make you happy, and try to do at least one of them today.

2) Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day.

3) If you are one of those 10 lucky (happy) bloggers who get the award, link back to my blog and create your happy list!

Ten things that make me happy:

1. Having a freshly brewed pot of coffee waiting for me when I wake up (done! LURVE having a coffee pot with a timer!)

2. Those 30 minutes in the morning between when Jamie leaves for the bus stop and when I have to start getting ready for work. It's a great time to relax and allow myself to slowly wake up. (Done!)

3. Having a brand new, I've-never-read-it-before book by a favorite author to dive into when I get the first opportunity (done! I've got a stack of about four or five books waiting for me! Whee!)

4. Shooting hoops with my son

5. Singing

6. Listening to my boy play his violin.

7. Cooking (but I hate the cleaning up afterwards!)

8. Spending time with loved ones

9. Being silly

10. Chocolate


Bloggers who brighten my day (Okay, there's more than 10. So sue me):

1. Suze (love your kids, love your rants, love your thoughts)

2. Jessi (ditto! love your kids, love your rants, love your thoughts)

3. Tooz (Always make me smile. Love you to pieces)

4. Becca (even if she doesn't post very often and hasn't in months)

5. Everett (even if he doesn't post very often and hasn't in a while)

6. Ann (I especially love her posts about the cute things the kids she teaches do or say)

7. Lydia and Geron (love those babies, even if I haven't met them yet!)

8. Animal (You most of the time make me laugh, and always make me think)

9. The Pioneer Woman (Ree, you crack me up!)

10. AnnaMarie (I love getting little glimpses into your life, and your daughter and stepson are precious)

11. Strangeite (AKA Roy; Always thought provoking)

12. Steph (You've been busy with grad school, I know. I love to read your posts, so I'll wait patiently for the next one)

13. Jamie (Your blog is relatively new, and you don't post often, but I love to read it when you do)

14. Tara (your kids crack me up, and I enjoy reading your outlook on things)


So, those of you I've tagged above, get busy making your own awards. Whose blog brightens your day? What makes you happy?

Winners!

Okay, let me preface this by saying, my random number selection was creepy. My first means of randomly selecting two entrants was to ask my son to pick a number between 1 and 7 (there were seven of you who actually left comments. A lot of of familiar looking locations on my visitor's map still didn't leave a comment!) Jamie's first pick was "7" and his second pick was "5". I didn't tell Jamie what the random number picks were for, nor did I tell him who all had commented or what order in which they did so. By this not-so-scientific method, "Mrs. Allroro" and "Sage" are my winners.

But then I thought, "well, that wasn't very scientific." So I went to http://www.random.org and used the random number generator to select two commenters between one and seven. The first click on the randomizer gave me...... "7".......... the second click on the randomizer gave me........"5". I find that kind of creepy, don't you?

So, Sage and Mrs. Allroro, please contact me at stinkbumps (at) satx (dot) rr (dot) com to let me know to what e-mail address I should send your gift cards. If either person declines their gift card, I'll consult my personal oracle, Jamie, and he'll pick a different number (without knowing what comment number corresponds with which person) and I'll post it on here. Thanks for playing, everyone!

Please De-Lurk Yourself (You Might Win Something Groovy)

UPDATE 2/19/10 7:44 PM - I think I've fixed the comments issues. Sorry! If you tried to leave a comment before, please try again!

I irregularly peruse my stats on a separate website. This site calculates how many visitors I've had, if they are unique or returning visitors, and pinpoints what area their ISP address is from. This gives me a general idea of who looks at my site, when, how often, and from what town/country. I can also look up what keywords people use to find my site, if any, and if someone came to my blog from a search engine, another blog/website, or if they have my site bookmarked or knew my URL well enough to type it straight in. There's a whole lot of people out there looking at my blog, people! And some of you I know right off the bat who it is. Others - I have no frickin' clue! Could be aunts/uncles/cousins, could be friends of friends, could be coming to me from facebook, could be some stranger who clicked the "next blog" link in the blogger taskbar. I just don't know. And it's impossible to know, because anytime anyone whom I don't regularly talk to leaves a comment, they invariably do so as "anonymous" and don't write their name.

So, since I'm a nosy brat person with an inquiring mind, I wanna know who you are! Leave a comment below identifying yourself and stating whether you are a frequent reader, sometime reader, or new reader of my blog. Also, let me know how you found me. Are you related to me? Are you a friend of mine? Did we go to elementary school, middle school, high school or college together? Did you used to work with me? Or did you find me some other way? Let me know how! Even if you are a frequent reader and commenter of my blog, go ahead and leave me a comment and enter the contest. Of those who participate, I'll randomly choose two winners to receive straight to their e-mail inboxes a $25 Amazon.com gift card each. One entry per household. Contest ends Sunday, February 21, at 2 p.m. Central Time. Winners will be announced Monday by 8 p.m Central Time.

So, go forth and comment! Let me know who the heck you are!

Rant Thursday - Funkily Spelled Names

My friend Julie and I have an on-going text series. Whenever one of us is out in public and encounters someone with a screwily-spelled name, we'll text it to the other. As in, WTF were this person's parents thinking? Now, don't get me wrong, I feel freedom of expression is a wonderful thing. But saddling a kid with a moniker it will be nearly impossible for them to learn to spell until they are in high school is just doing that kid a major disservice. Before you get all up in arms, let me give a few examples of the names we've texted back and forth:

In the category of traditional names that have been given a totally jacked-up spelling:
"Krysstahl, Christyll, Chrysstle" instead of "Crystal".
"Shelsie, Chillsee, Chylsie" instead of "Chelsea"
"Mikyl, Myckel, Mykal" instead of "Michael"
"Geramee, Jyramie" instead of "Jeremy"
"Stifenie, Steffannee" instead of "Stephanie"
"Vinnyssa" instead of "Vanessa"
"Jazzmyn" instead of "Jasmine"
"Mireya" instead of "Maria"

In the category of names that were jacked-up to begin with and then given a screwed up spelling, to boot:
"Jagguire, Jagwuire" - as in they named their child after the luxury car brand "Jaguar" but didn't know how to spell it.
"Dymond" - as in they named their daughter after a "Diamond". Personally, this sounds more like an exotic dancer's stage name to me than the proper name to give your little girl. But that could just be me.
"Jermeakah" - I have no idea how to pronounce it. I just noticed it on the name tag at McD's the other day, and my immediate impulse was to ask her if she was going to change it when she turns 18.

I firmly believe in people being unique individuals and having the right to name their kids whatever they want... BUT, c'mon parents, have some common sense here! So, what's your opinion?

Digital Parenting

I'm a firm believer in using technology to aid in parenting. I'm a "Big Brother is watching you" kind of mom. My son is a tech savvy kid; he has a cell phone, he now has his own computer, he's in a program that will teach him computer animation, website design, how to write mobile phone apps, digital photography, digital movie making/editing, and he's on the computer a lot for both educational and recreational purposes. We are a "techie" family. So it just makes sense to me to use that technology to keep an eye on my kid and make sure he's not getting into something he shouldn't be before it's too late.

For example, as those of you who read my blog know, I recently used the GPS tracking feature on my son's cell phone to track it down when it was stolen from his school. Within 20 minutes of its being stolen, it had been recovered (thanks again, Xena*!). This feature is also great to use for me to know exactly where Jamie is at all times. I know some parents may find this a little extreme of me. But, I remember what it was like to be just a little older than Jamie is now. I frequently lied about where I was and what I was doing. If my mom had ever had this kind of technology to bust me for lying about where I was and what I was doing, I wouldn't have gotten into nearly as many bad things as I did as a kid. Jamie is my child. Lying comes very (too!) easily to him. Not only do I like the fact that I can look on either the computer or my cell phone at any time and know exactly where he is - via his cell phone, I also like the fact that he knows I can do this. This means he is much less likely to lie about where he is. Also, he knows I can and will call him at any moment to ask him a question or clarify instructions about when to be home. This means he can't just turn his cell phone off or pass it off to someone else to make it look like he was somewhere other than he was. He knows if he fails to answer, he's in deep doo-doo, so he better take the phone with him. He also knows if he takes the phone with him and I "ping" his location (as I often do) and he isn't where he's supposed to be, he's in even deeper doo-doo.

The new computer I got for him has a similar feature, called "Lojack for Laptops." Through it, if his computer is ever stolen, I can put a trace on it and track it down within minutes. That information is then conveyed to the police, who can retrieve it. This feature came free for the first year, but I am sure I will renew it yearly after that. I don't know how much it costs, but I think it will be worth it.

Because Jamie is on the computer so much, I also have parental controls enacted on all computers he uses. I limit what sites he can go to, what he can download, and how long he is allowed to be online. If he's doing homework and needs more time on the Internet for research, it's very simple for me to grant him more time. If he's just playing around, he doesn't need to be on "Club Penguin" more than 30 minutes, anyway. I don't want him to turn into one of those kids who spend all day playing some online game. If the sun is shining and the air quality is good that day, he should be outside. If it's raining or the air quality is bad, he can read a book/build LEGOs/do chores inside or whatever.

I also don't want him nosing his way onto sites where he'll see stuff he shouldn't. There's a lot of nasty stuff on the web - some have URLs that are remarkably similar to that of kid-friendly sites. For my spelling-challenged son, it is too easy for him to accidentally mistype a URL and get somewhere I really don't want him to be. It is much easier for me to just have a list of approved websites he can visit, and block all others. If he finds a new site he wants to visit, he has to tell me the URL and I'll go look at it myself on my computer. If it's harmless and has features set up to limit the amount of pervs who will have access to my child, then I'll add it to his list. If you don't know what I mean about limiting perverts/pedophiles' access to kids, I'll explain a bit. Club Penguin, NeoPets and several other kid-oriented sites have a delay chat feature. Basically, when members try to chat, there's a delay between when the person types a message and when the other members can see it. During this delay, a filter is applied to the message to make sure there's no objectionable content. Sexually suggestive comments, invitations to meet, and personal information (address, phone number, real name, etc.) are blocked from being seen by others. This is a wonderful thing!

Many of my regular readers have children who are still too young for such measures, or your children are grown up and you have grandchildren who are still too young. Some of you have children about the same age as Jamie. Tell me, what do you think about digital parenting? Is it something you'll do when your child(ren) gets old enough to regularly use technology? Is it something you use now for your child(ren)? To what degree? Do you think any of it goes too far? Not far enough? Please leave me a comment in the comments section. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the subject!

*name changed to protect the innocent

Dreams

I've had a dream in the back of my mind for quite a while - move to a tiny town that's eager to revitalize its population and gain more businesses. Get a small business loan from an entity that's willing to take a chance on a woman-owned small business and purchase (or construct) a quaint building in the heart of town that has room for a business on the ground floor and living quarters above, with a small plot of land in the rear on which raised garden beds can be installed. Then, I'd open a bookstore/bistro/craft store. I'd offer both used and new books, CDs and DVDs (with a purchase and resell system in place), as well as a small bistro with homecooked eats (some of the produce used would come from my raised garden beds), and yarns, knitting books/needles, crochet and sewing supplies. I'd also have a consignment system in place for local producers to sell their crafts, canned goods, etc. I'd even look into having an online presence, if needed. In the afternoons and evenings, I'd have storytime for the school kids, book discussion groups, invite local residents to host classes on handcrafts and hobbies, host writing workshops, blogging basics, and the like. Ideally, this town would be far enough away from a big city that it's a hassle for the surrounding communities to drive all the way to the city when they want a book, movie or to socialize, but close enough that getting supplies wouldn't be an issue, either, and it would be possible for Jamie to continue with his violin lessons. And I'd love it to be in a place that gets cold enough to snow. Is this a silly dream that can just stay up on the shelf in my mind, or is it something I should pursue? What do you all think?

Update (2/16/10): Thanks for the comments and suggestions. One question, though. Do you all think this is a viable plan, or is this type of business pretty obsolete in this day of Internet bookstores, etsy accounts and "free shipping right to your door"? Is this type of business doomed to failure? Or would the draw of a place to congregate and socialize, as well as participate in commerce, in a relatively-isolated community be enough to keep the business going?

Milestones and Technology

Today, my baby is going to his first middle school dance. He has assured me that he has several girls in mind he wants to dance with. This blatant confirmation that he isn't a baby anymore and is *gasp!* growing up makes me feel like my head is going to implode. He isn't supposed to look at girls yet. Girls are still icky, aren't they? He isn't supposed to get all moony-eyed when talking about that one particular girl who sits three rows across from him in 7th period, is he? Since when is a girlfriend a requirement for coolness instead of a cause for ridicule from his friends? Aaack! I can't think about this anymore! Time to change the subject!

After the dance that I don't want to think about anymore, Jamie is going to middle school madness at church. He will eat pizza, watch movies, play video games, and goof off to his heart's content while I have some much needed alone time. My big plans? Grocery shopping, and picking up a few things I ordered for Jamie. See, I'm tired of fighting him for the computer. His magnet program requires him to spend a lot of time doing assignments on the computer - making movies, taking digital photographs and editing them, he even gets to learn how to write iPhone apps (next year), design web pages and create computer animation shorts. Now, some of the stuff he can do on the iBook laptop Joel gave me a few years ago for my birthday. But a lot of the other stuff he can't because his school uses Windows-based programs (kind of stupid of them, but whatever). That's when we wind up fighting over the big computer. So, after I got my tax refund and paid off the credit card, a small student loan, paid off the rest of my car insurance premiums for the rest of the year and paid a crap-load of other bills, I ordered him this:

It's the Dell Slimed/Nickelodeon edition inspiron mini (photo source: Dell stock photos). It comes preloaded with a bunch of Nickelodeon content, as well as a lot of the programs he uses for school. It also has a built-in media card reader and - get this - a SPILL PROOF KEYBOARD! That was the major selling point for me. Jamie is a klutz like his momma. Spills are a frequent occurrence at our house. I figured if he was going to have a computer of his own, it might as well be one that can resist spillage. I've read many reviews that this computer is good for kids - has more memory and functionality than most netbooks, the kiddie-content can be removed as he gets older, and it's a small size that doesn't take up much room. Many of the reviews I read were from college students who bought it to take to class! So, while Jamie is at Middle School Madness, I'll be setting up the parental controls on the computer and playing with it testing it out.

Now, for you computer people out there - I know a Mac would have been better. But, quite frankly, I didn't want to spend a lot of money on his first computer that was his alone. Better that he trash a $300 computer (if he does trash it) than a $1,000 one, y'know what I mean? This is a good starter for him to be able to basic assignments in his room and I can have my computer back. After all, I (hopefully) will be starting grad school soon. I'll need access to my own computer.

Rant Thursday

I've noticed that my last few ranting and raving posts (i.e., the cell phone incident) have been posted on Thursdays. This led me to start a new tradition here on my blog - "Rant Thursday". I'll post something that tees me off, perplexes me, hurts my feelings, etc. Then you, my loyal readers - the whole handful of you ;-) - can make comments of your own either agreeing, adding to, or disagreeing with that particular rant. If I get lots of feedback, I'll continue this tradition... well, as long as I remember it, anyway. If not, I'll find something else to post.

So, this week's rant - parents who do horrific things to their children in the name of 'discipline'. I'm not talking about spanking. I am a firm believer that sometimes a smack to the hind-end is the best way to get a child's attention that something they did is wrong and to ensure they never do it again. My parents spanked me a lot; I was such a rotten brat I deserved all that I got. But sometimes, you hear in the news about someone who does something so horrific to a child for such a lame "offense" that you hope the person burns in hell for it ..... forever. Case in point: Did you hear this week about Joshua Tabor, the Washington-state soldier who waterboarded his 4 year-old daughter because she wouldn't say the alphabet? No, that isn't a typo. His daughter is only four years old and he felt holding her head down in water was an appropriate punishment for not being able to say her ABC's. According to several news articles, he chose this punishment because the girl is terrified of water, AND it wasn't the first time he'd done it, either. The article link above states he got frustrated because he'd been drilling her on her alphabet for three hours and she still couldn't say it. Why on earth did he think trying to work with a 4 year-old for three hours on the same subject was an appropriate way to make her learn? This man appears to know nothing about effective parenting or teaching. I hope this poor girl is in intensive therapy and that she never sees her father again. Some of the news articles on this incident mention that Tabor might have PTSD, and that is a defense of what he did. While I can see that PTSD could potentially drive someone to do something this horrible to a child, that doesn't mean the child should have to be subjected to it again. Regardless of what "caused" him to do it, it is a terrible thing to do to a child and he has no business being around her ever again for the girl's own safety. I get that he may have a sickness that caused him to do it, but that doesn't mean the girl should have to be subjected to it or him.

The Saga of the Cell Phone, Pt. 2 (or... EPIC Parenting FAIL!)

You know, I was going to tell you all in great detail the rest of the story. But the more I thought about it, I realized that this whole saga has already sucked up enough of my time and energy, and that the players involved are not worth me devoting any more time and brain cells to thinking about them. To that end, I’ll provide the following short summary of the whole sad, sordid affair:

• Jamie’s cell phone was stolen out of his locker. I used GPS tracking to find it. When neither the school nor city police were willing to help me get it back, I called my friend Xena* (name changed to protect the innocent) and she retrieved it for me.
• The thief memorized Jamie’s cell phone number, then went home and told his momma a whopper of a lie that Xena* had “smacked” it out of his hand and cussed him out. I know this isn’t true because 1) I was on the phone with Xena* the whole time and heard the entire exchange and it didn’t include any cursing or smacking. It did include a stern warning not to screw his life up by embarking on a life of crime at such a young age (the kid is a fellow 6^th grader); and 2) Xena* isn’t that type of person. The thief’s momma then started calling and texting and leaving harassing/threatening voice mails and text messages on both Jamie’s and my cell phones.
• While talking with the thief, Xena* asked him where he got the phone, and he stated someone gave it to him at school. Then he went home and told his momma that someone brought it to him at their house (even though he hadn’t reached his home yet when he was tracked by GPS). But the momma also commented in her texts and voice mails how easy it was for her kid to get into Jamie’s locker to steal it. Here’s part of the EPIC parenting fail I mentioned…. Not only was she calling and threatening/harassing me and Jamie over the whole thing (which is bad enough), she was LAUGHING at how easy it was for him to do it AND lying through her teeth about several things which I won’t go into here. Suffice it to say this woman will NEVER win “parent of the year” for the example she has set for her children.
• The next morning I went in person to the school to file a report on the theft and the subsequent harassment and threats. Xena* gave a description of the kid. Luckily, Jamie’s locker has a video surveillance camera pointed almost directly at it, so school administrators were able to watch the video and bust the kid who broke into the locker and stole the phone. Big surprise here: It was the same kid who was found with the phone later!
• The kid is now suspended from school and facing legal repercussions for his stupidity. The mother is also facing some legal action for her harassment and terroristic threatening for HER stupidity.

So, that's it. That's the whole story in a nutshell. I could have gone into more detail, but I didn't want to grant these people any more attention than I had already given them. I'd much rather turn my mind to more pleasant things, such as the superior rating Jamie recently got at a violin solo competition. Yeah, that is so much nicer a thing to think about!

The Saga of the Cell Phone, Pt. 1 (or GPS Saves My Wallet)

As some of you know through my rants on facebook and Jessi's blog, a punk at Jamie's school broke into his locker and stole his cell phone and thumb drive. The thumb drive wasn't such a big deal for two reasons: 1) it didn't have any current assignments on it; 2) it cost me less than $10 at wally-world. The cell phone, though, that was a MAJOR deal. It's brand new. He's had it less than a month. And it would cost me $249.99 to replace it. No, that isn't what I paid for it. I got it for free because it was time to renew his contract. But if I had to replace it, it would cost me the aforementioned astronomical sum.

Luckily, I pay $5/mo. for GPS tracking on his cell phone. I've gotten flack from some quarters about my "big brother" tendencies to have to keep an eye on my son at all times, keeping him honest through control and not trust, etc., etc. Whatever your opinion about my choice to GPS track my son through his cell phone (and really, I have my own perfectly good reasons and don't particularly want to hear your opinion if you disagree with me), it saved me the expense of having to cancel his phone account and getting a new one. Because literally within a minute of Jamie calling me in hysterics from the school office, I knew the location of his phone within 12 YARDS. I was then able to keep refreshing the signal trace and watch on a map as the phone traveled away from Jamie's school. It wasn't moving too quickly, so I knew it was with a person who was on foot and not in a car or bus. It was also pretty close to the school still, so I knew a student who was walking home from school had it in his or her hot little thieving hands. While I was on the phone with Jamie, I had him tell the secretary to radio the campus police that I knew exactly where the phone was. Unfortunately, I was told they couldn't do anything about it because the phone was no longer on school property.

Just before all this bruhaha erupted, my friend Xena* (name changed to protect the innocent) called me to tell me I didn't need to pick up her boy Bobby* (again, name changed to protect the innocent) after school in that day's car pool. Bobby had had his locker broken into that day and he wasn't feeling well, so she was on her way to the school to pick him up and take him home. I immediately called Xena and asked her if she could do me a big favor, then explained the situation to her. I was at work and couldn't leave, but could she retrieve the phone for me? She said she'd call me back once she had picked up Bobby.

In the meantime, I texted Jamie's cell with the following message: "This cell phone does not belong to you. GIVE IT BACK!" Which was, of course, ignored. My attempts to call the phone were ignored, as well.

Xena called me back, and I was able to keep refreshing the GPS signal in order to tell her exactly what address the phone was at, even down to what side of the street it was on. She pulled up to that location and said that there was one student walking down the street, so she figured it would have to be him. While still on the phone with me, Xena got out of her vehicle and approached the kid. "Excuse me. How many cell phones do you have?" she asked. I heard a muffled reply of "Two." She responded, "Okay, so give me the blue one that doesn't belong to you." Considering she couldn't see the cell phones when she said this, I imagine it scared the little twerp a bit, and he handed it over.

Xena then gave a speech that would have made any mom stand on her chair and cheer. Xena informed the boy (and I'm paraphrasing here because it's been three days and I've slept since then) that he was too young to be messing up his life by stealing, exhorted him not to throw away his life, and basically gave him a well-deserved tongue lashing I hope the kid never forgets in his life. She then got back in her vehicle and took the cell phone home for me to pick up later that day.

However, the story doesn't end there! Tune in next time for the lie of the century, a thief who can't keep his story straight, and a mother who condones such act(s) from her child(ren).... in "The Saga of the Cell Phone, Pt. 2 (or EPIC Parenting Fail)"!

Sign of the Apocalypse.... and Other News

Start Looking for the Four Horsemen
A sure sign that the apocalypse is near - Martha Stewart POLE DANCING on her show! She apparently became so *inspired* by her guest, the founder of the S Factor (stripper factor) fitness craze touting the health benefits of pole dancing and stripping, that Martha decided a twirl around the pole would be "a good thing." The thought of her pole dancing gives me full-body heebie jeebies!

And Other News

• Jamie's report card comes in today, but I already know what's on it. I love technology! I especially love technology that shows me he got all A's and B's again this nine weeks. I also love that I can look and see he got a 90 on his science semester exam. Good job, Jamie!
• For the last several weeks, I've had three stray dogs at my house. Last night, after more than two weeks of looking for his owner, I gave the Chihuahua male stray to a lady up the street who loves Chihuahuas and has other Chihuahua dogs for him to play with. I was relieved to be down to only two strays. At 2:45 this morning, the dogs in my house went pouring out the doggie door, barking like mad. I went out to see what the fuss was, and found the male Chihuahua had not only come back, but that he had gotten into a fenced in and supposedly locked-up-tight yard.
• As a reward for the above-mentioned A's and B's, I'm taking Jamie to the symphony tomorrow night. They are playing a tribute to John Williams, including most of the Star Wars music, with some Indiana Jones, Harry Potter and other music thrown in for variety. I don't know, though, if their tribute can top the video tribute below (thank you, Everett, for showing me this at Christmas!)

I'm Jealous, and a Birthday

Today is my brother, Joel's, birthday. Happy birthday, Bubby! I won't tell you how old he is. If you know him, then you might know how old he is already. If you don't know him, you probably don't care how old he is. So why post it either way?

Furthermore, I'm pretty dang jealous of my bro right now. He got to meet and socialize for a bit with Neil Gaiman. I'm so jealous!

Heavenly Father

Heavenly Father,

I know I don't pray as much as I should, and sometimes I pray for the wrong things - things You don't want me to have, things I don't really need, things that are, in the grand scheme of things, pretty stupid. Oftentimes, my prayers are quick, like dashed off notes letting You know I'm still here and of whom (and what) I'm thinking. They range from "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late to work AGAIN" to a more serious "Father God, watch over those who are hungry, those who are feeling lost and alone. Please help them to know You are there, and help them to know how to turn to You." Many times, my prayers have felt inadequate and a drop in the bucket of all the voices crying out in the darkness to You, but still I pray. I know You are listening to us all.

I am not the best Christian, nor am I the best mother. I often lose my temper and say or do things I shouldn't. I shout. I can be downright unpleasant to be around. I don't read my Bible as often as I should, and I don't turn the other cheek nearly as much as I ought. I am flawed. And yet You still love me. You still love me, despite the fact that I have a child but have never been married. You love me, despite the fact that I often do the wrong thing. You love me. I am humbled by this.

I often feel much more than I let on to others. Sometimes the only way to protect myself is to pretend that I don't care; to pretend that words don't hurt; to pretend that the images on the screen don't make me cry. These things I try not to show the world, but I bring them to You. I pray to You about the children who are abused. I pray to You about the hungry. I pray to You about the horrid things we - as human beings - do to each other, the planet, and to animals. They are not eloquent prayers. Sometimes, I can do nothing but cry out to You, and hope You can make sense of the garbled words streaming through my mind. The circumstances in Haiti have prompted such a prayer.

I cannot begin to articulate my horror and heartache over what these people must be going through. I cannot begin to formulate a prayer to You that is adequate to encompass all of what they must be suffering. I can only open my mouth and hands, tears streaming down my face, and cry out to You and hope You can understand all I am trying to express. I know there are so many others praying to You right now, Lord. But I also know you hear us all. I know there are things I cannot understand but are a part of Your big plan. I know I am only human. Please, Lord, watch over Your children, for they are suffering. Beyond this, I do not know what to pray. I leave it in Your hands - the best place of all.

Amen

Happy Birthday, Stinkbumps!

On this date, at very nearly this exact time, 12 years ago I gave birth to my stinkbumps.  The first 12 years have blown past. I’m sure the next six years will be even more fleeting.  His babyhood and childhood are pretty much behind him, as he now enters *shudders* adolescence.  Dear Lord, please watch over my boy and help him to grow up to be a Godly young man.  And Lord, please watch over me and grant me endless patience as he enters this new stage of life.  Something about the last 12 years tells me I’m really going to need it!

 

Thank you, Crafty Meme Crafters!

Quite a while back, I did a crafty meme thingie with Suze and Jessi. Each of us promised to send the others something homemade. Well, as per usual, I'm the last to fulfill my promise. Suze sent me a beautiful burgundy/maroonish frilly scarf, which is the perfect weight for the normal temps down here and is a frequent accessory when I wear my green sweater. Thank you, Suze, I love it!

Yesterday, I got a blue and green scarf and matching wristlets (gloves without fingers) from Jessi. They are the perfect thing, as my hands often freeze in the office in winter. I have poor circulation, so my hands are always cold. It doesn't help that my boss hates to turn on the heat, no matter how cold it is in the office. I'm wearing them today, even as I type this, so my hands are nice and cozy warm but my fingers are free to hit the correct keys. Thanks, Jessi, I love them!

Unfortunately, I hit a snag on your all's (general laziness and a lack of clean dishes with which to do the baking), but the plan is to make some batches Friday night and send them out Monday at the latest. I just have to research the best way to package them so they arrive fresh and unsquished! I figured that - since I haven't made any progress in knitting and can't crochet - I'd better stick with baking! But some homemade goodies are definitely in the works, and I will do my best to get them out to you ASAP.

My Age is Showing

I’ve noticed more and more gray in my hair lately. I’m perfectly fine with that. In fact, I wish I could wake up one morning and it all be gray at once. I figure those gray hairs were earned by all the things I’ve said, done and experienced in my life. They are a testament to the knocks both taken and given in the past 33 years. However, even if my hair weren’t turning gray, my age would show.

How?, you ask. By my frame of reference. Whenever the news is on and they start discussing Yemen, all I can think of is that “Friends” episode where Chandler was so desperate to get away from Janice that he flew to Yemen. If I were asked to name my five favorite songs of all time, I can just about guarantee that most, if not all, of them were recorded more than 15 years ago. Ditto with most of my favorite movies. I wax nostalgic while watching “Roseanne” episodes, because that was my life, and those were (are?) my issues. I can’t watch “V” on ABC without comparing it to my (admittedly vague) memories of the series when it came on the first time. Just about everything on the radio nowadays is a remix of stuff that was on the radio when I was in school, but what is on the radio now is far inferior to the original versions. My frame of reference seems to be stuck in the range of mid-80’s to early 2000.

I remember when I was younger, making fun of my mom and dad for the exact same things I’m doing now. And it annoys me when Jamie pokes fun at me for it, just as I’m sure it annoyed my parents. I guess you really do live and learn, don’t you?

Random Stupid Things I've Said or Overheard in the Last Little While

Me (to drunk driver in parking lot of dance hall and feed store at New Year's celebration): Sir, do you realize you just hit that truck and are dragging a fence post and a lot of barbed wire from your truck?

Drunk guy: Gimme five minutsh and I come back ta fix it.

---

Marshalls (to drunk guy in parking lot of dance hall and feed store upon finding his firefighter's badge in the cab of said drunk guy's truck): Are you a firefighter?

Drunk guy: Yeah.

Marshalls: Not anymore. In the State of Texas, we take drunk driving seriously, and you can lose your job for this AND not be allowed to be a firefighter anymore!

Drunk guy: Aw, now. Please don' tell nobody I was drinkin'. Y'ain't gots ta tell nobody. I'll be good from now on!

---

Me (upon getting a freezing blast from the doors of the pub on the Riverwalk on Christmas Eve): Isn't there a Christmas carol, something about "barring the door"?

Everett (laughing): Well, there's a SONG, but not a Christmas carol!

(see, I was the one saying the stupid thing in that scenario!)

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

Only since living in Texas have I gone out on New Year's Eve. This year marks the third year (though not in a row) that I have gone out somewhere to celebrate New Year's Eve. This is the first year that Jamie will be able to go with me.

I've talked before on here about our good friends Jon, Julie and Spencer. Jon plays electric bass in a country/western band - Clint Taft and the Buck Wild Band. Sometimes, Spencer plays fiddle on some of their songs - mainly when the band is playing at a family-friendly place. Tonight, they are playing a New Year's Eve bash at Lubianski's Dance Hall & Feed Store in St. Hedwig, Tx. (Yes, Becca, I did say dance hall AND feed store. I guess it's a feed store in the front and a dance hall in the back. I asked if it was kind of like a mullet - you know, business up front and the party in the back... Yeah, yeah, I know, lame joke. But I still liked it!) Lubianski's has been a St. Hedwig, family-owned, family-friendly tradition since 1949. Another plus, it's smoke-free and kids under 12 get in free.

So, Jamie and I are going to go root for Spencer, have some fun, and have a good time with friends tonight. Oh, and our friend Michal (who also happens to be my boss' daughter) will be going with us, too. She loves country music, and she's a sweetheart (whom Jamie absolutely adores!), so we should have lots of fun while we're there. I doubt we'll stay until the ball drops and the doors close, but we'll have fun, anyway. Happy New Year, everyone!

I'm BAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

Just a quick post to bring everyone up to date:

• Had a wonderful dinner with friends and loved ones last Saturday to commemorate my graduation from college. Thanks David, Susan and Julie!
• I'm off work all this week on vacation - yet I'm more frazzled and running around more than if I had been working all this time. I think next time I'll take vacation when Jamie will be at school during the day!
• Jamie and Spencer were originally supposed to play a violin duet for tomorrow night's Christmas Eve service. Except nerves, misunderstanding about who is playing what part and general uneasiness means our violin duo has become a flute and two violin trio, with me playing the harmony part. We practiced today, and once I can run Jamie's violin to the shop to have the pegs repaired and the violin tuned, we should do nicely at the service. At least, I really hope we do. I haven't played my flute in front of an audience since 1994!
• I have yet to do any of the things that made me decide I needed a week off work in the first place. The house is still a mess, the dogs still haven't been bathed/groomed, and the dishes and laundry are still piled up as far as the eye can see. [sigh]

That's it for now, folks. I'm sure there's lots of things I should have told you, but I don't remember them now. Hope everyone has a very merry Christmas!

Come One, Come All!

Well, those of you who live in and around San Antonio, anyway.

Please join the Churchill Baptist Choir on Saturday, Dec. 12, at 7 p.m. for the presentation of our Christmas musical, "Only Love." We will be repeating our performance on Sunday, Dec. 13, at 10:40 a.m. at the church.

For those of you who have been wondering where I've been and why I haven't been blogging, my brain cells have been occupied with school (exams and finals are fast approaching), work, and music. See, I'm singing a solo, and I'm a wee bit nervous about it (as in, somebody get me some Xanax, fast!) Jamie is also singing with the children's choir in one of the songs.

So, don't expect to see anything from me for the next two weeks. This week I'm all about the musical, and next week, I'm all about finishing up school. As in - DONE! Getting my degree! WOOT!