Now Taking Donations....

The Society for the Preservation of the Sanity of Mothers is now accepting donations in whatever form they are offered - whether groceries to feed the ever-ravenous, apparently hollow-legged teenaged offspring; clothing to fit said offspring who has now grown an alarming amount in the last five months; shoes to fit the feet that have zoomed in length, growing nearly two full shoe sizes; gasoline to run said offspring and his unofficially adopted brethren to their five million different activities; or first aid supplies to bandage and soothe all the bumps, bruises and aches caused by being a gangly boy with a penchant for tripping over his own feet. Donations accepted online and in person. ;-)

I was warned about boys and growth spurts. But I was not a believer until I experienced it for myself. Yowza!

It's Like "Teletubbies" Meets "Alien"

Oh, this is so wrong! It's like a horrible mutant Teletubby (well, more mutantier than usual), or some horrible mash-up between an episode of Teletubbies and that scene in Alien when that thing came out of the guy's stomach.  I just can't look at it anymore.  Please, put it away, and for goodness sake, do NOT buy this for anyone! I believe I'd rather have a Snuggie!

In case you were wondering, it's called a "peekaru". If you buy this for anyone this Christmas, that person will know, without a doubt, that you actually hate him or her. Please, spread love at Christmas, not terror and angst!

A Parent's Christmas Wish List

Hey, kids!  Christmas is just around the corner, and I know you're wondering just what the heck you can get for good ol' Mom and Dad.  They have everything, right?  And you don't want to give them the same gifts you give every year - the ties, perfume, etc. of which they already have too much.  So, to help you out, I've compiled this list of things that your parents will absolutely LOVE to receive...and the best thing is, they're FREE!

1. When cooking yourself something in the kitchen, actually PICK UP your trash and throw it away, rather than leaving it on the counter for mom or dad to find later.
2. If the garbage can is full, instead of piling your garbage on top until it overflows onto the floor, actually take the garbage out to the garbage bin, then... this is the important part.... PUT A NEW GARBAGE BAG IN THE TRASH CAN.  (I know, amazing concept, right?)
3. Boys, return toilet sits to the proper position once you have finished your business!  I'm tired of going swimming when I'm half asleep and forget to check if you put the durn thing back down.
4. Be able to find your socks/shoes/watch/medication/favorite sweater without having to shout "Mom, where's my ______?!?!!?" every once in a while.
5. When your parents tell you to do something, do not reply "In a minute."  Be like Nike and "Just do it".
6. Furthermore, when your parents tell you to do something, try the novel approach of actually doing it the first time you're told, instead of waiting to see how many times mom and/or dad can repeat themselves before they blow a gasket.
7. When it's your turn to do the dishes, actually do them BEFORE they turn funny colors and start to stink.
8. And, hey, this list isn't just for the older kids.  You little ones can get in on the act, too!  When in public, don't blurt out embarrassing remarks about your mom's hiney, tushy, or whatever else you might call it.  Don't blurt out stuff about other people's hiney or tushy, either.

So there you have it, kiddos.  Just a few simple suggestions for what you can get your parents this year.  They're free and easy to do, but your parents will be so appreciative!

I'm So Not Ready for This!

I guess it's my fault, really. I mean, I should have asked him to specify which friend. But it never occurred to me. When Jamie asked me the other day if he could invite a friend to come to Wednesday night dinner and church with us, I immediately thought of any one of a dozen of his friends. His male friends. So, I immediately said "sure". I didn't think anything of it until the next day, when Jamie announced, "Oh, by the way, CiCi* said she can come to dinner and church with us."

Excuse me? Wait. What?!? Is this the same CiCi with whom you spend hours texting on the phone? Is this the same CiCi of whom you speak at least 20 times a day? Is this the same CiCi that you have admitted is the object of your very first big time crush!?!?!

When I pointed out to him that he isn't allowed to do group dates until he's in 8th grade and no single dates until he's 16, he said, "But, Mom, it isn't a date! It's church!" Yes, it's church, but we eat dinner at church before the service, then you and the other kids go watch a movie with a message. Dinner + movie = DATE!

But he has a point. It's church. There are worse (much, much worse) places he could have wanted to go. So I'll allow it. Grudgingly. While my mother's heart screams "NO!". But only if Ms. Stephanie sits right behind you two during the movie. With a flashlight. And there better be 12 inches of space between you two during the whole movie. And yes, I will give Ms. Stephanie a ruler to measure it.

*Name changed to protect the innocent

**That thunking sound you hear is me banging my head against the wall, trying desperately to forget that my son has a date (of sorts) tonight. Can I just lock him in a closet until he's 30? Please?!?!

A Bit of "Culture" For Your Independence Day

I stole this from Joni's blog, and she stole it from someone else. It was so funny, I just had to repost it here for all to enjoy!

Drunk Pumpkin

A high school friend with whom I've recently been e-mail corresponding sent me this picture; it was so funny, I just had to share it!

Speaking of halloween (well, sort of), anybody have any cheap costume ideas? Jamie can't make up his mind what he wants to be, halloween approacheth, and I refuse to buy a costume. Any suggestions?

Hey, Indiana Jones Fans!

I have always loved the Indiana Jones movies. What's not to love? Anyway, with much delight and out-loud guffaws (that almost got me in serious trouble with the bossman) I found this post on another blog. I have a feeling I'll be visiting this site very often!