I'd Like to Kill Her

When I came home from spending the night at my dad's house, my suspicions were confirmed. My fink roommate moved out the rest of her stuff and left me her key. I immediately text messaged her to let her know that, regardless of if she's actually living here or not, she still signed a lease - which means she still has to pay her portion of the rent for December and January, and she owes me her half of the pest control bill. I'm calling the rental company on Monday and giving them the address where she moved, and informing them I'll pay my portion of the rent directly to them, they'll have to get her portion from her. I knew this would happen. She hooked back up with her ex-husband, which - hey, that's great if they can work it out. But what ticks me off is that she decided she didn't need me anymore, so she left me in the lurch. I'm really tired of so-called friends merely using me until some better patsy comes along, especially after all the ways I've bent over backwards over the past two years to help her. I wash my hands of her whole two-faced, back-stabbing family.

Thanksgiving Near-Disaster

Jamie & I celebrated Thanksgiving just the two of us, so I really didn't see the point in cooking a big meal for just us. I remembered at the last minute last night that I had a Cracker Barrel gift card that had been given to us back in January, and we still had two movie passes left over. Dinner and a movie for Thanksgiving? Great!

We have been eating at Cracker Barrel for years with no problem regarding Jamie's food allergies. All we've ever had to do was tell the server about his fatal food allergies, and they've been really vigilant about keeping nuts away from our food and warning us about foods that contain nuts. Well, last night - being Thanksgiving - Cracker Barrel was serving a Thanksgiving dinner that included turkey breast, stuffing, cranberry relish, sweet potato casserole, a side vegetable and pumpkin pie. Well, the casserole and the pumpkin pie had pecans in them, but the server - once I explained the situation - said it was no problem to substitute and that she would warn the kitchen staff about his allergies. I even saw it written on the ticket that neither plate could come in contact with any nuts. Jamie and I both substituted baby carrots for the casserole, chose okra for the side veggie, and substituted ice cream for the pumpkin pie. No big deal.

Our food comes, and there's pecans in my carrots! It looked like they had gotten sloshed on from another dinner. I didn't see any on Jamie's plate, but it freaked me out enough that I sent his plate back to have a whole new plate prepared for him, then I went and found the manager. I told him what had happened and that I was very upset, and explained to him in great detail just how severe Jamie's allergies are, as well as how just the tiniest contact with the allergens, even on someone else, could trigger a fatal reaction. I then went to the rest room and scrubbed my hands, as I had touched the pecans to get them off my plate (I still wouldn't eat the carrots, but I had taken the pecans with me when I talked to the manager).

About ten minutes after I returned to my seat, the manager came up to our table and apologized, then said something to the effect of "Well, we can't help it that your son is allergic." I went off on him then, explaining that we had been eating in Cracker Barrels all over the country for years, and this was the first time we'd ever had a problem. I further pointed out that restaurants are instructed to make accommodations for persons with disabilities, and that there are several government agencies that include food allergies in the list of disabilities (of course, I didn't mention that the only one I could think of was the USDA as it oversees the school lunch program). He then apologized again and stated that our meal was on the house.

Now, while I would not recommend near-fatal brushes with food allergens as a means of getting a free meal, it was still nice of them to do that. And fortunately, the rest of our evening was a lot of fun. We used our tickets to see Bolt in 3-D, and got home around midnight last night. Then I did homework until 3 a.m.

So, last night wasn't a complete disaster, and we had some fun. Now I'm doing laundry and getting ready to go to my dad's. Tomorrow I'll be fixing a big Thanksgiving feast for us.

Tweet, Tweet

Thank goodness for a handy little doodad like Twitter! Jamie and I have both been sick with the nasties for the past week and a half, so I haven’t been doing much in the way of blogging. Plus, I’m working like mad to dig my way through the end-of-the-semester assignment clog, plus keep up everything else. So, Twitter has been a great way for me to keep my blog updated. All I have to do is text a 140 character or less update to Twitter, and they post it in the sidebar of my blog. So, if you’re wondering what I’m up to, but I haven’t had time to post, more than likely you’ll see my little “tweets” on the right sidebar. I’ve also found they are an endless source of entertainment. I’ve subscribed to several people’s twitter updates. So far, my favorite has been a user who calls himself “Holy God”. His last update read: “Attending a deity conference. I'm the only one here.” I laughed out loud when I read it. This person also posts things like “Waking up half the world and putting the other half to sleep,” "Chillin' with the saints" and “Just a little reminder to everyone that adultery is a sin and a very bad one at that. Worse than cursing.” He (she?) also randomly tweets things such as “The Bible is my favorite book. Is that conceited?” I enjoy this person’s tweets very much.

Wednesday Eye Candy!

I was going to wait until Friday, but I decided I couldn't wait to show off my boy!

Here's Jamie's Fall 2008 pictures. I couldn't afford the $40 the school photogs wanted for school pictures, so I took him to Wally World and paid only $16, and got more photos and more poses.

He loves the violin so much he insisted on having some of his pictures taken with it, even though they hadn't even starting bowing yet in practice! He amazes me more and more every day.

Why, Yes, I CAN Procrastinate!

I'm supposed to be doing Spanish homework right now, but because I feel like crapola (thanks, Jamie, for giving me your virus!), instead I will fill out this meme I stole from Steph, who stole it from Feral Mom.

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Write a novel
2.) Tour Europe
3.) Fall in love

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Jenn
2.) Juniper
3.) Jenny (only to family)

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) my chameleon eyes
2.) my full lips
3.) my strong, flexible hands and fingers

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) German
2.) French
3.) Irish

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Hypodermic needles
2.) The current economy
3.) Commitment

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) French Vanilla Coffee
2.) Sleepytime Tea
3.) music

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) jeans
2.) white t-shirt
3.) Geek chic glasses

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Simon & Garfunkel
2.) Canadian Brass
3.) OK Go

Three Of Your Favorite Songs (at the moment anyway):
1.) OK Go, "Let it Rain"
2.) Pink feat. Steven Tyler, "Misery"
3.) Simon & Garfunkel, "Sound of Silence"

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) Laughter
2.) Respect
3.) Love

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I've never been married
2.) I *love* living in Texas
3.) My boy is the center of my world

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) Drink a bunch of Nyquil and go to bed
2.) Win the lottery
3.) Watch all six hours of A&E's "Pride and Prejudice" mini-series

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Actress
2.) College professor
3.) Journalist (Okay, that's cheating, as I actually WAS one, not just considering it)

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Ireland
2.) Italy
3.) Prince Edward Island, Canada

Three Pet Names You Like (not sure if this means affectionate names for humans or names for companion animals, therefore these are affectionate names for my companion animals):
1.) Triptych
2.) Maestro
3.) Jazz Man

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I have 30 pairs of shoes
2.) Go all gooey inside when I get to hold a baby
3.) I don't understand the fascination with cars: if it has four wheels, runs, and gets decent mileage, who CARES what it looks like?!?!?!?

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) Major potty mouth
2.) I love to play with tools
3.) Hate doing housework

Stubborn Old Man!

Dad wouldn't let me pick him up this morning, nor would he let me take his dog home. He insists on driving himself to the hospital. He doesn't want me to take the dog because he doesn't want me "spoiling" him. Don't worry about Buddy (the dog) though, I made sure he had plenty of food and water, and he has a doggie door so he can go outside when he needs to. However, I don't think Buddy will be lonely because I personally think Dad won't go at all. I tried coaxing, arguing, guilt trips - everything in my arsenal, but the stubborn old fart would not let me come get him. Grr!

He's supposed to call me when he gets checked in and tell me what room number he's in. Like I said above, I personally don't think he'll go. He thinks if he doesn't know about it, it can't hurt him. Like an ostrich, he wants to put his head in the sand and hope when he emerges the threat will have gone away. Doesn't work that way, Dad.

If by some miracle he does go, I'm going to tell the doctor she better keep him sedated, or else he'll get mad about something or other (like he always does), get dressed and leave before the testing is completed. If he's sedated, that also means I'll be able to go visit him and take his keys to his truck away from him. Kind of hard to leave somewhere if you don't have the keys to your car, yanno? As for the dog, I have a key to Dad's house, so I can go down and pick him up at any time if Dad does go for the testing, and they find something that needs to be treated right away.

Stunned

How is it that, despite having watched closely as my sister, grandmother and mother wasted away, I am still stunned when I learn that yet another case of cancer may have reared its head in my family? I'm on auto-pilot right now. I'm kind of numb, and feel like I'm walking in a daze. This morning, I got a call from my father's oncologist. I didn't even know he HAD an oncologist. Apparently, Dad had gone to his cardiologist for his regular check-up on his pacemaker and complained of difficulty breathing and rapid weight loss (~10 pounds since I saw him 2 weeks ago).

So the cardiologist ordered a CT scan, and discovered a large mass in Dad's neck that also appears to be fused into some of his spinal cord, shoulder and brain. This led the cardiologist to send Dad to the oncologist. She met with him yesterday, and called me this morning to talk to me about Dad being admitted to the hospital for 2-3 days for intensive testing. Mind you, Dad didn't tell me a word about any of this.

She also confirmed that Dad does indeed have Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, a degenerative neurological disorder that is fatal, usually within six years of onset. Based on his medical history, he's been displaying symptoms for the past two years. She also stated that Dad should not be living on his own anymore, and definitely should NOT be driving himself anywhere anymore. So, I'm taking Monday morning to go pick up Dad and his dog, drop the dog off at my house, take Dad to the hospital, and check him in. Then the oncologist wants to meet with me and Dad to discuss his living arrangements. I don't know what to do about that. To protect my child, I really can't have my Dad living with me. He can be violent, he's mean, and the emotional damage to Jamie would be great. I also don't have the ability to take care of everything he needs for the PSP, much less if he has cancer as well. I have no idea what to tell the doctor, much less while Dad is sitting right there with me.

That same day, I have to take Jamie to start his vision therapy for the convergence insufficiency. It took me a month to get an appointment, I can't reschedule it now. Sometimes it really sucks to have no one physically in your life on whom you can lean when you need help. I need to be 10 places at once, and somehow manage to do it all - including not missing any work, or else my boss won't wait until January to terminate my employment. This. really. sucks.

I know I complain about my father - A LOT. I also know I've said a million times that I love my father, I just don't like him very much. And this is true. But I wouldn't want to see my worst enemy waste away like what will happen to my father - whether by PSP or cancer. Either way, the prognosis is not good, and he's going to need a lot of assistive care. And knowing my father, he'll be kicking and fighting the whole way. God help us all.

New Recipe on R.O.U.S.

I posted a new recipe on R.O.U.S.

Go check it out! Just click on the title of this post, and you'll be there. Go on! Go!

:-)

I'm a Bad, Bad Mommy...

.. because I failed to tell you all that Jamie sprained his wrist last Monday while playing soccer at recess. The nurse thought it was broken, so I had to leave work and take him to the ER for x-rays. Turns out, it was just a sprain, but bad enough that he had to have a hard brace and no P.E. or recess (or soccer) for the rest of last week. I was told Jamie could play in the soccer game on Saturday, though, as long as he wore the brace.

Well, wouldn't you know that Jamie fell in the exact same way during the game and reinjured his wrist. Now it's another week of no soccer, recess or P.E., and the wrist looks worse this time around. I may have to take him back to his doctor if it doesn't get better soon. I'll keep you informed this time, I promise!

You can barely see it because one of the rungs is in the way, but Jamie has a huge ice-pack on his left wrist in this picture. This is what pain, boredom and the trance-like state that "Spongebob" induces looks like!

Maybe Surrender was Premature...

Hello again. Time for me to bore you with more degree puzzlings and angst. I was about to surrender and go back to a BGS degree. BUT - then I noticed something. All the classes I've liked in both sociology and government have been law-and-society type courses. Criminal Law (gov), Constitutional Law (gov), Criminology (soci), Global Inequality (soci), etc. Just about every class I've elected to take has had to do with these type of courses. So, guess what! They all are also required courses for a B.S. in Criminal Justice. If I switched to this major, I would graduate in Fall 2009. That's only one more semester than the BGS degree. I can handle that. I was just getting frustrated with the Soci major because not everything was offered online, which meant I would have to take the courses at another institution and transfer them in; there's also a residency requirement which meant I would have had to take two or three semesters of electives just to be able to graduate with the correct number of in-house hours. But the CJ degree is offered 100% online at my school! I wouldn't have to worry about the residency. Also, I was going for a Soci major and Gov minor. The CJ degree is a perfect blending of the two. Also, many of the jobs I would ultimately want require either a sociology degree, social work degree, or criminal justice. Am I crazy? Or should I go for it?

I Surrender!

Those of you whom have read this blog for a while know that I was originally in school pursuing a Bachelor of General Studies degree with concentrations in Sociology and Government. Earlier this year, I switched to a Bachelor of Science in Sociology with a minor in Government. The idea was to start this past summer taking additional sociology classes from another online school to transfer to Texas Woman’s University. The way I had arranged it, it would have only involved an extra year of schooling. BUT – that was before Jamie’s health issues this summer flared up to the point where I couldn’t handle a full-time load, before my job was at risk, before my roommate decided to ditch me.

SO – I’m switching back to my original plan of getting my BGS. This way, I’ll graduate next semester (go me!). Then I can start applying to grad schools. Now my only problem is deciding what program to which I want to apply. I’m enjoying my sociology classes up to a point. But I’ve enjoyed all my government classes more. Heck, I got nominated into a history and government honors society, for goodness sake! But, I’ve also always had a dream in the back of my head of being a teacher for the deaf. And TWU offers both a Masters in Government and a Master’s in Deaf Education. Both programs are online classes. The only thing additional I would have to do for the deaf ed. would be to take sign language classes here locally. And one of the colleges I already attend (San Antonio College) for my prerequisite courses offers sign language classes. I want to get my Master’s from TWU because I figure – hey, it’s their BGS degree! They can’t exactly turn it down as inferior, can they?

So, anywho, I give up. I surrender. I cannot take another whole year of school to graduate. I’ll go insane! So, I’m taking the easier way out. Am I making a big mistake?

I Don't Have to Move to Canada After All!

OMG OMG OMG!!!! I can't stop smiling. My cheeks hurt, I'm smiling so much!

I was so afraid this day would end so much differently. We all know how the elections have gone in the past - GOP. But this!

Oh! I don't have the words! I have hope again!

To quote some dear friends:

"Woooohooooooooo!"

Today's Guest Blogger is Jamie!

Hi i'm jamie. last week I went to Jon knocks rach, itwas fun!!!!! 1 thing I did was fine the cabin. My cabin name was limestone. It was cool and amazing. I sleep on top. My room mat's were remo, cj, and chaperone. Then we went to the meeting house we had fun. Then on day 2 we went canoeing,and fishing and we went bird watching and saw 1. Then on day 3 we moved ash juniper trees, then we left. I had a lot of fun!!!!! Thank you Ms. Tiffany for makin it possbel for me to go!

Too Funny!

Jamie told me this story just as I was putting him to bed, and I about peed my pants, it was so funny!

At some point today, his teacher, Ms. S, had to have Jamie come back with her to the female teachers' cabin to take his meds. When he got there, the other teacher, Ms. B, was in there. Ms. S and Ms. B got into a very "female biology oriented" discussion - evidently forgetting that Jamie was there (he can sometimes be so quiet, you forget he's still there and paying very close attention). Ms. S looked up and realized Jamie was in the room. She stammered out, "Oh, Jamie, please tell me you weren't listening to all that. I'm so sorry we forgot you were here!"

To which Jamie replied. "Huh, that's nothing. I hear that kind of stuff all the time. I DO live with three women, after all!"

I about cracked up! Of course, after I tucked him in, the first thing I did was go tell my roomie what he said.

I Miss My Boy

While I have to admit that I'm really LOVING the fact that I got to sleep in until 7:45 this morning, and have a small, secret pleasure that I didn't have to spend 45 minutes telling Jamie to get his butt in bed last night --- still, I miss my boy! I'm counting the hours until I pick him up from school tomorrow.

I'm not the only one who misses him. Ziggy keeps wandering around the house, nosing open any door that is even partially closed, then running inside the room. Then he stops suddenly in the middle of the room, sniffs around, whines, tucks his tail between his legs, and leaves the room. Then he stands outside Jamie's room and whimpers, then looks at me like "Where's my boy?"

I'm wondering the same thing, Zig. But don't worry, he'll be home tomorrow. We'll see him in about 24 hours and 14 minutes.

Tomorrow I Be Kid Free

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Jamie's field trip; he'll be gone until Wednesday when I pick him up after school. So today is filled with doing laundry, packing his bag, and preparing and packing all of his food. Originally, I was only going to pack him cold stuff to eat at every meal. However, the weather forecast is for chilly temperatures, and I feel at least one hot thing at every meal is essential to keep him from getting sick. So I bought him oatmeal packets for breakfast (all he'll have to do is ask an adult to get him some hot water and he can mix it himself). But lunches and dinners were a bit more problematic; so I went the more expensive route and bought some microwaveable soups that he can ask an adult to heat up for him in a microwave. As skinny as Jamie is, and as easily as he gets cold, I can't imagine that eating nothing but cold foods for three days would be conducive to him staying in good health. He needs something warm in him to combat the chilly temperatures.

I've been trying to hide my anxiety about this trip from Jamie. He's excited to go, but as we get closer to the deadline, he's become more anxious about it. He's worried that he might accidentally be exposed to something he's allergic to, and he's worried that the adults won't know how to react if he does go into anaphylactic shock. There's something so wrong about a 10 year old being (rightly) so worried about the possibility of death. I also worry, because the camp is an hour and a half away, because they don't get cell phone reception and only have one land line, because the nearest hospital is an hour away, because I won't be there to make sure all the kids wash their hands after meals, that the table gets wiped down, etc. etc. But, I also realize that Jamie can't hide his whole life because of what "might" happen. I realize that pretty much any encounter with food is a risk for him, but he can't go through life scared. If he does, that isn't really living. It's merely existing, and I don't want that for my child.

So, even though he's now voicing doubts about going, I'm encouraging him to go. I've told him he can't go through life scared. He should be cautious about things, but not hide from them all. I've put on a brave face, when inside I feel like I'm sending him off to the executioners. But I can't prevent him from being a normal kid just because I'm scared. Any more than he can hide from life because he's scared. Go live, little guy. Enjoy life, don't just exist.

But I'll be praying the whole time he's gone. And I'll give him the biggest hug he's ever gotten when he comes home on Wednesday.

Thank you

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say "thank you" to everyone who left words of encouragement or offered advice on my extremely depressing birthday post the other day. I've been increasingly down in the dumps as this year has progressed; the current economic situation has not helped one bit, let me tell you! I've been racking my brains, trying to figure out how to squeeze in another source of income into my already hectic schedule; so far, no luck. That is, unless I want to forgo sleep all together. If I don't sleep, I can squeeze a second job in there at night, but then I would be too exhausted for work or school.

I was talking to an acquaintance about the general economic outlook for the whole country and casually mentioned that it's hitting my family, as well. She looked at me and said, "Well, just cancel Jamie's violin lessons. That'll save you some money. It's not like he needs music for anything." WHAT?!?!!???! Please tell me I misheard her! How can anyone say no one needs music?!?! I wanted to grab the nearest textbook and whack her upside the head with it. For my high school portfolio, I wrote a paper on how music and math are linked, and how study of music helps in one's verbal development, reading skills, and math skills. Oh, how I wish I had had a copy of that paper to stuff in that poor, misguided woman's mouth until she choked on it! Doesn't need music, my a$$!

My roommate also suggested that I take Jamie's violin lessons away because that would save me $30 a month in instrument rental fees. Again, NO! First of all, Jamie loves to play his violin. He's no virtuoso, my ears can attest to that! But - he is a lot better than I expected someone to be after only four lessons (they meet for an hour once a week after school). I can tell what he's playing about 3/4 of the time, and there is a very definite rhythm when he's playing. His whole face lights up when he plays, and it's beautiful to see. No matter how the bills get, I'm not taking away the violin, nor will I take away soccer. These are the two extracurricular activities he loves the most, so I'm not taking them away from him. Also, not only does he love them, but according to his psychologist, they are good therapy for his ADHD. They help him learn that paying attention is important, that if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do, he isn't just letting himself down, but he's letting down the whole team/ensemble. They also help him to learn how to work with people, instead of always trying to get his own way. And again, there is the benefit that music brings to the rest of your life (the aforementioned reading, math and verbal benefits, etc.)

Speaking of reading, I may have discovered part of Jamie's school problem, and why he speaks like an adult but reads like a first-grader with no comprehension skills whatsoever. Yesterday, I took a vacation day so I could take a computer equivalency exam and then take Jamie to the opthalmologist. He had failed his eye exam at the pediatrician's, so the doctor wanted Jamie's eyes checked. Because Jamie has migraines so often, and his other concentration problems, Dr. Jardan wanted Jamie seen by an opthalmologist instead of an optometrist. So, at his appointment yesterday, Dr. Zwaan said Jamie has something called "convergence insufficiency." Basically, this means he can't focus both eyes up close like one needs to do when reading and working on the computer, doing homework, etc. It takes so much effort for him to keep both eyes trained on the book/computer/paper, that he cannot comprehend and retain what he's reading. It also causes eye strain because he's seeing multiple images out of one eye due to the strain. Basically, both eyes are supposed to focus down into a "V" shape, with the smalled part of the "V" being trained on the paper/book/computer. Jamie's left eye wants to make more of a "U" and wander off to the left somewhere. This causes him to see multiple images of the object out of his left eye, and normal vision out of the right, which then confuses the hell out of his brain. So then, his brain is so busy trying to unscramble what he's reading, and focusing so hard on trying to make that left eye take information that he can't really process what he's reading. This also leads to eye strain, which then triggers his horrendous migraines.

Great!, you say. You know what's wrong! Now how do you fix it? Jamie has to start what's called "vision therapy" to retrain his left eye. Only problem is, they only do it on Mondays, and they're closed during my normal lunch break. I'm going to try to take him on a later lunch hour than normal, and just hope that traffic isn't too bad on the way there and that they don't take forever to get him in to start the therapy. If it takes up too much time, I fear my boss will decide to go ahead and can me and not wait until January. Until then, keep your fingers crossed!

Tomorrow I Be 32

Having reached the age of 32 (well, one day away, anyway), I can't help but think, "Wait. This is 32? Shouldn't I feel older, wiser, and at least partially like a grown up?" The only difference between the way I feel in my 30's to the way I felt in my late teens and at 20 is that now, in addition to worrying about bills, food, my job, the economy, etc., I now have the worry of "how the heck am I going to support my kid?" Shouldn't someone in her 30's feel a bit more, I don't know, settled, by now?

I feel like everyone else my age has gotten their crap together by now. They know who they are, what they want to be, most have found a partner in life and have at least some sort of plan for their lives. Me? Well, if I make it successfully through one day without breaking down crying and get half the things done on that particular day that need to be done, well - that's success for me. I kind of feel like Dorothy in the tornado. There's nothing sturdy to hold on to, I don't know where I'm being blown to, and I certainly don't know what's going to happen next. I feel like everything is out of my control.

Part of this is because I've had a totally craptastic couple of weeks down here. Let me give you a recap:

• Last week, instead of getting the raise I was really hoping for and desperately needing, I was instead told that I'm on probation and I'll find out in January if I still have a job.
• I found out my request for an appeal with Jamie's insurance has been denied; which means that starting next month, I have a 923% increase in the copay amounts I have to pay for Jamie's doctor visits and medicines. What was once costing me less than $20 a month will now cost me a little over $200. That's money I don't have, folks.
• I came to the realization that - between soon-to-be-higher medical costs for Jamie and my own bills, there probably won't be any presents at Christmas this year. I know that Christmas isn't about presents, it's about Jesus, and family, and love. But - oh - how it hurts to know I can't give Jamie what he wants this year!
• My roommate informed me she's going back on her agreement with me to share bills and split rent until we're out of school and will be moving out when the lease is up at the end of January. She's going back on her word because she's more broke than I am, which a part of me can understand. However, this puts me in a major bind because -
• I've discovered it may be next to impossible for me to find a place for me and Jamie to live on my income alone. Due to the credit crisis and economic woes, all the rental agencies around here have restructured their income requirements for being able to rent a house. They now require you to have an income at least 4x that of the monthly rent. Even though I'll have school money at the beginning of January to use for a deposit, first month's rent, etc., the rental agencies don't count that as income, so I'm hard pressed to find a place that will even let me rent, much less finding one in a good neighborhood, in good repair, etc.
• Due to the above, and wondering if we'll have enough $$ just to rent a house, I had to break Jamie's heart and tell him we couldn't go back to NYC on spring break to see Uncle Joel like we had been planning on since last November. Jamie really loves Uncle Joel, and was eagerly anticipating seeing him again. But with our finances up in the air so much right now, I just don't see how that trip is going to be possible.
• Dad's being a butt, calling me and harassing me about not coming to see him often enough, then hanging up on me when I answer his questions in ways he doesn't like, and
• I'm failing my Spanish class. I'm so tired, and stressed, and freaking out over everything that I can't concentrate on all my classes. The Spanish is the hardest one for me to absorb, so it's the one that falls out of my head first. I think I'm doing fine, then I go to take the test and bomb. I got a 62 on the first test, and a 55 on the second. It will be a miracle if I can raise the grade up to a C at this point, much less straight A's like I usually have.

However, I keep reminding myself that things are not as bad as they could be. We have a roof over our heads for now. There's still food in the pantry. Although it's uncertain if I'll still have a job in the future, I do still have one for now. Those who have read my last few entries know that God is good, and Tiffany rocks, so Jamie still gets to go on his field trip. In fact, this weekend he's excited about getting to go pick out "yummy never-touched-a-peanut-in-it's-life food" and packing his bags for the trip. Things could be much worse. It's just that, I don't know, I thought that I would have gotten to a point where life was easier by now - I'd know where I was going and how to get there, I wouldn't still be trying to juggle so many balls in the air. Heck, I never expected I'd still be single at this point in my life, either. I guess I took it for granted that I'd have a partner in life by now. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm learning that there really isn't any difference between how you feel in your 30's from how you felt in your teens. And there's no "magic age" when you finally grow up. And just because you have a kid(s), it doesn't mean all of a sudden you have the answers. I think mostly it means you just have more questions.

So, sorry for being such a downer today, folks. I just needed to unload some of this stress, anxiety and what-have-you while ruminating on the status of my "adulthood." I'm not meaning to whine or have a pity party, I just felt like if I didn't get some of it out of my head and down on paper - wait, um... on the computer screen, my head would explode, or at the very least I'd start consuming copious amounts of alcohol. If I ever get it figured out, I'll let you all know. Peace, love, hugs and kisses to you all!

Praise God and Thank You Tiffany!

So, some of you who read my blog read my latest rant, and may have read a comment from Tiffany, a super awesome lady I met at church and with whom I have maintained sporadic contact, offer to provide for Jamie to go to camp. Now, I can be a pretty proud person and stubbornly refuse help even when I desperately need it (c'mon, my first full sentence was "me do it meself". That set the tone for the rest of my life). However, when it comes to my kid, if I truly desperately need help and it's for his benefit, I'll suck it up and ask for help. So when Tiff offered, I wanted to graciously decline. But then there was Jamie, and Tiff pretty much told me she wouldn't take no for an answer. So I tearfully, not a bit of pride in me, accepted her generous offer. Thank you, God, for hearing my prayers for help, and Thank you, Tiffany, for helping me. You should have seen the huge, radiant smile on Jamie's face when I told him he would, indeed, get to go on the trip. Lots of love and hugs to you, Tiff! And love and thanks for your patience to my readers who have read my rants!

Oh, I'm Mad and Sad!

I have been doing a lot of ranting lately, dear readers, and for that I am sorry.  But my latest mad and sad item is really bad (why do I sound like Dr. Seuss?).  Anyway, Jamie’s school has an overnight field trip for 5^th graders.  No, I’m sorry, let me correct that – the ENTIRE DISTRICT has an overnight field trip for the fifth graders.  They go to a ranch and spend three days and two nights observing animals in the wild, testing water quality, hiking, canoeing, doing some real hands-on science stuff.  BUT – and here’s the part that pisses me off – the ranch is refusing to guarantee its food is peanut or tree nut free, AND is refusing to supply any alternate food for Jamie because “it isn’t in its contract” with the school system to do so.  I’ve already contacted the Texas Dept. of Ag that overseas the school lunch program, and since the food is not in any way associated with the school nutrition services, they don’t have to provide an alternative lunch for Jamie.

 

Jamie could have gone if I had sent a cooler full of food with him, and the ranch would have supplied a separate table for him to sit at and supplies for Jamie to wipe down the table, BUT – here’s another thing that has me mad and sad – the economic downturn has hit me really hard, and Jamie’s health insurance co-pays increase 923% (that’s not an exaggeration) next month, so I can’t afford to send a cooler of food with him on the trip, so Jamie can’t go.

 

Poor kid is being punished because of something he can’t help.  I asked the assistant principal if Jamie would be the only one not going, and she said “No, there will be some not going because of discipline problems”.  Excuse me?!?!  The only other ones not going are because they’re in trouble?

 

I’m no Pollyanna.  I of all people should know the world is not fair and that sometimes things just downright suck, but it breaks my heart that Jamie is being punished for something he has no control over, and is missing this opportunity to go ramble in an honest-to-goodness Texas ranch for three days with his friends and go hiking, canoeing and learn about nature actually out in nature.  This goes beyond suckage.  And the real kicker here?  The ranch they’re all going to is a Christian fellowship camp in the summer that advertises its “openness” and “welcoming policies for all.”  HA!  What a crock!