Funeral Invitation

I just wanted to let you all know that you are invited to my son’s funeral.  It will be tonight once I get home and see the damage he did.  He called me and informed me (in tears and hysterics) that he was playing with a stick and a balloon, and the stick flew out of his hands and THROUGH the screen of our flat-screen HDTV. If you come calling at my house around 6:30, the funeral should be ready to begin. In lieu of flowers, I ask that you donate Xanax, Valium, or whatever else tranquilizer you may have on hand.  Peace be with you.

 

Update on My Weekend Chores

I figured I wouldn't get all my chores done this past weekend, but I am pleased to report that we did get a LOT done. Saturday, Jamie went over to his Big Bro's house for a "Star Wars" (Episodes 4-6) marathon. Like me, Bill greatly dislikes Episodes 1-3. Since Jamie was taking it easy, I did too. I picked up a few things here and there, and folded some previously washed laundry while I watched "Dr. Who" on Netflix, but other than that, I didn't do much that day.

Sunday, Jamie and I finished cleaning up the livingroom, re-tidied the bathroom, and I did two loads of dishes and washed three loads of laundry. The floor didn't get mopped and not all the dishes were done, but I felt the house was presentable enough that we were able to invite Spencer over to watch TV, play Legos and eat a spaghetti and meatball dinner with us. This gave Jamie a much-appreciated reward (having a friend over to play), as well as reinforced the idea that keeping the house tidy means more friends can come over more often.

This week, we continue to keep the bathroom and livingroom tidy, as well as doing more dishes and getting a start on Jamie's room and the study. We only have two weeks until school starts, so I want the house somewhat organized to help us both in our academic endeavors.

Friday Five: Weekend Edition

This'll be short and sweet. In no particular order, here are five of the things I plan to do this weekend. It's all in the planning, people - but this in no way guarantees the planned activities will actually get accomplished. I make and break plans all the time. But, anyway, here are five things I'd like to get done this weekend.

1. Wash all the dirty dishes. We have trouble following through on getting the dishes done when they're supposed to be done. This could be because Jamie has inherited my hatred of washing dishes (duh, that's why that's his chore!). Or it could be because we're lazy. Or both.
2. Put the last few finishing touches on cleaning the living room, tidying up the bathroom (still mostly clean), and scrubbing the kitchen floors so Jamie's friends can start coming over again.
3. Get a reasonable start on the study - maybe 2 - 3 hours total, so it doesn't seem like such a big job to tackle.
4. Take a break and head to the library for half an hour or so. This is a welcome (and free!) diversion when we're tired of being stuck in the house.
5. Laundry. It's getting close to time for Jamie to go back to school, so I need to find and wash all his uniform shorts/pants, find the white uniform polos I bought on sale at the beginning of last school year since I knew he'd have to wear that color polo in 7th grade and wash all them. This is so I can hang them all up and take inventory of what he needs new for this school year. I know some of his pants will be too short, some of the shorts will have holes, etc. I want to have his closet all organized so I won't have such a battle when we go school shopping next week. He will need a few pairs of "regular" clothes for free-dress days, weekends and holidays, also.

So, those are my big plans for the weekend. Lots of drudgery and cleaning. This is why I make plans to do things, but they don't always get carried out. So, what about you? What are you doing this weekend (or what have you planned to do but know you probably won't do?) Inquiring minds want to know!

The Spazmanian Devil

Jamie has a new nickname. I was telling my brother the story I'm about to share with you. He waited a beat and said something to the effect of, "Did you ever think your son is a bit of a spaz?" To which I emphatically replied, "YES!" So I've been calling Jamie "The Spazmanian Devil" here lately because of the way he trips, fumbles and jerks his way through life here lately.

"What prompted this?" you ask. The short answer is: Jamie's pizza cracked his wrist. He told his Big Brother that he was attacked by a pizza. The long answer is a bit more complicated.

Jamie has ADHD. It seems to get progressively worse each year. He isn't particularly hyperactive, but he is more and more twitchy, inattentive, impulsive and (at times) annoying as time goes on. This is particularly true in the summer months and on school holidays, because I don't like the side effects of his medication, so I won't give it to him if there's no school. But I've discussed that before, so I won't bore you with it again.

Anyway, the night of Monday, July 26, I splurged (after a trip to Half Price Books to unload several unwanted DVDs and books) on a trip to Pizza Hut for me and Jamie. Jamie would not sit still in the booth, fidgeting, squirming, twitching and such in his eagerness for the food to come. While doing so, he somehow got one of his sandals hooked up underneath the booth - but didn't realize it until the pizza came to the table. When it finally arrived, Jamie tried to jump up to get to the pizza and serve himself before I could. Unfortunately, with his shoe hooked up under the booth, all he wound up doing was launching himself up out of the booth on onto the floor - HARD!
As just about any kid would do, he instinctively threw his left hand out to try to catch himself. But he landed on it at a funny angle and - at that moment - I heard a little popping noise (we were the only ones in the restaurant). As Jamie was trying to get up, he put weight on his left hand and immediately said "OW!" and cradled his hand/wrist to his chest. He finally got back up in the booth and said "My wrist hurts!" Thinking he was probably just exaggerating, I went to the manager to ask for a bag of ice. I put it on his wrist and we commenced eating. (Note: I didn't immediately rush him to the ER for several reasons: 1) He's at a klutzy stage and hurts himself. all. the. time. If I rushed him to the doctor every time he fell down, I'd be drowning in medical bills. 2) It was storming really bad outside - as in the rain was falling sideways. 3) We were both very very hungry and I wasn't about to leave until we had eaten our fill. Do you know how long an ER wait can be?)

After we finished eating, I took the ice off his wrist to see how it was doing. It was 1/3 again the size of his right wrist. I had Jamie try to move his hand around and rotate it on his wrist, and he said "ow! ow! OWWWW!" Hmmm, okay, we were off to the ER.

Luckily, it was a fairly slow night at the children's ER and we were fortunate that they had an orthopedic specialist there already attending to another child who had hurt a bone. We got in fairly quickly (30 minute wait), had Jamie's vitals done and were in a room not too long after that. The ortho came and looked at his wrist, ordered X-rays, gave ibuprofen, etc., then said she'd be back after the X-rays were developed to see what was what.

Two Hannah Montana episodes later, the doc came back and said the X-rays were inconclusive. The area of his wrist that is hurt (she explained) is a low-blood flow area and is really hard to tell on an x-ray if it's cracked. Also, the swelling was making it harder to tell because the swelling could actually be holding a crack together so you can't see it on an X-ray. When she tried to manipulate his wrist, he was nearly in tears. Since she couldn't tell if it was a sprain or a possible hairline crack, she decided it was best to err on the side of caution and left orders for his wrist to be put in a plaster splint/half-cast type deal. A nurse came in an wrapped his hand, wrist and arm in cotton, then they put a strip of plaster around his thumb, encased half his wrist and up his arm on the side where Jamie had pain. Then the whole thing was wrapped in Ace bandages nearly up to his elbow. He was instructed not to get it wet and not to take it off, and to follow up with his pediatrician in one week.

This past Monday, we had a follow-up appointment with his pediatrician. He unwrapped it, took one look at it (still swollen, bruised and a bit misshapen) and said, "Go see an orthopedist." Originally, the orthopedist wouldn't be able to see Jamie until the 16th; however, a last minute cancellation got us in yesterday - with 45 minutes between when I was called and we had to be there.

We saw the orthopedist, and he examined Jamie - only to find out we STILL don't know if it's broken or not. We were sent to have Jamie fitted for a custom steel brace to immobilize his wrist (at least he can take it off to shower, but has to put it right back on afterwards), and told to go back to the orthopedist next Thursday, after getting new X-rays of the wrist on next Wednesday. At this point, I just want someone to tell me what's wrong with it, why it's still hurting him, and how long it will take for the swelling to go down and his wrist to be back to normal. But it seems that's beyond anyone's capabilities. In the meantime, he can't use it, can't play his violin, can't go swimming, can't go on rollercoasters, ride his bike or scooter (verboten so he doesn't fall and injure it worse), etc., etc. This is making for one lousy end of summer for a certain boy.

I guess that's what he gets for being a Spazmanian Devil. ;-)

Friday Five - Back to School Edition

I know I still have quite a while to go (Aug. 23), but I thought I would do a Friday Five list of my favorite things about "back to school" time. There's just something about the start of the new school year that gets me in the heart (and the wallet) and makes me love all the brand new starts, the new possibilities, etc.

In no particular order, they are:

Coming home from work to find the house is EXACTLY the way I left it. No Legos spread all over the place, no pile of dirty dishes that mysteriously got dirtied during the day, no finding my bed turned into a fort - in other words, no extra chores for me to have to tackle in addition to getting supper started and a load of laundry or two.

Hearing my son's excitement as he tells me what cool/interesting/gross thing he learned in robotics/science olympiad/computer lab. I think this is the year they dissect frogs in science and the year he'll be learning how to write iPhone apps in computer lab (the wonders of a magnet school program!).

Having peace and quiet in which to eat and read when I go home at lunch time.

The wonderful possibility that THIS will be the year when he fully engages in reading real books, not just comics.

The fun of shopping for new school supplies and clothes (and the added fun that some of the expense of this has been taken out by the fact that I knew 2 years ago what his required uniform would be this year, and bought all the shirts when they were on sale for $3/each).

So, what about you? What do you most look forward to at "Back to School" time? Is it the prospect of peace and quiet? Is it getting back into a routine? What is it? Please share with me in the comments or drop me a note letting me know you've done this on your own blog. Enjoy the rest of your summers!

Friday Five - Jamming Edition

Not too long ago, Jessi posted a Friday Five list of music that makes her immediately think of summer. This was a fine list. I was going to do my own summer music list, but instead I decided to do a list of the five songs that always ALWAYS make me crank up my radio and jam, whether I'm at home or in the car and no matter who I'm with. In no particular order, they are:

1. John Cougar Mellencamp - Jack and Diane




2. Soft Cell - Tainted Love




3. AC/DC - Shook Me All Night Long




4. Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar on Me




5. Bowling for Soup - 1985



So, there you have it. Yes, I know I'm stuck in the past when it comes to music, but it seems like it was just so much better back then. So tell me, what are five songs that you just have to turn up the radio when you hear them?

The Game Plan

I met with a counselor at Wayland Baptist University on Tuesday to see whether WBU or Texas Woman's University would be the right fit for me. I already knew (mostly) the particulars of how the Master's of Arts - Teaching program works at TWU, but I wasn't sure all the requirements, deadlines, etc. at WBU. I quickly realized several things about WBU that - although I was aware of - I hadn't thought through all the ramifications. For the following reasons, WBU just won't work for me.

• Because they are on a quarter system, they have four short (11 week) class periods a year. They also start earlier than other programs. The first class period is Aug. 16 - Oct. 30. I would be required to do 30 hours of classroom observation during the first class period. But, I'm out of vacation days and they don't reset until Oct. 4. This would make it difficult to fulfill the classroom observation requirement without blowing through all my vacation days in the first month I'm eligible. This doesn't work for me.
• They do not have a spring break and don't observe most federal holidays. This means on most days when I typically have a breather and just enjoy spending time with my kiddo, I'd instead be in class or on the computer in an online classroom. Jamie needs my attention as much as possible, so this doesn't work for me, either.
• They administer their financial aid in such a way that I wouldn't get any refunds until halfway through the semester. This would make it very difficult for me to be able to afford books and supplies I typically use financial aid funds to cover. Again, not working for me.
• They are a private university, which means that they are more expensive than TWU (which is a state university). They offered me less financial aid than TWU and are more expensive than TWU, meaning less money back in my pocket. Hmmm, still not working.
• Due to when their courses are offered and the required courses for the program, it would take six semesters before I was able to start student teaching. Not. Working.

So, I've decided to attend TWU's Master's of Arts – Teaching program and pursue certification in English/Language Arts/Reading (ELAR) 4-8 and 4-8 Generalist (you have to have both to teach elementary level classes. Sixth grade is still considered elementary education in Texas, even though the students are in a middle school). This means I can teach ELAR to anyone in grades 4 – 8, and also sets me up nicely to go back later and get my Master Reading Teacher/Reading Specialist certification, which is a critical shortage area.

Once I get my initial ELAR/Generalist certification, I can then take the exam for any other certification I want to add. Under NCLB, I am required to have enough credit hours of study in a core subject area to be considered "highly qualified" in order to teach that subject. "Highly qualified" typically means you have had 24 credit hours of study in that subject. Core subject areas are ELAR, Social Studies, Math, Science, etc. This is where all those years of indecision on a major have come in handy. I am "highly qualified" in both ELAR and Social Studies.

There are other certifications in which you do not have to be considered highly qualified, but in which you must have had at least 12 hours of study in order to be able to reasonably pass the certification exam. I will easily be able to add EC-12 certifications in Theatre Arts and Technology Applications (a critical shortage area). If I take the PPR exam for 8-12 grades, I can also later take tests qualifying me to teach Sociology and Criminal Justice at the high school level. In other words, I will be qualified to teach several different subject areas, making me more marketable.

Also, another good thing about the TWU program is that there is a possibility I can be in the classroom teaching by August 2011-2012. The program requires either 6 hours of student teaching (supervised teaching with a different teacher of record for the class) in one semester or a 12 hour internship (the graduate student is actually the teacher of record but has a mentor teacher assigned to them and has a team from their graduate program overseeing their progress) over the course of one academic school year. Interns are paid by the school district at a somewhat lower level than a certified teacher, and then the intern pays their master's program of record a fee to cover costs associated with their oversight.

All the school systems down here participate in internship programs and student teaching. It is more likely one can get a position as a student teacher, but internships are often used in areas where a teacher is needed for a class but there is a shortage of teachers available to teach the subject area. If I take 3 classes this semester, 3 classes in spring and 2 classes in the summer, I will have all my hours to be able to start an internship next fall, if one is available.

I will be talking with my TWU advisor and the school districts down here to try to line an internship up now so that I can begin teaching next year***. If there isn't a shortage and they aren't needing an intern to cover ELAR 4-8 (you have to student teach or have an internship in your initial certification area), then I will instead take 3 classes this fall, three classes in the spring, take the summer off, take two classes in Fall '11 and do my student teaching in Spring '12. Either way, I'll be in the classroom teaching in whatever capacity in a very short period of time. I'm so excited!

***UPDATE: I called my advisor this afternoon while my boss was out eating lunch. She said that internships are hard to get right now, but that student teaching posts are easy to find. She said it has to do with budget constraints. So, I will still try to get an internship, but am putting my back-up plan in place to student teach. If that is the route I wind up going, I will take the summer off from my degree plan and take some web design and computer programming classes to help me when I take the Technology Applications test. Also, that means I can finally design the company web page like my boss has been wanting me to do (but which I have been too unsure of myself to do).

Friday Five: Books Edition

I've been doing a lot of reading here lately (as in ~2,000+ pages a week). I think it's because I know I won't have much time to read this fall when grad school starts. Or it could be that I read so fast that I practically devour the books in one gulp. Or it could be that I love to read so much that I never want to put the durn things down. Anyway, here's a list of five book series I'm currently reading and loving the hell out of (I went ahead and stated "series" because just about everything anymore is a series and I kind of like it that way. I was really disappointed that Robin McKinley has stated so emphatically that there NEVER will be a sequel to "Sunshine" because if ever a book ended in such a way as to make me want a sequel, that book is it!)

1. The Red Pyramid (Book 1 of The Kane Chronicles) by Rick Riordan. This is the same man who brought us the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. I. loved. this. book. Now I may have to go filch all Jamie's PJatO books and read them, since I never got around to reading them before. The Kane Chronicles also addresses mythology, except this series is based on Egyptian mythology, gods, deities, etc. If you like Egyptology (and I do) you'll love this series. The first book has a lot of good twists and turns. I'm eagerly awaiting the next books!

2. Darkfever, Bloodfever and Faefever (Books 1-3 of The Fever series) by Karen Marie Moning. This is a very interesting series about the sidhe set in modern-day Dublin. There's a battle brewing between the Seelie and Unseelie sidhe (isn't there always?) and the humans are going to be the greatest casualties, unless the sidhe-seers (humans born with the ability to penetrate the sidhe glamour and percieve what monsters are really lurking beneath). This isn't your average Tinkerbell fairy tale. It has teeth. I originally downloaded the eBook from Barnes and Noble because it was free. Once I read the first book, I was hooked, though and have buzzed through the next two in the series. I'm glad I discovered this series after she had established it and written several books. I love when I get to discover a series I've never read before and can read several in a row before I have to wait for a new book to come out!

3. Mona Lisa Awakening (Book 1 of The Monere series) by Sunny (no last name). This is a series about shapeshifters that is heavy on the erotica! I'm giving you fair warning in advance. This is not a book to be left lying around near a curious, precocious child who is liable to pick it up and start reading. It can be gory, sexy and downright carnal on many different levels. But it is a good series and very original.

4. Bullet (Book 5M of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton. It's not really the five-millionth book, but it's probably getting close by now). I've raved about these before. All I need to say is, Yowza!

5. Saturday, I'll be picking up the Lily Bard novels (by Charlaine Harris, author of the Sookie Stackhouse southern vampire mysteries) from the library. I should have all of them read by sometime next week. I'll let you know how I like them. Judging my some excerpts I've read, I shoudl like them just fine.

So tell me, what are you reading right now? Has anything just knocked your socks off? Please tell me, either in my comments or by posting a Friday Five: Books Edition to your own blog. Just please make sure to leave a comment here letting me know you've done so.

Wednesday Weirdness

Last night, I had a strange dream. Strange dreams are almost normal for me by now, but this was a really strange dream, even for me. I dreamed I was still a reporter and had to go cover the parole hearing of a Manson follower to see if she got parole this time. I arrived at the courthouse a little early and went to the ladies room. While I was in the loo checking my make-up and such, the woman in question and a man with wild, crazy hair and eyes burst in, held me at gunpoint and forced me to help them escape. That's when I realized the man was Manson himself.

Somehow (and no, I don't remember exactly how it happened), we got outside and to my car, but only after they shot and killed a security guard. They forced me to drive them way out into the country, where they jumped out of my car and got into a car they had waiting for them out near the water tower on Gunnell Road in Scott County (yes, I know the water tower isn't really that far out in the country anymore, but in my dream it was). They then shot me in the head and left me for dead - except the bullet didn't kill me, it just deflected off my skull and left me with a raging headache. I was able to make it back to my car and drive myself home.

When I got there, I immediately called Jessi because I knew she was interested in the Manson case. She came over and I told her the story of what happened, insisting she not tell anyone it was me who helped them escape because I didn't want to go to jail for something I was forced to do. (How on earth I rationalized that no one had run my plates or identified me, I don't remember.) Jessi agreed but insisted I had to go to the ER to have my head wound looked at. I told her she was crazy because they would report a bullet wound, no matter how slight, to the police and then they would figure out it was me who helped Manson and his lady escape. But Jessi insisted so we wound up at UK hospital where we ran into Jamie R., who was a nurse there. So Jessi starts telling Jamie R. the story, even though I swore her to secrecy. But Jessi replied, "Well, you'll just blog about it anyway, so I might as well tell her." About this time, my cell phone rings and it's Manson on the line telling me he has my son and he is going to raise him as a disciple. This is when I started freaking out big time and woke up.

See? Strange dream. Very vivid and much more realistic than my usual dreams. I think I may have to stop taking Zyrtec at night. I've had freakazoid dreams ever since I started taking it. Although I did watch a very freaky episode of Doctor Who about werewolves and Queen Victoria last night before bed, I doubt my dream came from watching that becuase 1) no werewolves, 2) no Queen Victoria and 3) no time travel. Only Manson. Lots and lots of freaky Manson. I can live without Manson in my head, thank you very much.

Best Laid Plans

What's that saying about the "best laid plans of mice and men"? Well, I think I can relate. I had big plans to work on my room while Jamie was gone so that it would be nice and clean (not to mention to give me something to do). Those plans have gone awry. Last night, I watched TV and read a really good book. I admit, I was being lazy. I was pretty much worn out from all the preparation to get him ready to go to camp, so I didn't feel like doing anything else. Plus, do you know how nice it is to watch what I want to watch on TV, and not have to worry about language or "adult" themes?!? Tonight, I've done nothing (again) on my room because I lifted a really heavy box at an odd angle at work, which has set my back to screaming this evening. Tomorrow night, I'm having dinner out with my girlfriends at our favorite girly restaurant, La Madeleine (do you KNOW how long it's been since I've had a night out with the girls?!?!?). Happily, I am not working Thursday or Friday (thank you for vacation days) and Jamie won't be back until around 1:30 in the afternoon on Thursday, so I may or may not work on it before I have to go pick up Jamie. If I don't work on it, though, I'll have some 'splainin' to do. I had to send three letters to camp with Jamie, one for each night he's there. In those letters, I kind of might have acted like I was working hard on the house while he is gone. Oooops! Oh, well. When we want a break from working on his room this weekend, we can come in my room and pick up stuff in here. It's only housework. It's not like it's going anywhere.

My Baby's Gone

Jamie left for camp this afternoon. He wasn't allowed to take his cell phone, so he can't text or e-mail me 5 million times a day. My phone has been silent all afternoon. I'm sure the house will seem eerily silent when I get home. I may have to turn the TV on to cartoons to make it feel like he's home. I haven't had an anxiety attack yet, but I've got the Xanax on standby, just in case. Meanwhile, I have a room to clean, dishes to do, and dogs to take care of. Thursday can't get here soon enough...... I kind of liked making Jamie do the dishes. ;-)

Friday Five: Movie Edition

Okay, so it's summer movie season. This is the time when a lot of movie theatres put out their summer wanna-be blockbusters. I love movies! In honor of the summer movie season, here's my random list of five of the hundred-gazillion or so movies I want to see this summer.

1. Toy Story 3. I'm jealous; my son got to see it last weekend with his BB Bill. Seems like I don't get to go to the movies that much any more. Oh well.

2. The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I'm a sucker for Nic Cage, sarcasm and movies about magic. Seems like this movie will have them all.

3. The Last Airbender. I am a HUGE (read: obsessed) fan of the animated series. I want to see this movie for many reasons. First, I want to see the live-action interpretation of it. Secondly, I want to know what I'm talking about when I blast it for not being like the cartoon. ;-)

4. Despicable Me. Again, from the previews, sarcasm abounds in this animated tale. What's not to like?

5. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. The first C&D was hilarious, so I'll give the sequel a try. Plus, Neil Patrick Harris and Sean Hayes... C'mon, you know you wanna see it!

Now I ask you, my loyal readers. What movies are you dying to see? Or what movies do you think sound horrendously stupid? Leave me a comment here, or leave me a note telling me you did it on your blog. I'm curious to see what cinematic tastes you all have!

Rant Thursday: Parenting Edition

Sometimes, I just don’t understand my kid. Mind you, I love him to pieces; but sometimes, oh sometimes, I feel like he’s some alien dropped down from another planet. We don’t seem to speak the same language and we definitely don’t have the same thinking processes. Some of this has to do with the fact that he has ADHD, some of it to do with him being male, and some of it to do with the fact that his hormones are starting to go crazy and have scrambled his brain. It happens to all children, just wait and see.

Specifically, these are my rants about my kid. I touched on this a bit on my facebook page, but I’ll say it again in case you aren’t my “friend” on fb. These are my top three rants about my kid.

1. He doesn’t understand why it’s important to flush the toilet (or put the seat back down), but he can sit and watch The Science Channel and understand, with near-perfect clarity, what the hell it’s talking about when discussing quantum mechanics and physics.
2. He can’t remember to put the gallon of milk back in the refrigerator, but he can rattle off, from memory, random facts about Albert Einstein.
3. He can’t replace the toilet paper roll on the dispenser after using the last sheet, but he can build a Rube Goldberg Machine of epic proportions (and leave it scattered all over my living room floor).

I know my kid isn’t me. And I do sometimes have to keep reminding myself of that fact. But there are times when I just flat-out don’t understand him!

What about you? What are your parenting rants? (And if you try to tell me that nothing ever frustrates you and that everything is always sunshine and roses, I’ll know you are lying, or that you have a live-in nanny.)

Clean Sweep

***Warning. Reader discretion is advised. If you are a very tidy housekeeper and cannot stand the thought of a messy house, do not read this post. You will gag. Proceed with caution.***

My house is a mess. My house is such a mess that I refuse to let anyone come over and see how much of a mess it is. If I allowed anyone to see it, I'm afraid they'd stage an intervention. There are many reasons my house was allowed to progress to this level of disaster: 1) laziness and lack of energy on my part; 2) long working hours; 3) the fact that I have to clean the office at work makes me unwilling to clean once I get home; 4) Have I mentioned I have three dogs?; 5) I have a kid with ADD who can mess up a room just by breathing; 6) I've always hated cleaning; 7) Every time I mop the kitchen floor, it rains. Then the boy and the dogs track mud in all over my kitchen floors; 8) Did I mention I have three dogs?

Also, I have been trying to teach Jamie a lesson about cleaning up after himself. Unfortunately, I let the lesson get too far out of hand. The result is the house is a disaster, I can't find anything, and Jamie just plain doesn't care. I haven't tackled it before now because my house was such a mess that I felt overwhelmed by the amount of mess, and didn't know where to start, or even HOW to start cleaning. Every time I even thought about trying to clean it, I'd whimper, climb into bed, huddle under the covers and suck my thumb. Okay, not really, but I wanted to.

On Saturday, I had had enough. I couldn't stand it one more day. So I tried a new strategy - I went to the smallest room in the house (the bathroom) and started with one simple task. I sorted dirty laundry. I unearthed the three laundry hampers from the garage where they were hiding. A long time ago, with good intentions, I bought three separate hampers - a white one for white clothes, a light green one for light clothes, and a dark brown one for dark/red clothes. But I never really implemented them for their intended purpose. Saturday, I lined them all up in the doorway (so the dogs couldn't come in and I couldn't escape) and got sorting. I also had a trash bag with me. Clothes got sorted, trash got thrown away, and clothes on the bottom that had gotten wet and too mildewed/molded to save got thrown away. This resulted in more than 6 loads of laundry and three trash bags full of trash/ruined clothes. I set the garbage bags by the front door, went and got the broom and a dust pan, then swept up the dirt and such from the floor. Then I got out a spray bottle with bleach water and sprayed the areas of the floor where molded/mildewed clothes had lain. All this took me about an hour and a half to accomplish. (If you're wondering where Jamie was during all this, he was out watching Toy Story 3 with his big brother. Lucky kid. But better that he was out of my way for the initial volley of cleaning.)

I then went and threw the trash out in the trash bin and started a load of laundry (hot water, color safe bleach and 1/2 cup of vinegar on the "soak" cycle to help get out any remaining mold/mildew smells). Then I went to my room and watched an hour or so of "Dead Like Me" on Netflix. After two episodes, I went and checked on the laundry. By this time, my back was starting to hurt, so I decided enough was enough for the bathroom that day, and just concentrated on doing laundry. All told, I got three of the loads of laundry from the bathroom done that day (a "soak" cycle takes about two hours in the washer, plus an hour in the dryer).

On Sunday, the bathroom and laundry were tackled again, but this time I made Jamie stay home and help me. (He wanted to go do something with Bill, but I put my foot down and told him that I really needed him home to help me.) Around 1 p.m., I went in the bathroom and sorted/threw away/organized/put away all the junk littering the bathroom counter. Then I cleaned off the top of the toilet tank. I put Jamie to work folding and putting away laundry from the day before. Then I went and checked on the laundry, got more going, brought Jamie more clothes, and we sat together and watched TV on my bed while we folded/hung and put away the clean clothes.

Fast forward an hour, and then I went back in the bathroom and scrubbed the bathroom counters, sink and inside/outside of the toilet. This involved me sending Jamie to find out what the heck happened to the toilet brush (it had wound up in the garage, somehow). After this was done, I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen to load the dishwasher I had made Jamie unload earlier. Meanwhile, Jamie was still folding laundry as I brought him fresh loads.

After the dishes were done, I went back to the bedroom and helped Jamie fold while we watched some more TV. After another hour, we went back in the bathroom and used good old fashioned elbow grease and Borax to scrub the tile surround and the bathtub. I made Jamie do half of it, as well. Then we rinsed the bathtub and I sprayed any stubborn mildew/mold areas with bleach water. After that, I had Jamie go get me the scrub brush and a bucket, and we scrubbed the bathroom floor by hand with Borax and water (again, Jamie had to do half). Then I rinsed with a mop and plain hot water.

By approaching the project as a series of specific, set tasks, rather than the vague "clean up the bathroom", we accomplished our goal of getting the bathroom cleaned (dude, it sparkles!) and didn't feel overwhelmed in the process. We are going to use this focus and mindset to clean the rest of the house - one room each weekend, one set task after another, until the whole house is clean. If I start feeling overwhelmed, I'll take a moment to look at my clean and shiny bathroom to remind myself how good it feels to have a clean room.

During the week, we will continue to focus on laundry and dishes, whittling down those daily tasks that can be such time suckers if we put them off until the weekend. This will give us more time on the weekends to focus on one room. This coming weekend we are focusing on my room, with the understanding that during this week Jamie is to use the clothes hampers to pick up and sort laundry from the floor of my bedroom. This is something he can do while watching TV, so it's a job he doesn't mind very much.

The following weekend is my five day weekend thanks to vacation days and the holiday. We will wind up using just about every day of it to tackle Jamie's monstrosity of a room. I think doing it in short increments will allow us to still have time to do some fun things over the course of the weekend, though, and not feel overwhelmed by the task. If we can keep up the pace and do one room a weekend, though, we should be done with the whole house (including organizing the garage) by the end of July. Once it is all clean, we can paint the rooms that never got painted last summer. This will accomplish my goal of getting the house completely cleaned, organized and painted before I start grad school and Jamie begins 7th grade. Once we get it all done, it should be easier to maintain. I'll keep you all informed how it goes.

Five Little Things: Lovey Edition

We all have things we love about our kids - things they say, things they do, and those little things that make them uniquely themselves. I love my kiddo for lots of reasons, but these are the five little things that make him uniquely himself that fill my heart full to nearly bursting:

1. His crooked little pinkies. Since the day he was born, I've loved his little pinkies. The very tips of his pinky fingers slant in toward his ring fingers at nearly 45-degree angles. I don't know why, but I lurve his crooked pinkies all to pieces, and have since I first noticed them on the day he was born.

2. The way he still will run up to me and give me a great big hug for no reason (although he won't do it in public anymore). But when I get home from work, he still loves to give me a big hug and tell me he loves me. For a 12 year old, this is a rare thing!

3. The way his mind is always working. He's really into building "contraptions" with his LEGO blocks - ones to do chores better, make space exploration easier, etc. He also likes to plot out ways to make his chores easier at home (but which usually make the work take longer. I have to give him points for trying, though!)

4. His kindness and patience with kids much younger than himself. He loves to babysit our friends' preschool and pre-K children, and often works with them in their Sunday School classroom at church. And they all love him, too. We can't walk through church without little ones lisping out "Look it'th Jamie! Hi, Jamie!" and running up to hug him around the waist.

5. His laugh. I love to hear him laugh and see him smile. He could light up a room when he beams a real smile.

So, those are the five litte things I love about my kid. Sure, I could go on and on and on about the things I love about my boy, but I limited it to those little things that help make him uniquely himself. What about you? What are the little things you love about your kids (or your pets, if you don't have kids, or your significant other, if you have neither kids nor pets?)

Friday Five - Addiction Edition

Today I'll list for you my Friday five; five little things to which I am addicted, not literally, of course, but which, as Pioneer Woman says, "Make my skirt fly up." In no particular order, here they are:

1. Bones. Several of my friends watch this show and I had seen a rerun here on there on cable, but I had never seriously followed this show. In the past few weeks, the first four seasons of Bones were added to instant streaming on NetFlix, so I watched. Then I got addicted. I've averaged about four episodes a DAY since I added it to my video library - more on weekends. We are now halfway through the last season (streamed from Amazon on demand because it wasn't available on NetFlix) and I'm already jonesing for the next season to start in the Fall.

2. Warehouse 13. The second season debuts on Syfy next month, and I'm giddy with excitement. I was going to cancel my cable subscription, until I saw that W13 Season 2 was getting ready to start. I love this show in all its quirky complexity. And I'm STILL confused/baffled/awestruck by what happened in last season's cliff hanger finale. I have got to see what happens next!

3. The Fablehaven books by Brandon Mull. Original, exciting and lots of fun, these books are supposedly for adolescents, but - much like the HP books - are full of complexities, plot twists and just plain good storytelling that readers of any age will enjoy. I'm dying right now because I got the first four books as paperbacks from Big Box Retailer on steep discount. There's a fifth book, but it's still in hardback, so I can't afford it. This means I have to wait until it comes out in paperback, and I don't think that will be for a while yet.

4. A nice, strong morning cup of French Vanilla flavored coffee. Sure, it's hot out, so it would make more sense to reach for a caffeinated soda when I first get up, but my day doesn't feel right if I don't start it with a cup of FV joe. Even iced coffee doesn't give me the same jolt as does a nice steaming mug of FV coffee.

5. Shoes. I lurve me some shoes! I don't have as many pairs as I used to. Between Jamie leaving a favorite pair of my flip flops out where a certain stray could chew them up, moving several times and just plain wear and tear, my shoe collection has diminished. But - OH! - the joy of a new pair of shoes! I hate to go shopping for clothes, but will spend hours trying on shoes.

So what about you? What are your little addictions, your guilty pleasures that give you a little zing and make you squeal aloud? Leave a message about them in the comments, or just drop me a line letting me know you posted about this yourself in your blog.

An Informal Survey

I’d like to take an informal survey of all the mamas out there I know. This survey is about jewelry and accessories. Mainly, I want to know what kind of jewelry and accessories you wear, if any. Do you still like to wear long, dangly earrings, or does your little one like to grab on to anything hanging from your lobes, ripping you a new hole or two in the process? Do you like to wear necklaces, or does the li’l booger immediately shove a necklace into his/her mouth, giving you apoplectic fits over the thought of too much lead in your baby’s system? Or are your kids older now, but their tendencies to gnaw on anything got you out of the habit of wearing any jewelry, so you still don’t think to put any on? Conversely, what’s your favorite kind of jewelry? Do you like sparkles and glam, or are you more of an “Earth Mother” natural jewelry type? Do you like bangle-y jangle-y bracelets, or are you more of a charm type person? Understated and elegant or funky? Gold, silver or hemp? Inquiring minds want to know, but I can’t tell you why.

When Your Mini Storm Trooper Is Exhausted...

It is better to let him sleep, lest he blast you with his laser pistol.

At Least I'm Not the Only Twisted One

Recently, Jessi posted about her attack of guffawing laughter during a supposedly scary scene while watching Interview with the Vampire in a movie theater. I'm glad to know I'm not the only twisted person out there. Then again, Jessi and I are friends (at least I consider us to be so), so it would make sense for a twisted person to attract other twisted people as friends. I don't consider all my friends to be as macabre as I, but there's a nice mix of the twisted and non-twisted varieties of people amongst my "peeps".

Anyway, there's a blurb at the beginning of Jessi's post that reads:

Mama Kat's Weekly Writing Prompt: I sometimes laugh when I’m uncomfortable…or being yelled…or in church…or at a funeral. Write about a time when you laughed at an inappropriate time.

My first question to myself upon reading this was "which time?" Was it when I got an attack of the snort-in-the-back-of-your-throat laughter at my father's funeral? Was it when I couldn't help laughing at the phrasing of a letter to the editor? Let me explain a bit about both. I'll start with the oldest story.

When I worked for a certain hometown newspaper, one of my initial jobs before becoming a reporter and photographer was to type up all the letters to the editor, wedding/engagement announcements, birth announcements, etc. for publication in the paper. One day, a woman wrote in very upset about the people who drove at a high rate of speed on her road. This woman wrote in grieving because someone was driving very fast down her country road, hit their black lab and took off. There is nothing whatsoever funny about this scenario. Except....well....except for in my twisted mind. See, her letter said something to the effect of "and our poor Rover* was sitting in the road and they hit him. He was hard to miss." I immediately started laughing. My editor wanted to know what was so funny. I read him the letter. When I got to the part where they said their dog was "hard to miss" I laughed even harder and said "Obviously!" He looked at me with utter horror and contempt and asked what was so dang funny about that. I said, "They said their dog was hard to miss. Obviously he WAS hard to miss, otherwise the driver wouldn't have hit him!" (I would like to point out here that, to the best of my recollection, the dog was okay. Please don't write me snarky comments about being a dog-hater. I love dogs. They're very tasty**.)

As for my father's funeral, I may have already told this story, but I'll tell it again. Last year, my father was buried with full military honors at a national cemetery. Part of the ceremony involves the honor guard ceremoniously folding the flag to present to the family members. There's lots of slow movements, gentle stroking of the flag, precise movements. It took them a good 5-10 minutes just to unfold and refold the flag. Watching them stroke and fold the flag, all I could think was, "I will love him and pet him and call him George". I started giggling, then I started laughing, then I started snorting. All the while I was trying to keep it down, so everyone thought I was crying. But, really, I was laughing (incidentally, this made me think of the Mary Tyler Moore show about Chuckles the Clown).

I'm sure there are plenty of examples of times in middle and high school when I laughed at inappropriate things, but I don't remember much of those days. My clearest memories are of speech tournaments, fall plays and musicals. If it didn't involve speech, theatre or band, I don't remember much of it. Sorry!

So tell me: Do any of you have memories of times you laughed inappropriately? Leave me a comment about it, or post about it on your blogs and let me know you posted so I can go read it. I have this burning need to know I'm not the only twisted one!

*name changed to protect an innocent canine

**surely you know I'm joking, right? right?

A Return to Ranting

I'm stressing. I'm trying not to, but I am. In honor of my stress-filled life, I'm making a return to Rant Thursday. This week's rant - not knowing. Not knowing what?, you ask. Not knowing anything when I really need to know right now.

1) Still don't know the outcome of Jamie's health insurance appeal re: going a whole month with no health insurance. As of right now, he has none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I called yesterday and they still had not made a determination on whether or not they'll be able to make his coverage retroactive to June 1. This means I'm on pins and needles, because if he has an asthma attack, severe allergy fit or what have you, his doctor visit will be all on me. And guess what? I'm broke, so he won't be able to see a doctor unless we go to the ER. Which will mean a huge bill in a couple of weeks. This also means at this point that he can't go to camp unless I buy him temporary insurance for the month. See above re: being broke. Can't afford to buy him any insurance.

2) Still have no idea what types of financial aid I may be getting for graduate school. One school is still waiting on test scores from me. It takes money to take the tests. Can't take the tests without money. See above re: being broke.

3) Have no idea where I'm going to get the money to pay for the two months of student loan payments I'll have to make until I go back to school. See above re: being broke.

4) Still have no idea when, if ever, someone is going to pay his child support again. If he would just pay the stinkin' money he owes me in child support, I wouldn't have to worry about the three above items. I'd have enough to buy Jamie a month of temporary insurance, pay for the stinkin' tests I need to take, put some money aside for student loan payments... you get the drift. I'd be able to use the child support to take care of Jamie and use the money I previously used to raise Jamie to go toward those other things I need to do to make a better life for my child.

I hate not knowing. I was not blessed with much patience. I'm very frazzled right now and stressed out. I hate the fact that it always boils down to money. I want to hurry up and know where I stand so I can move forward with my plan to become a teacher. I know I will never be rich as a teacher. But at least I'll be comfortable enough that I can take care of my kid and know I can take care of the basic necessities without ever having to wait on THAT MAN to pay the child support he never wants to pay. I'll be able to pay my bills, get health insurance for us both, go to the doctor when I need to. I'll be able to do all that, and hopefully make a difference in the life and education of a child or two along the way. I don't think that's asking for too much, do you?