Upbeat or Just Beat?

I'm trying very hard to stay positive. A very wise, kind, loving woman has told me not to worry about what I can't change and what I can't do anything about just yet. I'm finding it very hard right now to stay positive, but I'm trying.

On Saturday, I got the letter confirming that, while my appeal has been approved for Jamie to keep his medical insurance, he has to go the entire month of June with no insurance. His insurance reinstates on July 1. I called last week to appeal this decision, citing his health problems, upcoming monthly appointments, all the meds he has to take on a daily basis, etc. I called today, but no decision has been made yet on this appeal. So today is Day 1 of no insurance. This is also the beginning of the "Air Quality Alert" season here in Texas. This means the air quality is terrible and makes an asthma attack more likely. It's also supposed to reach triple digits this week, making an asthma attack more likely. His allergies have also kicked up into high gear, making an asthma attack more likely. (Do you sense a pattern here?) Please pray that my boy stays healthy! Please also pray that his health insurance gets reinstated, because he can't go to camp this month without it, and I can't afford to buy him temporary health insurance.

I'm also freaking out because I've gotten notices from just about all my student loans that I have to start making payments this month. I'll get deferments when I start grad school in the fall, but that doesn't help me much for the summer. I'm already stressing over covering all my normal bills; I can't imagine how I can add in student loans to the mix.

I'm trying to stay focused on getting through the next 4-5 semesters and getting my teaching certificates and my M. Ed. I'm trying to stay positive about how many subjects in which I will be considered "highly qualified" due to my frequent major changing as an undergrad. I'm trying to stay positive about finally making a comfortable living after I'm done - but it's really hard to focus on all that in the future when all this other stuff is blocking my view. One tends to get discouraged when one has to make the decision of either paying an overdue bill or buying groceries. I don't see how my mom provided for all of us when we were kids. I'm struggling to care for one; she had to care for three (and one of them with much worse health issues than Jamie has).

Five Things That Irritate the Pee Out of Me

In response to Jessi's post, here's my list of five things that annoy the stuffing out of me.

1) Working late. On a Friday. On the Friday before a three day weekend. 'Nuff said.

2) My son not throwing away food related garbage (meal boxes, milk cartons, etc.) and just leaving them lying on the kitchen counter or on top of the fridge.

3) Answering technological questions at work for the 100th time (for the same person).

4) Putting my hand in sticky orange juice on the counter when I'm half asleep because someone didn't bother to wipe up his mess the night before when he poured himself some OJ with which to take his nighttime meds.

5) My son coming to me at the last minute before the bus comes saying "Oh, I forgot I need $5-$10-$15 etc. to go on the field trip/buy a yearbook/get a new notebook and I need it today".

500th Post and Miscellany

This is my 500th post. I can't believe I've kept the blog up long enough to have a 500th post, much less that I'd have people still reading (yes, you are few, but loyal!). Thanks so much to everyone for sticking with me this long.

Yesterday, I did something that may be stupid. See, we live only about an hour or so away from Austin. Austin is the site of quite a few movie shoots, including the upcoming "Spy Kids 4: Armageddon." Jamie loves the movies, and I have to admit, I do, too. They're funny, wacky, clean entertainment. There's stuff in there that's funny to kids and adults. Best of all, I don't find them insulting to anyone's intelligence. Sure, they stretch the realms of possibility, but that's a big part of the fun. So when Jamie found out that they are casting for lead roles and extras for this movie (film shooting to be this summer) and are specifically looking for unknowns (there was a commercial and an article in the paper), he asked me to send them his photo and info. Yesterday, I did. I sent his photo (an 8x10 glossy of the photo in the previous post) and info to two different casting agencies associated with SK4, one in L.A. and one in Austin. These are reputable companies. I did my research on them. Now, nothing may come of this. I understand that and am fine with that possibility. I am not trying to be a "stage mother" and live my acting dreams through my kid. But since we live so close, I thought this might be a good way to add to Jamie's (nearly non-existent) college savings. Even if this particular movie doesn't pan out, there are others. Even if no movie ever wants him, there are TV commercials and print ads done in Austin all the time. And, if no one wants him for anything, that's just fine and dandy, too. It's neat just to send in the info and see what comes of it. Probably nothing, but that's okay.

In other news, more stress. I was able to successfully appeal to the state about Jamie's CHIP coverage. BUT - due to a weirdo rule - he is currently not going to have insurance for the month of June. If he has no insurance, he can't go to camp. If he has no insurance and he has a major asthma attack or ingests something he's allergic to, we're up a crap creek. I've put in an appeal request, but I won't know anything until June 10. Pray, send good karma my way, whatever you do, please do it. We need it. We also have some other financial stuff going on and would appreciate prayers, etc., on that, too.

Thank you all for sticking with me through 500 posts. Here's to 500 more!

Handsome Boy

I'm a mom. I'm supposed to think my kid is cuter than a bug's ear. But, I have to say, his recent photos show that I have one good lookin' kid! And the nicest part? Most of the time, he's just as nice on the inside, too!

Parenting FAIL

Last night was Jamie's last orchestra concert of his 6th grade year. (SIDE NOTE: I can't believe he's already almost a 7th grader! Where has the time gone?!?!!) I made sure I had plenty of batteries for the camera, but failed to dump all the old footage (which had already been uploaded to the computer) off the SD card. The camera ran out of memory and shut down right in the middle of their performance. This is an EPIC parenting fail. I'm hoping to make up for it by chaperoning the 6th grade orchestra's field trip tomorrow to Splashtown. If my sanity survives being surrounded by that many tweens at once, I will post about it at some point. Please pray for me tomorrow; I'm sure I'm going to need it!

Words

I used to have words. Words that would pour out of me faster than I could write them down. Words that would paint new worlds, drag readers under and weave a spell 'round all who read them. Words that gave me a reason to be.

Then I made new life, and the words stopped. The words stopped speaking to me of people and places who existed only in my mind and heart. I didn't have time to spend on words; all my time was for my son.

And now my son grows older, but I still don't have any words. They tease me, flicker through my mind as my last waking thoughts, only to disappear the next morning. My words are gone, my voice is stilled, and I wonder who I am.

I'm So Not Ready for This!

I guess it's my fault, really. I mean, I should have asked him to specify which friend. But it never occurred to me. When Jamie asked me the other day if he could invite a friend to come to Wednesday night dinner and church with us, I immediately thought of any one of a dozen of his friends. His male friends. So, I immediately said "sure". I didn't think anything of it until the next day, when Jamie announced, "Oh, by the way, CiCi* said she can come to dinner and church with us."

Excuse me? Wait. What?!? Is this the same CiCi with whom you spend hours texting on the phone? Is this the same CiCi of whom you speak at least 20 times a day? Is this the same CiCi that you have admitted is the object of your very first big time crush!?!?!

When I pointed out to him that he isn't allowed to do group dates until he's in 8th grade and no single dates until he's 16, he said, "But, Mom, it isn't a date! It's church!" Yes, it's church, but we eat dinner at church before the service, then you and the other kids go watch a movie with a message. Dinner + movie = DATE!

But he has a point. It's church. There are worse (much, much worse) places he could have wanted to go. So I'll allow it. Grudgingly. While my mother's heart screams "NO!". But only if Ms. Stephanie sits right behind you two during the movie. With a flashlight. And there better be 12 inches of space between you two during the whole movie. And yes, I will give Ms. Stephanie a ruler to measure it.

*Name changed to protect the innocent

**That thunking sound you hear is me banging my head against the wall, trying desperately to forget that my son has a date (of sorts) tonight. Can I just lock him in a closet until he's 30? Please?!?!

On The Brighter Side

The good thing about being such a moody wench is the fact that, eventually, my dark despair turns into sunny optimism. Well, for a while at least. So, I'm taking advantage of a break in the gloom around here to post about the things that are giving me hope here lately.

1. I finally sucked it up and e-mailed the head of the Master's of Arts in Teaching (M.A.T.) program at TWU. This is the program that will give me a Master's Degree with initial teacher certification at TWU, my alma mater. To my utmost relief, the teachers are willing and eager to work around the whole "face-to-face"' meeting requirement for distance learning students. They have done so in the past and, the director ensures me, will continue to do so in the future. So, there's hope I can still participate in that program. All my documents are turned in, my file is complete, and all I'm awaiting is departmental review of my grades and recommendations. I hope to know something in the next week or two.
2. I finally decided that, although a Master's in Women's Studies interests me, there are more advantages to me teaching in the public schools than in academia. I was interested in teaching anyway, whether in K-12 or college. Due to the government programs to recruit qualified K-12 teachers, it makes more financial sense in the long run for me to pursue teaching K-12. I'd make a higher salary in higher education, but I'd still have a bunch of debt to pay off and would have to go further into debt to get there. By pursuing K-12 teaching, the government will give me free grants to pursue this degree, forgive $17.000 of my existing student loans, and forget about any outstanding debt after 10 years. Plus, there are more employment opportunities in K-12 than there are in higher ed.
3. My file is also complete at one of the schools here in town that is only about a 15 minute drive from my house. I went over Friday on my lunch break and turned in all the final paperwork to the financial aid department. This is a private university, but it also offers a Master's Degree program with initial teacher certification. My file is under review and I have a student ID number with which to check my application status. I should know something there in the next week or two, as well.
4. The other school here in San Antonio doesn't look as promising. Of all the things I've turned in and know, from checking my application status, that they have received, they've already lost two of them. I've received several phone calls from them about missing items that have already been logged in. I'm not stressing it, though, because this was my last choice school. They require the GRE (which is very expensive) and their program is still very new. It obviously has quite a few kinks to be worked out. I'm not worried about this one because I know from the other two schools I'm virtually guaranteed acceptance because of my GPA. It's merely a matter of who will give me the most financial aid.

So, that's life right now. Jamie's cruising through the final weeks of school, I'm cruising through work, and things are okay. My house is still a complete mess, but I'm not stressing about it too much right now. I'm keeping busy with music at church, going to services and other sundry churchly activities. I'm just taking a deep breath and trying to take things as they come. It seems to be working - for now. Ask me again in a week or two, and it might be a different story. :-)

Apologies and Thanks

I've done this to you twice now. I get all down and discouraged, write a down in the dumps/I'm so insecure post, then trot off to continue my real-life angst and leave you all staring at a really depressing post. My apologies. I think the stress of impending grad school has driven me insane. I do want to sincerely thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. They are very much appreciated!

In an attempt to bring you up to date with what's going on, I offer the following items regarding my quest to enter grad school this fall:

1. Trying to get ready for grad school applications is a major stress. I had forgotten how expensive just applying can be, not to mention the fees to take the required tests. Grad school may have to wait another year just to raise the money for the dang tests and applications!
2. TWU doesn't require a GRE, but did require an application fee. Which I paid first, seeing as how they already have all my transcripts. BUT - it looks like I can't do that program, after all. Their supposedly "on-line" education classes require monthly meetings. In person. In Denton. Which is about a 5-6 hour drive from here. [sigh] So I wasted $50 in application fees for nothing.
3. All the other programs down here, except two, require the GRE. It costs $160. I qualify for a fee reduction waiver, but that can only be used on one test, and still makes the cost $80.
4. Most of the programs down here don't offer the certification(s) I want. Seems like there's a shortage of programs for Science 4-8 and Technology Applications EC-12. Only a couple of places offer those particular certifications with Master's Degree in Education.
5. Of the two places that do offer what I want and don't require the GRE (but only because of how high my GPA is), only one offers a Master's program. The other is a post-baccalaureate program only. If I'm going to do this, I want a Master's degree to go with it so I don't have to go back to school later to get one (as most school districts require in X number of years).
6. If I go to grad school, I'm going to have to not work (or only part-time) while in school due to observation requirements and student teaching. But the program that has the nice living stipend is one of the ones that doesn't offer the certifications I want.

So, that's what has contributed to my stress and my funk here lately. But, I'm in a much better mood overall than I was.

In other news, tonight I'm singing a Shaun Groves song, "Kingdom Coming", for our Nat'l Day of Prayer service at church. I first heard the song on Friday. I've learned it, but last night the super talented musician who is helping me suggested I sing it up a key, because the key it's written in is just a tad low. So, he e-mailed me a mp3 of the song in a higher key, and I'm working on that. And singing it tonight. I hope I don't make the congregations' ears bleed. :-)

Jamie is doing well and excited that he only has 19 days of school left in the year. He's also excited at the prospect of my going back to school to be a teacher. He thinks it's cool. He also likes the idea of me being home when he is.

Much love and affection to you all, and thanks for the encouragement!

Mishmash

I've got all kinds of things zooming around in my head. I've got some sadness, some happiness, some anxiety and some calm. So I've got this big mishmash of stuff in my head and on my heart. In no particular order, here 'tis.

• I've begun the process of applying for grad school. The first place I applied is to my alma mater, TWU. I figure I won't have to wait as long to hear if I'm accepted or not, seeing as how they already have all my transcripts and all my academic references work there. All they have to do is pick up a phone and call Dr. X and say, "So, whaddaya think of Ms. Snarkypants?" I'm also applying to some schools that are here in (or near) San Antonio. I'm applying for a couple of different programs - Masters w/Initial Teacher Certification (MS Science, MS Technology Applications dual certification), Library Science (because I'm such a book and information nerd), and I'm even batting around the idea of the Women's Studies M.A. program. True, this would ensure me a life only able to work in academia, but I think I could handle that. They also have a Ph.D. program in Women's Studies. I REALLY enjoyed all my WS classes I took as an undergrad. I like how so many different subjects can be viewed through the WS lens.


• I've really been struggling with self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness here lately. This has been dragging me down in lots of ways, leading my mind to race a lot - and never shut up. Which has been preventing me from sleeping. Which has led to lots of reading and TV watching at 3 a.m. Not conducive to cognitive thinking the next day at work, let me tell you. Feeling like this has also affected other things, like singing, for instance. I love to sing and I always have. One of my earliest memories is listening to my sister's Farrell & Farrell cassette tape, singing along with the song "Through Your Eyes." At the end, there's a note that's held out for a while, and it's on the higher end of the range. I held out the note so long that my sister, not realizing it was me singing and not the tape, came running into the bedroom to see what I had done to her tape to make it hold out that long. She was very musical, and knew how long the note was held out on the tape. So it freaked her out when it seemed like the note went on longer than it should. I've always, always loved to sing. I sing when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm scared, when I'm lonely. But, as much as I love to do it, and as much as I want to do it, there's this voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. That my voice is horrible. That no one wants to hear me sing. That I sound like a frog croaking. Then I start remembering all the times growing up I was told by teachers or students or whomever that I should just shut up and stop singing. Then I doubt. And I worry. And I fret. So then I don't sing as much, even though I really want to. And then I get sad. And so the circle begins again. This has been bothering me a lot lately, because I really really REALLY want to sing something for the offertory music at church. And just when I think, "A ha! That's the song I want to sing!", those old doubts start hitting at me again.


• I just found out someone I had a long-term relationship with (albeit off and on) got married. We never seemed to feel the same way about each other at the same time, so there was a lot of back and forth in that relationship. When I visited home in 2006, I saw him again. I made an off-hand comment that was really stupid, and he never spoke to me again. At least, I think my stupid remark is why he never contacted me again. Seeing as how he never told me, I don't really know WHY. We had plans to go out to dinner or something one night while I was there, and he never showed up, never returned a phone call, or anything. My attempts to contact him since then were never successful, either. It always left a little hole in me. In a way, finding out he got married is sad and happy all at once. I'm sad that he didn't think enough of me to tell me outright "You said something stupid and I didn't like it." I'm sad that he didn't think enough of the fact that we were friends first to ever return any of my phone calls, e-mails, or facebook friend requests. I always wondered "what if" with him. But I'm happy for him, happy that he has someone he loves and who loves him in return. I'm hoping now I can move on for good from that chapter in my life. Though, let me tell you, the whole experience has done nothing for my confidence when it comes to dating!


• Susan and David are leaving next weekend to go home. I'm happy for them to be able to go back to their stuff and their friends and home... but sad that they are leaving, too. Safe travels, and we love you.

So, I set up my blogger account so I can blog via text message. I'm tech savvy, right? But, how meaningful can texted posts be if they are only this long, hmmm?

An Evening with (Jamie's) Strings

Not only have I been a bad blogger, leaving a morose snippet on my blog for way too long, I've been a bad mom, too, in that it took me nearly a week to upload and edit Jamie's strings concert from last week. Each spring, the school district hosts a district-wide "Evening with Strings" concert. The strings programs in the district are so plentiful they had to divide the event up into three different nights! The announcer said that Jamie's night, being the first night, was slightly smaller than the other two nights. At only 900 students that night, I can only imagine how many students played on each of the subsequent nights!

This year's theme was "A Little Rock n' Roll". Each school played an arrangement of a rock song. Jamie's school played "This Love" by Maroon 5. Now, I'm going to let my momma-pride kick in and say I think Jamie's school did the best. But, I will add that I heard several other parents from other schools who thought so, too. Good job, Krueger Orchestra!

There were 5th grade strings programs from 15 elementary schools, four middle school orchestras, and two high school orchestras represented. At the end of the night, they all joined together to play "We are the Champions" by Queen. It was, in a word, AWESOME!

Sorry it took me so long to get it up on here, and hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

Here's photos of after the concert, also.

Jamie right after the concert. Looks like he's worn out, doesn't he? He confessed that during the high school orchestra's 15 minute montage of Beatles songs, he fell asleep!

Spencer, Mr. Prado, and Jamie right after the concert. I think they're all glad it's over with!

An Ocean of Sadness

There is an ocean of sadness inside of me.

It ebbs and flows, ever changing, ever moving,

waiting to catch me unawares

and drag me under,

to force me to submit to the tears I hate to shed.

They are a weakness and I must be strong.

Days, sometimes weeks, will pass

when the ocean tide stays out.

I can laugh, love and live.

I can be the mother my son deserves.

But the silliest things will bring it roaring in.

A sad commercial.

A homeless dog begging at my door.

Newspaper articles.

A sudden memory.

And it crashes over me - washes away my will

to do anything but to hide in my home.

I feel too much

and drown in my tears.

And the Winner Is......

Remember this?

I hosted a giveaway of this luscious, preseasoned cast iron 6 qt. dutch oven. Using www.random.org, I picked one person who commented on my blog to be the winner. The following lucky commenter won the prize:

#1 - Tara - My favorite cooking memories involve my dad. He would make us doughnuts out of canned biscuit dough, egg sandwiches for Sunday night dinner (after church of course!) and could make better French toast or grilled cheese than mom. Sorry, Mom!

Congratulations, Tara! E-mail me your shipping information to stinkbumps@satx.rr.com so I can forward the information on to www.csnstores.com, the hosts of my giveaway!

Being the Mom is Not All Sunshine and Giggles

Jamie was supposed to go to a much-coveted, highly-technical, Grant-Imahara-Would-Be-Proud underwater robot competition at the NASA training facility in Houston this coming weekend. It is rare for 6th graders to be allowed to go, much less possibly DRIVE the robots in competition. This is the year they're being allowed to do so, due to this group's above-average capabilities and a shortage of 8th graders going.

But Jamie will not be going. And he's pretty upset about it. To put it mildly. I think "downright pissed" would be a more accurate description.

See, I can't go on the trip. And it's overnight. To Houston, which is a "mink stole" (think about it) from San Antonio. And Jamie has recently proven grossly irresponsible when it comes to his medical issues. This trip would necessitate the group eating together in a restaurant. The teacher going said if I gave him a list of places Jamie could eat, he would TRY to accommodate Jamie's food allergies on the trip. Well, I don't know what Jamie can and can't eat at every hole-in-the-wall eatery in San Antonio, much less in Houston. A recent scare when Jamie shoved food in his mouth at a restaurant we'd never eaten at before, only to ask AFTER he'd done it what it was cooked in (to find out it was cooked in peanut oil) has proven to me that my boy's brain cells flee when he's hungry, so I can't count on him to remember to askwhat stuff is cooked in before he eats it. As a test, I also asked Jamie what he would do if the teacher pulled up in front of one of the many restaurants Jamie knows he cannot eat in, and he said "Oh, I just wouldn't eat any dinner/lunch/breakfast." [blaring horn] Nope! Wrong answer. The answer is supposed to be that you tell the teacher you can't eat there and you find somewhere else to eat. So that knocked out any confidence I might have had in Jamie's ability to fend for himself in the food area. Jamie then said, "Oh, well, I could just nibble a little something and hope it isn't cross contaminated." Nope! Sorry! Wrong answer again.

This is typical of Jamie's attitude here lately. He thinks that if he doesn't want something bad to happen, it won't happen at all. This attitude very nearly hospitalized him, if not something worse, last Friday at our church's Middle School Madness night.

On Thursday, Jamie knew his inhaler was empty. On Wednesday, he knew it was low. On neither day did he tell me "Hey, Mom, we need to get my inhaler refilled." Nor did he tell me at any time on Friday. On Friday night, despite knowing he had an empty asthma rescue inhaler, and knowing he's supposed to take it 20 minutes before strenuous activity, he decided to go ahead and play "capture the flag" with his friends anyway. He had an asthma attack - a very severe one. It was so severe, in fact, that had there not been a doctor who just happened to be there to pick up his daughters, who just happened to have an inhaler on him, I'd be blogging right now from the hospital - IF Jamie made it that far. Those were the doctor's words, not mine.

I've known for a month how much Jamie wanted to go to that competition. All I've heard day in and day out is how cool it would be to go to NASA and to drive an underwater robot. But because I can't trust my son to take care of himself like he knows he should, I had to tell him no. I had to tell him unequivocally, emphatically, "no" he could not go on an overnight trip when he's shown a total disregard for his own health and well-being.

I had to break his heart, and it sucks. Big time. I wanted him to go. I relish him getting such educational opportunities that most kids can only dream of. Plus, I really was looking forward to having some downtime of my own.

But better I break his heart, teach him responsibility and keep him alive for another day.

Yep, being the mom is not all sunshine and giggles.

Baptism Pictures

Yesterday, April 11, 2010, Jamie got baptized. He had many friends (including my boss, his wife and their daughter), family and teachers in attendance, and his whole church family surrounded him in love on his very special day. I was standing in the choir practically right in front of him while he got baptized, so I was able to get two up-close shots on my cell phone. The mother of the other boy who got baptized was upstairs at the baptistry stairs and graciously provided several pictures of Jamie being baptized, as well. It was a wonderful day!

Jamie before the baptism

Jamie and Ethan get ready

GIVEAWAY TIME!

In honor of my 485th post, my mother's 64th birthday, and just because I feel like it, I'm hosting a giveaway! This giveaway is generously being provided by CSN Stores, a company that offers a wide variety of products for sale, from entertainment centers, cookware, bakeware, and toys to shoes, purses, bed linens and all kinds of other products. If you want it, you can find it there from the comfort of your own home!

Because I lurve my readers, because I lurve to cook, and because I'm just crazy that way, today I'm giving away one of these:

This is a pre-seasoned, cast iron, Emerilware 6 qt. Dutch Oven with lid. You can make lots of yummy stuff in it. (Oh, the possibilities in this baby are just dancing in my head right now!)

To enter this contest, all you have to do is answer this question in the comments section of this post:

What is your favorite childhood memory involving cooking/food?

Was it the first time you made homemade doughnuts? Was it helping your mother use the flour sifter and getting flour all over the floor? Was it the time you blew up the family's brand new microwave oven because you forgot to remove the wire twist tie from the frozen hot dog buns? (Yes, these are all real memories of mine.)

Only one entry per person. Contest is open until 12 noon EST (11 a.m. CST) on Monday, April 12, 2010. Winner will be chosen at random (utilizing http://www.random.org/) from all individual comments posted during the open contest period. Winner will be announced on Thursday, April 15, 2010. Good luck!

*Note: I received no monetary compensation for hosting this giveaway, nor am I employed by CSN Stores. Prize is provided by http://www.csnstores.com/. Thank you.

In Which I Admit I'm a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Mother (Or, I Didn't Fix My Kid an Easter Basket)

This is the post in which I admit that I'm a terrible, horrible, very bad mother. You see, my kid didn't get an Easter basket this year. Usually, he gets a nice basket with a chocolate bunny, a small toy or two of some sort, and some candy. This year, he got nothing. No. Thing. No basket, no chocolate bunny to chew the ears off of, no toys, nothing. I didn't even take his picture in his nice mint-green dress shirt, green/white/blue tie, and khaki pants. Tooz took one of him in front of the cross at church, but other than that - nothing. (BTW - Tooz, can you e-mail me a copy of that photo?) In my defense, I smashed the absolute heck out of my finger the day before - the day I had planned to go candy and toy shopping. Instead, after I smushed my finger all to hades and back at 7 a.m., I climbed into bed with a bottle of leftover prescription painkiller liquid. I still can't feel parts of my finger. I did manage to go to Walgreen's the other night in search of medicine to treat the mangledness that is my finger. There, I found a chocolate bunny of the kind he likes (and won't kill him to eat) on sale, and bought him one (and myself one, too). And I did manage to find one lonely little bag of pretty pastel Easter-dressed Hershey Kisses. Out of guilt, I bought him a small LEGO set at (insert big-box retailer name here) Sunday night. But none of it ever wound up in a basket. I think I'm going straight to parent Hell.

Without a Paddle (or Health Insurance)

I got a letter from Jamie's health insurance provider, the state CHIP plan. I have to verify my income for a six month review. Since I last applied for coverage, I got a raise (yay, me). Apparently, it's just enough of a raise that it may very well mean Jamie loses his health insurance coverage very very soon. I was expecting to lose it come the end of October. But I was not aware they'd be doing a review halfway through the year. I am now officially up a crap creek without a paddle. Him not having health insurance is not an option with as many special health concerns as he has. He takes about $1,000 (retail) worth of medication a month. That doesn't include the cost of doctor visits to the five different specialists he sees a month, plus any sick visits. Then there's the cost of the unplanned prescriptions - those for ear infections, sinus infections, etc. Sure, I can afford to pay for all his medications and doctor visits, if I stop paying rent, don't buy any food and stop making car payments or pay utility bills. I could get him insurance through my work - for about 20% of my monthly net income. Or I can purchase an individual health insurance plan for him at 15% of my net income and not have as much of his stuff covered, meaning I'd still pay a lot of out of pocket costs. It just seems totally unfair that I now make too much to qualify for CHIP, so I will be bankrupted by medical bills.

Misadventures in Cooking

Last night, I was craving something sweet yet spicy all at once. Then I started thinking, "How would a curry with peaches in it taste?" So I set to experimentin'. I modified another recipe for curry I found, sauteing some garlic cloves and half a sweet onion, then adding sausage links, curry powder and dried mustard powder. Then I added some chicken broth, put a lid on it and let it simmer for 15 minutes. Then I added a can of sliced peaches, recovered it and let it simmer for 8 more minutes. I didn't think it tasted too bad, but still wasn't quite what I was looking for. Also, Jamie apparently didn't like it at. all. I had forgotten one all important thing: Jamie hates peaches (unless it's my peach cobbler). If I experiment again with this, I'm going to try it with orange slices or mangoes instead of peaches and I'll add some red bell pepper strips and/or tomatoes, as well as a green vegetable of some sort (asparagus maybe?) to add some color and extra nutrients. I'm also going to use chicken instead of sausage. I'm also going to use more spices. I want my mouth to feel hot from the spices but cool from the fruit all at the same time. Any suggestions from my cooking friends on how to accomplish that?