On Writing (More)

When I became pregnant with my son, my words dried up. Once he was born, I was too exhausted, busy, frazzled, any one of a million emotions moms go through, to be able to put pen to paper. I didn't even have any ideas anymore.

By the time he was in late elementary school, the occasional poem would pop up and even less frequently, I would have time to stop what I was doing and write it down or type it. Sometimes I posted them to my blog.

In the last year or so, something has happened. Those dried up words, the ones I despaired of ever coming back to the cracked earth that my creative wordy mind had turned into, started raining down again.

Last fall, I wrote a novel. Right now I'm polishing it up to see if I can get it published. Since then, I have composed dozens of poems, either posted to this site or used in my classroom. Yes, I share my personal writings with my students (within reason, of course). A while back, I started a second novel, this one in the Young Adult genre.

Now, I had intended to sit down and work on either editing the old novel or adding to the new one tonight. But when I sat down at my computer and started typing, something else came out entirely - almost fully formed, coming so fast my fingers and mind can't keep up, my body is desperate for sleep but the story won't let me go. It will be my third novel begun in almost two years, the second novel in just a few weeks.

I hope this drenching rain of words keeps up. I hope I don't get bogged down with having too many stories going at once. I hope I don't fizzle out and all the stories wind up sounding the same. The topics addressed are very different, but still, it could happen if I'm not careful.

But even if they do wind up sounding the same, even if I never get a single word published anyone, I am so grateful this has happened. I never realized how dead I had felt inside, how much I felt I had submerged myself into the persona of "caretaker", until the dam burst and my words poured forth again. Is this something that happens to other people? Do you get so bogged down in the day to day "stuff" that the person you are just gets buried underneath the minutia that comprises your life? Have you experienced this sudden release - where suddenly, out of nowhere, the "you" that you used to know comes back to you? Please, drop me a note in the comments and let me know your thoughts.

Not the Best Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday, and it wasn't the best one I've ever had, I have to say. First, Jamie is still sick, so there's all the worry about getting him feeling better (and all the whining and clingyness I have to deal with because he doesn't feel good), and then there's the fact that I still had to go to work. Then, when I get to work, I find out I'm going to have to stay late. I was originally told it would only be about 30 minutes. NOT! I worked 2.5 hours later than normal because we had a report that had to be turned in that day for a legal case. Grrrrr!

Then, when I got home, I had to help Jamie type up and submit via e-mail the school assignments that he didn't turn in when he was supposed to. This is the end of the grading period, so everything had to be in by today. If he had been well enough to go to school, he could have turned them in then, but I'm keeping him home again to allow him to completely get over the crud he has, as well as to not pick up more germs while he's still trying to fight off something else. Anyway, this kept me up until around midnight.

Then, this morning, I discovered that the poor, sweet kitten that I've been feeding at work and trying to find a home for had been hit by a car and killed. I couldn't take her home because 1) I'm severely allergic and so is Jamie, 2) our dogs would have eaten her alive. I tried taking her to a no-kill shelter, but they didn't have any room. The city pound is so overrun with strays that it euthanizes all unadopted animals after only 3 days, so I couldn't take her there! I had found a program that would have come and picked her up, but they couldn't come out to get her until next week. So now it is too late for that poor, sweet baby. She was not a baby-baby kitten, but wasn't full grown yet, either. She was very sweet and friendly, obviously domesticated. She just showed up one day about a month or so ago. Two weeks ago she disappeared, and I was hoping someone had taken her home. But I kept putting food and water out for her, just in case. Then this morning, she was hit right in front of my office building, right where I could see her laying in the road from my desk. I cried like a baby when I saw her!

Now I'm all head-achy and feeling discombobulated. I hope it's just from the crying, and not because I'm coming down with whatever Jamie has. When I get home tonight, I'm parking my butt on the couch and not moving unless I absolutely have to. Hopefully that will shake this tired, achy, sad feeling.

I'm sorry this is such a down post. And all those who sent me facebook birthday wishes, I haven't forgotten you, and I sincerely appreciate your wishing me a happy birthday. Love to all, and I promise to try to be in a better mood when I post next time.

LASIK dreams

So, I've been contemplating LASIK surgery on my eyes for a while now. Not because I'm vain and hate the way I look in glasses. Nope, I actually kinda like 'em. It's just that I have this terrible habit of losing them all the time. Take today for instance, I woke up this morning and got ready for work like I usually do - except for one thing. I could not find my glasses. I was even a few minutes late to work (a cardinal sin in my boss' eyes) because I couldn't find the darn things. So, when I realized what time it was, I had to go to work without my glasses. In fact, I had to drive to work without my glasses. Something I'm not supposed to do. See, I have NO depth perception whatsoever without my glasses on. I can see just fine (well, sort of. I can see to read and walk around and all, it's just that pesky double vision that comes from astigmatism that trips me up - and it is also partly the reason why I have no depth perception). So, anyway, I drove to work with no glasses, then had to sit and type and stare at a computer monitor all day. (Did I mention the bitch of a headache I had when I got home?)

Now, losing my glasses is not an unusual occurrence for me. I've found my glasses in Jamie's bookbag (don't ask me how they got there), on the back of the toilet, under my bed, on the floor between the wall and the arm of the couch, and all sorts of other lovely places you would never expect glasses that are worn every day all day to be. But that's where they wind up. And I can't even blame it on the kids. Nope, it's me. I do it. I get so wrapped up in what I have to do next that I don't really pay attention to what's going on in the here-and-now. And then I lose my glasses.

Like yesterday, we had some unusual occurences. The pipes in the house backed up. All of them. So, we had air bubbles gurgling up through the toilets. Bath water and sink water would not drain. The house smelled like a sewer. So, at 10 p.m., I had to call the realtor to send out a plumber. The plumber came and ran a very long pipe snake through all the pipes in the house. Which made a . lot. of. noise. Jamie was freaked out, the dog was barking like mad, and I was freaking out from visions of what happened last time I had pipe troubles. (Remember my stories of raw sewage in the first apartment I lived in in San Antonio?) So, to help calm Jamie down, I went and cuddled with him and Ziggy while the plumber did his stuff. No big deal. After midnight, the plumber was finally all done, Jamie was still awake, the dog was a nervous wreck, and I was so tired I was swaying on my feet.

This morning, I let Jamie stay home and get some sleep. I knew he would be no good at school today on as little sleep as he got. But I still did not know where my glasses were. I even offered Jamie $5 if he found them for me while I was at work! No such luck.

So, just a few minutes ago, I was retracing all my steps from yesterday when I walked into Jamie's room. Guess where my glasses were.... on top of Jamie's stereo. I never even looked there this morning. That is not where I typically leave my glasses. Usually it's on a bookshelf, or in my purse, or even hooked on the key ring holder by the front door. Yep, I think I need LASIK. At least that would give me one less thing to try to keep track of!