At the End of a Long, Stressful Day, Do Not...

At the end of a long, stressful day, in which legal problems almost arose, the lawyer you'd already paid too much admits he doesn't know his arse from a hole in the ground, and you vehemently wished the whole world in hell (and the opportunity to dig your da up just to spit on him and bury him again), do not... I repeat, DO NOT:

1. Walk in from work and glug down half of a huge bottle of wine you'd bought to use for making that awesome shrimp scampi recipe you'd come up with (especially not on an empty stomach);
2. Turn the a/c temp control back up near 80 because you figure you're not going to have any extra money for electric bills or whatnot after you get done paying off all your da's creditors;
3. Start cooking said shrimp scampi, with the heat from the stove adding to the humidity and general misery in the house;
4. Nibble on the (cooked) shrimp while you're making the dinner;
5. Glug more wine;
6. Get so mad about everything that you start crying, producing a veritable snot factory to compete with the mucus already being produced due to allergy season.

So, we have heat, alcohol, seafood, and snot. Mix those ingredients for a while, and you wind up yakking a pile on the floor that looks oddly a lot like Fancy Feast - Seafood Feast variety.

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Jamie walks in from playing:

"OMG, Mom, what happened? Are you okay? Are you sick?"

- No baby, the cat got sick on the rug, that's all.

"Ummmm... Mom? We don't have a cat.

(a beat)

"Have you been drinking?"