I've always loved The Bangles song of the above title. It sums up exactly how I usually feel on a Monday morning: I have to drag my self away from my dreams (although I've never kissed Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream), then I struggle to wake up enough to get ready for work, then I rush to get to work and only barely make it on time (and I only live 5 minutes away!)
But I figured I better post something, lest I be accused of having, like another Blogger who shall remain nameless (but his name begins with "E") a "case of the Mondays". But I don't have much time, as this is a busy day for me (last day of the month = payroll reports, end-of-month financial reports, mileage logs to be updated and turned in, etc), plus the usual work of making sure everything in the office runs smoothly. So... here's a brief update on Life with Stinkbumps.
Jamie is at Papaw's this week. It almost didn't happen that way, though. On Saturday evening, Jamie and I went for a bike ride. When we came back in, Jamie went to the refrigerator to get a drink. Dad has a rule that Jamie has to ask before he can get in the refrigerator (otherwise Jamie winds up with about 5 drinks open all over the house at the same time). Well, Jamie forgot to ask first. Dad pipes up with "Weren't you supposed to ask first? Go put it back." Which I'm fine with. But then, Jamie put it back, waited a few minutes and then asked if he could get a drink. Dad said "No." Well, I'm sorry, but we'd just been riding bikes out in 100-degree weather, and we were both hot and thirsty. So then I told Jamie he could have my drink. Dad had already made his point by making Jamie put the drink back in the first place. I thought Dad was taking it too far.
So, typical of my father, he gets all mad and says pack up your $h#t and get out. I looked at Dad and said "How typical of you", calmly got all our stuff together, packed up the car and dog and started to leave. All the while Dad's grumbling about how it was his d@mn house and his f---ing rules. I told Dad he had already made his point by making Jamie put the drink back the first time, and that carrying it further was merely being childish. Then I told him to have a good week, and Jamie and I went out and got in the car and started backing out. Dad came running out and said "come back in". I told him he had told us to leave. Then he apologised and asked us to please come back in. So we did.
Poor Jamie though started crying then, because he had wanted to leave all along. It ripped my heart out, but I had no babysitter for today. And I've asked Jamie over and over again why he doesn't want to stay with Papaw, and his answer is always that he's bored. Well, sorry baby, but you can't always get what you want in life. If Dad was harming Jamie, then of course he wouldn't have to stay. But just because Jamie is bored - well, tough cookies. I can't afford to pay a babysitter all the time. Jamie just has to tough it out for now. But I did concede that if things got too bad, I'd come down and get him one day after work this week. But he had to have a really, REALLY good reason for it. I don't want to ask him point-blank if Papaw's done anything to hurt him, because then he'll get the idea that he can lie about it and I'll take him home. But I've also made it clear that he can tell me ANYTHING. So, we're now at an impasse.
Got to get back to work now. I'm done rambling on about Jamie. Ya'll probably get tired of me writing about our little dramas and such.
Everett - I hope you had fun with the church group this past weekend. Tooz - I hope your knee is feeling better. Ann - Good luck with your new job! Lydia - PYFU and don't forget to drink plenty of water! Tara - I hope Aidan is going to bed when he's supposed to. Becca - I hope you aren't being driven crazy by your job (it's hard when you first come back from vacation!). Julie - I'm sorry you and your kitty had a bad weekend. Suze - I'm glad you're enjoying your parents' visit! Joel - Love you, Bubby! I hope you're having a good day. I'll try to call you sometime this week on my lunch break.
Stinkbumps the Wonder Boy: The rants, ravings and ramblings of a lunatic, overachieving single mom.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
And Now We Come to #33
Well, I'm amazed that I've reached an item number 33 on my list of things about Hacker Haus. So, I'll jump right into it...
33. Somewhere in the world I have a half-sister named Natasha Josepha Natalya something-or-other (or is it Natalya Josepha Natasha? I can't remember). Apparently, my dad had a relationship (or was it a marriage?) before he met Mom and they had a little girl. When Mom and Dad got together, the woman sent Dad some papers to sign to allow the woman's new husband to adopt the little girl. I still have a baby ring that purportedly belonged to her.
34. Even though Dad once acknowledged that this story is true, he now swears that it was a lie fabricated by my mother.
35. Dad has been telling people down here that he is a widower and that he and Mom were married 31 years before she died. This makes me very angry, even though it isn't really hurting Mom any. It just bothers me that he's using this to play on other womens' sympathy. They assume he's a really sweet guy and that he's hurting and they want to comfort him. HA! Mom's the one who needed comforting because of the horrid way he treated her (and us)!
36. Okay, as evidenced above, I still have some residual childhood issues to work through! LOL!
37. I have new respect for my mother since having a child of my own. It took enormous strength for her to keep putting one foot in front of the other day by day. She lost two of her children. I love Jamie so much, it would kill me if he died. I don't see how Mom found the strength to go on after so much heartache.
38. Little boys apparently have hollow legs which must be filled hourly with copious amounts of food (of course, with Jamie this begins at about 7:30 p.m. because that's when his medicine wears off).
39. Jamie's favorite Disney movie is Treasure Planet. I think he identifies with the fatherless boy, Jim, in the movie. But that could be too much amateur psychology on my part.
40. Those sappy Hallmark commercials make me cry.
41. I'll be 30 in less than three months.
42. I'm an excellent cook - but only when I don't let having company over make me a nervous wreck in the kitchen. Then I'm a complete dunce. But if I'm comfortable enough around you, and not determined that I HAVE to make everything perfect, I make REALLY GOOD stuff.
43. I'm terrified of the dark. I keep a nightlight on in my room and the bathroom adjoining my bedroom.
44. I have no night vision what-so-ever. It's gotten so bad that I don't often drive after dark. This bad night vision may be part of the reason for #43.
45. Once I get to know you, I'm very outgoing and gregarious. But when I first am getting to know you, I'm very shy. For this reason, I hate large crowds. I feel like I'm going to smother in them.
46. At my sister's funeral, the person giving the eulogy kept saying our last name as "Hatcher". My mother had to practically sit on me to keep me from getting up and yelling at the preacher to get our name right. I guess I've always been pretty outspoken, even at the age of nine!
47. I haven't seen my brother in several years. He sent me a picture recently. I was so happy to get it! We're going to see him in March! YAY!!!!!
48. I don't like small, enclosed spaces. I once got stuck in an elevator at EKU when I was in middle school band camp. We were in there for what seemed like hours. I don't remember how long we were really in there, but I do know by the time we got out of there, I was alternating between laughing hysterically and crying.
50. Jamie's feet look just like his grandma's.
Now that I've reached 50, it will be a while before I can think of anything else to write.
33. Somewhere in the world I have a half-sister named Natasha Josepha Natalya something-or-other (or is it Natalya Josepha Natasha? I can't remember). Apparently, my dad had a relationship (or was it a marriage?) before he met Mom and they had a little girl. When Mom and Dad got together, the woman sent Dad some papers to sign to allow the woman's new husband to adopt the little girl. I still have a baby ring that purportedly belonged to her.
34. Even though Dad once acknowledged that this story is true, he now swears that it was a lie fabricated by my mother.
35. Dad has been telling people down here that he is a widower and that he and Mom were married 31 years before she died. This makes me very angry, even though it isn't really hurting Mom any. It just bothers me that he's using this to play on other womens' sympathy. They assume he's a really sweet guy and that he's hurting and they want to comfort him. HA! Mom's the one who needed comforting because of the horrid way he treated her (and us)!
36. Okay, as evidenced above, I still have some residual childhood issues to work through! LOL!
37. I have new respect for my mother since having a child of my own. It took enormous strength for her to keep putting one foot in front of the other day by day. She lost two of her children. I love Jamie so much, it would kill me if he died. I don't see how Mom found the strength to go on after so much heartache.
38. Little boys apparently have hollow legs which must be filled hourly with copious amounts of food (of course, with Jamie this begins at about 7:30 p.m. because that's when his medicine wears off).
39. Jamie's favorite Disney movie is Treasure Planet. I think he identifies with the fatherless boy, Jim, in the movie. But that could be too much amateur psychology on my part.
40. Those sappy Hallmark commercials make me cry.
41. I'll be 30 in less than three months.
42. I'm an excellent cook - but only when I don't let having company over make me a nervous wreck in the kitchen. Then I'm a complete dunce. But if I'm comfortable enough around you, and not determined that I HAVE to make everything perfect, I make REALLY GOOD stuff.
43. I'm terrified of the dark. I keep a nightlight on in my room and the bathroom adjoining my bedroom.
44. I have no night vision what-so-ever. It's gotten so bad that I don't often drive after dark. This bad night vision may be part of the reason for #43.
45. Once I get to know you, I'm very outgoing and gregarious. But when I first am getting to know you, I'm very shy. For this reason, I hate large crowds. I feel like I'm going to smother in them.
46. At my sister's funeral, the person giving the eulogy kept saying our last name as "Hatcher". My mother had to practically sit on me to keep me from getting up and yelling at the preacher to get our name right. I guess I've always been pretty outspoken, even at the age of nine!
47. I haven't seen my brother in several years. He sent me a picture recently. I was so happy to get it! We're going to see him in March! YAY!!!!!
48. I don't like small, enclosed spaces. I once got stuck in an elevator at EKU when I was in middle school band camp. We were in there for what seemed like hours. I don't remember how long we were really in there, but I do know by the time we got out of there, I was alternating between laughing hysterically and crying.
50. Jamie's feet look just like his grandma's.
Now that I've reached 50, it will be a while before I can think of anything else to write.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I Want to Be a Clone
Well, not really. But I just had to use that song title. I love Steve Taylor! I grew up listening to his stuff - my sister was a big fan. I recently downloaded a whole bunch of his stuff off i-Tunes, and it's funny how you remember song lyrics long (at least a decade) after you last heard them. Or maybe I'm just a music geek. :-)
I may not want to be a clone (at least, not of anyone else), but I would like to have a clone or two. I'd let them work on this nasty, complicated report. I thought I was done with it yesterday. But then my boss complained that he didn't like the way the pictures turned out. He was nice about it, but I still wanted to wring his neck. He doesn't understand that in a report as large as this, you must decrease the file size of pictures, or else it will make my computer keep crashing (oh, how I long for a Mac!). So, since my boss insists the pictures in the report must be 3.5" x 5.25", I had to decrease the pixels-per-inch to around 125, otherwise the pictures were going to be about 2 MG each. When you have 10 pictures at 2 MG each, then you have another larger picture that is about 3 MG due to the intricate detail and photo-illustration, plus five pictures that are 1 MG each, plus several imported documents, then you wind up with a report that is so big that, even when it's PDF'd, it's more than 10 MG, and most e-mail programs won't accept a file that large. So I was trying to reduce the file size. So, I've spent all morning working on these photos - trying to keep the file size down, but still highlight flaws on certain areas (we're talking infinitessimal cracking). I've been "unsharp mask"ing, deepening shadows, oblique lighting and increasing contrast all morning. I wish I had a clone to do this for me, I'm getting a headache! Whew!
Speaking of headaches, the engineer with whom I don't get along is still being a butt-munch. However, I've been covering my tookus on-the-job. Every time he leaves a sample on my desk for me to ship, I take a picture of it with my camera phone. Then, when I get done packaging it, I take another picture. That way, he can't claim I didn't do it right or that he put it on my desk in one condition when I know darn good and well that he didn't! I'm a little bitter about this still - guess I need to keep praying for God to help me get rid of this anger and resentment. One thing that puts it in perspective for me. One of the techs told me to just ignore the engineer when he's being ridiculous, as he isn't the one who signs my paychecks! That's some pretty good advice.
So, now it's lunch time. I'm going to go home and eat left-over meat loaf from supper last night. If I have time later today, I'll post the recipe for it on R.O.U.S.
I may not want to be a clone (at least, not of anyone else), but I would like to have a clone or two. I'd let them work on this nasty, complicated report. I thought I was done with it yesterday. But then my boss complained that he didn't like the way the pictures turned out. He was nice about it, but I still wanted to wring his neck. He doesn't understand that in a report as large as this, you must decrease the file size of pictures, or else it will make my computer keep crashing (oh, how I long for a Mac!). So, since my boss insists the pictures in the report must be 3.5" x 5.25", I had to decrease the pixels-per-inch to around 125, otherwise the pictures were going to be about 2 MG each. When you have 10 pictures at 2 MG each, then you have another larger picture that is about 3 MG due to the intricate detail and photo-illustration, plus five pictures that are 1 MG each, plus several imported documents, then you wind up with a report that is so big that, even when it's PDF'd, it's more than 10 MG, and most e-mail programs won't accept a file that large. So I was trying to reduce the file size. So, I've spent all morning working on these photos - trying to keep the file size down, but still highlight flaws on certain areas (we're talking infinitessimal cracking). I've been "unsharp mask"ing, deepening shadows, oblique lighting and increasing contrast all morning. I wish I had a clone to do this for me, I'm getting a headache! Whew!
Speaking of headaches, the engineer with whom I don't get along is still being a butt-munch. However, I've been covering my tookus on-the-job. Every time he leaves a sample on my desk for me to ship, I take a picture of it with my camera phone. Then, when I get done packaging it, I take another picture. That way, he can't claim I didn't do it right or that he put it on my desk in one condition when I know darn good and well that he didn't! I'm a little bitter about this still - guess I need to keep praying for God to help me get rid of this anger and resentment. One thing that puts it in perspective for me. One of the techs told me to just ignore the engineer when he's being ridiculous, as he isn't the one who signs my paychecks! That's some pretty good advice.
So, now it's lunch time. I'm going to go home and eat left-over meat loaf from supper last night. If I have time later today, I'll post the recipe for it on R.O.U.S.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
In Absentia
I am not updating due to a large (50+ page) report I'm compiling for my boss to present to a client on Thursday. Much intricate details, much photo illustrating, much headache!
Hugs to you all!
Hugs to you all!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
More Items Regarding Hacker Haus
Well, I don't have much to blog about, other than that school is rapidly approaching for both Jamie and myself. Thank you, Jesus! I long for school to start so I can get Jamie back into a routine where he isn't driving me so nuts. I know it isn't totally his fault, but he is driving me absolutely insane. The child does not do well without a routine, and unfortunately, there has been neither a routine nor any hope of one due to the childcare situation. August 14 can't get here fast enough! August 28 is when I start back to school, as well. That should be interesting!
Anyhoo, for lack of anything better to write about, I shall continue the 100 things list I started. However, I doubt I will get to #100.
14. Incompetent people in positions of power make me twitchy. (Maybe that's why I get a tic in my left eye anytime the name "George W. Bush" is mentioned.)
15. When I was a teenager, I swore I would never have children. Now I wish I had several more than just the one!
16. I was a bone marrow donor for my sister when it was still an experimental procedure.
17. My favorite dessert in the whole wide world is cheesecake. Better yet if it has chocolate on it. I could live off chocolate and never tire of it.
18. I will gladly stay up all night to finish a book. No matter how tired I am, I cannot put it down until I know what has happened.
19. There are several books I consider to be "old friends" which I re-read just about every year. These titles include: The Harry Potter series, the Anne of Green Gables books, Little Women, LOTR (although it's been a couple of years since I delved into that one), the J.D. Robb ...in Death series, most anything by Nora Roberts (yes, I know she and J.D. Robb are the same person, but the tones of the books are different. And yes, I realize these are romance novels. I'm a softie at heart, okay?), Sue Grafton's Alphabet mysteries, Lillian Jackson Braun's The Cat Who... series, Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover novels, Piers Anthony's Xanth novels and his Incarnations of Immortality Series, and that's all I can think of right now. Books are friends in my world.
20. I love to read/watch/listen to/absorb anything by Shakespeare and even like some of the recent movies inspired by Shakespeare.
21. I enjoy mythology and lore from all over the world.
22. The name "Jennifer" is a derivative of "Gwynhaefar", the original Celtic version of "Guinevere". It means "the white one".
23. If you took Jamie's real name and divided it into its two root words, his name means "Strong Supplanter".
24. Zig Zag Scalawag was so named because he never walks straight and he's so mischievious.
25. I miss my Sunday night telephone conversations.
26. I love my father, but I don't like him at all, at all.
27. My bubby e-mailed me a picture of himself, as I haven't seen him in several years. We're going to see him in March during Jamie's spring break.
28. If I had my druthers, I'd spend the rest of my life in school learning everything about everything.
29. I dream of one day going on an archeological dig.
30. Jamie's favorite color for right now is green. A few weeks ago it was blue. No telling what it will be next week.
31. Jamie's foot is already almost as big as mine. He has a pair of sandals I can actually wear. My toes hang over the edge, but the fact that I can actually fit my foot in them is scary!
32. My heart breaks every time I see my boy stare wistfully at a father and son when we're out in public.
Anyhoo, for lack of anything better to write about, I shall continue the 100 things list I started. However, I doubt I will get to #100.
14. Incompetent people in positions of power make me twitchy. (Maybe that's why I get a tic in my left eye anytime the name "George W. Bush" is mentioned.)
15. When I was a teenager, I swore I would never have children. Now I wish I had several more than just the one!
16. I was a bone marrow donor for my sister when it was still an experimental procedure.
17. My favorite dessert in the whole wide world is cheesecake. Better yet if it has chocolate on it. I could live off chocolate and never tire of it.
18. I will gladly stay up all night to finish a book. No matter how tired I am, I cannot put it down until I know what has happened.
19. There are several books I consider to be "old friends" which I re-read just about every year. These titles include: The Harry Potter series, the Anne of Green Gables books, Little Women, LOTR (although it's been a couple of years since I delved into that one), the J.D. Robb ...in Death series, most anything by Nora Roberts (yes, I know she and J.D. Robb are the same person, but the tones of the books are different. And yes, I realize these are romance novels. I'm a softie at heart, okay?), Sue Grafton's Alphabet mysteries, Lillian Jackson Braun's The Cat Who... series, Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover novels, Piers Anthony's Xanth novels and his Incarnations of Immortality Series, and that's all I can think of right now. Books are friends in my world.
20. I love to read/watch/listen to/absorb anything by Shakespeare and even like some of the recent movies inspired by Shakespeare.
21. I enjoy mythology and lore from all over the world.
22. The name "Jennifer" is a derivative of "Gwynhaefar", the original Celtic version of "Guinevere". It means "the white one".
23. If you took Jamie's real name and divided it into its two root words, his name means "Strong Supplanter".
24. Zig Zag Scalawag was so named because he never walks straight and he's so mischievious.
25. I miss my Sunday night telephone conversations.
26. I love my father, but I don't like him at all, at all.
27. My bubby e-mailed me a picture of himself, as I haven't seen him in several years. We're going to see him in March during Jamie's spring break.
28. If I had my druthers, I'd spend the rest of my life in school learning everything about everything.
29. I dream of one day going on an archeological dig.
30. Jamie's favorite color for right now is green. A few weeks ago it was blue. No telling what it will be next week.
31. Jamie's foot is already almost as big as mine. He has a pair of sandals I can actually wear. My toes hang over the edge, but the fact that I can actually fit my foot in them is scary!
32. My heart breaks every time I see my boy stare wistfully at a father and son when we're out in public.
Friday, July 21, 2006
I'm Finally Giving in to Peer Pressure
Suze has informed me (several times, I think) that it was my turn to do a "100 Things-About-Jenn" or something similar post. Since my blog is about me and my family (which includes my son and my dog), this list would have to include tidbits of information about them, as well. I'm finally giving in to the peer pressure and doing such a post. I don't know if I have enough data to create a full 100-item list, but here's items 1-13, anyway. Please don't snore so loud you wake the other bloggers.
1. I am a slightly neurotic sole parental unit to a similarly slightly neurotic 8 year old boy who also happens to have ADHD.
2. My son and I are so much alike that I sometimes think I would make more progress if I merely beat my head against the wall, as arguing with my son is like having an argument with myself. Nobody wins!
3. I also have a "four-legged son", Zig Zag Scalawag. His call-name is Ziggy, but he actually knows his full name. He thinks (and so do we) that he's human.
4. Our city of residence is San Antonio, TX. One of its nicknames is "The River City". It should have been nicknamed "The Cesspool City" as the river is filthy and people think nothing of throwing litter on the ground, in the water, etc.
5. I'm going back to school this fall over the Internet to get my bachelor's degree in General Studies. Once I get that, I'm getting the heck out of Texas (well, I have to get a job out of Texas first. Which means I have to decide where I want to live). Then I'm going to pursue my Master's of Library Science over the Internet.
6. I'm the youngest of four children. Only my brother, Joel, and myself are still living.
7. My son was almost named Jareth after the Goblin King in my favorite movie of all time, Labyrinth.
8. His middle name is Lowell after my favorite uncle on my dad's side of the family.
9. My eyes change color based on what mood I'm in. Jamie's eyes do the same thing.
10. I was born a blonde, but my hair darkened over the years so now it's a medium reddish-brown. Jamie was born with coal black hair that all fell out when he was a couple of weeks old and grew in white blonde. His hair has darkened to a dirty-dishwater blonde shade slightly lighter than mine was as a baby. However, his hair is lighter than mine was at his age. I'm thinking his hair will stay fair longer than mine did.
11. Jamie's top pinkie joints are each crooked. They point in toward his other fingers at almost exactly 45-degree angles. I think they make him very unique, but he's embarrassed by them when other people notice them.
12. Jamie looks almost just like a very young version of my brother. On a recent trip to Georgetown, an old high school friend of Joel's and mine saw Jamie and said "It's Joel!!!" My brother looks just like my mom's side of the family. Jamie does, too. Thank God Jamie apparently inherited nothing from his biological father. (Is it possible his genes were only so much genetic "filler" in Jamie's DNA code?)
13. When I was two years old, I shocked my Granny into near-apoplexy. My granny came to stay with us when my mom had to stay in the hospital for surgery. I calmly announced to my grandmother - a devout "old-school" fundamentalist-type Christian - that I was going to be a stripper when I grew up. I had heard the word somewhere a few weeks earlier and asked Mom what it was. She said it was a dancer. I loved (and still do love) to dance, so I decided I would be a stripper when I grew up!
1. I am a slightly neurotic sole parental unit to a similarly slightly neurotic 8 year old boy who also happens to have ADHD.
2. My son and I are so much alike that I sometimes think I would make more progress if I merely beat my head against the wall, as arguing with my son is like having an argument with myself. Nobody wins!
3. I also have a "four-legged son", Zig Zag Scalawag. His call-name is Ziggy, but he actually knows his full name. He thinks (and so do we) that he's human.
4. Our city of residence is San Antonio, TX. One of its nicknames is "The River City". It should have been nicknamed "The Cesspool City" as the river is filthy and people think nothing of throwing litter on the ground, in the water, etc.
5. I'm going back to school this fall over the Internet to get my bachelor's degree in General Studies. Once I get that, I'm getting the heck out of Texas (well, I have to get a job out of Texas first. Which means I have to decide where I want to live). Then I'm going to pursue my Master's of Library Science over the Internet.
6. I'm the youngest of four children. Only my brother, Joel, and myself are still living.
7. My son was almost named Jareth after the Goblin King in my favorite movie of all time, Labyrinth.
8. His middle name is Lowell after my favorite uncle on my dad's side of the family.
9. My eyes change color based on what mood I'm in. Jamie's eyes do the same thing.
10. I was born a blonde, but my hair darkened over the years so now it's a medium reddish-brown. Jamie was born with coal black hair that all fell out when he was a couple of weeks old and grew in white blonde. His hair has darkened to a dirty-dishwater blonde shade slightly lighter than mine was as a baby. However, his hair is lighter than mine was at his age. I'm thinking his hair will stay fair longer than mine did.
11. Jamie's top pinkie joints are each crooked. They point in toward his other fingers at almost exactly 45-degree angles. I think they make him very unique, but he's embarrassed by them when other people notice them.
12. Jamie looks almost just like a very young version of my brother. On a recent trip to Georgetown, an old high school friend of Joel's and mine saw Jamie and said "It's Joel!!!" My brother looks just like my mom's side of the family. Jamie does, too. Thank God Jamie apparently inherited nothing from his biological father. (Is it possible his genes were only so much genetic "filler" in Jamie's DNA code?)
13. When I was two years old, I shocked my Granny into near-apoplexy. My granny came to stay with us when my mom had to stay in the hospital for surgery. I calmly announced to my grandmother - a devout "old-school" fundamentalist-type Christian - that I was going to be a stripper when I grew up. I had heard the word somewhere a few weeks earlier and asked Mom what it was. She said it was a dancer. I loved (and still do love) to dance, so I decided I would be a stripper when I grew up!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Utopia
Based on my experiences just since I moved to Texas, I'm beginning to see why some people are attracted to a hermitic lifestyle. I'm realizing that, although I've always professed to be a "people person", I'm really not. I'm more of a "people on my own terms" person. If you add to that all the questions and controversies going on about how commercial food is hormonalized, pesticized and super-sized, my idea of Utopia has changed a bit.
One day, I would like to have my own bit of land. I'm not looking for "40 acres and a mule" (I refuse to have any donkeys - one Jenny on my property is enough!); I merely want enough to provide for me and my family. Five acres would do nicely. Even 2.5 would be enough for self-sufficiency. Then I would be able to have a garden (and why not a greenhouse for the winter months while I'm dreaming?) where I could grow vegetables and such without pesticides or hormones. I'd also like some apple, pear and plum trees so we could have fresh fruit.
The more I think about it, the more my childhood home in Nowata, Oklahoma, comes to mind. We actually had about 20 acres. We had a large garden where Mom grew vegetables and gourds. One of my earliest memories of that place is squatting down and using my pudgy little fingers to push the seeds down in the soil. Then I vaguely think I remember Joel coming behind me to cover the seeds with dirt (I think he wound up playing with the worms more than anything), then Jodi came along behind us - supposedly to water the seeds, but really to make sure we had done it right. More often than not, we hadn't.
We also had a minature orchard of apple and pear trees. I think we even had some plum trees, too. We'd climb up in the trees, pick apples and peep out at our kingdom through the boughs. We'd try to hide up there, but it seemed Mom always knew where to find us no matter how dense the foliage. More often than not, between kids and birds, there wasn't much fruit left on the trees but Mom always managed to find enough to make yummy pies, cakes and cobblers. We always loved helping her out in the kitchen, then we'd fight over who got to lick the mixing spoon, who got to lick the beaters and who got to lick the bowl. The bowl always had more batter in it, but it was more fun to try to lick the beaters before the batter dripped all over you!
The majority of our property was a pasture. We raised our own cows for meat. Some of our friends (the ones my mom called "poor underpriviledged city kids") were horrified when they found out we raised the cows from calves, named them and petted them, then ate them when they grew up! I'll admit, sometimes I'd get upset. We'd have steak or hamburger for supper, and I'd ask "Is that Buster? Is that Butcher?" Mom would reassure me that it wasn't, but I'd still go out to the pasture the next day just to make sure all the cows were still there.
Our house on Sooner Drive was our playground. We only were allowed to watch Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street and The Muppet Show - or at least I was only allowed those shows. Jodi and Joel got to watch other things because they were older. But for the most part, Mom told us to go outside and play. We had an Irish Setter named Chevis and a kitten named Smokey. Chevis was the best dog in the world. I believe I've heard Mom tell a story that I learned how to walk by holding on to Chevis' tail. I don't know if it's true or not, but I can believe it. I climbed all over that dog and he never once complained. He'd merely let out a really big sigh, look at Mom, then go crawl behind the couch where I couldn't get to him. Later on he'd come back out and I'd crawl on him some more. He patrolled our bedrooms at night, too. He'd lay down on the floor between my and Jodi's beds (we shared a room), then he'd get up and lay down in Joel's room, then he'd get up and lay outside Mom's bedroom door. He'd do this all night, guarding his people, making sure we were safe. He even saved us from a Cottonmouth Water Moccasin once.
Enough rambling. The point is, that is my idea of Utopia. A veritable world of my own for me and my family. Food I personally grew and/or tended on the table. Of course, with today's sky-high prices, I'd have to add solar panels to provide electricity and our own well to provide water. Maybe even some windmills to help draw up water (and because I think they're pretty). I'd also have to have a job to pay for all this stuff - telecommuting would be nice! LOL!
However, I wouldn't want to isolate myself completely. My Utopia would have to be within an hour's drive of a city - a real city. I want museums, theatres, stores, good schools, etc. I want to be around other people sometimes, but as I said, I want it on my own terms! It will be a long time before I could do all this anyway. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get to do this when I'm a grandmother.
One day, I would like to have my own bit of land. I'm not looking for "40 acres and a mule" (I refuse to have any donkeys - one Jenny on my property is enough!); I merely want enough to provide for me and my family. Five acres would do nicely. Even 2.5 would be enough for self-sufficiency. Then I would be able to have a garden (and why not a greenhouse for the winter months while I'm dreaming?) where I could grow vegetables and such without pesticides or hormones. I'd also like some apple, pear and plum trees so we could have fresh fruit.
The more I think about it, the more my childhood home in Nowata, Oklahoma, comes to mind. We actually had about 20 acres. We had a large garden where Mom grew vegetables and gourds. One of my earliest memories of that place is squatting down and using my pudgy little fingers to push the seeds down in the soil. Then I vaguely think I remember Joel coming behind me to cover the seeds with dirt (I think he wound up playing with the worms more than anything), then Jodi came along behind us - supposedly to water the seeds, but really to make sure we had done it right. More often than not, we hadn't.
We also had a minature orchard of apple and pear trees. I think we even had some plum trees, too. We'd climb up in the trees, pick apples and peep out at our kingdom through the boughs. We'd try to hide up there, but it seemed Mom always knew where to find us no matter how dense the foliage. More often than not, between kids and birds, there wasn't much fruit left on the trees but Mom always managed to find enough to make yummy pies, cakes and cobblers. We always loved helping her out in the kitchen, then we'd fight over who got to lick the mixing spoon, who got to lick the beaters and who got to lick the bowl. The bowl always had more batter in it, but it was more fun to try to lick the beaters before the batter dripped all over you!
The majority of our property was a pasture. We raised our own cows for meat. Some of our friends (the ones my mom called "poor underpriviledged city kids") were horrified when they found out we raised the cows from calves, named them and petted them, then ate them when they grew up! I'll admit, sometimes I'd get upset. We'd have steak or hamburger for supper, and I'd ask "Is that Buster? Is that Butcher?" Mom would reassure me that it wasn't, but I'd still go out to the pasture the next day just to make sure all the cows were still there.
Our house on Sooner Drive was our playground. We only were allowed to watch Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street and The Muppet Show - or at least I was only allowed those shows. Jodi and Joel got to watch other things because they were older. But for the most part, Mom told us to go outside and play. We had an Irish Setter named Chevis and a kitten named Smokey. Chevis was the best dog in the world. I believe I've heard Mom tell a story that I learned how to walk by holding on to Chevis' tail. I don't know if it's true or not, but I can believe it. I climbed all over that dog and he never once complained. He'd merely let out a really big sigh, look at Mom, then go crawl behind the couch where I couldn't get to him. Later on he'd come back out and I'd crawl on him some more. He patrolled our bedrooms at night, too. He'd lay down on the floor between my and Jodi's beds (we shared a room), then he'd get up and lay down in Joel's room, then he'd get up and lay outside Mom's bedroom door. He'd do this all night, guarding his people, making sure we were safe. He even saved us from a Cottonmouth Water Moccasin once.
Enough rambling. The point is, that is my idea of Utopia. A veritable world of my own for me and my family. Food I personally grew and/or tended on the table. Of course, with today's sky-high prices, I'd have to add solar panels to provide electricity and our own well to provide water. Maybe even some windmills to help draw up water (and because I think they're pretty). I'd also have to have a job to pay for all this stuff - telecommuting would be nice! LOL!
However, I wouldn't want to isolate myself completely. My Utopia would have to be within an hour's drive of a city - a real city. I want museums, theatres, stores, good schools, etc. I want to be around other people sometimes, but as I said, I want it on my own terms! It will be a long time before I could do all this anyway. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get to do this when I'm a grandmother.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Texas Summers
Okay, folks. It's hot! I mean, it's REALLY HOT! If Satan lived in Texas, he'd have to go to Hell in the summer time just to cool off. We officially hit three-digit temperatures yesterday, and the weather man this morning said we can count on being in the 100's and 110's for the foreseeable future. When it "cools off" after the sun goes down, it's still in the high 80's and low 90's!
This means I am now even more grateful for Druscilla, and that we don't venture out of doors unless we absolutely have too. I sat down in my car yesterday to go home for lunch, and the sunlight coming through the windshield had heated up my seat so much, that I got a butt-burn through my pants! Now, THAT's hot!
Poor Ziggy growls at us every time we try to take him outside for a walk, because the ground is so hot and dry the little pads of his feet get burned - even on the grass. So he walks really wierd pulling his feet up really high as he steps. He reminds me of the famous Austrian military high-stepping horses when he does that!
So, we're all just kind of laying around and being slugs this week. It's too hot to even eat! (But I still haven't lost any more weight. Seems like if I'm not eating and it's really hot out, I should have pounds melting off. But I don't.)
So, for those of you living farther north, be very grateful!
This means I am now even more grateful for Druscilla, and that we don't venture out of doors unless we absolutely have too. I sat down in my car yesterday to go home for lunch, and the sunlight coming through the windshield had heated up my seat so much, that I got a butt-burn through my pants! Now, THAT's hot!
Poor Ziggy growls at us every time we try to take him outside for a walk, because the ground is so hot and dry the little pads of his feet get burned - even on the grass. So he walks really wierd pulling his feet up really high as he steps. He reminds me of the famous Austrian military high-stepping horses when he does that!
So, we're all just kind of laying around and being slugs this week. It's too hot to even eat! (But I still haven't lost any more weight. Seems like if I'm not eating and it's really hot out, I should have pounds melting off. But I don't.)
So, for those of you living farther north, be very grateful!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Water Boy
Jamie and I went swimming today. The weather was hovering near three digit temperatures, so the water felt really good! Jamie has learned how to doggie paddle quite well, so I stole his boogie board as used it to help me float around the pool quite contentedly. We were in the water so long we both had wrinkly fingers! A fun time was had by all. Here's a picture of Jamie enjoying the water. I wouldn't let him take a picture of me. :-)
And now I have to go. I'm going to try Ann's recipe for spinach curry, but I'll make some substitutions in order to use what we have. Like, we have ground ginger, and ground cumin, and ground chili powder, and garlic powder and dehydrated onions. And we don't have any tomatoes, but I'm going to try to see what happens when I use carrots instead. We have some old one that need to be used before they go to waste. I may have to call Ann and ask for her help as I'm cooking though!
Friday, July 14, 2006
HOORAYYYY!
JAMIE'S COMING HOME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mentally, I'm doing cartwheels. I used to be able to do them physically, but I think I would tie myself up like a pretzel if I tried to do one now. My baby's coming back today! I'm so excited! But now I have to endure the hours until work is over and I can go get him!
YIPPEEEEEEEEE!
Oh, and this is a picture I took of Jamie last weekend when we were putting UV film on all the windows of Dad's house. Don't you just "love" the headband he's wearing to keep the sweat out of his eyes? Should I call it "The Next (Next) Karate Kid"?
Mentally, I'm doing cartwheels. I used to be able to do them physically, but I think I would tie myself up like a pretzel if I tried to do one now. My baby's coming back today! I'm so excited! But now I have to endure the hours until work is over and I can go get him!
YIPPEEEEEEEEE!
Oh, and this is a picture I took of Jamie last weekend when we were putting UV film on all the windows of Dad's house. Don't you just "love" the headband he's wearing to keep the sweat out of his eyes? Should I call it "The Next (Next) Karate Kid"?
Thursday, July 13, 2006
The Chronicles of Illness: The Woman, the Soup and the Ice Cream!
Last night I was feeling a mite peak'ed (as my Granny used to say), so I curled up on the couch and watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe on Pay-Per-View with a large bowl of chicken noodle soup - Jamie calls it Chicken Doodle soup. After the soup was gone, my throat still hurt, so I chased the soup with some Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide ice cream. I'd never had it before, but was sure that anything that combined coffee, Irish Creme liqueur, chocolate chip cookies and gooey fudge HAD to be delicious. I was right!
Anywhoo, back to the movie. I have always justly stated that movies cannot do justice to the books they are attempting to "bring to life". As if your imagination can't do that when you read! However, I also try to enjoy the movies on their own merit and try not to compare the two. That being said, I wonder why so many people (and apparently the movie studios) completely skip over the first book The Magician's Nephew. Well, regardless, Chronicles was greatly enjoyed by me last night. In fact, I think the movie brought home to me more the symbolism deeply entrenched in the book. And yet, my fingers were itching to find my set of the books to go back and read them. However, they are still in a box somewhere, I was feeling bad, and knew I would only feel worse if I stayed up all night reading. So I left the books in the box. But somehow I still didn't make it to bed until almost midnight.
Sorry this one is so short, folks. Today is the day I have to turn in all the payroll stuff, so I have to concentrate lest I mess up anybody's paycheck. I'll be around throughout the day, though!
Anywhoo, back to the movie. I have always justly stated that movies cannot do justice to the books they are attempting to "bring to life". As if your imagination can't do that when you read! However, I also try to enjoy the movies on their own merit and try not to compare the two. That being said, I wonder why so many people (and apparently the movie studios) completely skip over the first book The Magician's Nephew. Well, regardless, Chronicles was greatly enjoyed by me last night. In fact, I think the movie brought home to me more the symbolism deeply entrenched in the book. And yet, my fingers were itching to find my set of the books to go back and read them. However, they are still in a box somewhere, I was feeling bad, and knew I would only feel worse if I stayed up all night reading. So I left the books in the box. But somehow I still didn't make it to bed until almost midnight.
Sorry this one is so short, folks. Today is the day I have to turn in all the payroll stuff, so I have to concentrate lest I mess up anybody's paycheck. I'll be around throughout the day, though!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Calling All Chefs!
Okay, so I've neglected this blog today. I was busy working on getting the recipe blog up and haven't had time to do much with this one. Believe it or not (despite all my commenting and posting on various blogs today) I've been quite busy at work. I'm just getting really good at making my blogging breaks miniscule and my typing supersonic!
I don't have much to report today, other than that those who have been M.I.A. here lately need to let us know what's going on in their lives...nag nag nag! I'm taking a CLEP math test tomorrow in hopes I will get a high enough score to get 3 credit hours and not have to take an actual math course. Math and I are bitter enemies, and the less I have to deal with Math, the better!
So, since I have a BIG test to study for, I bid you adieu!
I don't have much to report today, other than that those who have been M.I.A. here lately need to let us know what's going on in their lives...nag nag nag! I'm taking a CLEP math test tomorrow in hopes I will get a high enough score to get 3 credit hours and not have to take an actual math course. Math and I are bitter enemies, and the less I have to deal with Math, the better!
So, since I have a BIG test to study for, I bid you adieu!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Random Observations
1. There are some people in this world who absolutely refuse to entertain the notion that they could be wrong, no matter how clear the evidence to the contrary.
2. Based on how people drive, there MUST be driver's licenses given away in cereal boxes.
3. Watching World Cup soccer is entertaining; it's even better when you're watching it with someone who actually knows the rules (even if they're on the telephone with you, and have to squelch their own reactions due to a 4-second feed delay)
4. There are still people in this world who assume you don't know what you're talking about just because you're a female
5. Doggies (and little boys) give great comfort when you've had your feelings badly hurt
6. Blogging is much more entertaining than my job
7. Two days off work generates two weeks of playing catch-up
8. Watching a strange little cartoon boy talk about poot is vastly cheering
9. A swimming pool on a 100-degree-plus day feels like heaven
10. I'm out of Texas the second I get my bachelor's. I'll worry about the Masters once I'm out of here
11. Families of the heart are priceless
12. There needs to be more love in the world (which is why I haven't ripped the face off the person to whom I refer in numbers 1 and 4! LOL!)
2. Based on how people drive, there MUST be driver's licenses given away in cereal boxes.
3. Watching World Cup soccer is entertaining; it's even better when you're watching it with someone who actually knows the rules (even if they're on the telephone with you, and have to squelch their own reactions due to a 4-second feed delay)
4. There are still people in this world who assume you don't know what you're talking about just because you're a female
5. Doggies (and little boys) give great comfort when you've had your feelings badly hurt
6. Blogging is much more entertaining than my job
7. Two days off work generates two weeks of playing catch-up
8. Watching a strange little cartoon boy talk about poot is vastly cheering
9. A swimming pool on a 100-degree-plus day feels like heaven
10. I'm out of Texas the second I get my bachelor's. I'll worry about the Masters once I'm out of here
11. Families of the heart are priceless
12. There needs to be more love in the world (which is why I haven't ripped the face off the person to whom I refer in numbers 1 and 4! LOL!)
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Zig Zag Scalawag
Here are some more current pictures of Ziggy I just took tonight with my new camera phone (best thing about it was, it was free when I switched networks! 
Ziggy is laying on Jamie's "blankie" pouting that Jamie isn't home right now to play with him.
Ziggy's still pouting, but now he's wondering why I'm sticking my new phone in his face. He doesn't like things to be pointed at him!
Ziggy's guarding the door so I can't go anywhere and leave him home by himself!
Ziggy is laying on Jamie's "blankie" pouting that Jamie isn't home right now to play with him.
Ziggy's still pouting, but now he's wondering why I'm sticking my new phone in his face. He doesn't like things to be pointed at him!
Ziggy's guarding the door so I can't go anywhere and leave him home by himself!
Very, very, VERY FUNNY link!
If you want to see something incredibly funny, especially to those of us who have children, please click on this link! The longer version is a lot funnier, but they don't have it on the website yet. And yes, this is "clean". No dirty words or visions here! But you have to have speakers so you can hear it!!!
So, to see something very funny, click here.
OH! I just found another portion of that link. It used to all run in one piece, but they split it up into two parts. Find the rest of it here!
So, to see something very funny, click here.
OH! I just found another portion of that link. It used to all run in one piece, but they split it up into two parts. Find the rest of it here!
Shiny, Happy People!
Thought you might care to know that - thanks to lots of good sleeping last night - I'm in a much better mood today. So Jennifer the Grouch is gone now. Yay! I don't like it when she comes over to play.
I was e-mailing with Lydia about hope and praying for God's guidance in our desires, so I thought I would add this verse about it:
So, if what I'm hoping for isn't meant to be, I'll always have Him!
Some random thoughts:
I'm also happy because I get my baby back tomorrow night! Yippee!
And on a side note... Julie, I sincerely apologize for putting your name wrong on my blog links! I changed it today. I don't know what I was a thinkin'!
Anyway, have a great day everybody!
I was e-mailing with Lydia about hope and praying for God's guidance in our desires, so I thought I would add this verse about it:
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
- Lamentations 3:21-24 (ESV)
So, if what I'm hoping for isn't meant to be, I'll always have Him!
Some random thoughts:
I'm also happy because I get my baby back tomorrow night! Yippee!
And on a side note... Julie, I sincerely apologize for putting your name wrong on my blog links! I changed it today. I don't know what I was a thinkin'!
Anyway, have a great day everybody!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Meet a New Sesame Street Character: Jennifer the Grouch!
Okay, folks. Holiday weekends are nice. They really are. But they really bite when you come back to work to find that a certain engineer with whom you clash to begin with decided to do a lot of overtime over the weekend, and dumped a whole lot of projects on YOUR DESK to be done IMMEDIATELY (his instructions) when you get in. Then you have the fact that the boss man decided to switch out two office computers, expecting you to rehook them to the network and do all those nice little things that makes the new computer have all the old computer's files on it, ready to go and work just as the previous computer did. Except, gee, I'm sorry David. But I'm not trained on that aspect of computers. No where, anywhere did my job description say anything about networking, importing/exporting files, etc. etc. So I can't help you with this one!
Add to that the fact that Jamie spent the night at Papaw's last night, which meant I couldn't sleep. I remember falling asleep somewhere around 3:48. Then I had to get up at 7. Lack of sleep doesn't make my brain work any better here, people! And then to have all that stuff that needed to be done immediately on my desk, well, let's just say I had to put myself in time-out lest I explode. I like my job, I really do, but sometimes I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Then other times, I feel like my job is way too easy. Guess I should make up my mind, huh?
Maybe I should look for a new job. I know! Maybe I could be the new character on Sesame Street. I'd be Jennifer the Grouch or something like that! I could be Oscar's love interest - but then he'd decide that I was trying to take Slimy the Snake away from him, and he'd get all jealous and we'd argue, then I'd leave the show. Seriously, though. I am looking into other jobs and places to work. It's still in the future (after I get at least my bachelor's), but I figure I need to start exploring other cities now. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I want out of San Antonio!
Anywhoo, I just had to vent before I exploded. I'm supposed to be working on a report right now, but I just had to blow off some steam before my heart galloped out of my chest. So thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just lack of sleep that's making me so cranky. I mean, really, I should be really stoked! New car, going out with my friend R- tomorrow night to see X-3 (I'm not using her name because I keep forgetting to ask her if I can use her name on here, or if she'd be more comfortable with just the initial). We're both childless tomorrow night, and figured it would be a good opportunity to have a girl's night out.
Add to that the fact that Jamie spent the night at Papaw's last night, which meant I couldn't sleep. I remember falling asleep somewhere around 3:48. Then I had to get up at 7. Lack of sleep doesn't make my brain work any better here, people! And then to have all that stuff that needed to be done immediately on my desk, well, let's just say I had to put myself in time-out lest I explode. I like my job, I really do, but sometimes I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Then other times, I feel like my job is way too easy. Guess I should make up my mind, huh?
Maybe I should look for a new job. I know! Maybe I could be the new character on Sesame Street. I'd be Jennifer the Grouch or something like that! I could be Oscar's love interest - but then he'd decide that I was trying to take Slimy the Snake away from him, and he'd get all jealous and we'd argue, then I'd leave the show. Seriously, though. I am looking into other jobs and places to work. It's still in the future (after I get at least my bachelor's), but I figure I need to start exploring other cities now. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I want out of San Antonio!
Anywhoo, I just had to vent before I exploded. I'm supposed to be working on a report right now, but I just had to blow off some steam before my heart galloped out of my chest. So thanks for letting me vent! I know it's just lack of sleep that's making me so cranky. I mean, really, I should be really stoked! New car, going out with my friend R- tomorrow night to see X-3 (I'm not using her name because I keep forgetting to ask her if I can use her name on here, or if she'd be more comfortable with just the initial). We're both childless tomorrow night, and figured it would be a good opportunity to have a girl's night out.
Monday, July 03, 2006
It's a Girl!!!
Okay, finally picked up the new car today. I'm absolutely stoked about my new car. At first, I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, but then when I was playing with the back seat to figure out all the ways you can configure it, I found a cool rearview mirror ornament. It was a picture of a vampish, blue fairy. This told me "Duh, it's a girl!" So, the car is officially Druscilla now. I'll blog more about her Wednesday. Right now, I'm at Dad's and have to spend time with Jamie. He's spending the week with Papaw, so I need to squeeze in some quality time before I go back tomorrow night. That's why I'll be mainly absent from Bloggerdom.
Hope all the traveling Meadors (sounds like a circus act, doesn't it?) had safe, fun trips. I WANT TO READ ALL ABOUT THEM ON BLOGGER WHEN I GET BACK!!!!!
Much love to all.
Hope all the traveling Meadors (sounds like a circus act, doesn't it?) had safe, fun trips. I WANT TO READ ALL ABOUT THEM ON BLOGGER WHEN I GET BACK!!!!!
Much love to all.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Silence
And in the naked light I saw/
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking/
People hearing without listening/
People writing songs that voices never share/
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools" said I, "You do not know -
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
- Sound of Silence, Simon & Garkfunkel
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking/
People hearing without listening/
People writing songs that voices never share/
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools" said I, "You do not know -
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
- Sound of Silence, Simon & Garkfunkel
These lines come from one of my all-time favorite songs ever. I get goosebumps every single time I hear it. In fact, the first time I heard it I was laying in bed at my dad's house. We were visiting him for the summer. I think I was about 11 or 12. I had tuned the little clock/radio to an oldies station to help me go to sleep. This song came on, and even though I was almost asleep, my eyes flew open and I literally fell out of bed. I was trying to get out of the bed to turn up the radio and got tangled up in the waterbed sheets. Then I fell out of bed. But I still got to the radio and turned it up so I could hear it better. I've been in love with Simon & Garfunkel's music ever since.
Anyway, I was listening to this song at work today, and these stanzas really struck me. They made me think of Jesus, and faith. It seems our society wants us to talk about everything. We have talk radio, television talk shows, we have cell phones so we can talk to each other more, VoIP phone plans so we can talk cheaper. But what are we talking about? It can't be faith! Oh, no! That's soooo passe. Talk to much about religion and faith, and those around you start looking for the nice men with white jackets to come take you away. We're doing all this talking, but we aren't talking about the important things. We aren't talking about Jesus. We aren't talking about what our families, friends, neighbors and even enemies need. They need prayer. But all we talk about is ourselves. We're so programmed to talk about ourselves, that we don't seem to know how to listen to someone else. And we're so programmed to talk only about certain subjects, that we're afraid to break the silence covering the important things.
If I don't talk to my neighbor about my faith, then he gets the impression that he can't talk to me or his other neighbors about faith. And so it does spread, because we're afraid to seem weird to everyone else. I'm not saying we should go out and attack anyone who has a different faith from our own. I'm not saying we should run up to someone and order them to convert to your beliefs. But I am saying the silence is spreading - it will keep spreading until the ones to suffer the most are our children's children.
See, I'm still working on that book I'd been talking about from my bible study class. I didn't get to go to bible study tonight because I was helping a new friend. She's my friend K-'s daughter, and she's in almost exactly the same shoes I was in a few years ago (except she still has her mom). She's a single mom struggling desperately in a dead-end job for which she is way too smart! But what she wants is to go back to school. However, she wasn't aware of all the financial aid opportunities there are, so she assumed college was out of reach. This is what single-motherhood does to you - it makes you feel very small, with a very large load on your shoulders alone. The load becomes so large you cannot see around it, unless someone comes along and says "Sweetie, can I help you with that for a minute and show you a few things?" I really think it was meant for me to talk to her, because R-'s life sounds SOOO much like mine used to be. So I went and helped her file her FAFSA and online application for school and such. She wants to go to a 2-year program, so the deadlines aren't until August.
Anway, I digress. As I was saying - our children's children will suffer for our silence. If they don't hear about faith, the Word and Jesus, how will our children know to trust Him? If they are afraid to speak about that huge hole in their hearts without Jesus, how will they try to fill it? The author of the book we're studying, "This isn't the life I signed up for" has an interesting take on life and happiness. She says she knows her life isn't going to be wonderful and perfect. But she wants to keep spreading the Word and doing God's will so that her children's children's children will have more blessed lives. That's a long-reaching vision that can be hard for an instant-gratification society. I'll be the first to admit that I want what I want NOW. But, I'm studying how to be patient and to keep speaking AND listening.
I still don't know why it seemed God was sending me here to Texas. I may never know - He may never see fit to tell me. Just like I have no idea what else he has in store for me. It's like another book we've talked about in Sunday school (I keep meaning to get it, but haven't found it yet.) It's called "Why He's God and You're Not". Seems pretty simplistic, but we all forget sometimes that we're not God. We cannot control everything in the universe. While I wrestle with this truth, I'll keep my heart, soul and ears open. And if my mouth is open, I'll try to make sure my voice is sharing my songs of faith. Words do no good written on a page and locked in the dark. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be in The Light!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
New Addition to Our Family
I just found out today that we can expect a new addition to our family. He should arrive sometime within the next week....
We cannot wait to greet our newest family member. I haven't picked a name for him yet. In fact, "he" may be a "she" - it all depends on how it drives.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Heeeeeeerrrrre's Jenny!
Sorry I've been neglecting my blog. I had previously mentioned to the Clan (not the Ku Klux) that my Internet was messing up last night, so I couldn't blog. Today was one crazy day, so I couldn't blog today, either.
At the end of the month, not only do I have to do the normal payroll type reports, but I also have to do end-of-month reports, billing, mileage reports, etc. etc. So I'm pretty darn busy the last week of the month. On top of that, the server died today. The only eulogy it got was the four-letter type. Seems we had a power outage and it fried the external zip drive on the computer. Considering I don't have a degree in IT (as much as my boss insists on me doing the IT stuff) I didn't realize that the server's lack of response could be caused by an external drive. So after me trying over and over again to reboot the darn thing in its various modes (safe mode, safe mode with networking, safe mode with command prompts, normal mode) didn't work, we called in the IT guy we use when I can't figure out what's wrong (which hasn't been so often, actually, since I started working there! HA! Maybe I'm a Hacker for a reason. LOL) Anywhoo, the boss was then mad because the guy gets like $70/hour!
Anyway, it seems we had a power surge last night which fried the zip drive. The zip drive was connected to the hard drive, hard drive connected to the server, the server's connected to the network - them drives them drives them crazy drives. Oh, wait, sorry. I broke out in song, didn't I? Anyway, it was a simple problem that only required removing the USB connection from the zip drive to the server then rebooting the server. Too bad we had to wait until after 1 p.m. for the guy to show up, and since I couldn't access any of the info I needed to do the invoicing or the reports and my boss and I weren't sure what was wrong with the server - I had to recreate all the information by going through the hard copies of all the files we were invoicing. Then I had to use Excel to recreate an exact replica of the invoices we normally generate through our timekeeping system. I invoiced 20 projects this morning! By the time Jonathan showed up, I had a headache and an empty belly. See, I didn't get to go to lunch today because I had to wait for the IT guy. Then I had to get busy logging in all the jobs that came in today but I couldn't log because the system was down. Then I had to input all the data that I had used Excel to create so the timekeeping system would match our actual invoices. Can we say "ACK!???" Then to find out all I had to do was disconnect a cable?!!!!
So, can you see why I didn't have time to do more than just post a few comments today?
I should get an award for "dedication to her job". Otherwise, I would have walked out today. But I'm not stressing too much over the missed lunch - I get to take a double lunch later this week. I'll probably do it on Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend for the holiday. I think I need it.
At the end of the month, not only do I have to do the normal payroll type reports, but I also have to do end-of-month reports, billing, mileage reports, etc. etc. So I'm pretty darn busy the last week of the month. On top of that, the server died today. The only eulogy it got was the four-letter type. Seems we had a power outage and it fried the external zip drive on the computer. Considering I don't have a degree in IT (as much as my boss insists on me doing the IT stuff) I didn't realize that the server's lack of response could be caused by an external drive. So after me trying over and over again to reboot the darn thing in its various modes (safe mode, safe mode with networking, safe mode with command prompts, normal mode) didn't work, we called in the IT guy we use when I can't figure out what's wrong (which hasn't been so often, actually, since I started working there! HA! Maybe I'm a Hacker for a reason. LOL) Anywhoo, the boss was then mad because the guy gets like $70/hour!
Anyway, it seems we had a power surge last night which fried the zip drive. The zip drive was connected to the hard drive, hard drive connected to the server, the server's connected to the network - them drives them drives them crazy drives. Oh, wait, sorry. I broke out in song, didn't I? Anyway, it was a simple problem that only required removing the USB connection from the zip drive to the server then rebooting the server. Too bad we had to wait until after 1 p.m. for the guy to show up, and since I couldn't access any of the info I needed to do the invoicing or the reports and my boss and I weren't sure what was wrong with the server - I had to recreate all the information by going through the hard copies of all the files we were invoicing. Then I had to use Excel to recreate an exact replica of the invoices we normally generate through our timekeeping system. I invoiced 20 projects this morning! By the time Jonathan showed up, I had a headache and an empty belly. See, I didn't get to go to lunch today because I had to wait for the IT guy. Then I had to get busy logging in all the jobs that came in today but I couldn't log because the system was down. Then I had to input all the data that I had used Excel to create so the timekeeping system would match our actual invoices. Can we say "ACK!???" Then to find out all I had to do was disconnect a cable?!!!!
So, can you see why I didn't have time to do more than just post a few comments today?
I should get an award for "dedication to her job". Otherwise, I would have walked out today. But I'm not stressing too much over the missed lunch - I get to take a double lunch later this week. I'll probably do it on Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend for the holiday. I think I need it.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
A Boy and His Dog
I haven't posted in a couple of days due to a combination of lack of news and a nasty headache. But as I sit here at the computer, I look over at my son(s) and know what to write about. See, I tell everyone down here that I have two sons - a two-legged son and a four-legged son. Most people just get a smile that says "Oh, not another one of those!" But I'm not just one of those kooks who treats her dog like a baby or whatever. Those two seriously act like brothers!
Right now, Jamie is sitting on the couch with his favorite "blankie" watching TV. Where's the dog? Sitting half-way in Jamie's lap. If Jamie lays down on the couch (on his side), Ziggy will crawl behind him and lay down with his head resting on Jamie's neck so he can watch TV, too. But it isn't always sunshine and roses with those two.
Jamie will be playing in the floor and Ziggy will come bounding up to him and start "attacking" Jamie with licks and play bites on his ears. Or he'll run up and steal one of Jamie's toys and take off with it. But Jamie isn't innocent in these games, either. If Ziggy is minding his own business playing with one of his own toys, Jamie will run over and steal it and throw it down the hall. Then Ziggy will take off after it, only to bring it back for Jamie to throw again.
They "fight" with each other for my attention, too. If Ziggy is laying in my lap and I tell Jamie to take him outside, I have to hook the dog up to his leash - otherwise, Ziggy will growl at Jamie. If Jamie is cuddling with me and Ziggy comes up to us, Jamie will try to push him away (of course I fuss at both of them when they pull these tricks).
So I guess the point of this rambling post is something that I've talked about before. We're born with certain types of families, then God brings others into our lives that we turn into our families of the heart. I've been very blessed in that most members of my birth-family are/were wonderful, quirky people. But I've also been very blessed in the people (and pets) that have become part of my family of the heart. You are all in my prayers.
Oh, and I'm stealing a verse of the day that I have been told many times, because it's true:
Right now, Jamie is sitting on the couch with his favorite "blankie" watching TV. Where's the dog? Sitting half-way in Jamie's lap. If Jamie lays down on the couch (on his side), Ziggy will crawl behind him and lay down with his head resting on Jamie's neck so he can watch TV, too. But it isn't always sunshine and roses with those two.
Jamie will be playing in the floor and Ziggy will come bounding up to him and start "attacking" Jamie with licks and play bites on his ears. Or he'll run up and steal one of Jamie's toys and take off with it. But Jamie isn't innocent in these games, either. If Ziggy is minding his own business playing with one of his own toys, Jamie will run over and steal it and throw it down the hall. Then Ziggy will take off after it, only to bring it back for Jamie to throw again.
They "fight" with each other for my attention, too. If Ziggy is laying in my lap and I tell Jamie to take him outside, I have to hook the dog up to his leash - otherwise, Ziggy will growl at Jamie. If Jamie is cuddling with me and Ziggy comes up to us, Jamie will try to push him away (of course I fuss at both of them when they pull these tricks).
So I guess the point of this rambling post is something that I've talked about before. We're born with certain types of families, then God brings others into our lives that we turn into our families of the heart. I've been very blessed in that most members of my birth-family are/were wonderful, quirky people. But I've also been very blessed in the people (and pets) that have become part of my family of the heart. You are all in my prayers.
Oh, and I'm stealing a verse of the day that I have been told many times, because it's true:
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy
dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners
with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
Psalm 68:4-6 (NIV)
Friday, June 23, 2006
MORE PICTURES! But these are all of Jamie!
Yes, these pictures are all old, but I just found them in a box last night. The first one is one of my favorites, because Mom is in it. Jamie was "her baby", through and through. In this picture, he was sick with a really high fever, so we stripped him down so he could cool off. But he wanted cuddlin' and no-one could satisfy him but Grandmama!
The second one was when he was about C.J.s age. He had gotten sticky sucker spit all over his cute outfit, so the babysitter had to strip him down. That's his best buddy Noah with him (yes, they are still best-est buddies).
The third one was obviously Halloween. He and his little girl-friend both dressed up as types of kitties for Halloween (sorry I don't remember her name. She moved shortly after this picture was taken). He was trying to steal some sugars from her, but she wasn't having any of it! So I call this picture "Kitty Kisses".
And the last one is another of my absolute favorites. He's still pretty young in this one - like a little over two. The photographer was great, because she just let him plop down and do what he naturally wanted to do instead of trying to pose him. So Jamie untied his shoe and took it off - then held it up to show me (with a very "Dennis the Menace" grin on his face). He had just recently figured out how to do this. There's another picture (which I haven't found yet) that she took when he was trying to put the shoe back on - too bad he's trying to put it on the foot still encased in a shoe! He has such a serious look of concentration on his face, too. As soon as I find it, I'll post it!
Love to you all!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Dr's Visit and New Voice in Blogger-dom
Okay, okay! Sorry I've been too busy today to blog much. I had to leave work about an hour early to go to a doctor's appointment, so I had to really buckle down to task today (well, for the most part) to get everything done before I had to leave.
So, anyway, I went to go see Jamie's psychologist today. I accidently misspoke in my blogger rant (which only Suze and Beck saw because I deleted it the next day) and said it was with his psychiatrist. But, no - it was with his psychologist. The whole point in the appointment was for it to be just me and the doc and we would talk about how to address Jammie without blame, and in a matter-of-fact tone, when he makes incorrect choices. It's all about making Jamie realize that he is the only one who can choose what choices he's going to make. And by making those choices, he is also actively choosing the consequences of those actions - whether they be good or bad. We'll try it and see how it goes.
And I am pleased to announce that Sarah, an awesome gal I met through my singles Sunday School class and Ladies' Bible Study, has entered the world of blogger-dom! I've been telling her for a while now that she needs to check out my blog and all your all's too because of how much you all have helped me as I'm learning more about God and my faith, and how we talk a lot about the Bible, and what it means. So what day does she decide to check out all the blogs? The day we're all talking and giggling about farts... Yep, we're a delicate bunch! LOL. Sarah, I hope you went back and checked out all the times we talked about faith, too (and if you've got any fart stories, fess up! We like those, too!)
Anyway, Sarah also started her own blog, and I just got an e-mail reply from her giving me the go ahead to link to her blog on here. You can check out Sarah's blog here. So, if you see any comments from Sarah, tell her "Hi" and make her feel welcome. She's a neat, sweet, funny gal (just like us! Oh, wait, except for Everett and Geron, and Joel when he pops up to comment). So maybe I should say we're all neat, sweet, funny people. Oh wait, but that excludes Ziggy and Gjieri and Beck's cats Zeeky and what's-her-face (I'm wanting to say Nutmeg, but I can't remember for sure). So, we're all neat, sweet, funny critters! That works! Pshew! Being PC is hard work!
Anyway, I'm sitting here noshing on dinner - it's the first thing I've cooked that wasn't pizza rolls in four nights. Jamie wanted them again, but I wanted to hurl (and fart) at the idea of another pizza roll. So tonight I made chicken breast fingers, spinach and mashed sweet potatoes with honey. Yummy! We loves our veggies, yes we do!
So there, I posted. Now stop nagging! LOL. I deserve it though (and yep, I'm still going to nag you all when you don't post).
So, anyway, I went to go see Jamie's psychologist today. I accidently misspoke in my blogger rant (which only Suze and Beck saw because I deleted it the next day) and said it was with his psychiatrist. But, no - it was with his psychologist. The whole point in the appointment was for it to be just me and the doc and we would talk about how to address Jammie without blame, and in a matter-of-fact tone, when he makes incorrect choices. It's all about making Jamie realize that he is the only one who can choose what choices he's going to make. And by making those choices, he is also actively choosing the consequences of those actions - whether they be good or bad. We'll try it and see how it goes.
And I am pleased to announce that Sarah, an awesome gal I met through my singles Sunday School class and Ladies' Bible Study, has entered the world of blogger-dom! I've been telling her for a while now that she needs to check out my blog and all your all's too because of how much you all have helped me as I'm learning more about God and my faith, and how we talk a lot about the Bible, and what it means. So what day does she decide to check out all the blogs? The day we're all talking and giggling about farts... Yep, we're a delicate bunch! LOL. Sarah, I hope you went back and checked out all the times we talked about faith, too (and if you've got any fart stories, fess up! We like those, too!)
Anyway, Sarah also started her own blog, and I just got an e-mail reply from her giving me the go ahead to link to her blog on here. You can check out Sarah's blog here. So, if you see any comments from Sarah, tell her "Hi" and make her feel welcome. She's a neat, sweet, funny gal (just like us! Oh, wait, except for Everett and Geron, and Joel when he pops up to comment). So maybe I should say we're all neat, sweet, funny people. Oh wait, but that excludes Ziggy and Gjieri and Beck's cats Zeeky and what's-her-face (I'm wanting to say Nutmeg, but I can't remember for sure). So, we're all neat, sweet, funny critters! That works! Pshew! Being PC is hard work!
Anyway, I'm sitting here noshing on dinner - it's the first thing I've cooked that wasn't pizza rolls in four nights. Jamie wanted them again, but I wanted to hurl (and fart) at the idea of another pizza roll. So tonight I made chicken breast fingers, spinach and mashed sweet potatoes with honey. Yummy! We loves our veggies, yes we do!
So there, I posted. Now stop nagging! LOL. I deserve it though (and yep, I'm still going to nag you all when you don't post).
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Persistence
Last night, I was really frustrated with Jamie. We had been having pretty much the same argument for days - I wanted him to act like a human being, and he wanted to disobey every rule in the house and get a bad attitude when I called him out on it. So, my apartment has been a war zone for several days. See, when I posted on my blog before that he was a sensitive, sweet, empathetic person, I should have added "to everyone except his mother."
I have also been dealing with my father's usual shenanigans - belittling me, questioning my parenting skills (as if he even knows what those are!), hanging up on me, etc. So between dealing with my kid, dealing with my dad, and the various and sundry worries that haunt a single mom, I was at my wit's end. So I blogged. I blogged a very long, rambling tirade about how fed up I was with everything, how I couldn't handle it, how I felt like I was being punished, etc. etc. I also blogged about how I've been praying, but it doesn't seem to be helping.
Then I remembered what Everett said about persistence in prayer, and what all I've read about God's timing. So, while I was walking the dog for the last time last night, I prayed again. "Lord," I said. "Please help me deal with all this." And that's pretty much what I kept repeating. Then I made sure to thank him for the all the blessings I have in my life (because I don't want to be one of those whine-y people who only see the glass as half-empty). Then I went to bed.
Well, I got up this morning and said my prayer of thankfulness again, and asked again for help in dealing with all that's on my plate. Then I decided to take a few minutes to check my blog and read over what I had written. Suze had been up early and read my blog and sent me some encouraging words and sympathy. Then I read over what I wrote, and realized how irrational and insane I sounded. So I e-mailed Suze to thank her, then deleted the blog post I had written last night.
Then, I said another little prayer before I went to wake up Jamie. He has been pretty much a grizzly from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. Today, he woke up my sweet, loving little boy again. Thank you, Jesus. Then, my dad called to make sure I got up on time, and to tell me he loved me. No snide remarks, no hanging up on me, just "I love you." Thank you, Jesus, again!
Then I went to work. I've been working on a big report - hence the decrease in blogging. I decided to check to see what all had been processed in my quest to attend TWU this fall. Hallelujah! I've been granted enough financial aid, not only for my tuition and text books, but with a nice chunk left over to put a big dent in some big bills. Thank you, Jesus, again again!
So, my persistence paid off. Not only will I keep applying that persistence in my prayers and Bible reading, but I'm definitely going to apply that persistence in some other areas, too!
I have also been dealing with my father's usual shenanigans - belittling me, questioning my parenting skills (as if he even knows what those are!), hanging up on me, etc. So between dealing with my kid, dealing with my dad, and the various and sundry worries that haunt a single mom, I was at my wit's end. So I blogged. I blogged a very long, rambling tirade about how fed up I was with everything, how I couldn't handle it, how I felt like I was being punished, etc. etc. I also blogged about how I've been praying, but it doesn't seem to be helping.
Then I remembered what Everett said about persistence in prayer, and what all I've read about God's timing. So, while I was walking the dog for the last time last night, I prayed again. "Lord," I said. "Please help me deal with all this." And that's pretty much what I kept repeating. Then I made sure to thank him for the all the blessings I have in my life (because I don't want to be one of those whine-y people who only see the glass as half-empty). Then I went to bed.
Well, I got up this morning and said my prayer of thankfulness again, and asked again for help in dealing with all that's on my plate. Then I decided to take a few minutes to check my blog and read over what I had written. Suze had been up early and read my blog and sent me some encouraging words and sympathy. Then I read over what I wrote, and realized how irrational and insane I sounded. So I e-mailed Suze to thank her, then deleted the blog post I had written last night.
Then, I said another little prayer before I went to wake up Jamie. He has been pretty much a grizzly from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. Today, he woke up my sweet, loving little boy again. Thank you, Jesus. Then, my dad called to make sure I got up on time, and to tell me he loved me. No snide remarks, no hanging up on me, just "I love you." Thank you, Jesus, again!
Then I went to work. I've been working on a big report - hence the decrease in blogging. I decided to check to see what all had been processed in my quest to attend TWU this fall. Hallelujah! I've been granted enough financial aid, not only for my tuition and text books, but with a nice chunk left over to put a big dent in some big bills. Thank you, Jesus, again again!
So, my persistence paid off. Not only will I keep applying that persistence in my prayers and Bible reading, but I'm definitely going to apply that persistence in some other areas, too!
Monday, June 19, 2006
In Response to Ann's Post on "Value"
This is in response to Ann's blog posting on "value". Click here to read Ann's original post.
I, too, have been guilty of bragging that Jamie is "so smart." I also usually like to do it in his hearing. Unfortunately, he doesn't believe me. His school bases who is intelligent on what kind of grades a student gets. Well, he has ADHD, so his grades have pretty much been crap (and I really mean that other four-letter word that means the same thing, but is not mentioned in polite company). But he is one of the most inquisitive kids I know, and thinks so far "outside the box" that he's thinking in a rhombus or whatever.
He is also one of the kindest, most sensitive people I know. If you hurt, he hurts, and won't stop hurting until he can "make it all better" for you. I have never heard him say or been told he had said anything negative about people who look, act or are physically different from him. But he is the first one to get his feelings hurt when someone else points out something about him that is different. If he notices someone on the playground who has no one to play with, he'll go ask if they want to play with him (his teacher told me this). Unfortunately, often he is the only one left playing alone. It seems the other kids don't like him because he talks "too grown up."
Yet despite the fact that he has a vocabulary to rival that of most fifth-graders, has repeatedly demonstrated his awareness of others' feelings, constantly volunteers to help with clean-up duties and other chores at school and daycare, he is not considered "intelligent" at school. The administration barely wants to consider him "perceptive."
I used to think like so many others. I was considered (and still proudly think of myself as) very intelligent in high school and even in college. Sure, I'm considered a bit of a freak, but I've learned to accept that. But, after watching Jamie struggle, I know that intelligence is more than the grades you get. It's the ability to perceive the world and people around you. It's the ability to empathize and sympathize with others. It's even common sense (of which I have very little).
I'm realizing the only reason why I got good grades was because I had an older sister and brother who read to me constantly and played school with me. I only got good grades because I've learned how to take tests well. Jamie doesn't. I can be very sympathetic to people, and other times I'm so self-absorbed and self-centered that I wish I could bop myself over the head with something when I realize it later.
Some very very very intelligent people fail every test they take. Some extremely intelligent people can't do normal, everyday things. Like my brother recently commented, "Albert Einstein could barely tie his shoes."
So, thank you, Ann, for reminding me of something I've slowly been coming to learn over this past year. I'll still tell Jamie at every opportunity I get that he's very smart. But I'll also remember to tell him how kind he is, how sweet, how loving and how thoughtful.
I, too, have been guilty of bragging that Jamie is "so smart." I also usually like to do it in his hearing. Unfortunately, he doesn't believe me. His school bases who is intelligent on what kind of grades a student gets. Well, he has ADHD, so his grades have pretty much been crap (and I really mean that other four-letter word that means the same thing, but is not mentioned in polite company). But he is one of the most inquisitive kids I know, and thinks so far "outside the box" that he's thinking in a rhombus or whatever.
He is also one of the kindest, most sensitive people I know. If you hurt, he hurts, and won't stop hurting until he can "make it all better" for you. I have never heard him say or been told he had said anything negative about people who look, act or are physically different from him. But he is the first one to get his feelings hurt when someone else points out something about him that is different. If he notices someone on the playground who has no one to play with, he'll go ask if they want to play with him (his teacher told me this). Unfortunately, often he is the only one left playing alone. It seems the other kids don't like him because he talks "too grown up."
Yet despite the fact that he has a vocabulary to rival that of most fifth-graders, has repeatedly demonstrated his awareness of others' feelings, constantly volunteers to help with clean-up duties and other chores at school and daycare, he is not considered "intelligent" at school. The administration barely wants to consider him "perceptive."
I used to think like so many others. I was considered (and still proudly think of myself as) very intelligent in high school and even in college. Sure, I'm considered a bit of a freak, but I've learned to accept that. But, after watching Jamie struggle, I know that intelligence is more than the grades you get. It's the ability to perceive the world and people around you. It's the ability to empathize and sympathize with others. It's even common sense (of which I have very little).
I'm realizing the only reason why I got good grades was because I had an older sister and brother who read to me constantly and played school with me. I only got good grades because I've learned how to take tests well. Jamie doesn't. I can be very sympathetic to people, and other times I'm so self-absorbed and self-centered that I wish I could bop myself over the head with something when I realize it later.
Some very very very intelligent people fail every test they take. Some extremely intelligent people can't do normal, everyday things. Like my brother recently commented, "Albert Einstein could barely tie his shoes."
So, thank you, Ann, for reminding me of something I've slowly been coming to learn over this past year. I'll still tell Jamie at every opportunity I get that he's very smart. But I'll also remember to tell him how kind he is, how sweet, how loving and how thoughtful.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
My Decorating Style is "Shabby" Without the "Chic"
I have a very old (well, antique) dresser which has been handed down in my family. Well, not handed down too far, but still, it has been handed down. Mom and Dad bought it for my sister, Jodi, when she was an infant. After Jodi died, it became mine. Then, when Jamie was born - it was still mine. But now that I have a bigger dresser, it's his.
When the dresser was originally bought, it was a beautiful natural oak. Dad, in his drunken wisdom, decided to paint it white. Without putting any protective coating on the wood first (so all the paint soaked way down deep in the wood). So it pretty much has to be painted from now on. Jamie's room is supposed to be decorated in mostly black and tan, with a travel theme (which has really turned more into a sea-faring theme). So, I decided to paint the dresser a nice, glossy black to match the bookcase in his room.
I borrowed a palm electric sander from my friend Karen from church. I had to sand off a lot of the old paint in order to roughen the surface for the new paint to stick (at least, that's what I was told to do, so I did it). Well, my house was pretty messy anyway - think of what the house in "Overboard" looked like when Goldie Hawn first moved in, and that's about 20% better than my house looks now! So, I fired up the sander and used it right in the middle of my living room. That was Friday night.
Saturday, we went down to Dad's to spend the night and then visit with him some today for Father's Day. So I didn't get to work on my messy house or my funky dresser. But I did do some major scrubbing on Dad's house. Eeeewwwww! Totally gross looking everywhere. Dad's house stays "straight" so far as nothing lying around on the floor, but it's dirtier than mine. The toilet was, I kid you not, black from all the gunk growing in the bowl. I won't even mention what kind of crusties I had to scrub off the outside of it! Then I tackled his shower. It was so disgusting I was gagging while I cleaned it. My house may be messy, but it is never this dirty! But enough about Dad's grossness - I just ate and the memory of it makes me want to hurl.
So, anyway, we come home today, and it was so hot I cranked the A/C down to about 68, turned a fan full-blast on my bed, and laid down for a while. Then, I got up and decided it was time to finish that dresser and get it out of the middle of my living room. So I tacked up a plastic drop cloth on the back porch (which made the birds nesting out there REALLY angry), and dragged the dresser out there. Then I started spray painting it. Then I went in the house to let it dry before I applied the second coat. I didn't realize it, but I had black paint all over the bottom of my socks. So now my living room also matches Jamie's room, as my beige carpet has black tracks across it.
Any suggestions on how to remove black paint without removing the color of the carpet, too?
When the dresser was originally bought, it was a beautiful natural oak. Dad, in his drunken wisdom, decided to paint it white. Without putting any protective coating on the wood first (so all the paint soaked way down deep in the wood). So it pretty much has to be painted from now on. Jamie's room is supposed to be decorated in mostly black and tan, with a travel theme (which has really turned more into a sea-faring theme). So, I decided to paint the dresser a nice, glossy black to match the bookcase in his room.
I borrowed a palm electric sander from my friend Karen from church. I had to sand off a lot of the old paint in order to roughen the surface for the new paint to stick (at least, that's what I was told to do, so I did it). Well, my house was pretty messy anyway - think of what the house in "Overboard" looked like when Goldie Hawn first moved in, and that's about 20% better than my house looks now! So, I fired up the sander and used it right in the middle of my living room. That was Friday night.
Saturday, we went down to Dad's to spend the night and then visit with him some today for Father's Day. So I didn't get to work on my messy house or my funky dresser. But I did do some major scrubbing on Dad's house. Eeeewwwww! Totally gross looking everywhere. Dad's house stays "straight" so far as nothing lying around on the floor, but it's dirtier than mine. The toilet was, I kid you not, black from all the gunk growing in the bowl. I won't even mention what kind of crusties I had to scrub off the outside of it! Then I tackled his shower. It was so disgusting I was gagging while I cleaned it. My house may be messy, but it is never this dirty! But enough about Dad's grossness - I just ate and the memory of it makes me want to hurl.
So, anyway, we come home today, and it was so hot I cranked the A/C down to about 68, turned a fan full-blast on my bed, and laid down for a while. Then, I got up and decided it was time to finish that dresser and get it out of the middle of my living room. So I tacked up a plastic drop cloth on the back porch (which made the birds nesting out there REALLY angry), and dragged the dresser out there. Then I started spray painting it. Then I went in the house to let it dry before I applied the second coat. I didn't realize it, but I had black paint all over the bottom of my socks. So now my living room also matches Jamie's room, as my beige carpet has black tracks across it.
Any suggestions on how to remove black paint without removing the color of the carpet, too?
Friday, June 16, 2006
A Message from Stinkbumps, Himself!
I miss you.I hope you are ok.Thank you Ann for leting me be in your weting.
love,
Jamie
P.S. Jamie got tired of typing, so he asked me to tell Ms. Susan thank you for the cool new study Bible, and thank you to Mr. David for the Jenga and card game. He also wanted me to tell Everett thanks for talking with him, and also Geron, too. And he says thank you to Lydia, and says she's going to be a "pretty Mommy". So, see, even Jamie says you were a model, Lydia! And Jamie says if we come to Nashville to visit, he wants to challenge Daniel to some soccer. Love and hugs from me and Jamie!
love,
Jamie
P.S. Jamie got tired of typing, so he asked me to tell Ms. Susan thank you for the cool new study Bible, and thank you to Mr. David for the Jenga and card game. He also wanted me to tell Everett thanks for talking with him, and also Geron, too. And he says thank you to Lydia, and says she's going to be a "pretty Mommy". So, see, even Jamie says you were a model, Lydia! And Jamie says if we come to Nashville to visit, he wants to challenge Daniel to some soccer. Love and hugs from me and Jamie!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Hair
There's something about the climate here that induces Texans to have big hair. I first started noticing this phenomenon while at church the other day. There are a LOT of people at my church with really big, takes-three-cans-of-Aqua-Net-to-hold-it-in-place hair. And it isn't just the women; there are plenty of men walking around looking like they have some sort of foreign creature perched on their heads!
So I wondered - is big hair their defense against the sun? Is this some sort of example of evolution at work in humans? Because I've noticed that the higher the temperature, the bigger the hair. What sort of protection does this offer? Does extending the hair as straight as possible out from the scalp prevent any sort of body-heat build up there which could cause discomfort? It's possible, as I remember my mom always telling me that people lose most of their body heat in winter from an uncovered head.
Or is the bouffant an attempt to create as much shade as possible for the rest of the body? It doesn't rain here very much, so a lot of the trees here are short and squat. Maybe Texans feel the trees aren't tall enough to provide them enough shade, so they must create their own mobile shade units.
Or perhaps they, like Chicken Little, really do believe the sky is falling. Perhaps the humongous hairstyles are to provide padding in the event a big ol' chunk of sky should fall to the earth and strike an unsuspecting Texan.
You would think, though, that they would reason - the less hair, the less heat. But NO! Down here, hair is a symbol of one's femininity, one's womanness. I cut my hair really short once I got back from Ann's wedding, because it was so darn hot. One of our technicians at work, Pablo, walked in and acted like someone had just shot him when he saw how short I cut my hair. "What?" I asked, a bit defensively. He merely pointed to my head. "Yes, I cut my hair." He just shook his head sadly. Seems he's now half-way convinced I must be, well, I'm sure you can guess. I'm just not a woman anymore in his eyes. LOL
Meanwhile, while I'm as comfortable as I can possibly make myself in this blistering Hell called San Antonio, I find myself confronted everyday, everywhere, with the image of what natives around here think of as "womanhood." Apparently, it looks a lot like Marge Simpson.
So I wondered - is big hair their defense against the sun? Is this some sort of example of evolution at work in humans? Because I've noticed that the higher the temperature, the bigger the hair. What sort of protection does this offer? Does extending the hair as straight as possible out from the scalp prevent any sort of body-heat build up there which could cause discomfort? It's possible, as I remember my mom always telling me that people lose most of their body heat in winter from an uncovered head.
Or is the bouffant an attempt to create as much shade as possible for the rest of the body? It doesn't rain here very much, so a lot of the trees here are short and squat. Maybe Texans feel the trees aren't tall enough to provide them enough shade, so they must create their own mobile shade units.
Or perhaps they, like Chicken Little, really do believe the sky is falling. Perhaps the humongous hairstyles are to provide padding in the event a big ol' chunk of sky should fall to the earth and strike an unsuspecting Texan.
You would think, though, that they would reason - the less hair, the less heat. But NO! Down here, hair is a symbol of one's femininity, one's womanness. I cut my hair really short once I got back from Ann's wedding, because it was so darn hot. One of our technicians at work, Pablo, walked in and acted like someone had just shot him when he saw how short I cut my hair. "What?" I asked, a bit defensively. He merely pointed to my head. "Yes, I cut my hair." He just shook his head sadly. Seems he's now half-way convinced I must be, well, I'm sure you can guess. I'm just not a woman anymore in his eyes. LOL
Meanwhile, while I'm as comfortable as I can possibly make myself in this blistering Hell called San Antonio, I find myself confronted everyday, everywhere, with the image of what natives around here think of as "womanhood." Apparently, it looks a lot like Marge Simpson.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
This is NOT Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
I knew where I lived wasn't the most glamorous of locales in San Antonio, but I didn't realize just how BAD my neighborhood was until last night when I was walking the dog.
Within a 10-minute time frame, I saw a transvestite, a "beast with two backs" (if you know your Shakespeare, you know exactly to what I refer), three prostitutes, and a four-kid crew stripping the wheels off a Beemer at the gas station next door. Then there's all the half-wild cats roaming around, making the whole apartment complex smell like a litter box badly in need of changing! I felt like I was in the middle of a Wierd Al Yankovic-esque version of "The 12 Days of Christmas". Hmmm, how would that go? Maybe something along the lines of:
While walking the doggy, what did my two eyes see? A transvestite dressed to party!
Walking faster with the doggy, what next appeared to me? Public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
I'm jogging with Ziggy and now what can it be? Three call-girls, public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
Now I'm dragging the doggy when suddenly I see: four gang-bangers, three call-girls, public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
I'm locking up the doors - but what's all that screaming? Five feral cats, four gang-bangers, three call-girls, public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
So, anyway, it's obvious that the minute my lease is up, I'm out of there. I don't want to buy a house, though, because the minute my dad "leaves this realm" if you know what I mean, I'm out of San Antonio. The economy is nice, but it just isn't worth it - for one thing it's too darn hot and dry. For another thing, it's too dirty. And lastly, I don't really have too many friends here. The only thing holding me here is the fact that my dad needs me (and the fact that Jamie inherits everything). I know, it's mercenary to say, and horrible to think about, but it's the truth. Warts and all, here I am. So, once Dad is beyond my help, Jamie and I will be moving. Hopefully by then I'll have my degree (maybe even my masters, too) and we'll leave Texas all together. Where we go from there just depends on where my career (or heart) will take me.
Within a 10-minute time frame, I saw a transvestite, a "beast with two backs" (if you know your Shakespeare, you know exactly to what I refer), three prostitutes, and a four-kid crew stripping the wheels off a Beemer at the gas station next door. Then there's all the half-wild cats roaming around, making the whole apartment complex smell like a litter box badly in need of changing! I felt like I was in the middle of a Wierd Al Yankovic-esque version of "The 12 Days of Christmas". Hmmm, how would that go? Maybe something along the lines of:
While walking the doggy, what did my two eyes see? A transvestite dressed to party!
Walking faster with the doggy, what next appeared to me? Public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
I'm jogging with Ziggy and now what can it be? Three call-girls, public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
Now I'm dragging the doggy when suddenly I see: four gang-bangers, three call-girls, public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
I'm locking up the doors - but what's all that screaming? Five feral cats, four gang-bangers, three call-girls, public nudity and a transvestite dressed to party!
So, anyway, it's obvious that the minute my lease is up, I'm out of there. I don't want to buy a house, though, because the minute my dad "leaves this realm" if you know what I mean, I'm out of San Antonio. The economy is nice, but it just isn't worth it - for one thing it's too darn hot and dry. For another thing, it's too dirty. And lastly, I don't really have too many friends here. The only thing holding me here is the fact that my dad needs me (and the fact that Jamie inherits everything). I know, it's mercenary to say, and horrible to think about, but it's the truth. Warts and all, here I am. So, once Dad is beyond my help, Jamie and I will be moving. Hopefully by then I'll have my degree (maybe even my masters, too) and we'll leave Texas all together. Where we go from there just depends on where my career (or heart) will take me.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Okay - I Feel Old!
I used to laugh at people who, once they got home from work, had to be practically dragged out of their homes until they had to go back to work the next morning. I used to think of them as little old men and women, sitting in front of the television, cooking and puttering about in their homes. Now I'm one of them. By the time I get home from work, I'm too pooped out to do anything, unless it's to go swimming at the pool here at my apartment. But we don't even get to that much as the pool keeps getting closed. It seems other residents don't want to follow the pool rules, so management locks the pool gates closed.
Jamie is being babysat by the sons of a friend of mine from church. Despite the fact that they're 16, they insist on calling me "ma'am" and "Ms. Hacker." I can feel my hair turning blue and my cute, sassy 4" heels turning into Hush Puppies every time they open their mouths. If they talk to me for more than three minutes, I can feel my spine curving into an arthritic hunch and my hands curling into claws.
In 4 months and 10 days, I'll be 30. I know, in my mind, that 30 is not anywhere close to being old. But there are old stereotypes that like to stick in your brain, and crawl out your ears and whisper to you in the middle of the night when you're lying awake thinking about the fact that you're fast approaching 30: "spinster" is the first word that immediately comes to mind. Then there's the quaint term "all dried up." There's also the old saying that you're more likely to get struck by lightning than you are to get married over the age of 30. Then there's the fact that I would have thought I would have been married and had another child by the time I was the "big 3-0". I, who used to swear I would never have children, not only have Jamie, but long for more. That's why we got Ziggy when we did - because puppies are cheaper (and a whole lot less trouble to get! LOL) than babies!
But things haven't worked out that way. I keep telling myself that God does things in his own time, but every patience test God has given me, I've failed. I keep trying, and keep praying for patience (and some other thing(s), too), but at what point are you supposed to throw in the towel and say "Okay, obviously God doesn't mean for me to have/be such-and-such", or are you supposed to keep on praying? Someone with some theological chops, answer me please.
In the mean time, I keep repeating to myself Psalm 40:1, Habbakuk 2:3, Romans 8:25 - and a newly discovered personal fave, Lamentations 3:25 "The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him" (NLT). And I also keep thinking about a paraphrase from Song of Solomon, about the heart unready to be wakened. Maybe I'm having to wait because all isn't ready yet. Maybe some other things have to happen first before I can truly appreciate what I find, and before what I seek can be freely given. Maybe it's like Ann's cooking - not only do you have to have the salt and the curry, but you have to add them together at the right time, otherwise it just won't taste right. So please pray for me to have patience, and not to despair while I 'm waiting for God's plan for me to be revealed.
06/13/06 Addendum to post:
I was going to post this as a comment, but it got too long. So I'll just add it as an addendum instead.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Like I said on Ann's blog, the main thing that has me freaked out is something I read in the Old Testament about "don't defile yourself with an unclean/unpure woman." Well, according to the OT, I fit the definition because I had Jamie out of wedlock.
I know God has forgiven me, but would a Christian man, in his heart-of-hearts, ever be able to look at me as a potential partner? Would he ever be able to look at me and see the woman I've become instead of the mistakes I've made? Would he see that I have so much love to give I'm about bursting with it? Would he see that if this is the person God has chosen me to be with, I would do everything in my power to make him happy and to help him? Would he see Jamie as a child so eager to be a man's son that he, too, cries for it at night? Or would he just see a reminder that I'm human and made some bad decisions? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my boy for anything in the world. He literally is the best "mistake" I ever made, I cannot imagine my life without him. I love Jamie so much it's scary! That's part of (but not the whole) reason why I feel so much pressure right now about finding the person God has in mind for me.
When Jamie was little, he used to ask me why he didn't have a daddy like his other friends. This question feels like a dagger in the heart, let me tell you! I told him that any man can be a father, it's simply a matter of nature. But, I said, it takes a very very special man to be a daddy. "And you're such a special, wonderful little boy, that I have to find a special, wonderful man to be your daddy." When he was little, this answer satisfied him. But now, it isn't enough. For Christmas last year, he told me the only present he wanted was a daddy. And I had to tell him I hadn't found him one yet. So, he told me "Hurry up, Mommy. I'm growing up fast!" And at night, when he says his prayers and he thinks I'm not listening, he prays that his mommy finds him a daddy really soon. And my heart breaks just hearing it, because I know that I'm not enough for him. We both feel the absence greatly.
So the question remains: Can a Christian man ever look at me and see who I am? Can he see Jamie as the wonderful, intelligent, precocious little boy that he is? Would he even want to try get to know the real me? Would he want to get to know Jamie? Yes, I know there are many many many Christians who are now part of loving marriages & partnerships who did not come to the marriage bed "pure." But most of those didn't have a living, breathing reminder in the house of those past relationships. And even if some Christian man did see me for who I am, would his family be able to accept me? Or am I forever relegated to the status of "just a friend"?
I know, God has someone out there he has chosen for me; but it's very hard for me to wait. As I said, patience is something I pray for on a daily basis! And we all know (the Bible is full of examples) that we don't always listen when God tells us to do something - and we also don't listen when God tells us NOT to do something. But seeing as how a relationship takes two to tango, I guess I'll just have to wait (and pray, and pray, and pray!)
Jamie is being babysat by the sons of a friend of mine from church. Despite the fact that they're 16, they insist on calling me "ma'am" and "Ms. Hacker." I can feel my hair turning blue and my cute, sassy 4" heels turning into Hush Puppies every time they open their mouths. If they talk to me for more than three minutes, I can feel my spine curving into an arthritic hunch and my hands curling into claws.
In 4 months and 10 days, I'll be 30. I know, in my mind, that 30 is not anywhere close to being old. But there are old stereotypes that like to stick in your brain, and crawl out your ears and whisper to you in the middle of the night when you're lying awake thinking about the fact that you're fast approaching 30: "spinster" is the first word that immediately comes to mind. Then there's the quaint term "all dried up." There's also the old saying that you're more likely to get struck by lightning than you are to get married over the age of 30. Then there's the fact that I would have thought I would have been married and had another child by the time I was the "big 3-0". I, who used to swear I would never have children, not only have Jamie, but long for more. That's why we got Ziggy when we did - because puppies are cheaper (and a whole lot less trouble to get! LOL) than babies!
But things haven't worked out that way. I keep telling myself that God does things in his own time, but every patience test God has given me, I've failed. I keep trying, and keep praying for patience (and some other thing(s), too), but at what point are you supposed to throw in the towel and say "Okay, obviously God doesn't mean for me to have/be such-and-such", or are you supposed to keep on praying? Someone with some theological chops, answer me please.
In the mean time, I keep repeating to myself Psalm 40:1, Habbakuk 2:3, Romans 8:25 - and a newly discovered personal fave, Lamentations 3:25 "The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him" (NLT). And I also keep thinking about a paraphrase from Song of Solomon, about the heart unready to be wakened. Maybe I'm having to wait because all isn't ready yet. Maybe some other things have to happen first before I can truly appreciate what I find, and before what I seek can be freely given. Maybe it's like Ann's cooking - not only do you have to have the salt and the curry, but you have to add them together at the right time, otherwise it just won't taste right. So please pray for me to have patience, and not to despair while I 'm waiting for God's plan for me to be revealed.
06/13/06 Addendum to post:
I was going to post this as a comment, but it got too long. So I'll just add it as an addendum instead.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Like I said on Ann's blog, the main thing that has me freaked out is something I read in the Old Testament about "don't defile yourself with an unclean/unpure woman." Well, according to the OT, I fit the definition because I had Jamie out of wedlock.
I know God has forgiven me, but would a Christian man, in his heart-of-hearts, ever be able to look at me as a potential partner? Would he ever be able to look at me and see the woman I've become instead of the mistakes I've made? Would he see that I have so much love to give I'm about bursting with it? Would he see that if this is the person God has chosen me to be with, I would do everything in my power to make him happy and to help him? Would he see Jamie as a child so eager to be a man's son that he, too, cries for it at night? Or would he just see a reminder that I'm human and made some bad decisions? Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my boy for anything in the world. He literally is the best "mistake" I ever made, I cannot imagine my life without him. I love Jamie so much it's scary! That's part of (but not the whole) reason why I feel so much pressure right now about finding the person God has in mind for me.
When Jamie was little, he used to ask me why he didn't have a daddy like his other friends. This question feels like a dagger in the heart, let me tell you! I told him that any man can be a father, it's simply a matter of nature. But, I said, it takes a very very special man to be a daddy. "And you're such a special, wonderful little boy, that I have to find a special, wonderful man to be your daddy." When he was little, this answer satisfied him. But now, it isn't enough. For Christmas last year, he told me the only present he wanted was a daddy. And I had to tell him I hadn't found him one yet. So, he told me "Hurry up, Mommy. I'm growing up fast!" And at night, when he says his prayers and he thinks I'm not listening, he prays that his mommy finds him a daddy really soon. And my heart breaks just hearing it, because I know that I'm not enough for him. We both feel the absence greatly.
So the question remains: Can a Christian man ever look at me and see who I am? Can he see Jamie as the wonderful, intelligent, precocious little boy that he is? Would he even want to try get to know the real me? Would he want to get to know Jamie? Yes, I know there are many many many Christians who are now part of loving marriages & partnerships who did not come to the marriage bed "pure." But most of those didn't have a living, breathing reminder in the house of those past relationships. And even if some Christian man did see me for who I am, would his family be able to accept me? Or am I forever relegated to the status of "just a friend"?
I know, God has someone out there he has chosen for me; but it's very hard for me to wait. As I said, patience is something I pray for on a daily basis! And we all know (the Bible is full of examples) that we don't always listen when God tells us to do something - and we also don't listen when God tells us NOT to do something. But seeing as how a relationship takes two to tango, I guess I'll just have to wait (and pray, and pray, and pray!)
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Jesus Really IS My Co-Pilot!
I took Jesus for a spin through downtown San Antonio today. Or rather, he took me for one. I didn't intend for it to happen that way, but happen it did.
Jamie goes to a child psychiatrist to treat his ADHD. His original monthly appointment was cancelled and for whatever reason, they didn't contact me about it until we showed up for it. So they rescheduled us for another clinic site (they have three) with one of his psychiatrist's colleagues, as his normal doc was on vacation. Well, this clinic was in downtown San Antonio, in a not very nice area. Even in broad daylight, I was a little frightened of where we were!
So, anyway, on the way back to the interstate, we almost got killed. Literally. I had never driven in downtown San Antonio before, there were no road signs, traffic was very heavy and the sun was shining right in my eyes. Not a good combination. So I turned left to try to get back to where I could get on I-35 to get the heck out of there. But I didn't realize it was a divided street, and I accidently turned left into oncoming traffic. And the road was divided with a concrete barrier, so I had to just pray pray pray while I kept going to try to get to where I could get back going the right way. I was sooooo scared because there were cars everywhere.
So I prayed, and it was like all of a sudden I felt calm. And even though there were all these cars, I was able to go past them without even coming close to them, and then turn left again so I was going the proper way on another street. And then I was totally lost, scared and in another creepy part of town by this point. The way San Antonio is set up, you can't see the interstate until you are literally right up on it. So, here I was lost, no idea which direction to go and almost out of gas. But a little voice kept telling me "turn left here, go straight, turn right here. Keep going! You're doing okay! There, on your left, there's the on-ramp to the interstate." And, I honestly believe He kept Jamie occupied with his books so he wouldn't look up and get scared over what all was happening. Jamie never even looked up the whole time. So, as I said, Jesus and I took a little spin today.
We've only been downtown one time before that, when my ex-boyfriend came down to visit when we first moved to Texas. He drove a rental and took us. But the next time we want to stroll the Riverwalk, see the Alamo, or anything like that, we'll take public transpo!
Jamie goes to a child psychiatrist to treat his ADHD. His original monthly appointment was cancelled and for whatever reason, they didn't contact me about it until we showed up for it. So they rescheduled us for another clinic site (they have three) with one of his psychiatrist's colleagues, as his normal doc was on vacation. Well, this clinic was in downtown San Antonio, in a not very nice area. Even in broad daylight, I was a little frightened of where we were!
So, anyway, on the way back to the interstate, we almost got killed. Literally. I had never driven in downtown San Antonio before, there were no road signs, traffic was very heavy and the sun was shining right in my eyes. Not a good combination. So I turned left to try to get back to where I could get on I-35 to get the heck out of there. But I didn't realize it was a divided street, and I accidently turned left into oncoming traffic. And the road was divided with a concrete barrier, so I had to just pray pray pray while I kept going to try to get to where I could get back going the right way. I was sooooo scared because there were cars everywhere.
So I prayed, and it was like all of a sudden I felt calm. And even though there were all these cars, I was able to go past them without even coming close to them, and then turn left again so I was going the proper way on another street. And then I was totally lost, scared and in another creepy part of town by this point. The way San Antonio is set up, you can't see the interstate until you are literally right up on it. So, here I was lost, no idea which direction to go and almost out of gas. But a little voice kept telling me "turn left here, go straight, turn right here. Keep going! You're doing okay! There, on your left, there's the on-ramp to the interstate." And, I honestly believe He kept Jamie occupied with his books so he wouldn't look up and get scared over what all was happening. Jamie never even looked up the whole time. So, as I said, Jesus and I took a little spin today.
We've only been downtown one time before that, when my ex-boyfriend came down to visit when we first moved to Texas. He drove a rental and took us. But the next time we want to stroll the Riverwalk, see the Alamo, or anything like that, we'll take public transpo!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Embarrassing Pictures!
I have a feeling these will get me killed, but I found some pictures last night when I was unpacking a box. Pictures from our "glory days" of high school - my senior year, Suze and Ann's junior year. So, of course I just HAD to post these on Blogger! So here goes (she says as she ducks, covers and makes a run for it!) And just so you don't hurt me too badly, I included a very embarrassing picture of me and my bubby, too!
If anyone pictured here absolutely hates having their picture up, let me know and I'll take it down. Love you all!
Chili's and Bitterness
One:
Okay, I sound like an old Chili's commercial today, because I'm walking around singing -
"I get my baby back, baby back baby back..... I get my baby back, baby back, baby back!"
I'm going to pick up Jamie today! Yay! I've missed the little booger! I talked to Dad on the phone last night, and apparently Jamie has been working on Papaw's heart. He asked if Jamie could stay the whole summer! I said, "But I miss him so much!" Then I told Dad that I needed Jamie back for a couple of weeks, but that he'd be back again this summer. So Jamie's medication seems to have had several good effects: 1) it's improved his concentration and grades in school, and 2) it has improved his relationship with Papaw, too. But what has helped most of all is God! I've prayed everyday that God watch over Jamie and Papaw and allow them to be forgiving of each other's quirks!
Two:
I went to church Wednesday night, and the message was one I definitely needed to hear. The message was about "The Root of Bitterness" from Hebrews 12:14-15:
He also mentioned several other verses that talk about bitterness or anger but I won't go into detail on those in the interest of time (and me getting a decent amount of rest tonight!) But the point of all this was, that if we don't rid ourselves of our hurt feelings, it can turn into bitterness. Then this bitterness, if allowed to live in our hearts, will turn to anger. It is a "sin of the heart" he said, because it can put up interference between you and God. You can be the most rational person, calm and cool, but if you have bitterness in your heart, there's no telling when (or how) it will manifest itself one day. And this bitterness keeps you from hearing and serving the Lord. This bitterness also interferes in our relationships with others - our friendships, our ability to build lifelong partnerships, it even interferes with our ability to love ourselves enough to be able to love others. That's what truly shocked me!
I had never thought of this before. I am working to turn my life over to Christ, yet I still have a lot of bitterness and insecurities. By not dealing with them, I'm setting myself up for failure. So now I know to pray that I find the strength to let go of these insecurities and bitterness!
Okay, I sound like an old Chili's commercial today, because I'm walking around singing -
"I get my baby back, baby back baby back..... I get my baby back, baby back, baby back!"
I'm going to pick up Jamie today! Yay! I've missed the little booger! I talked to Dad on the phone last night, and apparently Jamie has been working on Papaw's heart. He asked if Jamie could stay the whole summer! I said, "But I miss him so much!" Then I told Dad that I needed Jamie back for a couple of weeks, but that he'd be back again this summer. So Jamie's medication seems to have had several good effects: 1) it's improved his concentration and grades in school, and 2) it has improved his relationship with Papaw, too. But what has helped most of all is God! I've prayed everyday that God watch over Jamie and Papaw and allow them to be forgiving of each other's quirks!
Two:
I went to church Wednesday night, and the message was one I definitely needed to hear. The message was about "The Root of Bitterness" from Hebrews 12:14-15:
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; withoutholiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses thegraceof God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defilemany"(NIV)
He also mentioned several other verses that talk about bitterness or anger but I won't go into detail on those in the interest of time (and me getting a decent amount of rest tonight!) But the point of all this was, that if we don't rid ourselves of our hurt feelings, it can turn into bitterness. Then this bitterness, if allowed to live in our hearts, will turn to anger. It is a "sin of the heart" he said, because it can put up interference between you and God. You can be the most rational person, calm and cool, but if you have bitterness in your heart, there's no telling when (or how) it will manifest itself one day. And this bitterness keeps you from hearing and serving the Lord. This bitterness also interferes in our relationships with others - our friendships, our ability to build lifelong partnerships, it even interferes with our ability to love ourselves enough to be able to love others. That's what truly shocked me!
I had never thought of this before. I am working to turn my life over to Christ, yet I still have a lot of bitterness and insecurities. By not dealing with them, I'm setting myself up for failure. So now I know to pray that I find the strength to let go of these insecurities and bitterness!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Remorse
She drifts alone through the house
touching the remnants of boyhood strewn about
wishing his noise was there as well.
For as many times as she had yelled "hush"
and longed just once for the touch
of a father to still
Her boy, twice as many times she now
yearned to hear the joyous, rambunctious row
that was her child.
Even laundry flung to the farthest corners of his room,
long forgotten or ignored once packing had begun
brought her a smile.
Inhaling the scent of her darling, dirty boy,
picking up and holding his favorite stuffed toy
these things are done
By a mother in the midst of despair.
She sheds her tears and wonders "Is it fair
for my son?"
She fears she loves him too much and relies
on his love in turn to fill the places that once cried
"Who am I?"
She wanted a role, something to strive to be;
and gave all her heart to being only "Mommy".
So she tried
And buried it all inside. So her 'self' is lost
and all that is left is love at all costs.
So her 'self' died
Not realizing there would be a time the boy would leave
and live a life of his own. And then she would need
her self again.
Lest she drift through the house alone
wondering why her young son had grown
and left her alone with the pain.
touching the remnants of boyhood strewn about
wishing his noise was there as well.
For as many times as she had yelled "hush"
and longed just once for the touch
of a father to still
Her boy, twice as many times she now
yearned to hear the joyous, rambunctious row
that was her child.
Even laundry flung to the farthest corners of his room,
long forgotten or ignored once packing had begun
brought her a smile.
Inhaling the scent of her darling, dirty boy,
picking up and holding his favorite stuffed toy
these things are done
By a mother in the midst of despair.
She sheds her tears and wonders "Is it fair
for my son?"
She fears she loves him too much and relies
on his love in turn to fill the places that once cried
"Who am I?"
She wanted a role, something to strive to be;
and gave all her heart to being only "Mommy".
So she tried
And buried it all inside. So her 'self' is lost
and all that is left is love at all costs.
So her 'self' died
Not realizing there would be a time the boy would leave
and live a life of his own. And then she would need
her self again.
Lest she drift through the house alone
wondering why her young son had grown
and left her alone with the pain.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Ruminations Whilst I Await my Laundry
Gee, I should post in the middle of the night more often! Before midnight hit, I was able to do a post for Sunday; I worked on it so long that time crept past midnight, and I got to go ahead and post something for Monday! Yay! Two birds, one stone.... However, I will say that the Monday post is full of randomness. Sunday's post is much more of a revelation kind of thing when I was reading my bible. So, if you want silliness, read this post. If you want to know about my faith walk, read Sunday's post below. If you want to know about both, then read both (Duh!)... But, now back to the ruminations thing.
Numero Uno: I got an e-mail awhile back from my brother, Joel, which contained a link to a website containing pictures he took in and around New York City. My favorite ones are the first and last groups. They are gorgeous! The first set is from Central Park; the second is more specifically of the North Woods in Central Park. As Phil and Lil from Rugrats would say "They're 'prettiful'"! So please check out my talented brother's link under the links section to the left of this blog. His link is aptly titled "Beautiful Pictures by Joel Hacker".
Numero Dos:
My poor dog, Ziggy, has evidently had an allergic reaction to a new type of dog treat I bought him. He has scratched himself so much he has left raw, bleeding spots all over his body. I had to shave off all his fur except for what is on his ears, face and tail (although what hair is left was trimmed down to about one-fourth of an inch)! I shaved him so I could actually get to all the spots where he has chewed and scratched himself to pieces. It was worse than I thought. So then I went to the store and got some children's benadryl and same lanacaine spray. He hates them both, but he is no longer ripping gouges in his own skin scratching. But my poor four-legged son is naked, pink, raw and ugly.Numero Tres: Speaking of funny haircuts, Jamie's papaw took him to get a haircut last week. The barber asked, "Do you want a boy's haircut?" Dad thought, "Well, Duh!" so he told the barber to go ahead. Seems like the barber is from a generation even further back than Dad's and thought this meant he wanted his head practically shaved! Jamie now has hair so short he has to put sunblock on his scalp before he can go outside to play!!!
And to top that off, I decided yesterday that, since everyone else had gotten a haircut, it was my turn. I have been cutting my own hair for almost a year now, and think I do a pretty good job. Well, I was in a hurry as this was just before my friend Karen's daughter's wedding (we're talking less than an hour before we needed to leave the house). I thought I did a great job, it looked really cute and was exactly the way I wanted it. Or so I thought. When I took Jamie back down to Dad's today, he asked me "What happened to your hair?" So of course I asked what he meant. "The back is all uneven and looks like the stylist wasn't watching what she was doing. What, was she talking to somebody?" I went and used two mirrors to see, and sure enough, it's all over the place! That's what I get for being in a rush and not taking the trouble to check it out when I'm done!
Numero Quatro: And yes, you read it right. Jamie is back at Papaw's this week. Ziggy and I both are very unhappy about it. But my summer babysitter is at church camp this week and Jamie and Papaw are enjoying each other (for now). However, I have an emergency back-up on standby should things get too hairy (pardon the pun) down there before the week is out!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
My Own Verses o' the Day (or Night)
I was randomly reading my Bible, and came upon a couple of verses I found interesting, and very appropriate, about patience. Those of you who know me also know that I am not the most patient person. I would have called these my Verses o' the Day, but seeing as how it's almost 11:30 p.m., I guess they will have to be my Verses o' the Night:
"If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."
Hab. 2:3 (NLT)
"If we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently."
Rom. 8:25 (NLT)
Something else I was reading that completely blew me away. This happened late last night, so I didn't really get to blog about it, but it has stayed with me. Ann had said something to me before about liking to read the General Electric Power Company chapters. Thankfully, she told me that's Galatians, Ephesians, Phillipians, Colossians; because there for a minute I was really confused!
Anyway, I started reading and was completely bowled over when Paul said in Galatians 1:15-16 that God chose to call Paul in God's own time, and at that time he revealed Jesus in Paul. Not to Paul, in him. Jesus was there the whole time! He's in all of us the whole time! Then when he says in 2:20 that "... it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" (NKJV).
I had never fully realized how my stubborness had truly worked against me all this time. It never occurred to me that Jesus had been there with me my whole life, but I refused to see or hear him for all those years. I used to think it was a good thing that I was so stubborn. I used to relate with pride that my first full sentence was "Me do it meself!" Now I don't think I should be quite so proud. Yes, perseverance is a good thing. But out and out stubborness is not. So this led me to consult my Touchpoints for Women to see what it says about obedience:
"If you will obey me and keep my covenant, you will be my own special treasure from among all the nations of the earth, for all the earth belongs to me." Exodus 19:5 (NLT)
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I thought. Wonder what it says about submission?...
"When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is happy." Proverbs 29:18 (NLT)
Okay, point taken. I need to pray for more patience, less stubborness, and to be a little more submissive. That's a tall order, but He can handle it!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
I Thought Tackling was Only Legal in Sports..........
My friend Karen's daughter got married today; Jamie and I went as Karen had asked (actually, begged) us to help out at the reception. Momma Karen was feeling the strain! So we went and the ceremony was sweet. The reception was a different story.
I was doing my thing, serving punch to the guests, when the dreaded announcement came: "Would all the single ladies please move to the center of the room? It's time for the throwing of the bride's bouquet." I ignored the announcement and kept serving punch. Karen materialized out of nowhere and said, "Go on, Jenn! You're single, get out there." Then she pushed me a little. Ha ha, okay Karen, big grin, (ick) so I went.
I look around, and I'm the only one over the age of 20. I felt suddenly like I should have a walker and sensible shoes. Then I realize - Ha, in my heels, I'm the tallest with the longest arm reach. Maybe I'll get something pretty to take home. Yay! So the bouquet is thrown, and it's coming right at me. I reach up and am just about to snag it, when this little 5-foot-nothing, 95 pound twerp turns around, does a flying leap and tackles me! We both go crashing to the floor.
Seeing as how I wasn't that desperate for the darn thing anyway, I let go. I might have fought harder for it, but San Antonio does have a professional roller-derby team, and I wasn't sure, but Thumbelina looked like she wasn't above scratching out my eyes and pulling my hair. She then got up and waved it around to show everyone. There for a minute I thought she was going to run for the end zone and do a little dance. But at least in that she showed restraint.
So, the moral of the story is, if you're a single woman and are planning to vie for the bridal bouquet, you should either wear a helmet and padding or spend some time training with the roller-derby first!
I was doing my thing, serving punch to the guests, when the dreaded announcement came: "Would all the single ladies please move to the center of the room? It's time for the throwing of the bride's bouquet." I ignored the announcement and kept serving punch. Karen materialized out of nowhere and said, "Go on, Jenn! You're single, get out there." Then she pushed me a little. Ha ha, okay Karen, big grin, (ick) so I went.
I look around, and I'm the only one over the age of 20. I felt suddenly like I should have a walker and sensible shoes. Then I realize - Ha, in my heels, I'm the tallest with the longest arm reach. Maybe I'll get something pretty to take home. Yay! So the bouquet is thrown, and it's coming right at me. I reach up and am just about to snag it, when this little 5-foot-nothing, 95 pound twerp turns around, does a flying leap and tackles me! We both go crashing to the floor.
Seeing as how I wasn't that desperate for the darn thing anyway, I let go. I might have fought harder for it, but San Antonio does have a professional roller-derby team, and I wasn't sure, but Thumbelina looked like she wasn't above scratching out my eyes and pulling my hair. She then got up and waved it around to show everyone. There for a minute I thought she was going to run for the end zone and do a little dance. But at least in that she showed restraint.
So, the moral of the story is, if you're a single woman and are planning to vie for the bridal bouquet, you should either wear a helmet and padding or spend some time training with the roller-derby first!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Various and Sundry
Various:
There once was a girl with a blog
Who liked to croak out like a frog
"You didn't post here,
You need to post, dear"
And left her own site in a fog!
I just thought I would say something about that before somebody else pounced on me for it. See, I can write bad verse about myself, too! I'm sorry I've neglected my blog today. I'm down at my dad's house spending the night so Jamie and I can head back to San Antonio early in the morning to get ready for my friend's daughter's wedding. We're on punch bowl patrol (hey, that rhymes too! Please, stop the madness!) But yay! I've got Jamie back! Boo hoo, he's staying with Papaw again from Sunday through next Friday. I miss the little bugger when he's gone.
Sundry:
One thing I find interesting. When I was growing up, I was adamant that my job would have as little to do with computers as possible. I didn't want to be anything like my dad (he's a retired mainframe programmer), so wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything even close to what he did.
So, I grow up, and before I know it, I'm in charge of the computers at work, troubleshooting, rerouting the network, setting up the archive programs, etc. etc. And I do a lot of stuff for my dad, too (he never learned very much about PCs). So, I've grown up to be a computer geek. Guess the last name is appropriate after all.
Well, sorry this is so short; but I wanted to give you something to chew on tonight, in the morning and some of the afternoon. (Just in case you missed reading one of my silly posts).
I'm off to bed now, to read some verses, read some Touchpoints, pray (possibly aloud), and get some sleep.
Sweet dreams everyone!
There once was a girl with a blog
Who liked to croak out like a frog
"You didn't post here,
You need to post, dear"
And left her own site in a fog!
I just thought I would say something about that before somebody else pounced on me for it. See, I can write bad verse about myself, too! I'm sorry I've neglected my blog today. I'm down at my dad's house spending the night so Jamie and I can head back to San Antonio early in the morning to get ready for my friend's daughter's wedding. We're on punch bowl patrol (hey, that rhymes too! Please, stop the madness!) But yay! I've got Jamie back! Boo hoo, he's staying with Papaw again from Sunday through next Friday. I miss the little bugger when he's gone.
Sundry:
One thing I find interesting. When I was growing up, I was adamant that my job would have as little to do with computers as possible. I didn't want to be anything like my dad (he's a retired mainframe programmer), so wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything even close to what he did.
So, I grow up, and before I know it, I'm in charge of the computers at work, troubleshooting, rerouting the network, setting up the archive programs, etc. etc. And I do a lot of stuff for my dad, too (he never learned very much about PCs). So, I've grown up to be a computer geek. Guess the last name is appropriate after all.
Well, sorry this is so short; but I wanted to give you something to chew on tonight, in the morning and some of the afternoon. (Just in case you missed reading one of my silly posts).
I'm off to bed now, to read some verses, read some Touchpoints, pray (possibly aloud), and get some sleep.
Sweet dreams everyone!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
My Favorite Psalm
I was reading my Bible last night, and came across Psalm 25. I'd
never read it before, but it really spoke to me. I felt as if it had been
written with me in mind. All of it is extremely appropriate for me, but I
especially like the following verses...
It's very hard for me to let go of those past burdens, though. I feel like I'm forever going to have to prove, not only to others, but to myself as well that I'm not the messed up girl I was even a year ago. I'm learning and doing so many things, and I'm really committed to my life being through Christ now, and not just blundering along with my own plans. But the old Jennifer still whispers that I'm not good enough, that I'm nothing but a cheap floozy who can never do anything but lay on her back; that's when I get discouraged. That's when I feel like maybe I have a stain on me that the "Godlies" can see, and that's why I'm only approached by men who are after only one thing. Then I realize, this is evil talking, trying to lure me back to my old mistakes. So then I get out my "Touchpoints for Women" and my Bible, and I start reading. And then I start praying, just like I did last night.
Before, I would always pray silently in my head. I felt a little silly talking out loud when God can hear me no matter how I say a prayer. But last night, I was really begging for answers, and beseeching Him that He take care of His children, and I started to pray out loud. I have never "felt" my prayer like I did when I prayed out loud. Before, if I prayed in my head, I would lose track of what I was saying, I felt silly, and I would rush through it before I started reciting my grocery list accidently. But last night, I could actually SEE my prayer. It's so hard to explain. It's like I was able to look in a window on a world I had never seen before. This window opened up in my mind and I could actually see what and for whom I prayed. I felt like I couldn't pray enough. And when I finally finished, I had been praying out loud for 30 minutes and had tears running down my face. I didn't even know that I had been crying. It was a very moving experience for me!
When I was finished and getting ready for bed, I knew one thing for sure: I won't recognize who God has chosen for me until I stop feeling inferior to other people. It's not that I have a stain on me, so to speak, it's that my inferiority complex is broadcast to others. I'm trying very hard not to feel like I'm less than anyone else. Hopefully, soon, when I'm ready and whomever God has chosen for me is ready, we'll recognize each other.
never read it before, but it really spoke to me. I felt as if it had been
written with me in mind. All of it is extremely appropriate for me, but I
especially like the following verses...
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD
Psalm 25:7
My eyes are ever on the LORD,I really like those verses because I always felt inferior to those I considered to be "good" people, because of the "bad" things I had done in my life. But it was very comforting that not only does God forget about our past behavior once we accept Jesus as our savior, but that it is through Him that these sins are removed. It's like Ann told me in a previous post, when I keep praying about and asking forgiveness for old behaviors that have already been forgiven, God pretty much says "Bless your little heart! Are you still going on about that? I'd completely forgotten about it. Can we talk about what I'm doing in your life now?"
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
Psalm 25:15-18
It's very hard for me to let go of those past burdens, though. I feel like I'm forever going to have to prove, not only to others, but to myself as well that I'm not the messed up girl I was even a year ago. I'm learning and doing so many things, and I'm really committed to my life being through Christ now, and not just blundering along with my own plans. But the old Jennifer still whispers that I'm not good enough, that I'm nothing but a cheap floozy who can never do anything but lay on her back; that's when I get discouraged. That's when I feel like maybe I have a stain on me that the "Godlies" can see, and that's why I'm only approached by men who are after only one thing. Then I realize, this is evil talking, trying to lure me back to my old mistakes. So then I get out my "Touchpoints for Women" and my Bible, and I start reading. And then I start praying, just like I did last night.
Before, I would always pray silently in my head. I felt a little silly talking out loud when God can hear me no matter how I say a prayer. But last night, I was really begging for answers, and beseeching Him that He take care of His children, and I started to pray out loud. I have never "felt" my prayer like I did when I prayed out loud. Before, if I prayed in my head, I would lose track of what I was saying, I felt silly, and I would rush through it before I started reciting my grocery list accidently. But last night, I could actually SEE my prayer. It's so hard to explain. It's like I was able to look in a window on a world I had never seen before. This window opened up in my mind and I could actually see what and for whom I prayed. I felt like I couldn't pray enough. And when I finally finished, I had been praying out loud for 30 minutes and had tears running down my face. I didn't even know that I had been crying. It was a very moving experience for me!
When I was finished and getting ready for bed, I knew one thing for sure: I won't recognize who God has chosen for me until I stop feeling inferior to other people. It's not that I have a stain on me, so to speak, it's that my inferiority complex is broadcast to others. I'm trying very hard not to feel like I'm less than anyone else. Hopefully, soon, when I'm ready and whomever God has chosen for me is ready, we'll recognize each other.
"'I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD.
'They are plans for good and not for disaster,
to give you a future and a hope'"
Jeremiah 29:11
I don't know what my future holds. I only know I'm praying that others, too, can forget my past and get to know who I am now. I'm praying for someone who can love me and Jamie, I'm praying for more children. But I don't know yet if that's God's will. I guess I shall see.
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