Handily, I was on the toilet at the time. See, Buddy (formerly my father's dog) has a new hobby - chasing the ginormous cockroaches (oh, excuse me, "palmetto bugs") that occupy this house. They are bigger than my thumb! I was minding my own business, well, doing my business, in the bathroom when Buddy started attacking the bottom of the bathroom cabinet. He then snorted, snuffled and picked up in his mouth the aforementioned cockroach. Apparently, the wriggling legs in his mouth tickled, so he kind of tossed it out with a shake of his head. Then he started chasing it again. Unfortunately, he chased it all the way around the toilet, under my foot and UP MY LEG! I screamed, squealed and swiped at my leg, sending that little sucker sailing into the study. Then Buddy tore after it, only to catch it again and then, you guessed it, again with the tickly legs in the mouth bit, and Buddy tossed it again. Meanwhile, I'm hastily getting off the porcelain throne and trying to find the alcohol so I can disinfect the bottom of my foot and my leg. Have I mentioned that cockroaches hit the top of my "oh, ICK" list? By this time, the stupid cockroach is streaking right back to the bathroom where it can slip between the cracks on the baseboards. I wound up jumping right over the durn thing, then hopping up on my bed where I would be relatively safe from the stupid bugs. Five minutes later, Buddy chased a cockroach, I assume it was the same one, into my room, then tossed it UP ON THE BED WITH ME! AAAAAGGGHHHHHH! That stupid dog is going to drive me insane, I know he is.
And where was Jamie during this whole exchange, you wonder? Only egging Buddy on, pointing out where the cockroach was, then laughing his fool head off at my antics. I didn't know who I wanted to smoosh more, the bug, the dog, or my kid. Yes, folks, everything IS bigger in Texas. Even the bugs. Damnit.