Okay, it's official. I'm pathetic. I have no life whatsoever outside of my role as Jamie's mom. He left today to spend a few days with Papaw.... Now I'm bored, and lonely, and have no idea what to do with myself for the next couple of days. If the dog had gone with them, I'd really be sunk!
I used to have all sorts of neat activities to do. Of course, the arrival of J left no time for those activities. I used to write poetry and short stories (but, as I've mentioned before, all that died pretty much when I got preggers), I used to act and sing (even did it for a while after Jamie was born, but then I was just too darn tired to do it anymore), I used to go to movies and plays.... But now, Jamie leaves and I have no idea what to do. So, what did I wind up doing today (after I got finished crying, of course)? I took a nap. Now I'm trying to make myself go take a shower and get busy unpacking boxes. But I, instead, have been blogging and watching a CSI marathon on cable.
So, basically, my life is pretty pathetic. How pathetic will it be when Jamie leaves for college? I'm going to be one of those neurotic "empty-nest-syndrome" people. I'm only 29, yet I'm already acting like one of those stereotypical moms who feel like their whole world is over when the kids leave (even though mine is only gone for a few days)! I need a life. Now I see why I haven't had a real, honest-to-goodness RELATIONSHIP since before Jamie was born. I can't think, talk about or do anything that isn't all about him. But maybe that's all I'm supposed to be doing right now (even though I'm lonely as heck and seem to forget what it feels like for someone to consider me interesting, attractive, and a WOMAN, not just "Mommy.") But then again, maybe that isn't all I'm supposed to be doing, but I've just been too afraid of having yet another bad relationship to go out on a limb and try to reach out to anyone. Maybe I should just stop second-guessing everything and go straight to Him and ask Him to show me what He wants me to do in my life right now. I think I'll go do that and stop rambling now.