Monday, May 29, 2006

It's Official: I'm Pathetic

Okay, it's official. I'm pathetic. I have no life whatsoever outside of my role as Jamie's mom. He left today to spend a few days with Papaw.... Now I'm bored, and lonely, and have no idea what to do with myself for the next couple of days. If the dog had gone with them, I'd really be sunk!

I used to have all sorts of neat activities to do. Of course, the arrival of J left no time for those activities. I used to write poetry and short stories (but, as I've mentioned before, all that died pretty much when I got preggers), I used to act and sing (even did it for a while after Jamie was born, but then I was just too darn tired to do it anymore), I used to go to movies and plays.... But now, Jamie leaves and I have no idea what to do. So, what did I wind up doing today (after I got finished crying, of course)? I took a nap. Now I'm trying to make myself go take a shower and get busy unpacking boxes. But I, instead, have been blogging and watching a CSI marathon on cable.

So, basically, my life is pretty pathetic. How pathetic will it be when Jamie leaves for college? I'm going to be one of those neurotic "empty-nest-syndrome" people. I'm only 29, yet I'm already acting like one of those stereotypical moms who feel like their whole world is over when the kids leave (even though mine is only gone for a few days)! I need a life. Now I see why I haven't had a real, honest-to-goodness RELATIONSHIP since before Jamie was born. I can't think, talk about or do anything that isn't all about him. But maybe that's all I'm supposed to be doing right now (even though I'm lonely as heck and seem to forget what it feels like for someone to consider me interesting, attractive, and a WOMAN, not just "Mommy.") But then again, maybe that isn't all I'm supposed to be doing, but I've just been too afraid of having yet another bad relationship to go out on a limb and try to reach out to anyone. Maybe I should just stop second-guessing everything and go straight to Him and ask Him to show me what He wants me to do in my life right now. I think I'll go do that and stop rambling now.

5 comments:

Tooz said...

Oh, you poor thing. What you need to do you're already doing, just sit there and cry awhile and don't do anything except vegetate. After a while, an idea will hit you, and you'll be off and doing something. My favorite way to get started is to go to a thrift store, a Dollar Tree, or a Big Lots. I just lose myself there for a while, spend a couple of bucks, and then things seem brighter. Try it. Love you.

annalu alulu said...

you don't have to spend money to have fun! I know what it's like to be poor! usually after i take a shower and get dressed, i feel better. did it work for you?

Jenn Hacker said...

I stayed locked in my apartment all weekend (had a migraine from Saturday night until early Monday morning - so that didn't help my mood any) and vegged out completely.

Dad came up and put up a shelf over my washer and dryer for me on Monday, then took Jamie home with him (that's when I cried).

Then the dog and I sat around together all day and pouted. I think the dog misses Jamie as much, if not more, than I do! He kept running into Jamie's room, then into mine, doing this weird little questioning whine the whole time. Then he went and pulled Jamie's "blankie" (that he still sometimes sleeps with) off the chair and dragged it into the living room. He then laid down on the "blankie" and rolled around and snuffled it about a gazillion times. After he did that for a while, he jumped into my lap.

Then Ziggy and I curled up on the couch together and alternated between a marathon of CSI on one channel and a marathon of Law and Order: Criminal Intent on the other channel.

Then I took a bubble bath with the bubbly stuff Tooz and Ann sent me for Christmas and went to bed. I laid in bed for about three hours reading, and finally went to sleep about 2 a.m. Then I was up at 7 and dragged my butt into work.

I think I'll go to bed earlier tonight! I'm getting too old to stay up all night!

Lydia said...

I say call a friend from your Bible Study or something and see if they want to go grab a bite to eat or see a movie. That's what they're there for--to lift you up when you're feeling down. If you lived close, I'd take you out to lunch! Love you, girl! Don't get down on yourself. You're a great mom and a great friend, too!

Jenn Hacker said...

Thank you, Lydia! One thing that's neat about San Antonio is all the museums and relatively cheap things to do here. I'm still recovering financially from my trip up north, so free and cheap things are all that are on my agenda right now!

There's one mom I'm getting to know through Jamie and her son's friendship. She's like me - single mom, but she has three to take care of! I may just give her a call tonight and make plans for maybe Thursday night (if she can get a sitter).

Friday I go pick up Jamie (yay!) Saturday we're helping with a wedding at our church. The girl who's getting married is a little younger than me, but her Mom and I are the ones who have gotten to be friends.

Then Sunday I take Jamie back to Papaws (boo hoo) until the following weekend. Then I'll enroll Jamie in a daycare program here (I'm hoping the $5 daycare program will get an opening - we're the first name on the waiitng list!)

Love and hugs to all!