And for those of you whom have recently started reading my blog, and haven't seen me for a while, you're probably wondering "who in the world is writing this? The Jennifer I remember was mad at the world, didn't have a religious bone in her body and wouldn't be caught dead quoting scripture!"
That's true, the Jennifer you USED to know wouldn't. My family has been in and out of church all my life. There were sporadic fluctuations of faith, but there was a lot of anger and blame hurled at God and the church. I've fought tooth and nail against the inevitable my whole life. Struggling to be independent of God's will my whole life did nothing but make me very tired, angry, confused, and most of all, alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling. I don't have the Bible memorized, I often catch myself backsliding into old ways and I still have to force myself to not be so darned obstinate and independent. I have tons of questions about Christianity, and I don't necessarily swallow everything I hear from supposed religious leaders. But I'm working on a better life, a more peaceful life, for me and my son. I've started weeding out old past influences, those who were taking me down the wrong paths in life. There are even some past influences, former "friends" who have already stopped talking to me because of the changes God has wrought in me. That's fine. I can accept that, because if you can't accept me for the way I am now, I don't need that sort of negative influence in my life.
But overall, I'm still the same Jennifer - I still want to know all there is to know about everything that can be learned; I still have a wierd, off-kilter sense of humor; I still can be pretty morbid at times; I still love my families (both biological and "heart") fiercely; I still read voraciously; and I still love the arts. I'm still me, but I'm trying to be a better "me", hopefully one with more peace and a lot less anger.