Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ch' Ch' Ch' Changes (a la David Bowie)

After reading my last post, my "adopted" Momma sent me this cartoon (please see above. I had to take it out of this post and put it in one of its own, as it kept floating around over the title of this post, driving me nuts - not that it would take me too long to get there!) The cartoon is very appropriate for me, as I often carry around my burdens. It would be much easier for me if I could learn how to lay them "at the foot of the cross" so to speak.

And for those of you whom have recently started reading my blog, and haven't seen me for a while, you're probably wondering "who in the world is writing this? The Jennifer I remember was mad at the world, didn't have a religious bone in her body and wouldn't be caught dead quoting scripture!"

That's true, the Jennifer you USED to know wouldn't. My family has been in and out of church all my life. There were sporadic fluctuations of faith, but there was a lot of anger and blame hurled at God and the church. I've fought tooth and nail against the inevitable my whole life. Struggling to be independent of God's will my whole life did nothing but make me very tired, angry, confused, and most of all, alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling. I don't have the Bible memorized, I often catch myself backsliding into old ways and I still have to force myself to not be so darned obstinate and independent. I have tons of questions about Christianity, and I don't necessarily swallow everything I hear from supposed religious leaders. But I'm working on a better life, a more peaceful life, for me and my son. I've started weeding out old past influences, those who were taking me down the wrong paths in life. There are even some past influences, former "friends" who have already stopped talking to me because of the changes God has wrought in me. That's fine. I can accept that, because if you can't accept me for the way I am now, I don't need that sort of negative influence in my life.

But overall, I'm still the same Jennifer - I still want to know all there is to know about everything that can be learned; I still have a wierd, off-kilter sense of humor; I still can be pretty morbid at times; I still love my families (both biological and "heart") fiercely; I still read voraciously; and I still love the arts. I'm still me, but I'm trying to be a better "me", hopefully one with more peace and a lot less anger.

6 comments:

Susan said...

I see you got the cartoon posted! There is a great Christian humorist, Barbara Johnson, who has written a lot of books that might be helpful to you. They are not in the least bit preachy. I really get a blessing from Christian humor--it encourages me to think about what's really funny in life. Love you.

Jenn Hacker said...

Thanks! I'll look into those books.

Suze said...

hey jenn,
funny, as you've become more religious, i've become less so. i have a lot of respect for Christ's teachings, in particular the ones about forgiveness and non-violence and showing compassion for people in need (teachings I think some of our government leaders who profess to be Christian should heed), but at the end of the day I'm not a very spiritual person and that's OK. i'm very comfortable where i am. i can tell you've come a long way since i knew you in high school (so have i) and i think it's wonderful.

Jenn Hacker said...

Thank you, Suze! I agree with you about the politicians, too.

Tiffany said...

Hey girl! I enjoyed visiting your blog this evening...and I think I'm in the running for least brain cells left from single-motherhood. I'll see you on Sunday!

Jenn Hacker said...

Tiffany, LOL! For you to have so little brain cells, you sure can do a lot... raise four kids by yourself, teach classes over the internet, lead the single parents bible study, co-lead the singles Sunday school class... Gee, I want to be you when I grow up!

See ya in class!