Grad school begins on Monday. Supplies-wise, I'm ready. One of my books is ordered from Amazon, the other two books have been downloaded as e-books (much cheaper!). I have paper, pens and printer ink. I've even signed up (and paid for) my content certification exam. I'll be taking it October 16.
Yes, I've got all my supplies and I've got all my paperwork done. But, I'm nervous. This is the first year I've been nervous about school. I think a lot of it has to do with the strict requirements. I HAVE to maintain a "B" or above in all classes, I HAVE to get a certain percentile or above on my content and PPR exams, I HAVE to have this many hours of observation, I HAVE to pass a portfolio review. Even though I got my bachelor's degree with very high marks, I didn't HAVE to get those marks to graduate. But now that I'm being told what I HAVE to do to pass the exams, I'm nervous. Silly, yes?
Also, the whole "going to be a teacher" thing is making me a bit queasy. Not because I don't want to do it. But because it's a change from what I've been doing for so long. I never intended to be a secretary. That was never my chosen career (not that there's anything wrong with it, it just wasn't what I wanted). I did it at first because I had a little mouth to feed and this was something I knew how to do. And the more experience I got at it, the more comfortable I was with it - even though I was mostly dissatisfied personally doing it. Now, I'm taking the steps to be a teacher, something I've thought off and on about since high school. That's 15 years ago, people! It was always a thought (dream?) at the back of my mind, but I never pursued it because I was a secretary, and it was kind of scary contemplating making a change. And now I'm taking the steps, and it's still scary contemplating this change. In fact, I'm shaking in my boots!
This is a big and frightening step. Not only because of the marks I have to make, but the fact that in a few semesters I won't be able to work while I'm in school because I will have to do student teaching. It's frightening because it's a change from being a secretary, and there's the fear that I will fail at it. The last time I tried to go to school and not work, I lost my house and had to quit school to go back to work. But I'll never know if I don't try. So, fear or not, I'm going for it. I'll be sure to keep you up to date on how I'm doing - even if I fall on my face. I just hope I'm brave enough to pick myself up off the ground and keep on going.