Thursday, June 03, 2010

A Return to Ranting

I'm stressing. I'm trying not to, but I am. In honor of my stress-filled life, I'm making a return to Rant Thursday. This week's rant - not knowing. Not knowing what?, you ask. Not knowing anything when I really need to know right now.

1) Still don't know the outcome of Jamie's health insurance appeal re: going a whole month with no health insurance. As of right now, he has none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I called yesterday and they still had not made a determination on whether or not they'll be able to make his coverage retroactive to June 1. This means I'm on pins and needles, because if he has an asthma attack, severe allergy fit or what have you, his doctor visit will be all on me. And guess what? I'm broke, so he won't be able to see a doctor unless we go to the ER. Which will mean a huge bill in a couple of weeks. This also means at this point that he can't go to camp unless I buy him temporary insurance for the month. See above re: being broke. Can't afford to buy him any insurance.

2) Still have no idea what types of financial aid I may be getting for graduate school. One school is still waiting on test scores from me. It takes money to take the tests. Can't take the tests without money. See above re: being broke.

3) Have no idea where I'm going to get the money to pay for the two months of student loan payments I'll have to make until I go back to school. See above re: being broke.

4) Still have no idea when, if ever, someone is going to pay his child support again. If he would just pay the stinkin' money he owes me in child support, I wouldn't have to worry about the three above items. I'd have enough to buy Jamie a month of temporary insurance, pay for the stinkin' tests I need to take, put some money aside for student loan payments... you get the drift. I'd be able to use the child support to take care of Jamie and use the money I previously used to raise Jamie to go toward those other things I need to do to make a better life for my child.

I hate not knowing. I was not blessed with much patience. I'm very frazzled right now and stressed out. I hate the fact that it always boils down to money. I want to hurry up and know where I stand so I can move forward with my plan to become a teacher. I know I will never be rich as a teacher. But at least I'll be comfortable enough that I can take care of my kid and know I can take care of the basic necessities without ever having to wait on THAT MAN to pay the child support he never wants to pay. I'll be able to pay my bills, get health insurance for us both, go to the doctor when I need to. I'll be able to do all that, and hopefully make a difference in the life and education of a child or two along the way. I don't think that's asking for too much, do you?


Jessi said...

Sweetie. I am praying for ya. I hate the money stuff. I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "Money may not buy happiness but it goes a long way toward peace of mind." That's how I feel - A LOT. I hope that it gets better soon.

Suze said...

I wish I could go kick some deadbeat butt for you. I really wish I could. In my alternative reality I am a martial arts diva.

I'm thinking about you and Jamie and hoping everything falls into place for you. This sort of stress sucks, and you work harder than anyone I know and deserve this stress the least!

Steph said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this BS, Jenn. No, it is not too much to ask. I am also a martial arts diva in my alternate reality, and in that reality Susan and I will form a team to kick this deadbeat's ass.

Which really helps, I know. Sending you good vibes.