Friday, January 15, 2010

Heavenly Father

Heavenly Father,

I know I don't pray as much as I should, and sometimes I pray for the wrong things - things You don't want me to have, things I don't really need, things that are, in the grand scheme of things, pretty stupid. Oftentimes, my prayers are quick, like dashed off notes letting You know I'm still here and of whom (and what) I'm thinking. They range from "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late to work AGAIN" to a more serious "Father God, watch over those who are hungry, those who are feeling lost and alone. Please help them to know You are there, and help them to know how to turn to You." Many times, my prayers have felt inadequate and a drop in the bucket of all the voices crying out in the darkness to You, but still I pray. I know You are listening to us all.

I am not the best Christian, nor am I the best mother. I often lose my temper and say or do things I shouldn't. I shout. I can be downright unpleasant to be around. I don't read my Bible as often as I should, and I don't turn the other cheek nearly as much as I ought. I am flawed. And yet You still love me. You still love me, despite the fact that I have a child but have never been married. You love me, despite the fact that I often do the wrong thing. You love me. I am humbled by this.

I often feel much more than I let on to others. Sometimes the only way to protect myself is to pretend that I don't care; to pretend that words don't hurt; to pretend that the images on the screen don't make me cry. These things I try not to show the world, but I bring them to You. I pray to You about the children who are abused. I pray to You about the hungry. I pray to You about the horrid things we - as human beings - do to each other, the planet, and to animals. They are not eloquent prayers. Sometimes, I can do nothing but cry out to You, and hope You can make sense of the garbled words streaming through my mind. The circumstances in Haiti have prompted such a prayer.

I cannot begin to articulate my horror and heartache over what these people must be going through. I cannot begin to formulate a prayer to You that is adequate to encompass all of what they must be suffering. I can only open my mouth and hands, tears streaming down my face, and cry out to You and hope You can understand all I am trying to express. I know there are so many others praying to You right now, Lord. But I also know you hear us all. I know there are things I cannot understand but are a part of Your big plan. I know I am only human. Please, Lord, watch over Your children, for they are suffering. Beyond this, I do not know what to pray. I leave it in Your hands - the best place of all.

Amen

1 comment:

Erin said...

Jennifer, this is so candid and beautiful...two things I've always found you to be. Thank you for sharing.