This is something I've idly touched upon before, but having to file my graduation plan at Texas Woman's University here recently made it hit home more, I guess. For so long, I've been focused on just wrapping up my undergrad degree, get it done, then you can focus on the rest of your life. But seeing all the credits I've already taken, plus what I'm planning to take this summer, fall and next spring to complete all the requirements for my degree written down on paper has really made me think. And I'm thinking: "Okay, now what?!?" I'll have my bachelor's degree. Great! I'll be the first person in my immediate family to get a bachelor's degree! But what do I do with it? Where am I supposed to go from here?
I've been praying a lot, asking for enlightenment, asking to at least have an inkling of the direction I'm supposed to take, where I'm needed, how best I can put my skills to use for the Lord and to help others. Am I supposed to stay in Texas? Can I (please!) move again? What's best for Jamie? Should I enter grad school right away, or take a break for a year or two?
And speaking of grad school, I'm no longer at all certain what Master's Degree to pursue, or when to pursue it. Library science still appeals to me, but I'm thinking of trying for a double masters in Education and Library Science, then getting certified and becoming a school librarian. Or, I've also done really well in my pre-law classes for the Government component of my undergrad. Perhaps I could do a combo in law and library science, and work as a librarian in a law library. I don't know.
Then there's my personal life, or lack of one, in this case. Is this all there is to be for me? I want to be a partner, a help-mate, to work together according to God's plan for us. I want more children some day. I want Jamie to know a father's love, as well as The Father's love.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Does it then follow that woman is not meant to be alone, either? Or is it too late for me? Am I meant to be married, or have I already completely wrecked the plan God had for me?
These are some of the things I've been praying over and thinking about a lot here lately. In fact, now that I'm thirty, I guess you could call this my mini-midlife crisis. Comments, suggestions and prayers on this subject are welcomed and appreciated.