Online Writer's Circle

As some of you may know, last fall I wrote a novel for a class. Right now, I am writing another one of a different genre. Several of you who read this blog are writers. Many successful writers are active in writer's circles where like-minded authors gather to critique, encourage and bandy about ideas. Would any of you be interested in an online, password-protected writing circle? I want to attempt getting the YA novel I'm currently writing published. I also want to be an all-around better writer. Anyone else with similar interests and goals? Please leave me a comment and let me know.

Some Pics from Comicon

At Comicon on Friday, I got myself some bling....

I feel this is perfect for a Gifted and Talented teacher, don't you?

I also took in a show.

A "Rocky Horror"-esque reenactment of "Doctor Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog." I did as the title commanded and sang along. Jamie pretended he did not know me.

We also saw some local wildlife.

I was tempted to leave the boys with the Ewok, since they seemed to like it there.



I do not know these people, but R2D2 was really cool! His head swiveled around and he "talked" to you in response to your voice. This was taken Saturday, when I went back without the boys. Heh heh heh.

I visited their research and development department.

It would seem their researchers have put together this "little" guy to counteract a growing threat of war from across the sea. I tried to convince them this was a bad idea, but no one would listen to me. (Name that Doctor Who episode!)

I was so greatly affected by my two days of exposure that I found myself going native, so to speak.

When I got home, I dyed my hair purple as part of the costume I'm going to wear tomorrow. Also because I've wanted purple hair for years, but was working in a job that specifically banned it. I'll put it back to a color that is a little closer to my natural one come August.



Comicon

This Friday, I will be taking my son and five of his friends to the Texas Comicon. None have ever been. Jamie and a few of his friends are just starting to get into comics. All of them love Star Wars, Star Trek, and various other sci-fi franchises. The good thing about this con is that it encompasses more than just comics. A musical theatre troop will be performing a stage version of "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog," for one thing. For another, scheduled guests include Cary Elwes, Mark Sheppard and Jim Beaver. There will be light saber battles, yo! All of our geek hearts are going pitter patter over this, I can assure you! I will post with a run down of the event and lots of pictures this weekend!

I'm Alive, I Promise!

I'm still alive. But to recover from planning and teaching three different lesson plans a day (YO!), then venturing into student teaching in the most inner-city district there is down here (DOUBLE YO!), I had to cease and desist all other activities other than breathing and paying attention to my kiddo once I got home. So, I let the blogs fall by the wayside (again). Sorry!

To catch you up, I am now on summer break, but not really, because I am taking two content area classes and finishing up my portfolio. The aforementioned student teaching with three different lesson plans a day (UGH!) was too much to pile on top of school work. So something had to give. Now I will graduate in August. At the beginning of August, to be precise. And the new teaching year starts a couple of weeks later. I think I should have all my ducks in a row before hiring begins. But if it doesn't happen, I have a back up plan. I have applied to substitute teach next year. So there's that to rely on. Also, this summer I am trying hard to not hold down a full-time job. Instead, I borrowed money up to my ears so that I can stay home and treat my classwork as though it were a job, with a schedule and everything. So far, I'm doing okay treating it that way.

Here's the schedule. I know the pic is hard to see. Sorry about that!

Jamie is gone during the day taking one of his high school courses (!!!!) over the summer so that he has more room in his schedule. He and several of his friends got accepted to a magnet program that focuses on Engineering and Technology. He's more interested in the technology part. Anyway, in this program, they have several required courses on top of the courses needed to graduate, plus they have to take extra math and science classes so that they the Distinguished diploma. So, not enough class periods in the day to get all requirements. Hence, taking a class in the summer. Jamie may have to take other summer school classes in subsequent years, as well.

Speaking of Jamie, here are some gratuitous pics to show you how much he has grown. He is now my height and his feet are about three or four sizes bigger!

We went to the SA Symphony's concert of space-related themes. Of course, Star Wars was on the play list. Several people dressed up as Star Wars characters came out during the concert, then mingled with the audience afterward.

Jamie and his friend Caitlin before the 8th grade semi-formal dance. She is actually an inch shorter than he is, but had on kitten heels so they looked the same height. Sadly, Caitlin will be going to a different magnet high school next year, so we won't see her as often. :-(

And last, but not least, Jamie and the rest of my NERDs (Neighborhood Electronic Robotic Device) at the Neutral Buoyancy Lab at NASA for the Remote Operated Vehicle (ROV) competition back in April. They were the only middle school team in attendance. Competing against high school and university teams, they got 6th place out of 14 teams. WAY TO GO, NERDS!!!!!!!

Poetry Month

We're studying poetry right now in my 7th grade classroom, so it has gotten my creative juices flowing. Here's something I whipped out in about 5 minutes.

Of all the things you ever said


Ever tried or never did

I think the one that hurt the worst

Was the day you cursed my birth.

I tried hard not to let it show

Kept the anger simmering low,

But all the while I screamed inside

“Was I the one you wished had died?”

Now you’re gone I cannot ask

But still I turn back to the past

And wondered if all this was true

Every time you said, “love you.”

 
Somehow, I think the school district would frown on me sharing this with my students. What do you think, too heavy for the average 7th grader?

March Madness

I think Jamie and I both are suffering from a case of March Madness here, but it has nothing to do with basketball. We just finished our Spring Break, and I have to start getting ready for school in less than three hours. The only problem is, I haven't been to bed yet. :-( Oh, Spring Break, you flew by too fast! My motivation and drive are dragging. Jamie and I both seem to be at our snapping points. Even with the loveliness of Spring Break, there has been a lot of arguing and bickering in our household of late. We are both tired of it, but stressed to the max. Poor kid is working so hard. I think he is just as eager as I am for this semester to be over. I know we can survive this. I know we WILL survive this. In the words of Dory, "Just keep swimming....."

Tidings

Disclaimer - this very well may be one of the most depressing posts I've written. You may not want to read this if you're having a bad day. Just sayin'. And please don't leave me any judgemental comments about this post. You are not thinking anything I'm not already thinking about myself, okay?

I put this up the other night, then promptly took it down the next day. Now I'm putting it back up again with the tag "rheumatoid arthritis" with the hopes that other people looking for answers about this sucky condition may find me. And for the record, there's no such thing as being "too young" to get RA. Don't ever let a specialist tell you, "Well, all your symptoms point to RA, but you're too young, so it can't be that...." And especially don't let them pat you on the head and tell you that there's nothing wrong with you, that you must just be "more sensitive to pain than other people" and try to push you out the door with a prescription for some stupid narcotic pain pill. INSIST that diagnostic tests be done. If that doctor won't do them, go to another doctor who will. Fire your rheumatologist if he starts acting like a misogynistic a-hole, and go get one who will actually listen to you. I did.

I know it has been a very long time since I have posted on here. There are so many things to say, and not enough words to say them with, and sometimes not enough energy to even turn on the computer to post. I'm trying to stay positive, and I have moments where I can pretend, and smile and act as though I'm not questioning - asking "But why? What did I do? WHY?". Perhaps this is why I have not posted lately.

I have this horrible tendency to cry if I talk about the things that are bothering me. Something terrible can happen, or I can be in the darkest pit ever, but so long as no one asks me to speak of it, I will not cry. But if I open my mouth and begin to speak the words, to give form to that which is hurting me, or frightens me, or makes me sad or angry, I weep. So I tend to try to avoid talking about the things that are truly and deeply upsetting me. But sometimes, I have to let it out, lest I go mad.

Much the same with writing. If I speak it or write it, then it become real. I can no longer ignore it, belittle it or wish it away. With each word spoken or written, it grows - lifting off the page or through my voice to plague my life and ensure that I most probably will never be the same again.

Jamie will never be the same again.

With each day that passes, I'm losing more and more mobility. I can no longer run or dance; in reality, I haven't been able to run in years, nor to dance in months. But there again, I've been ignoring that little reality for a long time. Heck, I can't even bowl - walking up to the lane properly is beyond my capability now. I wake up in the mornings barely able to move. I often accidentally break things because they slip out of my hands. A lot of times, I can't feel my fingers completely, so I don't realize I've lost my grip on things until they've fallen and shattered. I'm exhausted by such simple tasks as walking down the hall to retrieve a stack of papers from the work room.

My house looks like a pig sty because I can't keep it clean and Jamie has a ton of homework to do without being expected to keep the house clean, too.


I feel like my life, like my body, is falling apart. And yes, I know I sound like a spoiled little girl, whining at her parent, but all I can keep asking is, "Why? What did I do wrong?"

I said it was depressing. I'm sorry. Like I said, I can pretend for so long, but then there comes a point where I have to talk about it or write about it or else I will break completely. And I've been so good about cutting myself off from everyone over the years that writing about the things that are upsetting me is just about the only outlet I have. I have to let it out somewhere so I can continue to be strong for Jamie. He's upset enough by all this without me showing him how completely freaked out I am by my inability to do things the average two year-old has no problem doing.

50,168 Words Later....

and I'm a winner in this year's NaNoWriMo. Nothing like having the incentive of failing the class if I don't finish the novel! It's finished but it isn't exactly the greatest writing ever. I intended the story to be one thing, then the characters took over and it wound up being something else entirely. In the middle of writing it, I got the idea for another book. So I don't know if I'll write that one over Christmas break or if I'll write down some notes then stick them in a drawer until next year's NaNoWriMo.

It's alive! Now I'm going to bed.

On Writing, and Teaching, and Life

Howdy, folks. We're in the middle of the crazies down here. Today, I had a bad migraine that kept me up all night, so I called in sick to school. I took some more medicine around 7:30 this morning and woke up at 2:30. At 3, I started working on the novel I am supposed to be writing for school. Up to this point, I had been waaaay behind. Today, I wrote 11,505 words (no joke) on my novel. This means I now have written 30,030 words of my 50,000 word novel. I expect to finish over the long holiday weekend. Realistically, if I can write on two days like I did today, I'll be done and never have to look at it again. Yay, me!

In other news, I'm now down close to 70 pounds from what I was in January. The secret to my success is stress and chronic illness. Add in bursitis and mystery arthritis and you have yourself the key to weight loss. However, I do not recommend this as a weight loss plan for the masses. It takes dedication and desperation.

I continue to pray for the school year to hurry up and be over. Because the Thanksgiving break is only five days, alas, I do not think we'll be able to travel this month to do any visiting. See also first paragraph Re: grad school course requiring an insane amount of writing this month. I will, however, have two weeks off at Christmas that I am hoping I will have the time and funds in which to travel and see my beloved ones.

You would not recognize Jamie, either, as he is now more of a bean pole than ever, except with broader shoulders, a prominent Adam's apple, a deeper voice (he sings in the Bass section at church now!!!!) I will eventually post pictures when I come up for air.

We are both singing in the choir at Church, and are in rehearsals for the Christmas concert in a few weeks. Jamie tried out for a solo and is sad he didn't get it. I'm working on a solo part in "You Oughta Know" for the concert, but we haven't been told yet who's actually singing it in the concert (it's between me another another very nice lady with an amazing voice).

I love you all.

Believe it or Not.....

I am still alive, my lack of blogging notwithstanding.I'm still teaching. I'm about 50 pounds lighter. I'm stressed out and sleep deprived. I just had a birthday. Oh, and I'm participating in NaNoWriMo this year as part of my grad course. This means I have even less time to blog than I did before. If you want to know how my teaching year is going so far, read my book when I'm finished. I'm basing it off my experiences at work. Truth is often stranger than fiction.

I just wanted to post to let you know I'm alive. And I love my blogging family. And I'm singing in church still.

Good night.

Random Things I've Discovered This Week

• Holding in your pee too long will give you a headache.
• If you accidentally let it slip to your boss that you're coming in on the weekend specifically to work on the office procedures manual, something that cannot be done during the week because there's always way too much to do or too many interruptions, critical tasks will appear on your desk that absolutely, positively !must! be done over the weekend. *sigh*
• Time passes much more slowly when one is waiting for one's test scores to be posted.
• The sound of a ringing phone is enought to make one want to hit someone else.
• The way our children behave is in direct correlation to how we ourselves behaved as children. And I will laugh about this fact when Jamie has children. And encourage his children to act that way. It's a vicious cycle. What can you do?
• I've now eliminated soda completely from my diet.
• I'm completely baffled by Jamie's gift of working with young children. This must be something that skipped a few branches on the family tree. Or even a few trees in the family orchard.
• I'm now getting close to being down 30 pounds since the first of the year. Unfortunately, the only place you can tell it is in random places in my body and on my face. I haven't really gone down a whole clothing size yet because of the way plus size clothes are made. Stupid plus sized clothing manufacturers!!!!!

Told you they were random.

A Catchall Catch Up

It has been far too long since I have posted. This morning, I took my PPR exam. I think I drove myself nuts on several of the questions, pretty much overthinking them until I was ready to just click on an answer already so I could go home. I finished the 90-question test in about an hour, but made myself mark questions to be reviewed if I had even the slightest doubt as to the correct answer. Then I went back and reviewed the marked questions and made sure I had read each question carefully and selected the best possible answer, sometimes rereading the question four or five times. Generally, this is not how I take tests, but I also sometimes make careless mistakes this way. As there is a lot riding on my score on this test, I felt I owed it to myself and to Jamie to do my best, ergo I took more care.(For those of you not in the know, if I don't get a passing score on the PPR exam, my teaching contract gets revoked. My replacement at my current job has already been hired, so I wouldn't have that job to fall back on, either. Can we say, "Screwedsville?") Oh, and the state won't allow me to retake the test until 60 days have passed - well after the school year has started. Again, big fat mess if it doesn't go well. Do you see why I took more care than usual?

School starts back in session down here Aug. 22. I start in-service training Aug. 9 (provided.... see above). I have already begun getting up at 5:30 every morning in anticipation of my school schedule. Jamie is forced out of bed at 6:30. We follow this schedule on weekends also. The main reason for this is because my neurologist has stated that people who get migraines need to have a schedule and stick to it regardless of holidays or weekends. Since Jamie gets migraines, too, he is being put on a strict schedule, as well. My last day in the school year will be May 26, 2012 (I think), Jamie's last day of school will be after Memorial Day - a fact that has left him none too pleased but tickles me mightily. :-)

We continue to make progress in organizing the house and purging it of outgrown/broken/unneeded stuff. It's amazing how much crap we've accumulated over the years. Of course, we aren't progressing nearly as quickly as I would like us to, but still I guess some progress is better than no progress.

Bombs Away!

This is a picture of Jamie I stole from Jamie's youth group leader's facebook page. Jamie is jumping off a ledge one story in the air and getting ready to land on a huge inflatable "blob". This "blob" will launch the person on the end of it into the air and out into a lake once Jamie lands on it.  Jamie will then make his way onto the end of the "blob" where he will be launched by the next person in line.

This picture actually mirrors a lot of what I'm feeling/experiencing as I get ready for my first year in my new teaching career.  My schooling has been that long climb up the structure to get to the top of the platform, where I searched diligently for a teaching internship. I finally got one, so now it's my turn to take that jump to the new career. Let me tell you, it's a long fall from up here! But once I take the plunge on my first day, I know my training, the support staff at the school where I'll be teaching and all my many educator family members and friends will be ready to catch me. And by taking my jump, I'll be launching someone else's career to come work in my old profession as a secretary.

Yeah, I know this post was pretty hokey. Originally, I was just going to post this pic of Jamie at camp. But the more I looked at it, the more I drew parallels to my career change.

Incidentally, with Jamie away at camp, the house has been waaaaaay too quiet. I'm so glad I get to go pick him up tomorrow. I miss the little (well, relatively speaking) booger so much!

Changes and Adjustments

I'm going to apologize in advance because some of this post is whining, while some is humor and some is all out excitement. Please forgive the emotional roller coaster you are about to read. Jamie is at camp this week (thank you, Jesus, for scholarships and wonderful youth group leaders!), so I'm just that much more emotional due to missing him.

I am very excited about my new job - but I'm also kind of nervous, scared, anxious, etc. This new position will mean a lot of adjustments for me, both big and small.  Also, it doesn't help that I still don't know what grade level I'll be teaching. And the fact that they are requiring me to take the PPR exam before the school year starts and there's only one Saturday exam available at the end of July, which means if I don't pass it I won't have another opportunity to take it before school starts (which means potentially they'll revoke my contract) and that I don't have the $120 registration fee for the test anyway (at least, not if I want to buy groceries and put gas in my car).

And then there's the $59 I need to pay for the fingerprinting and background check plus the $50-some odd dollars I'll need to pay for my probationary certification. All before I can start teaching. Which means I don't have it to spare. And we won't even get into how much I despise the fact that my life's focus has been on money so much for the last few years. Every thought, every deed, every action I take centers around the thought "But how much will it cost, and do I have enough money to cover that?" This job would certainly help with that. I'll make a couple of hundred bucks more a month than I do currently. Which would certainly make life a little easier for us because it would almost cover how much back child support I'm not receiving because they can't find the jerk. But that's another blog post. But, in order to breathe a little easier and get that extra money a month, I need to pony up cash I don't have. It is such a vicious cycle.

On a funny note, I read the staff handbook last night. 90% of what I currently wear to work as a secretary in a pretty casual office is not suitable for my new position. No sandals or open toed shoes (dude, once the temperatures reach about 80 degrees in March through about the middle of October, all I wear is sandals and open toe shoes!). No capri pants (again, those are just about all I wear because it's so durn hot!). No heels. No jeans.  This of course means I'll either have to wear long pants (too durn hot!) or skirts. I am not a skirt person, most of the time. However, I was able a week or so ago to get a bunch of nice things for the new job. Most of them were skirts. So I've been freaking everyone out at work by wearing skirts several times a week. I figure I better get used to them.

Speaking of getting used to things. I'll have to be at work each morning at 7:30 a.m. (ugh!). I am NOT a morning person. It takes around 12 minutes to get to the school. This means I need to leave the house at 7:15. Jamie's bus does not come until 7:45-ish. The school at which I will be teaching is in the opposite direction of Jamie's school. Jamie is going to have to wait for the bus at his friend's house to make sure he gets to the bus stop in time to catch it. I'm shuddering at the thought of how early I'll have to get up to get ready for school in time.

Another thing I'll have to get used to is not treating all the kids like they are my own, as I do with Jamie's friends. I can't tease and rib these kids like I would Jamie and his friends. Of course, I don't mean teasing in a bad way. But I will need to monitor myself a little more. I hardly think the parents would appreciate it if I stopped in the middle of what I was saying, sang out "Punch buggy!" and tapped the student closest to me. I don't really think that would be professional behavior, do you?

Well, I guess I'm done. I just wanted to let you all know how things are going. I'm kind of a nervous wreck, but I'm glad I'll have almost two whole weeks of training before school starts to help me become accustomed to the way things are done at my new school. I'll also be assigned a mentor teacher to help me with lesson planning, learning the best ways to manage the classroom, grading scales, and all those other things you hear about in school but can't really practice until you are in your own classroom. For everyone who sent up prayers, positive thoughts, good energy or whatever to help me get this position, I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart!

I Better Get Used to Being Called "Ms. H___________"...

…because I got the teaching internship I’ve been wanting. This means I will begin teaching in August and will be the teacher of record for the entire year. This means I will get paid a teacher’s salary, rather than doing a free student teaching assignment. This means, in short, I can continue to feed the ravenous monster that is my son!

:-D

Update on Internship Search

For those of you not on facebook, I just wanted to post a quick update. I heard today from "Charter School B". I did not get the position. But really, I'm okay with that. I don't think I would do well as a first year teacher in such an unstructured environment. Besides, I do have a job now, so it isn't as though I will die right now if I don't get an internship. I'm also still pending with "Charter School A" and "local ISD", so there is still a possibility I'll get an internship, just not at School B.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'm teaching a fourth grade reading class as part of my interview process for a teaching job at unnamed charter school. It would be an understatement to say I'm extremely nervous. I'm thinking of doing a lesson on poetry/reading comprehension, which will involve group work, some question and answer time, taking apart a famous "poem" (a currently popular song that most of the kids should know), taking apart a not-so-famous (to them) poem, and writing a classroom "text message poem" on a centralized theme. I am SOOOOO nervous. Both because this is the first time I've formally taught in a school classroom, and because so much is riding on my performance tomorrow.

Please think of me tomorrow. Pray, if you are so inclined, or send positive thoughts, or good kharma, whatever you feel like doing. Whatever it is, I'll appreciate it! I'll be in a class from 1:00 - 1:30 Central Time.

Extreme Couponing?

Over the weekend, I did not do as much as I had planned, because I have this ridiculous tendency to extremely overestimate what one person working on her own can do in a weekend. But I did get one major project done. I cleaned out the closet/pantry type thingie in my breakfast area. When we were painting the house (2 YEARS AGO), this area got cluttered up with accumulated painting stuff and other junk. There is only one shelf in this area, no door and not even a clothes rod. So, a while back (1 YEAR AGO), I bought a metal shelving unit that would fit perfectly in that area with the intentions of putting the unit together and converting this wasted space to a pantry since I have no cupboard space to spare for food. One day this weekend, while Jamie was out with his BB riding bikes and watching movies, I tackled the closet. I was too ashamed of what it looked like before, so I also took no after pics, because you would not have any basis for comparison. But to give you an idea of what a big job this was, it took me four hours of concentrated, work only on this one closet, effort.

For background noise, I had TLC on the TV. TLC just happened to be running a marathon of Extreme Couponing. Oh. My. Stars. These people are nuts! How on earth do they find time to spend 60 hours a week on collecting coupons, organizing coupons, checking online coupon databases, calling in their orders days ahead of their actual shopping trip, etc. etc. etc.? I mean, yes, they got some fabulous bargains on their groceries. But they also dumpster dive to get more coupons? And spend $2,000 a year just on Sunday newspapers? And buy things they DO NOT NEED just because they are cheap? There was a lady on there who has something like 60 bags of diapers - and she does not have a baby! And there's the people who have shelving units all through their houses holding enough food stuffs and personal items to last their families for 5 years and they are still out shopping every week for more? And the people who have 40 boxes of cereal - stuff that will expire long before they can ever eat it all?

I don't understand that type of shopping. HOWEVER, I will admit that some of their ideas are pretty good and I will start adopting some of them WITHIN REASON to feed the bottomless pit my son has become. I absolutely will not be installing extra shelves throughout the house to hold the crap I don't use (already have a lot of that, thank you). But I will use coupons to buy stuff Jamie will eat. Previously, I had avoided coupons and just bought things generic or when they are on sale. But I do think trying to match coupons with sales sounds like a good idea. Of course, there are many products Jamie just can't eat because of his food allergies, but I will do what I can to save money.

So what about you? Are you more in the extreme couponer camp or are you like me, pretty much figure couponing at all can be a time suck you really can't afford? Where do you fit in?

The Strings Saga Continues

Remember a while back when I lamented that Jamie would have to drop Strings/Orchestra for next year so he could take Robotics II, Advanced Android Programming and Webmastery? And then I was actually happy that Robotics II got canceled, because it meant Jamie could take Strings again? Well, all that was before the powers that be decided to add a reading class as required for 8th graders next year. Now, normally I would be all excited  for Jamie to take another reading class. It is important. BUT - now we're right back to Jamie not being able to take orchestra next year. Which means that he'll have to take private violin lessons all year to be deemed "eligible" for orchestra in high school. This is on top of the guitar lessons he wants to take (and I've been able to put off because there's a guitar club at school), enough food to feed an army (he's been eating double lunches at school the last few weeks not to mention how high my grocery bill will be this summer when he's home all day), new/nearly-new clothes and new shoes every three months, his normal medical expenses each month and enough gas to haul him hither and yon. If you are a praying person, please pray that the S.D. actually starts paying his child support. Also pray that other things in the works will come to pass. My kid appears to be a money-eating machine.

Now Taking Donations....

The Society for the Preservation of the Sanity of Mothers is now accepting donations in whatever form they are offered - whether groceries to feed the ever-ravenous, apparently hollow-legged teenaged offspring; clothing to fit said offspring who has now grown an alarming amount in the last five months; shoes to fit the feet that have zoomed in length, growing nearly two full shoe sizes; gasoline to run said offspring and his unofficially adopted brethren to their five million different activities; or first aid supplies to bandage and soothe all the bumps, bruises and aches caused by being a gangly boy with a penchant for tripping over his own feet. Donations accepted online and in person. ;-)

I was warned about boys and growth spurts. But I was not a believer until I experienced it for myself. Yowza!