Stinkbumps the Wonder Boy!

Tidings

2012-01-30T00:51:00.034-06:00

Disclaimer - this very well may be one of the most depressing posts I've written. You may not want to read this if you're having a bad day. Just sayin'. And please don't leave me any judgemental comments about this post. You are not thinking anything I'm not already thinking about myself, okay?

I put this up the other night, then promptly took it down the next day. Now I'm putting it back up again with the tag "rheumatoid arthritis" with the hopes that other people looking for answers about this sucky condition may find me. And for the record, there's no such thing as being "too young" to get RA. Don't ever let a specialist tell you, "Well, all your symptoms point to RA, but you're too young, so it can't be that...." And especially don't let them pat you on the head and tell you that there's nothing wrong with you, that you must just be "more sensitive to pain than other people" and try to push you out the door with a prescription for some stupid narcotic pain pill. INSIST that diagnostic tests be done. If that doctor won't do them, go to another doctor who will. Fire your rheumatologist if he starts acting like a misogynistic a-hole, and go get one who will actually listen to you. I did.

I know it has been a very long time since I have posted on here. There are so many things to say, and not enough words to say them with, and sometimes not enough energy to even turn on the computer to post. I'm trying to stay positive, and I have moments where I can pretend, and smile and act as though I'm not questioning - asking "But why? What did I do? WHY?". Perhaps this is why I have not posted lately.

I have this horrible tendency to cry if I talk about the things that are bothering me. Something terrible can happen, or I can be in the darkest pit ever, but so long as no one asks me to speak of it, I will not cry. But if I open my mouth and begin to speak the words, to give form to that which is hurting me, or frightens me, or makes me sad or angry, I weep. So I tend to try to avoid talking about the things that are truly and deeply upsetting me. But sometimes, I have to let it out, lest I go mad.

Much the same with writing. If I speak it or write it, then it become real. I can no longer ignore it, belittle it or wish it away. With each word spoken or written, it grows - lifting off the page or through my voice to plague my life and ensure that I most probably will never be the same again.

Jamie will never be the same again.

With each day that passes, I'm losing more and more mobility. I can no longer run or dance; in reality, I haven't been able to run in years, nor to dance in months. But there again, I've been ignoring that little reality for a long time. Heck, I can't even bowl - walking up to the lane properly is beyond my capability now. I wake up in the mornings barely able to move. I often accidentally break things because they slip out of my hands. A lot of times, I can't feel my fingers completely, so I don't realize I've lost my grip on things until they've fallen and shattered. I'm exhausted by such simple tasks as walking down the hall to retrieve a stack of papers from the work room.

My house looks like a pig sty because I can't keep it clean and Jamie has a ton of homework to do without being expected to keep the house clean, too.

I feel like my life, like my body, is falling apart. And yes, I know I sound like a spoiled little girl, whining at her parent, but all I can keep asking is, "Why? What did I do wrong?"

I said it was depressing. I'm sorry. Like I said, I can pretend for so long, but then there comes a point where I have to talk about it or write about it or else I will break completely. And I've been so good about cutting myself off from everyone over the years that writing about the things that are upsetting me is just about the only outlet I have. I have to let it out somewhere so I can continue to be strong for Jamie. He's upset enough by all this without me showing him how completely freaked out I am by my inability to do things the average two year-old has no problem doing.

50,168 Words Later....

2011-11-27T02:43:00.000-06:00

and I'm a winner in this year's NaNoWriMo. Nothing like having the incentive of failing the class if I don't finish the novel! It's finished but it isn't exactly the greatest writing ever. I intended the story to be one thing, then the characters took over and it wound up being something else entirely. In the middle of writing it, I got the idea for another book. So I don't know if I'll write that one over Christmas break or if I'll write down some notes then stick them in a drawer until next year's NaNoWriMo.

It's alive! Now I'm going to bed.

On Writing, and Teaching, and Life

2011-11-22T00:15:00.000-06:00

Howdy, folks. We're in the middle of the crazies down here. Today, I had a bad migraine that kept me up all night, so I called in sick to school. I took some more medicine around 7:30 this morning and woke up at 2:30. At 3, I started working on the novel I am supposed to be writing for school. Up to this point, I had been waaaay behind. Today, I wrote 11,505 words (no joke) on my novel. This means I now have written 30,030 words of my 50,000 word novel. I expect to finish over the long holiday weekend. Realistically, if I can write on two days like I did today, I'll be done and never have to look at it again. Yay, me!

In other news, I'm now down close to 70 pounds from what I was in January. The secret to my success is stress and chronic illness. Add in bursitis and mystery arthritis and you have yourself the key to weight loss. However, I do not recommend this as a weight loss plan for the masses. It takes dedication and desperation.

I continue to pray for the school year to hurry up and be over. Because the Thanksgiving break is only five days, alas, I do not think we'll be able to travel this month to do any visiting. See also first paragraph Re: grad school course requiring an insane amount of writing this month. I will, however, have two weeks off at Christmas that I am hoping I will have the time and funds in which to travel and see my beloved ones.

You would not recognize Jamie, either, as he is now more of a bean pole than ever, except with broader shoulders, a prominent Adam's apple, a deeper voice (he sings in the Bass section at church now!!!!) I will eventually post pictures when I come up for air.

We are both singing in the choir at Church, and are in rehearsals for the Christmas concert in a few weeks. Jamie tried out for a solo and is sad he didn't get it. I'm working on a solo part in "You Oughta Know" for the concert, but we haven't been told yet who's actually singing it in the concert (it's between me another another very nice lady with an amazing voice).

I love you all.

Believe it or Not.....

2011-11-02T23:52:00.000-05:00

I am still alive, my lack of blogging notwithstanding.I'm still teaching. I'm about 50 pounds lighter. I'm stressed out and sleep deprived. I just had a birthday. Oh, and I'm participating in NaNoWriMo this year as part of my grad course. This means I have even less time to blog than I did before. If you want to know how my teaching year is going so far, read my book when I'm finished. I'm basing it off my experiences at work. Truth is often stranger than fiction.

I just wanted to post to let you know I'm alive. And I love my blogging family. And I'm singing in church still.

Good night.

Random Things I've Discovered This Week

2011-07-22T14:24:00.001-05:00

Holding in your pee too long will give you a headache.
If you accidentally let it slip to your boss that you're coming in on the weekend specifically to work on the office procedures manual, something that cannot be done during the week because there's always way too much to do or too many interruptions, critical tasks will appear on your desk that absolutely, positively !must! be done over the weekend. *sigh*
Time passes much more slowly when one is waiting for one's test scores to be posted.
The sound of a ringing phone is enought to make one want to hit someone else.
The way our children behave is in direct correlation to how we ourselves behaved as children. And I will laugh about this fact when Jamie has children. And encourage his children to act that way. It's a vicious cycle. What can you do?
I've now eliminated soda completely from my diet.
I'm completely baffled by Jamie's gift of working with young children. This must be something that skipped a few branches on the family tree. Or even a few trees in the family orchard.
I'm now getting close to being down 30 pounds since the first of the year. Unfortunately, the only place you can tell it is in random places in my body and on my face. I haven't really gone down a whole clothing size yet because of the way plus size clothes are made. Stupid plus sized clothing manufacturers!!!!!

Told you they were random.

A Catchall Catch Up

2011-07-20T14:51:00.000-05:00

It has been far too long since I have posted. This morning, I took my PPR exam. I think I drove myself nuts on several of the questions, pretty much overthinking them until I was ready to just click on an answer already so I could go home. I finished the 90-question test in about an hour, but made myself mark questions to be reviewed if I had even the slightest doubt as to the correct answer. Then I went back and reviewed the marked questions and made sure I had read each question carefully and selected the best possible answer, sometimes rereading the question four or five times. Generally, this is not how I take tests, but I also sometimes make careless mistakes this way. As there is a lot riding on my score on this test, I felt I owed it to myself and to Jamie to do my best, ergo I took more care.(For those of you not in the know, if I don't get a passing score on the PPR exam, my teaching contract gets revoked. My replacement at my current job has already been hired, so I wouldn't have that job to fall back on, either. Can we say, "Screwedsville?") Oh, and the state won't allow me to retake the test until 60 days have passed - well after the school year has started. Again, big fat mess if it doesn't go well. Do you see why I took more care than usual?

School starts back in session down here Aug. 22. I start in-service training Aug. 9 (provided.... see above). I have already begun getting up at 5:30 every morning in anticipation of my school schedule. Jamie is forced out of bed at 6:30. We follow this schedule on weekends also. The main reason for this is because my neurologist has stated that people who get migraines need to have a schedule and stick to it regardless of holidays or weekends. Since Jamie gets migraines, too, he is being put on a strict schedule, as well. My last day in the school year will be May 26, 2012 (I think), Jamie's last day of school will be after Memorial Day - a fact that has left him none too pleased but tickles me mightily. :-)

We continue to make progress in organizing the house and purging it of outgrown/broken/unneeded stuff. It's amazing how much crap we've accumulated over the years. Of course, we aren't progressing nearly as quickly as I would like us to, but still I guess some progress is better than no progress.

Bombs Away!

2011-06-23T11:25:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of Jamie I stole from Jamie's youth group leader's facebook page. Jamie is jumping off a ledge one story in the air and getting ready to land on a huge inflatable "blob". This "blob" will launch the person on the end of it into the air and out into a lake once Jamie lands on it. Jamie will then make his way onto the end of the "blob" where he will be launched by the next person in line.

This picture actually mirrors a lot of what I'm feeling/experiencing as I get ready for my first year in my new teaching career. My schooling has been that long climb up the structure to get to the top of the platform, where I searched diligently for a teaching internship. I finally got one, so now it's my turn to take that jump to the new career. Let me tell you, it's a long fall from up here! But once I take the plunge on my first day, I know my training, the support staff at the school where I'll be teaching and all my many educator family members and friends will be ready to catch me. And by taking my jump, I'll be launching someone else's career to come work in my old profession as a secretary.

Yeah, I know this post was pretty hokey. Originally, I was just going to post this pic of Jamie at camp. But the more I looked at it, the more I drew parallels to my career change.

Incidentally, with Jamie away at camp, the house has been waaaaaay too quiet. I'm so glad I get to go pick him up tomorrow. I miss the little (well, relatively speaking) booger so much!

Changes and Adjustments

2011-06-21T10:17:00.001-05:00

I'm going to apologize in advance because some of this post is whining, while some is humor and some is all out excitement. Please forgive the emotional roller coaster you are about to read. Jamie is at camp this week (thank you, Jesus, for scholarships and wonderful youth group leaders!), so I'm just that much more emotional due to missing him.

I am very excited about my new job - but I'm also kind of nervous, scared, anxious, etc. This new position will mean a lot of adjustments for me, both big and small. Also, it doesn't help that I still don't know what grade level I'll be teaching. And the fact that they are requiring me to take the PPR exam before the school year starts and there's only one Saturday exam available at the end of July, which means if I don't pass it I won't have another opportunity to take it before school starts (which means potentially they'll revoke my contract) and that I don't have the $120 registration fee for the test anyway (at least, not if I want to buy groceries and put gas in my car).

And then there's the $59 I need to pay for the fingerprinting and background check plus the $50-some odd dollars I'll need to pay for my probationary certification. All before I can start teaching. Which means I don't have it to spare. And we won't even get into how much I despise the fact that my life's focus has been on money so much for the last few years. Every thought, every deed, every action I take centers around the thought "But how much will it cost, and do I have enough money to cover that?" This job would certainly help with that. I'll make a couple of hundred bucks more a month than I do currently. Which would certainly make life a little easier for us because it would almost cover how much back child support I'm not receiving because they can't find the jerk. But that's another blog post. But, in order to breathe a little easier and get that extra money a month, I need to pony up cash I don't have. It is such a vicious cycle.

On a funny note, I read the staff handbook last night. 90% of what I currently wear to work as a secretary in a pretty casual office is not suitable for my new position. No sandals or open toed shoes (dude, once the temperatures reach about 80 degrees in March through about the middle of October, all I wear is sandals and open toe shoes!). No capri pants (again, those are just about all I wear because it's so durn hot!). No heels. No jeans. This of course means I'll either have to wear long pants (too durn hot!) or skirts. I am not a skirt person, most of the time. However, I was able a week or so ago to get a bunch of nice things for the new job. Most of them were skirts. So I've been freaking everyone out at work by wearing skirts several times a week. I figure I better get used to them.

Speaking of getting used to things. I'll have to be at work each morning at 7:30 a.m. (ugh!). I am NOT a morning person. It takes around 12 minutes to get to the school. This means I need to leave the house at 7:15. Jamie's bus does not come until 7:45-ish. The school at which I will be teaching is in the opposite direction of Jamie's school. Jamie is going to have to wait for the bus at his friend's house to make sure he gets to the bus stop in time to catch it. I'm shuddering at the thought of how early I'll have to get up to get ready for school in time.

Another thing I'll have to get used to is not treating all the kids like they are my own, as I do with Jamie's friends. I can't tease and rib these kids like I would Jamie and his friends. Of course, I don't mean teasing in a bad way. But I will need to monitor myself a little more. I hardly think the parents would appreciate it if I stopped in the middle of what I was saying, sang out "Punch buggy!" and tapped the student closest to me. I don't really think that would be professional behavior, do you?

Well, I guess I'm done. I just wanted to let you all know how things are going. I'm kind of a nervous wreck, but I'm glad I'll have almost two whole weeks of training before school starts to help me become accustomed to the way things are done at my new school. I'll also be assigned a mentor teacher to help me with lesson planning, learning the best ways to manage the classroom, grading scales, and all those other things you hear about in school but can't really practice until you are in your own classroom. For everyone who sent up prayers, positive thoughts, good energy or whatever to help me get this position, I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart!

I Better Get Used to Being Called "Ms. H___________"...

2011-06-17T16:15:00.002-05:00

…because I got the teaching internship I’ve been wanting. This means I will begin teaching in August and will be the teacher of record for the entire year. This means I will get paid a teacher’s salary, rather than doing a free student teaching assignment. This means, in short, I can continue to feed the ravenous monster that is my son!

:-D

Update on Internship Search

2011-06-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

For those of you not on facebook, I just wanted to post a quick update. I heard today from "Charter School B". I did not get the position. But really, I'm okay with that. I don't think I would do well as a first year teacher in such an unstructured environment. Besides, I do have a job now, so it isn't as though I will die right now if I don't get an internship. I'm also still pending with "Charter School A" and "local ISD", so there is still a possibility I'll get an internship, just not at School B.

Tomorrow

2011-06-07T14:28:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I'm teaching a fourth grade reading class as part of my interview process for a teaching job at unnamed charter school. It would be an understatement to say I'm extremely nervous. I'm thinking of doing a lesson on poetry/reading comprehension, which will involve group work, some question and answer time, taking apart a famous "poem" (a currently popular song that most of the kids should know), taking apart a not-so-famous (to them) poem, and writing a classroom "text message poem" on a centralized theme. I am SOOOOO nervous. Both because this is the first time I've formally taught in a school classroom, and because so much is riding on my performance tomorrow.

Please think of me tomorrow. Pray, if you are so inclined, or send positive thoughts, or good kharma, whatever you feel like doing. Whatever it is, I'll appreciate it! I'll be in a class from 1:00 - 1:30 Central Time.

Extreme Couponing?

2011-05-30T23:10:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend, I did not do as much as I had planned, because I have this ridiculous tendency to extremely overestimate what one person working on her own can do in a weekend. But I did get one major project done. I cleaned out the closet/pantry type thingie in my breakfast area. When we were painting the house (2 YEARS AGO), this area got cluttered up with accumulated painting stuff and other junk. There is only one shelf in this area, no door and not even a clothes rod. So, a while back (1 YEAR AGO), I bought a metal shelving unit that would fit perfectly in that area with the intentions of putting the unit together and converting this wasted space to a pantry since I have no cupboard space to spare for food. One day this weekend, while Jamie was out with his BB riding bikes and watching movies, I tackled the closet. I was too ashamed of what it looked like before, so I also took no after pics, because you would not have any basis for comparison. But to give you an idea of what a big job this was, it took me four hours of concentrated, work only on this one closet, effort.

For background noise, I had TLC on the TV. TLC just happened to be running a marathon of Extreme Couponing. Oh. My. Stars. These people are nuts! How on earth do they find time to spend 60 hours a week on collecting coupons, organizing coupons, checking online coupon databases, calling in their orders days ahead of their actual shopping trip, etc. etc. etc.? I mean, yes, they got some fabulous bargains on their groceries. But they also dumpster dive to get more coupons? And spend $2,000 a year just on Sunday newspapers? And buy things they DO NOT NEED just because they are cheap? There was a lady on there who has something like 60 bags of diapers - and she does not have a baby! And there's the people who have shelving units all through their houses holding enough food stuffs and personal items to last their families for 5 years and they are still out shopping every week for more? And the people who have 40 boxes of cereal - stuff that will expire long before they can ever eat it all?

I don't understand that type of shopping. HOWEVER, I will admit that some of their ideas are pretty good and I will start adopting some of them WITHIN REASON to feed the bottomless pit my son has become. I absolutely will not be installing extra shelves throughout the house to hold the crap I don't use (already have a lot of that, thank you). But I will use coupons to buy stuff Jamie will eat. Previously, I had avoided coupons and just bought things generic or when they are on sale. But I do think trying to match coupons with sales sounds like a good idea. Of course, there are many products Jamie just can't eat because of his food allergies, but I will do what I can to save money.

So what about you? Are you more in the extreme couponer camp or are you like me, pretty much figure couponing at all can be a time suck you really can't afford? Where do you fit in?

The Strings Saga Continues

2011-05-24T16:42:00.001-05:00

Remember a while back when I lamented that Jamie would have to drop Strings/Orchestra for next year so he could take Robotics II, Advanced Android Programming and Webmastery? And then I was actually happy that Robotics II got canceled, because it meant Jamie could take Strings again? Well, all that was before the powers that be decided to add a reading class as required for 8th graders next year. Now, normally I would be all excited for Jamie to take another reading class. It is important. BUT - now we're right back to Jamie not being able to take orchestra next year. Which means that he'll have to take private violin lessons all year to be deemed "eligible" for orchestra in high school. This is on top of the guitar lessons he wants to take (and I've been able to put off because there's a guitar club at school), enough food to feed an army (he's been eating double lunches at school the last few weeks not to mention how high my grocery bill will be this summer when he's home all day), new/nearly-new clothes and new shoes every three months, his normal medical expenses each month and enough gas to haul him hither and yon. If you are a praying person, please pray that the S.D. actually starts paying his child support. Also pray that other things in the works will come to pass. My kid appears to be a money-eating machine.

Now Taking Donations....

2011-05-17T11:14:00.000-05:00

The Society for the Preservation of the Sanity of Mothers is now accepting donations in whatever form they are offered - whether groceries to feed the ever-ravenous, apparently hollow-legged teenaged offspring; clothing to fit said offspring who has now grown an alarming amount in the last five months; shoes to fit the feet that have zoomed in length, growing nearly two full shoe sizes; gasoline to run said offspring and his unofficially adopted brethren to their five million different activities; or first aid supplies to bandage and soothe all the bumps, bruises and aches caused by being a gangly boy with a penchant for tripping over his own feet. Donations accepted online and in person. ;-)

I was warned about boys and growth spurts. But I was not a believer until I experienced it for myself. Yowza!

On Growing Boys and Knobbly Knees

2011-05-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

The other night, Jamie and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. The way he was sitting, I could see his arms from an angle I'd previously not noticed. His arms were skinny little sticks, and his elbows great big knobs in comparison. Then I noticed his legs and knees are the same way. Even with all his medications that kill his appetite, he still eats nearly constantly and obviously it is NOT enough. Oh, my poor child, you have been hit with the same metabolic quirk as your grandmother and uncle. I need to work seriously hard to fatten you up!

(This is a repost of a facebook note I posted today. Thought I'd share with my readers who do not get on fb.)

Bots, Part II (in pictures)

2011-05-05T21:42:00.000-05:00

Bots, Part I

2011-05-02T04:31:00.002-05:00

The competition did not go well. Several of the kids who came did NOTHING. Some of the kids who came obviously had never done anything to contribute, so I was baffled as to why they were allowed to come. One kid actually kept doing things he was told not to do. A few weeks ago, the school robotics club sponsor announced there would be no program next year.

I've decided that by-golly the kids who have worked hard and have a genuine interest will be back next year. I looked at the rules and community clubs or organizations are allowed to compete so long as they can prove everyone on the team falls within the allowed ages. Furthermore, the teams can be sponsored by an individual or entity in the form of cash or materials. It may be possible for a bot to be built, entry fees for the competition, transportation and hotel rooms can be gotten for less than $1,500. The rules state a club can also can use volunteer consultants, so long as the students themselves do all the work and the consultants merely provide instruction. Therefore, I'm going to lead a community robotics team next year. I have workbenches in my garage, I've found several marine technology websites by credible organizations that offer step-by-step instructions on building the underwater robots, I have several contacts in the petrochemical, technology and hobby fields whom I can ask to sponsor us, I know a few kids on the high school team whom I will ask to serve as consultants, and I will beg and borrow whatever tools necessary to get those kids to compete again next year.

Even if their school does decide to scrape together a program next year, I'm still going to ask the students I have in mind if they would want to do it as a neighborhood club, rather than going with the school. I really think we could do this, and I'm going to ask Jamie's friend's parents if they want to help. Of course, all of this is contingent upon if the rules continue to allow a community club to compete. I'll let you know in November or December when they post the rules if I will be sponsoring a robotics club of my own. Until I know whether or not I'll be allowed to lead a team, I'm not saying anything to Jamie or his friends. I don't want to get their hopes up for no reason.

P.S. I'm too exhausted to try to upload pictures from the competition tonight. Sometime this week after I wrap up my finals I'll post the pics under a post entitled, "Bots, Part II".

P.P.S.S. Because the Robotics II class has officially been canceled for next year, Jamie was put back in orchestra. I'm VERY happy about that!!!!

Sparse

2011-04-11T11:29:00.002-05:00

Posts will be sparse(r) around here, as I'm entering into the home stretch on classes. I'm working on first drafts of final papers, end-of semester projects, etc., while also trying to get my son ready for the robotics competition at NASA at the end of this month (we're SO EXCITED!). So, posts detailing what's up will be even more sparse than they have been. Here's some brief notes on things going on in these-here parts:

We continue to be active in church, with both of us singing in the choir and taking our 8-week rotation in the children's wee worship room (I must admit I'm very glad it's only once every 8 weeks!). Jamie is also very active in the youth group there.
Jamie has grown almost 2 inches since January. I've had to replace almost his entire wardrobe. Thank you, Lord, for thrift stores!
For those of you not on fb, Jamie and many of his friends got inducted into the National Junior Honor Society at the end of last month. Good job, everyone!
Like I said, we're getting ready for a robotics competition at NASA at the end of the month. This has involved many an hour at school, as well as at home and at the teacher's parent's house to test the robot in their pool.
Last night, before I could take Jamie and his friend Spencer home from youth group at church, I had to cover my seats (bottom and chair backs) with garbage bags and cover the headrests with grocery sacks. They had a water balloon fight and were playing on a slip and slide. Except they had covered the slip and slide with baby oil before they turned on the water. I SO did not want that mess on my seats!

Hope the weather is pretty where you are and that all is well in your worlds.

Quick Update

2011-03-29T07:24:00.000-05:00

Life has kept trucking along since my last post. I don't have a diagnosis yet on the joint pain, body aches and fatigue, but the rheumatologist did put me on a prescription-strength NSAID that has helped a LOT. I wake up in the morning and I can actually move around. It's amazing how much better life seems when you don't hurt everywhere all the time. I go back to see him next month, at which time he wants to run a bunch more tests.

I've also seen the hand specialist, and she diagnosed carpal tunnel syndrome, cubital tunnel, and thoracic outlet syndrome. All this means I have nerve compression occurring in my neck, shoulders, elbows and wrists on both sides. I'm in physical therapy twice a week to learn exercises that are supposed to reduce the compression and I go back to see her at the beginning of next month.

Jamie is - well - Jamie. He's been hanging out with his friends from school and church, building bots, and such. They're all getting ready for their Remote Operated Vehicles competition (underwater remote-controlled bots) competitoon next month at NASA in Houston. We don't have school or work on Good Friday, and that's the day we caravan over and spend the night, then the competition is the next day. We're really excited to be able to go this year! Also, I'm very proud to announce he's getting inducted into the National Junior Honor Society on Thursday of this week! Yay, Jamie! His friend Spencer is also. Good job boys! On the Geek front, I have introduced him to Battlestar Galactica on Netflix, so that's been fun. I'm trying to show him there's more to Science Fiction than just "Star Wars." Sometimes, I get soooo tired of SW!

Well, I have to go make sure Jamie is getting ready for school and I need to inhale another gallon of coffee or two before I'm ready to face the day. Hope you all have a blessed day!

Je Suis Fatiguée

2011-03-03T16:30:00.001-06:00

I am tired (for those of you who do not speak French). I've been on a whirlwind medical odyssey for the last two months - well, years longer than that, actually. But this was the first time I've ever had a doctor take me seriously and actually try to investigate my symptoms, instead of just telling me my pain, fatigue and dizziness are because I'm fat, or looking for attention, or whatever.

I told you all last post that the doctor had thrown out a whole lot of scary possibles - multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, brain lesions, etc. I went back to the doctor yesterday for the results of more blood work, an MRI of my brain and a nerve conduction velocity/EMG test on my arms (to test the constant tingling and numbness in both hands). First thing she did was tell me the MRI looked good. "You have a normal brain," she said. I fired back, "You're probably the only person who thinks so." She laughed, then said there was nothing on the MRI that indicated MS, brain lesions or brain cancer. She did say a very small percentage of people with MS do not have abnormal MRIs, so if the dizziness continues she'll refer me to a neurologist; at this point, she does not think it's MS that is bothering me.

She then apologized for stating before that she didn't think it was carpal tunnel causing the tingling, because it turns out I have it in both wrists, along with cubital tunnel, as well. Basically, both main nerves running into my hands and fingers are getting compressed either in my wrist or my elbows. She has referred me to an orthopedist to tackle these issues. I go the week after next to see the hand specialist.

Then, she said that my rheumatoid factor in my blood was high, indicating it's possible my pain and stiffness is being caused by Rheumatoid Arthritis. She said this could also be affecting my balance issues if I have it in my ankles. She also said just because my RA was high does not mean I necessarily have it. She has referred me to a rheumatologist to deal with all the aches, pains, and the bloodwork. I go to see that specialist the day before I see the orthopedist.

So, that's what's up. The good news is, she doesn't think it's MS, which is the thought that was scaring the crap out of me. The other good news is that I'm not some psycho hypochondriac looking for attention, as I've been accused of being. There is something causing these symptoms, and I am going to find out exactly what it is and beat it. I'm tired of being too tired to do anything but work, go to school and go to bed.

Gee, Thanks Doc

2011-02-16T15:52:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to go into details, but I will say I'm going through a kind of scary phase of life right now requiring multiple doctor visits and some very unpleasant diagnostic tests. I was at one such follow-up visit yesterday (which resulted in the ordering of MORE tests). The doctor told me she highly doubted my problems were caused by such-and-such simple problem and she suspected they were caused by any one of a list of much more serious problems. After scaring the crap out of me with this list, she then said, "You know, stress and lack of sleep can make your symptoms worse and can cause any one of a list of much more serious problems to progress more quickly. So go home, reduce your stress levels and get plenty of rest." Gee, thanks, Doc. Scare the crap out of me and then tell me to go home and take a nap. Riiiiiight.

I understand from my sources on teh interwebz that some of my FB and real-life friends are going through tough times on the home and medical fronts right now. Please know I'm praying for each and every one of you as you go through these tough times. I ask that you please do the same for me, and especially for Jamie. He's witnessed some of my symptoms, and despite my attempt at being nonchalant about upcoming diagnostic tests, he's a bit freaked out right now, too. So please pray for him to not have anxiety about all this right now. And if you don't pray, positive thoughts/good kharma/love would be accepted and appreciated, as well.

If You're Inclined to Pray

2011-02-13T23:08:00.000-06:00

If you're inclined to pray
Please say one for me.
If you prefer to call it
good kharma
positive thoughts
love -
I'll take all those, too.
If you're inclined to pray
please do so for me.
Please send me strength
send me courage
send me Grace.

Children's Book Reviews on Jenn the Bibliophile

2011-02-09T09:09:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to let you know that I've started posting reviews on Jenn the Bibliophile. I've reviewed the classic "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" by Beatrix Potter and Mo Willem's "Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed". If you have little ones who enjoy being read to, I highly recommend them both - especially NMRGD. It will leave parents and kids alike "in stitches"!

Classes are in full swing, so you can expect approximately three book reviews each two-week period. Another review will go up on the blog tonight. As time progresses, the books will be geared toward progressively older readers. I hope you will enjoy these reviews. This blog has been added to my blog roll in the right-hand sidebar so that you can see when new posts go up. Please feel free to leave comments!

Around Here

2011-02-04T22:54:00.000-06:00

I'm still guilty of blog neglect. But I have an excuse - I've been very busy. First, I came down with a mystery illness that my doctor is still trying to diagnose. As much blood as he had drawn, he durn well OUGHT to figure out what's wrong with me. It caused me to miss several days of work, as well as staying away from church - didn't want to infect the very young or very old, in case I had something contagious. I'm feeling a little better now, but I'm still dealing with body aches all over, extreme fatigue, episodes of some pretty extreme joint pain, and irritability. For the record, they tested me for flu and it was negative. Also, I've already had mono, so I doubt it's that.

Despite this, I've still managed to be on a spree cleaning up/rearranging/purging my household of accumulated junk. I've finally gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore. Jamie's friend Spencer is coming over tomorrow to help us pile a bunch of bulky items at the curb. I will then have the City come by and give me an estimate how much it will cost to haul it away. This stuff is not usable by anyone else, so it has to go to the dump - unfortunately. Otherwise, I would have donated it. The "stuff" is the living room couch and loveseat (destroyed by the dogs; we got it from a house where they had dogs that apparently marked their territory. My dogs have followed suit, no matter how many times I've punished them or cleaned the spot); our old mattresses and my box spring (more than 10 years old, stuff spilled on them and stained, so they cannot be sanitized and resold per state laws), an old army cot that got ripped up in the move, a papasan chair that got most of its rungs broken in the last move, an old rotted ladderback chair the previous tenants left in the backyard, etc. I will spare you the long list of just how much junk we're purging. I'm tired of moving it around with me. Even if I have to pay the City $50 to haul it away, it will be worth it for it not to be taking up space and discouraging me every time I see it. As a reward for the free labor, I'll be taking the boys to their favorite pizza joint/arcade as a reward. Bribery works wonders!

I'm keeping up with school work - barely. I have managed to map out on a calendar exactly when assignments are due for which class. I'm determined not to have a repeat of last semester's final exam debacle!

The diet on Weight Watchers continues. I haven't lost any pounds the last two weeks, but I'm still losing inches. My recent illness and an extreme desire for comfort food has derailed the whole "losing pounds" thing. But I can tell by the way my clothes fit and how my face looks in the mirror that I am losing inches. Now that I'm feeling somewhat better, I will resume my diet and be more strict with myself.

Oh, and we got a dusting of snow today! Jamie had his first snow day off of school in nearly 6 years. He was so excited! The roads (even the interstate highways) were closed until noon today because SA just doesn't have the materials to combat these kinds of conditions. I made it to work this morning - but it took me a little more than 30 minutes to go less than one mile to work! Then, when I got to work, I discovered a message on my WORK voicemail from my boss telling me if I needed to come in late due to the road conditions, that would be okay. I didn't know whether to laugh or to scream!

Jenn the Bibliophile

2011-01-25T11:13:00.000-06:00

One of my classes this semester is actually a Library Science class on Children's and Young Adult Literature. As part of this class, I have to read Children's/YA books and write reviews. Then I have to post reviews to a blog. (Heavenly assignments for me!) To that end, I have created Jenn the Bibliophile. I'll be reviewing several different age level books - picture books, easy readers, Caldecott and Newberry winners, chapter books. Feel free to come by and leave comments. Part of the assignment is that I have to get feedback from the general public. Please stop by! I'll add this blog to my blogroll on the right sidebar so you know when there's something new to read. Thanks in advance for your help!

Guilty of Blog Neglect

2011-01-24T14:02:00.000-06:00

School started for me last Tuesday, Jamie had a birthday party on Saturday, and I've been working out and cleaning house like mad, so the blog has been neglected. In a nutshell, here's what's happening in our neck of the woods.

My son became a teenager. And that's all I'm going to say about that. (Name that movie!)
Jamie also got 6 As and 5 Bs on his most recent report card. Good job, kiddo!
I'm downsizing my household. No, I didn't kick Jamie out (even if he is a rotten teenager now).... I'm selling all my old bedroom furniture on Craigslist (double, long dresser; queen bed frame and headboard; lamp with built-in table) and have replaced it with a full-sized bed, memory foam mattress and two tall dressers. My bedroom is too tiny for a queen-size, the mattress was hurting me, and I stubbed my toe on the end of that stupid bed nearly every day. I'm single, I don't need a queen-sized bed for just me, so it has got to all go. I got the new stuff for a steal, so I figure it was a worthy investment to buy new and get what I wanted and needed, instead of making do with this and that. BTW - this is kind of also part of my resolution to take care of myself for a change. No more mattress that leaves me waking up stiff and sore every morning, no more stubbing my toe on a bed that is too big for my room, etc.
And I upsized my car. Teeny tiny car was great on gas mileage... until it stopped being great on gas mileage. And started having gremlins in the wiring that would cost more to FIND than to fix. And started having brake issues that no one could figure out WHY they were happening and would be way expensive to diagnose then fix the problem. So, may I present Dumplin', my new car. She got her name because she's a big white blob. She's more expensive than my last car (I'm trying not to dwell on that too much), but she's much safer. 5-star crash safety ratings all the way around from NHTSC, standard front-, side-, and curtain airbags. She also has seating for seven and lots of cargo room. All the back seats fold flat for hauling cargo. I've already tested this feature out, and she hauled home all the aforementioned furniture for my bedroom. She also costs me less in car insurance. :-)

Happy Birthday, Stinkbumps!

2011-01-13T13:54:00.000-06:00

Thirteen years ago today, my life was forever changed with the arrival of my Stinkbumps. Happy birthday! And don't worry, I still love you, even if you are a rotten teenager now!

Weight Watchers Status Update

2011-01-10T14:50:00.000-06:00

So, I told you all I had made a resolution to take better care of myself and had joined Weight Watchers. I'm proud to announce that my first week in the program netted me a five pound weight loss. I followed the program, kept track of what I ate and stayed within my daily points allowance (well, for the most part. There was one day I went over a bit.) It has not been as hard as I feared it would be to follow the program.

The next step is figuring out how I want to get more exercise. Through my health insurer, I can join a program that costs $29 a month and I can go to any participating gym I want, as many times as I want, without a contract. I'm wondering if I might do better though if I just find a good used treadmill or elliptical and put it in my garage. I think if I have to find the time to go somewhere away from home to exercise, it won't happen. Whereas if I have a piece of equipment at home, I can get on it whenever I want.

I'll keep a sidebar going documenting my weight loss and health journey. Check in with me each Monday to see how it's progressing.

A Revolutionary Resolution

2011-01-04T11:57:00.000-06:00

Being a typical mom, I always put myself last. I make sure Jamie eats the right stuff and gets enough food before his energy levels dip too low, I make sure Jamie gets enough sleep, I make sure Jamie goes to the doctor(s) regularly and I make sure Jamie stays active to keep his body healthy. As for myself, I stay up way too late each night making sure everything is taken care of for Jamie; I often don't eat until I've got a bad case of the shakes and sparkles in front of my eyes - which means by that time I'm so hungry I just reach for the first thing at hand or run through a fast food drive through; and I only go to the doctor if I absolutely feel like I'm going to die. Because I work all day sitting at a desk in front of a computer, then spend a great deal of my nights sitting on my butt either reading text books or in front of a computer, I have gained quite a bit of weight since moving to Texas. In short, I've been doing a piss poor job of taking care of myself.

So, my resolution this year is to be kinder to myself and to be healthier. For me, the idea of actually taking care of myself is kind of revolutionary. Ever since Jamie was born, I have focused completely on him. But he's getting older and more self-sufficient, so I need to concentrate on me now. I have joined Weight Watchers, but my main goal is not necessarily to lose a ton of weight (although that is a goal in the future). I mainly joined because it will help me to keep track of what I'm eating and when, and will help me live more healthfully. By making me keep track of what I'm eating and at what times, it's helping me understand when my energy typically starts dipping, how to counteract hunger cravings before they start, and how to make healthier choices in what I eat. I have already entered a number of my usual recipes into the "points calculator" to see how nutritious they are - and by and large they are very healthful. What gets me in trouble is when I don't monitor my hunger, then go crazy and eat too much when I'm so hungry I can barely stand up. WW will also help me keep track of my activity levels and help me find ways to work more activity into my daily routine.

I won't lie and say I don't care about how I look and how much I weigh now. I won't lie and state that the fact that people guess my age to be FAR older than I am because of my weight doesn't bother me. I do care - and it bugs the heck out of me that I've let myself go this far. It's just that it's more important to me to be healthy so that I can reach my life goals. The healthier I am, the more energy I'll have, and the weight will be easier to shed, in turn making me even healthier. Although I quit smoking a long time ago, drink in moderation and do not do drugs, I've still been abusing my body by not taking care of it. The abuse stops now.

Friday Five: Grateful Edition

2010-12-17T09:45:00.000-06:00

Today, since I've been grousing so much here lately, I thought I would post five things for which I am grateful. In no particular order:

1. I am grateful that I only work three days next week. While it's true I've already had six days off work since October (and that does not include holidays), I've been at Jamie's school doing student observations, so they haven't FELT like days off. I've still had to get up early - in fact, even earlier than I would for work, I've had to dress nice (nicer than what I wear to work), and I've had to interact with people. So, they haven't really been days "off".

2. I am grateful that the following week I will have Friday off. Again, time off with kid to do whatever. Sounds great to me!

3. I am grateful that Jamie and I had already agreed on a low-key Christmas this year. He already knows he's only getting a few things. He has been limited to buying things for his BB, Joel & his sigoth, Leah, and just a few close friends. Basically, all my loved ones are getting this year are Christmas cards with our love and well wishes inside. I'm trying really hard to pinch my pennies this year because of upcoming student teaching, when I will not be able to work outside of my student teaching, which of course doesn't pay anything.

4. I'm grateful that my work usually gives out Christmas bonuses. (Hint, hint, hint, if you're reading this, powers that be!) This is where most of the small Christmas we're having is coming from.

5. I'm grateful that I have so many good friends and loved ones in my life. This is what I am most grateful for. You all rock!

It's Like "Teletubbies" Meets "Alien"

2010-12-13T16:42:00.000-06:00

Oh, this is so wrong! It's like a horrible mutant Teletubby (well, more mutantier than usual), or some horrible mash-up between an episode of Teletubbies and that scene in Alien when that thing came out of the guy's stomach. I just can't look at it anymore. Please, put it away, and for goodness sake, do NOT buy this for anyone! I believe I'd rather have a Snuggie!

In case you were wondering, it's called a "peekaru". If you buy this for anyone this Christmas, that person will know, without a doubt, that you actually hate him or her. Please, spread love at Christmas, not terror and angst!

A Parent's Christmas Wish List

2010-12-06T09:45:00.001-06:00

Hey, kids! Christmas is just around the corner, and I know you're wondering just what the heck you can get for good ol' Mom and Dad. They have everything, right? And you don't want to give them the same gifts you give every year - the ties, perfume, etc. of which they already have too much. So, to help you out, I've compiled this list of things that your parents will absolutely LOVE to receive...and the best thing is, they're FREE!

When cooking yourself something in the kitchen, actually PICK UP your trash and throw it away, rather than leaving it on the counter for mom or dad to find later.
If the garbage can is full, instead of piling your garbage on top until it overflows onto the floor, actually take the garbage out to the garbage bin, then... this is the important part.... PUT A NEW GARBAGE BAG IN THE TRASH CAN. (I know, amazing concept, right?)
Boys, return toilet sits to the proper position once you have finished your business! I'm tired of going swimming when I'm half asleep and forget to check if you put the durn thing back down.
Be able to find your socks/shoes/watch/medication/favorite sweater without having to shout "Mom, where's my ______?!?!!?" every once in a while.
When your parents tell you to do something, do not reply "In a minute." Be like Nike and "Just do it".
Furthermore, when your parents tell you to do something, try the novel approach of actually doing it the first time you're told, instead of waiting to see how many times mom and/or dad can repeat themselves before they blow a gasket.
When it's your turn to do the dishes, actually do them BEFORE they turn funny colors and start to stink.
And, hey, this list isn't just for the older kids. You little ones can get in on the act, too! When in public, don't blurt out embarrassing remarks about your mom's hiney, tushy, or whatever else you might call it. Don't blurt out stuff about other people's hiney or tushy, either.

So there you have it, kiddos. Just a few simple suggestions for what you can get your parents this year. They're free and easy to do, but your parents will be so appreciative!

What I'm Doing

2010-12-05T18:48:00.000-06:00

I've been very busy (and very lazy) since Thanksgiving break. I've been shamefully lax in updating my blog. I don't have the brain cells to put too much here, but I will give you the highlights.

Jamie and I had a very lovely, wonderful visit over Thanksgiving. We didn't publicize where we were going, becuase we couldn't possibly see all the people we wanted to. Suffice it to be said that we were having a grand time and felt very loved. Wish we were closer to home!
The semester is almost over for me. Hallelujah! My brain cells are so fried, somebody might confuse them for fast food. Just a couple of weeks to go.
Jamie and I are both busy with churchly activities. I kicked myself in the butt and we're back going to services after our hiatus there for a few weeks. I've enjoyed it immensely! We've also been busy with getting ready for the Christmas Cantata. It's next weekend, and I just found out tonight I will be singing the solo I wanted. If you can stand it, I'll try to get some video or at least audio of it and post it here. Jamie is also singing in the Cantata, although he isn't singing any solos. He is possibly singing in a small-group backup kind of dealie, but Marc has not officially stated who is doing what on all the songs. I just found out tonight (our penultimate rehearsal) that I'll have a solo.
Work is plugging along nicely.

Other than that, there isn't much to report. I probably won't post anything on here again until after finals and the Cantata are over. Love you all!

No Place Like Home for the Holidays (in Pictures)

2010-11-29T12:02:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry we didn't take more pictures, but I was having too much fun! Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving.

Procrastination Post

2010-11-21T21:09:00.000-06:00

As I type this, I'm supposed to be doing five million other things. I'm supposed to be working on homework (including a rather lengthy paper) - this homework is due tomorrow at 5 p.m. So really, I have to get it done tonight. But I don't want to. Why? Because so much of the stuff I have to do for these classes has very little to do with the actual art of teaching. They are filler - even the teachers say so. And I'm so burned out and exhausted and discouraged right now that I just can't get motivated to do anything other than what I want to do, which is sit at the computer and look at new cars.

But part of what has me so discouraged is the fact that I'm looking at new cars and realizing that it may not be possible right now to get one, mechanical problems aside. But, so much of what I'm looking at that has the features I want winds up being minivans, which then takes me down the road I've been contemplating for years... foster parenting. I've been thinking about applying to foster for years, but then I look at how hard I struggle to keep all my balls in the air, and how exhausted I am all the time just trying to raise one child (not to mention all the mistakes I've made and regrets I have), and how hard I struggle to keep food on the table, and how the house is always so messy I'm ashamed to have anyone over to visit, and I realize there's no way in hell I would ever get approved to foster, so why go to the expense of it all? Plus the thought of adding more children into my teeny tiny house (and my teeny tiny car) just makes me tired. And then I look some more at the cars in my price range, and wonder what I should do, and get even more discouraged. This is a very nasty cycle I'm in right now.

I'm also supposed to be cleaning house and rearranging things to make life with three dogs easier, and I'm not doing that right now, either. I'm just too tired to move. I think the fact that it gets dark so soon after I get off work now is definitely NOT a good thing for me. I need sunshine like I used to need cigarettes.

I can't put it off any longer, so I guess I better do my homework. At least when I get this done, I won't have any more homework until next Sunday. Small things for which to be grateful, no?

The Car Conundrum (UPDATED)

2010-11-19T10:56:00.001-06:00

I'm in a bit of a quandry, transportation-wise. I have a car, a teeny tiny car. I kind of like my teeny tiny car, but it has some problems now, and it's just a bit too teeny tiny. My car has developed brake problems, a mysterious short that causes the blower to not always blow, the daytime running lights have quit working (no matter how many times I've taken it to the shop - or how much I've had to pay there) and other issues that make me feel like I'm not quite as safe as I'd like to be when I'm on the road. Of course, car problems aside, I don't think I'll ever feel safe in that teeny tiny car again ever since that semi almost squished me a while back. Apparently, my car was too teeny tiny to be seen.

Anyway, my car has been to the shop, and fixing all the things wrong with it is going to be expensive. More expensive than is worth sinking into this car (that was the mechanic's honest opinion).

Another problem with my teeny tiny car is that my son is friends with a bunch of giants. Seriously. Although Jamie is the oldest of his friends, he's the smallest. His BFFs all tower over him. Wm, Sp and B are all several inches taller than he is. Sp is nearly a foot taller! Also, most of his friends outweigh him by a huge amount - not hard to do when you are a toothpick, like my son. So, getting all these guys together to do something is nearly impossible, unless their parents drop them off. It is very uncomfortable for all the boys when it is my turn on after-school pick-up days. Also, almost all his BFFs are in the same clubs he is in, and these clubs involve traveling with multiple kids in the car to different locations, some hours and hours away. These clubs do not always have the funds to get buses for the trips, so parents step in and transport the kids. I'm thinking specifically of upcoming trips to Austin and Houston that I know will require multiple kids and ROBOTS in my car at the same time. We did that a month ago, where I had to transport three (or was it four?) boys and a robot only across town and I thought the car would burst at the seams. Not to mention if we had had an accident, the boys in the back would have had robot parts up their noses and in their nether regions.

There's another option, but I'm torn about this. I have found another car I like. Heck, actually I love it. It's the modern version of a station wagon. It's a 2010 Kia Rondo, only has 11K miles on it, is still covered under factory warranty, has seating for 7 plus cargo room, has much better safety features than my car, and is big enough that I won't feel like a bug about to be squished every time I drive down the road. Plus, everything on it works! No brake issues, no blower issues, imagine that! This vehicle has been discontinued in the US (the 2010 is the last model year being sold in the US), but parts will still be available for a long time to come, according to Kia. The big thing I'm torn about is the price. It will increase my monthly car payment by about $80, and will (of course) be a little more expensive to fill up at the pump (it gets about 4 mpg less than my current car). Also, my car insurance will go up by about $17 a month. My financing has already been approved, I just need to make a down payment on it of $500, plus whatever negative equity I owe from my current car (I'm still making payments on it). It won't be much, I think. I won't know the actual number until the dealer does an inspection on it.

What are your opinions on this issue? I'm really torn about this. Your advice is welcome (and badly needed!).

UPDATE: I called the dealer and cancelled the Kia. Despite the fact that I have never quite seen myself as a minivan mom, I'm now looking at one - specifically, a 2006 Saturn Relay 2, with 41K miles, the same mpgs as the Kia, not as many safety features as the Kia (but better than what I currently have), a 100K mile bumper to bumper warranty w/a $200 deductible ($150 if I take it to the dealer's national chain of locations), seating for 7, lots of cubby holes and cargo space...oh, and a DVD player.... for $35/mo. more than my current payment. I've called around, and supposedly parts are still available and not as expensive as Kia replacement parts. As with the Kia, the down payment starts at $500, but the lender could require a larger down payment depending on how much negative equity there is from my current car. I don't know where the down payment is coming from right now, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I have to do something about my transportation issues. So, please, tell me - more thoughts?

No Justice for Single Parents in the State of Tennessee

2010-11-16T16:11:00.001-06:00

Someone wasn't paying his child support in the State of Tennessee (SoT). SoT took him to court because he was $1,400 behind. (That's 7 MONTHS of non-payment, people!) SoT then said, "Oh, gee, we'll knock the amount you owe down to $346.32. But you have to promise you'll pay your regular monthly amount each month by the 15th of the month starting on Oct. 15th." He replied, with his fingers crossed behind his back, "Oh, yes, sir. I sure will!" He paid the $346.32 on October 4. Hasn't paid what he was supposed to for either October or November. So, my question is, is this really a surprise to anyone? And how long will they let it go this time before they take him back to court, only to tell him he only has to pay about 1/4 of what he owes? I don't know who disgusts me more - him or the so-called justice system.

Morgan's Wonderland

2010-11-15T16:40:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, I took Jamie to Morgan's Wonderland. It's a beautiful place with a beautiful message. Rather than rambling on and on about how much fun we had, and how glorious it was to spend the day playing in such a wonderful, inclusive environment, I'll let the pictures speak for me.

Help Shaun Groves Make a Record

2010-11-12T10:50:00.000-06:00

You may have noticed the new widget on my blog. See, there's this "Soft Rock Star" named Shaun Groves. Maybe you've heard of him? He wants to make a new record, but he doesn't have a label. Actually, I believe that's a good thing, because he wouldn't have as much control over his record if he were part of a music machine. His last new record was five years ago. He's warm, funny, talented as all get out, oh, and he looks a lot like my brother (well, you can't really tell it from the picture shown in the widget, but in person and in several other photos, they could be twins!). He's not just a Christian singer/songwriter. He's a humanitarian, speaking and blogging on behalf of Compassion International - an awesome organization! His songs, if you haven't heard them, aren't those wishy-washy, isn't-my-life-wonderful-in-my-white-bread-perfect-world songs. No, he sings about a lot of tough things, hard things, the things we encounter in real life. I've met him and talked to him (briefly) in person, and he is warm, down to earth, funny, humble and just flat-out what a Christian is SUPPOSED to be (and so many are not). He's battled his share of demons, struggled with issues of faith at times like us all. If any artist needs to put out new music, if anyone's message needs to get to the masses, it's his. So please, give what you can, if you can. I've sent my $10, might even send more as it becomes available. Will you?

Etsy, You Let Me Down

2010-11-11T15:09:00.000-06:00

Up to this point in his life, Jamie has been surrounded by people who already know (through my constant nagging....erm, "reminding") that he has some life-threatening health concerns - namely, his food allergy to peanuts and his asthma. This has meant that, although I know it is important, I haven't gotten around to buying him a medical alert bracelet or anything else that identifies emergency personnel to the fact that he has health issues.

Quite frankly, this is extremely stupid of me, I know. I also know that most USB medical bracelets are either too big, or too expensive. (Except, today I found one for less than $20 on Walgreens (dot) com. I'll be going there shortly to order it!) But I don't think just the medic alert bracelet is enough. I want something else to help alert emergency personnel that they should be looking for a medical bracelet and that they should look for his life-saving medications on him. But something like that was non-existent, at least, specific to what I wanted and what I wanted it to say. Until now. Today, I found on Etsy some professional looking patches and buttons, for less than $5, that say "I have asthma, inhaler inside" and "Fatal allergy to peanuts, EpiPen inside". These would be PERFECT to put on his little EpiPen bag/Inhaler holder he carries everywhere he goes. They're big, bright, noticeable, and have the medical alert symbol on them.

Only one problem. Every time I go to order the dang things, Etsy's server crashes and I can't get back on. Finally, I get back on, and then it crashes again. Oh, Etsy, the first time I've tried to use you, for something as important as this, and YOU. LET. ME. DOWN!

Bragging on My Kid

2010-11-08T11:39:00.000-06:00

I'd like to take a moment here to brag on my kiddo. I know I do this fairly often, but hey, I'm a momblogger, it's kind of what I do.

Last Friday, my boy got three - count 'em, THREE - awards for the first nine weeks of school. The first was for making the A/B honor roll (six A's and two B's. Not too shabby!). The second and third awards blew me away, because I had no stinkin' idea just how well my kid was doing in some of his classes!

The second award was for having the highest average in his history class - OUT OF AT LEAST 120 STUDENTS! (Six class periods with approximately 20 kids in each class period = roughly 120 students.) Out of all the classes and all the students, Jamie had the highest average grade. Rock on, Jamie!

The third award should not have been a surprise to me, considering Jamie's gene pool (and heck, even his family name). He got the Outstanding Technology Award for his computer graphics class. Apparently, Jamie figured out how to do an effect on the computer in a certain graphics/animation program that even the teacher didn't know could be done. I feel like Spike in the old Tom and Jerry cartoons talking about his pup - "That's my boy!" (in Spike's raspy voice, of course).

To celebrate, Jamie, his friends W and B, and I went and saw Megamind in 3D. I hadn't taken him and his friends out to the movies in a while, and I really wanted Jamie to get a big reward for all his hard work this nine weeks. We had a lot of fun, and the movie was great. If you haven't seen it yet, you should go. Now. See. It.

Friday Five: Weekend Happies

2010-10-29T13:29:00.000-05:00

Five little things that are making me especially happy this weekend:

I'm going out dancing tonight with my friend Julie. Her husband is playing in the band at a new dance hall here. The dance hall is adults only. This is part 2 of my birthday celebration. :-)
I have a hair appointment tomorrow. Nothing fancy, just getting a trim. I may even get my eyebrows shaped. No matter how mundane the appointment, it's always nice to get to the hair salon!
The weather has cooled off enough that it's cool and breezy. I love waking up in the morning to a chill in the air!
My voice has recovered and I can sing again. Yay!
Last, but not least, I have a blind date lunch on Sunday. My friend Sally set us up. Even if nothing comes of it but friendship, hey, I can always use new friends!

What about you? What are five things that are making you happy this weekend?

Not That I'm Complaining, But....

2010-10-26T10:06:00.001-05:00

... What in the world has gotten into my kid? He was recently moved from English to Pre-AP English, and now his science teacher is suggesting he should be in Pre-AP Science next year (they don't offer it in 7th grade) and on the field trip last week, Jamie's social studies teacher stopped by to tell me what a joy Jamie is to have in class and how Jamie is leaps and bounds ahead of most of the other students. As he was leaving, he said, "Oh, by the way, you should really consider having him in Pre-AP History next year."

So, I called Jamie's school and talked to the counselor's office about all this. Based on feedback they've gotten from teachers and things they've noticed, as well as the fact that the last time Jamie was tested he was in elementary and was not yet on medication for his later-diagnosed ADHD, they are recommending Jamie be retested for G/T. They also said that since I was a G/T kid, there's a strong tendency for my kid(s) to be G/T, as well.

I want him to be tested again for many reasons. Not because my over-achieving self feels I have to have a little Mini Me, but because of many things I've been noticing lately, and because Jamie reminds me so much of my brother. Jamie and I made the decision together to lower his ADHD medication dosage. He is getting to the age when many kids are able to be weaned off their medication. Also, he's been commenting on how he hates "feeling like a zombie" on days when he takes his meds. So, we told the doc we wanted a lower dosage. Not too long after that, Jamie's grades went up even higher and his spelling and writing grammar/mechanics improved, as well. His teachers are commenting on how he's even more involved in class than ever before. I don't know if it's because the meds aren't chaining his brain down as much or if he's just more interested in the material this year. Maybe it's a combination of both. (If his meds have been holding him back while making him behave, well.... I'll spare you the post about the guilt I'm feeling, but know it's DEFINITELY there. I also recently read an article about how some G/T kids are getting misdiagnosed with ADHD because of similarities in behavior issues when they are very young. Oh, yeah, there's a LOT of guilt stewing in my heart and brain right now, and it will only get worse if I find out he does qualify for the G/T program!)

I also want him tested because he is so much like my brother that it's like looking 20-some years in the past. I remember always being confused as to why my brother, who is sooooo much smarter than I am (seriously, scarily smart), was never in G/T. I found out later it had a lot to do with school politics in the little town we lived in back in Oklahoma, and the fact that when we moved to Kentucky they wouldn't retest him because they claimed he was "too old to start the G/T program now." Naturally, he got bored in class and didn't pay attention, and wouldn't do his homework because it was boring... So the school completely let him down by putting him in just basic classes - all the while he was coming home at night from school and studying astronomy and quantum physics and other subjects on his own "just for fun."

Jamie is the same way. He got a gift subscription to an astronomy magazine from his Big Brother Bill. Jamie pores over each issue and tells me stuff I've never even heard of, then goes on the Internet to learn more - just because. Jamie and I love to watch science-y stuff like Mythbusters, etc.; but Jamie also loves to watch programs on the Science Channel, the Smithsonian Channel and other obscure geekcentric stations - stuff about black holes, supernovas, ancient Egypt, meteorites, and whatever else tickles his nerdtastic fancy. He also loves to watch the NASA channel - not just for the videos from outer space, but the detailed interviews about diagnostics and design and the history of rocketry. While I like to consider myself intelligent, some of this stuff is way over my head and Jamie just eats it up.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say Jamie is the next coming of Einstein - he's not. Unfortunately, he is starting to show his mother's distaste for all things mathematical. He still won't sit still for very long to read a book unless he has to - he'd rather be up moving around and doing than sitting still for any reason. (Even when he's on the computer, he's always moving.) He also sometimes does things that make me wonder if his common sense flew out of his ear and took a vacation. He is not, by any means, a genius in all subjects. But there are some things, some pretty amazing things, about this kiddo that just blow me away.

Sloth Punkin'

2010-10-25T13:56:00.000-05:00

This is the pumpkin Jamie carved yesterday with no assistance whatsoever from me. I think it's cute. I kept thinking "Gee, it reminds me of someone" but I couldn't figure out who, until it came to me today. It kind of looks like Sloth from "Goonies". Don'cha think?

I see a distinct resemblance, don't you?

More funny pictures for your amusement:

Jamie and his friend William model aviator hats at that mart with the walls.

Jamie just *had* to have this hat to wear to the corn maze.

And......

Pictures from this past weekend's robotics competition:

TExES Exam Scores

2010-10-21T09:57:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't do facebook, I thought I would let you know that, despite a horrendous testing experience (nearly an hour delay, very loud construction noise right next door, unprofessional staff, etc.), I passed my content area certification exam. I am a very happy, relieved woman! Unfortunately, I can't relax and kick back, because I have a ton of homework to do, and this is midterms week, and Jamie has an orchestra concert tonight, I'm chaperoning a field trip (and getting observation hours credit for it) tomorrow, and Jamie has a robotics competition tomorrow night and all day Saturday. No rest for the weary, I guess. But still, one test successfully completed, one more test to go (I'll probably take it next fall).

I Dreamed

2010-10-18T20:41:00.001-05:00

Last night, I dreamed I danced with a dead man. He held me so tenderly in his arms, his every movement was infused with yearning for what could have been. He whispered to me that he loved me, he needed me, and that he forgave me. I asked him what he was forgiving me for. "I forgive you for killing me," he replied.

Now that I'm awake, I know that I have no idea who this man in my dream was. He does not look anything remotely like any man I know. But while it was happening, it hurt so badly I felt my heart twisting in my chest. I woke up sobbing, with tears just pouring down my face. His image has haunted me all day, his words echoing in my ears. And I still don't even know his name.

This is the first dream I have remembered in months, if not longer. In my mind, it is as solid as a memory, not just a dream. I have no idea why I dreamed this; I just hope it doesn't come again tonight. I don't think my heart can stand to be broken this badly again, even if only in my imagination.

Submerged

2010-10-14T10:57:00.001-05:00

Warning: Reader discretion is advised. There's a lot in here that, try as I might to avoid it, may come off as whining. That is not my intention, but... Well, I'll let you decide.

I've been doing a lot of thinking here lately. Somebody asked me not too long ago why I read so much - because, let's face it, for someone who works full time, goes to grad school full time, and is raising a kid full time on her own to then turn around and read 10-15 books a week, well.... that's not exactly normal. And my answer isn't exactly normal, either. I'm compelled to read that much. For a while, I couldn't figure out why I feel I have to be constantly reading - have to have four or five different storylines running through my head. The answer is actually pretty ugly. It's the only escape I have.

For the last several years (almost 13, to be exact), I've submerged much of who I am, much of what makes me, well, me. A great deal of my energy goes into being Jamie's mom, just about every thought and action revolves around him and what he needs, and there isn't much left of me anymore. I know this is the way it usually is when your kid is younger and needs your time and attention. And I love him to death, but... Sometimes I feel like I'm smothering, choking on it all. True, yeah, I'm going to school, and that's all for me - kind of. But so much of my creative outlets are just.... gone. I don't have time to try out for or act in any community theatre productions - and there are TONS here in San Antonio. Acting isn't the only thing I've submerged.

I've barely written anything since I got pregnant. It's like my writing muse got sucked into my womb with the baby. Sure I can still crank out a (short) poem here and there, but all of my stories are gone - just, "poof!" - disappeared. I used to fill notebook after notebook with stories, plays, poems and bits for later inspiration. Now, I have nothing. I tried NaNoWriMo, and failed utterly. I've started so many stories, written from dreams, images and lines that flash into my head - but it's all crap. They all fizzle out within a paragraph or two. I almost feel like my creativity has been surgically removed. But Jamie? I think he got it from me in utero. He writes all the time. Seriously - all. the. time. He has a book he's written - it isn't very long, but it's actually kind of a cute story. Me, I've got nothing, and it's left this big sucking hole inside me that I feel compelled to fill with page after page, story after story, book after book. It's like I've lived so much of my life constantly accompanied by all these characters and situations in my head, and now that they are gone I have to fill up that space with other peoples' stories. Because I'm just not comfortable with it only being me in there.

True, I'm singing again, but that is a recent development. Last year was the first year I had sung in public anywhere in years. It was the first time in a very long time I felt able to do something just because I wanted to do it, not because it needed to be done for Jamie. I really think if I hadn't started doing something - anything - just for me, I would have exploded. But it still isn't all I want - need - to do. Like I said, I love my son, cannot imagine a life without him and the joy he brings me, but I have to wonder, who the heck am I anymore?

Am I the only one? Has anyone else submerged so much of who and what they are that they just don't really know themselves anymore? What if I've submerged so much that I can't find myself again when he's grown and leaves home? Who will I be then, and what the hell will I do? Go ahead, leave me a comment and tell me if you've experienced or are experiencing this feeling yourself. Or, if you feel like I'm being a whiny baby and need a swift kick in the caboose, tell me so. I want to hear from you.

Friday Five: Little Happies, TV Edition

2010-10-08T16:42:00.001-05:00

I don't get to watch a lot of TV. I'm busy. But I am passionate about what I do watch. To that end, here's my list of five recent developments in TeeVeeLand that make me tail waggingly happy.

1. Haven (SyFy Network) has been picked up for a second season. I like everything about this show. It's got funny, it's got spooky, it's got scary... and it has Eric Balfour and Lucas Bryant shirtless. 'Nuff said.

2. Warehouse 13 (also from SyFy Network) has been renewed for a third season. I've seen several recent reports confirming this. There also are reports of stand-alone holiday specials being forthcoming for WH13 and "Eureka". This makes me happy, as I love the show but was very unhappy with how Season 2 ended.

3. A new season of Mythbusters just started. YAY!!!!

4. A new season of Bones just started. Again, YAY!!!!!

5. The new season of Dirty Jobs (ohhhh, Mike Rowe, you are so dreamy!) will start Oct. 19. Whee!

There are a few other shows that either have started airing new seasons or will soon, but I won't list them here. Some of them are my "dirty little secret" addictions. Others I won't list because... well, that would screw up the whole "five things on Friday" motif, wouldn't it?

What about you? What are you excited about in TeeVeeLand?

Tales Out of School

2010-10-07T13:40:00.001-05:00

For those of you wondering, I had a FANTASTIC time on Monday during my student observations. In the morning, I sat with Jamie's reading teacher from last year. I even got to help out with reading aloud when her voice got tired. The school cannot afford to buy enough copies of books their reading to send a copy home with each student, so the books have to be shared and read during class time. Sometimes, Mrs. B reads chapters aloud, then stops at key points to ask students to make predictions, observations or connections to what they have read. Monday was a read-aloud day. It was great to hear the kids' opinions and predictions!

When it was time for Mrs. B's planning/advising/break, I went to Jamie's current English teacher, Mrs. F. Jamie had already had his class with Mrs. F by this time, so there was no conflict with my sitting with her class. They were working on writing an essay on the themes in Langston Hughes' "Thank You, M'am". Lunch period was also during the time when I was with her class, so I got to sit and eat lunch outside in the courtyard with Jamie and his friends Spencer, Brandt, Maxwell and J.W. (I think?). The kid whose name I am not quite sure of looks a scarily-similar to Jamie - nearly the same color eyes, hair is nearly the same color, freckles like mad, and only a teensy bit taller. It was very strange to see the two of them sitting side-by-side. But, it was good getting to eat lunch with all "my kids" - well, except for our friend William. William purposely hid when he saw me in the cafeteria; he said he was afraid I'd do something to embarrass him. Who, me?

After lunch, Mrs. F and I got a chance to chat during the last few minutes of class. She told me that Jamie wasn't being challenged enough by her regular English class, and wanted me to get the counselors to move him to her Pre-AP English class. Considering Jamie has a 100 average in the class, I agreed he must not be challenged enough, and went straight to see the counselor. His schedule will be rearranged today, and he'll start Pre-AP English tomorrow. He's excited, and so am I. When I got back, Mrs. F and I swapped lists of "must-read" books. We both like YA fantasy literature. I've been invited to come back to her class any time I want. I definitely will be back next time I do observations!

Lastly, I went back to Mrs. B's class to observe her Advanced 6th grade reading class. I was not impressed at all with some of the students in this class! They were in the midst of group projects, so they were rowdy. On top of that, they were disrespectful to each other and the teacher. Also, their responses to Mrs. B's questions on their group projects did not show nearly the critical thinking skills that were observed in the so-called regular classes. But it was good to see how she kept the kids on task and from being too loud when working in their groups.

When the day was over, I was sad to realize I wouldn't be back again for several weeks for more observation. I had a lot of fun and learned a lot from the teachers. I cannot wait for next time!

"Pray for You" - super funny song (and video)!

2010-09-29T13:30:00.001-05:00

I posted this to facebook, but I thought I'd share it here for those of you who read my blog but don't do facebook. I'm not usually a big fan of country music, but this song is way too funny to let it's genre stop me from listening to it.

More Grad School Miscellany

2010-09-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

I've gotten approval from the district to do observations in the classroom. As an added bonus, one of the teachers I'll be observing is Jamie's reading teacher from last year. If all goes well, my first observation day will be Oct. 4. Yesterday, I went and got some comfortable shoes that are dressy enough to wear to church, to do field observations in and for actual teaching, but comfortable enough that standing in them will not be a problem. I'm also going to go this weekend to find some more professional-looking clothes to wear for observations and once student teaching comes around. What I currently wear to work is polos embroidered with the company logo and jeans. I don't think that is quite what the district would want teachers in training to wear! I'm haunting the thrift stores and looking out for stuff on sale. I don't want to spend a fortune!

Anyway, I just wanted to add this quick note so you all know I'm not dead and am, indeed, still alive and well.

Thank You, Jessi

2010-09-27T12:03:00.001-05:00

I want to give a big THANK YOU to my IRL and blogger friend, Jessi. A while back, I was begging for slow cooker recipes I could make so Jamie and I could have healthful, home cooked meals that I don't have to spend all night in the kitchen to make. Jessi responded with a quick, easy recipe for chicken and vegetable soup. Thursday, I went home early from work sick. I tried to eat some canned chicken noodle soup, and something about the chicken broth made the nausea worse. So, I threw the ingredients she listed in my crock pot and let it cook all the rest of that day and we had it for dinner that night. I'm very glad I made a double batch, because that's the only thing I've been able to eat every day since that didn't make me feel worse. Again, thank you, Jessi, for giving me such a great, easy recipe!

In case any of you missed it, below is Jessi's recipe. Changes I've made are added in italics.

Slow cooker Veggie Soup:

3-4 Frozen chicken breasts

2 Large cans mixed veggies (I like to do one cut small and 1 cut large)

1 Bottle of V-8 low sodium

Spices I added to taste: Basil, Oregano, Rosemary, Sage, fresh ground pepper. I needed to add these because I used low sodium versions of everything. Jamie and I are eating too much sodium.

Put frozen chicken in the bottom of the slow cooker and pour drained veggies and V-8 over the top. Cook on low for 8 hours. Use a fork to pull out chicken breasts and cut into smaller chunks, then toss 'em back in. Ready to serve. And fabulous. Trust me.

It's Official - I'm Getting Sick

2010-09-22T14:39:00.000-05:00

Each September, I get sick. I don't know if it's allergies attacking me, germs my kid brings home from school, or what, but it never fails that I get downright ill at some point during September. I've had a few scares this month with getting ill in a 24 hour period or getting a scratchy throat that never turned into something worse, but it all resolved itself fairly quickly enough that I thought I might, just might, slip past the month of September without getting too ill. But this past weekend, I noticed I was feeling more tired, irritable and discombobulated than normal. Then yesterday, I felt like I was moving in a fog. And now today I've started with the coughing, phlegm in my chest, runny nose, body hurting all over, mildly feverish and just generally feeling like crapola. September, why do you keep doing this to me?!?!?

May I go home and crawl into bed now, please? Or better yet, would someone please shoot me and then resurrect me when the germs all go away?

Friday Five: Bad Blogger Edition

2010-09-17T09:41:00.003-05:00

I've been a bad blogger this week. My poor blog has, for the most part, sat here lonely and neglected while I was off doing other things. In no particular order, here's what's kept me away from the blog:

Swimming. Jamie and I were - due to the lateness of the season - able to get a steeply discounted family membership to a private swimming pool in a nice, quiet neighborhood less than 10 minutes from our house. We try to go several times a week - that is, when the thunderstorms and rain will let us. Not that I'm complaining about the rain. We need it! Most of the times we go, no one else is there. Or, if there are other people there, there's only one or two. I have NEVER seen this pool really crowded. The last four or five times we've gone, people outside of our group of friends only show up as we're leaving. It's like having our own private pool, without the maintenance. I'll be investing in a membership again next year, even if I do have to pay full price.
Homework. While it's true that grad school homework (so far) is not difficult, and the homework itself is not terribly time consuming, the preparation to do the homework does take up a lot of time. I'm still working on getting a good system going for tracking what's due when, best organizing my notebooks, filling out all the stinking paperwork to be able to do observations, securing liability insurance (luckily, it's free through an educator's organization I've joined), and looking ahead to see what types of things will have to go in my portfolio. The portfolio takes the place of the thesis in the Master's program. I have to contribute items from all my classes into it and then submit it for review to my advisor during my student teaching semester.
Spending Time with Jamie. When I was an undergrad, I had to be constantly on the computer doing homework, or reading assignments, or whatever. Jamie felt very left out and neglected. I was determined that he not feel this way while I'm in grad school. Since I'm taking fewer classes, and Jamie is involved in more churchly things, and doing more stuff with his BB on the weekends, I am able to do most of my homework and prep while he's off doing other things. While he's home, I try to spend time with him - whether we're playing Battleship or Monopoly, watching TV together, taking him and his friends somewhere, going swimming, or just doing chores together. It doesn't matter what we do, as long as I'm paying attention to him. He told me the other night, "Grad school's not as bad as I thought it would be."
Reading. I'm a book junkie, and being in grad school hasn't changed that. I'm still reading 7-10 books a week, on top of my text books and stuff I have to read for work. I can't seem to inhale them fast enough. Books I've been reading here lately: The Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich (thanks for the recommendation, Tooz!), The Morganville Vampires series by Rachel Caine, Charlaine Harris' older mystery series (plural), and too many others to really recall at this moment. Search Amazon.com Books for Janet Evanovich , Search Amazon.com Books for Rachel Caine, Search Amazon.com Books for Charlaine Harris
Doctor Who/Torchwood. I'm trying desperately to get all caught up on Doctor Who and Torchwood so I can start watching the 6th Doctor Who season and the 2010 incarnation of Torchwood live on TV when they premiere. I don't know where I've been for the past several years to miss these shows, but I really want to get all caught up!!! Luckily, this also falls under the "Spending Time with Jamie" category, as he's as hooked on them as I am! Search Amazon.com Video on Demand for Doctor Who Season 5, Search Amazon.com Video on Demand for Torchwood

So, that's what's been keeping me away from blogging. I'm sorry I've been lax to post, but I'll try to do better once I get all my ducks in a row. So, tell me, what's keeping you busy these days? Has it affected your blogging or other daily activities? Let me know in the comments, would ya?

2010-09-14T20:17:00.001-05:00

It suddenly dawned on me that four months from yesterday, my son will be a teenager. Oh, Lord, please help me!

More on Grad School

2010-09-08T22:05:00.000-05:00

I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. I'm getting a feeling for when I need to start homework in order to have it turned in by the deadline. I'm figuring out what the professors want from me. I'm already thinking ahead to classroom observations, paper topics, etc. And I'm finding a lot of humor.

All of my professors have a Ph.D. Not a durn one of them can spell. In some cases, the irony of their errors is hilarious.

From a grading rubric:
I will deduct 10 pts for spelling/grammer mistakes (Oy!)

From a "welcome to the class" announcement (different professor):
I trust that you will profit from the course. I suspect that much of what we do will not become truely useful until that day you face your own students.

From the classroom course calendar (different class):
Calendar is spelled "calender" in both the links to the calendar site and in the file name.

C'mon, people, really?!?!

Now, that being said, I will point out that these professors seem to be very nice people and we engage in lively debate in our online classroom. I just enjoy poking fun at their errors.

Friday Five: Aging Edition

2010-09-03T07:00:00.001-05:00

Despite my occassional jokes about getting older, I don't really think much about it. In many ways, I don't feel much older than I did in high school. But there are exceptions. Listed below are the five major ways in which I have noticed I'm getting older.

My hands. I NEVER used to need lotion. No matter what I did to my poor hands, the skin never got dry. Here lately, my hands get so dry they hurt, so I have to go slather on lotion. Also, they get dry enough that you can see white, ashy traces of lines all over them if I don't put on lotion several times a day.
The gray is taking over. I've been getting gray hairs since 1996, but it was usually only one or two here and there. Now, I've got enough grays growing in that my natural hair color always looks washed out, and certain areas have so much gray they show up as streaks when I look in the mirror.
Laugh/frown lines. For the most part, my face doesn't look much different than it did in high school (well, except a lot more fat). But, I'm starting to notice laugh lines around my eyes and frown lines on my forehead that don't immediately go away. If I look really closely, they don't really go away at all. I make it a point to not look really closely.
Diet. I still crave those rich, ooey gooey desserts and greasy pizzas, but find my body exacts revenge later if I do. So I've been modifying my diet (for the most part). Sometimes I break down and have a brownie or some pizza, though.
Attitude. I used to not notice or pay much attention to age differences between me and people in their 20s (or younger). Now, I notice a VAST difference in our attitudes. I have very little tolerance for their party-hardy, irresponsible, whiny ways. I used to just do a mental shrug and figure, "well, they'll grow up eventually."

So, what about you? Have you started noticing the passage of time? Do you notice differences in how you feel about things now versus how you felt about things then? Or have you started using certain phrases that you heard your parents use, and swore you never would? Let me know in the comments, or talk about it on your blog and leave me a link here so I can go take a gander.

Calling All Cooks! HELP!

2010-09-02T09:51:00.000-05:00

Firstly, thanks to you all for the words of encouragement and support on my foray into grad school. And those of you whom are educators, your advice is much sought and appreciated! Now, I'm calling on all of you for help again - this time, in the kitchen.

Lest my boy turn into one giant microwaveable chicken nugget dinner full of fat and calories, I'm collecting slow cooker/crock pot recipes that are healthful, nutritious and packed with flavor, but are easy to throw together. I used to buy a lot of those pre-packaged Crock Pot meals at the grocery, but they never have any in stock, and those meals usually have too much sodium, anyway. So, I'm trying to make them from scratch. I will usually wind up prepping the stuff while I'm home on my lunch break during the day. I do, however, have plans in the near future to see about getting either one or two more slow cookers or the three-in-one slow cooker jobby I saw at that club that belongs to Sam the other day (depending on cost) and cooking up big batches of different dishes to freeze and or refrigerate for us to eat on during the week. Last night, I made a scrumptious beef stew, and - I have to say - it was 500 times better than all those microwave meals I have in the freezer right now!

So, please, if you are a listed contributor on our recipe blog, please go there soon and leave me some slow cooker recipes! If you aren't, please leave me a slow cooker recipe either in the comments on this blog or the recipe blog. My sanity depends on it!

On Grad School

2010-09-01T14:44:00.001-05:00

I've had a few "gulp-worthy" moments as I've looked at course materials for the three classes I'm taking this fall. These include:

Noticing that each professor has made up his/her own grading scale (each is different) and it will be a little more difficult to maintain that required "B" average than it was during my undergrad years. One course says a 94% is the lowest "A" and an 87% the lowest "B", one says 93%/84% and the last 95%/86%.
Noticing I have to complete 30 hours of classroom observations. Trying to balance that with my work schedule may be tricky. I'm hoping they don't assign me to do a few hours here and a few hours there. I specifically stated that I need to do 4 or 5 full days of observation rather than a few hours every week.
Noticing how much reading and writing I'm going to be doing, and trying to balance that with Jamie's need for my time and attention. Basically, I'll be doing a lot of my school work after he goes to bed at 9 p.m. (on a good night) and on the weekends when he's off with friends or with his BB.

Luckily, there are also several things working in my favor on this. Two of my textbooks are online, so I can (during slow times at work) do some of my required reading at the office. Also, all my professors have different days on which each week's assignments are due. This means I won't be scrambling trying to get it all done at once. It will be possible for me to designate certain nights for certain subjects. Life is much easier for me when I compartmentalize this way. Despite all the times I've had to go *gulp* while looking over my courses, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about my first semester. Of course, that could change the first day I do observations. ;-) I'll be sure to keep you all updated on how it's going!

Misc.

2010-08-30T09:01:00.003-05:00

Nothing earth-shattering to report. Life is just cruising on by, which I guess is a good thing. In no particular order, here's what's going on in our world:

Jamie is settling into the groove of school. He's excited about some of his classes (Forensic Science, Robotics, Computer Programming, Science, Orchestra) and in despair over others (PE), but overall he seems pretty happy with things as they are. Of course, as moody as he is here lately (ah, don't you just love puberty!?!) he could change his mind any second. Then change it back again.
He has finally grown enough to start playing a full-sized violin, so we went to the violin shop last week and traded in his 3/4 size rental for a higher-quality 4/4 size rental. Its name is Alfred (he named the last one Vio, as in VIO-lin). The good thing about this shop is that 100% of the monthly rental fee is applied to the cost of the violin. Jamie seems to want to stick with it, so I may purchase it outright in the spring. I've paid off so many other bills right now that I can't swing it until spring. But at least bills are getting paid off. YAY!
I'm scheduled to take my English 4-8 content exam Oct. 16. I could have taken it sooner, but the only other Saturday test date was this coming weekend - Labor Day weekend. I just wasn't willing to give up part of my holiday weekend (and spending some quality time with Jamie) to go sit in a room and take a three-hour or whatever test. (I may have already told you this. If I did, sorry for repeating myself.)
I had a moment of panic over the weekend. I was looking at the course schedule for one of my classes and thought I had homework due today. Turns out, I read it wrong and it's due NEXT Monday. Whew!
Jamie was a little disappointed over the weekend. He and his BB were supposed to go to Austin Saturday and explore the UT-Austin campus and do a lot of walking around. Unfortunately, it was an air quality alert day over much of Texas, so he wasn't supposed to be outside. They compromised and went to see a movie instead.
I got the half of the study that houses the computer and our school supplies cleaned up and organized (somewhat). The room isn't perfect (don't ask what the other half of the room looks like!!!), but at least we can get to the computer and do some work without tripping over a bunch of stuff or rolling over it with the chair.
Eight months after I graduated, I finally hung my degree up. It hangs on the wall over my computer monitor. This way, when I start feeling stressed or discouraged about the grad school workload, I can look at it and remind myself that I was stressed and discouraged about my undergrad program, but I stuck to it and finished it!

Well, that's about all I have to report from the Lone Star State. I hope it continues to be quiet and uneventful!

Grad School and Career Path

2010-08-25T10:55:00.000-05:00

Grad school begins on Monday. Supplies-wise, I'm ready. One of my books is ordered from Amazon, the other two books have been downloaded as e-books (much cheaper!). I have paper, pens and printer ink. I've even signed up (and paid for) my content certification exam. I'll be taking it October 16.

Yes, I've got all my supplies and I've got all my paperwork done. But, I'm nervous. This is the first year I've been nervous about school. I think a lot of it has to do with the strict requirements. I HAVE to maintain a "B" or above in all classes, I HAVE to get a certain percentile or above on my content and PPR exams, I HAVE to have this many hours of observation, I HAVE to pass a portfolio review. Even though I got my bachelor's degree with very high marks, I didn't HAVE to get those marks to graduate. But now that I'm being told what I HAVE to do to pass the exams, I'm nervous. Silly, yes?

Also, the whole "going to be a teacher" thing is making me a bit queasy. Not because I don't want to do it. But because it's a change from what I've been doing for so long. I never intended to be a secretary. That was never my chosen career (not that there's anything wrong with it, it just wasn't what I wanted). I did it at first because I had a little mouth to feed and this was something I knew how to do. And the more experience I got at it, the more comfortable I was with it - even though I was mostly dissatisfied personally doing it. Now, I'm taking the steps to be a teacher, something I've thought off and on about since high school. That's 15 years ago, people! It was always a thought (dream?) at the back of my mind, but I never pursued it because I was a secretary, and it was kind of scary contemplating making a change. And now I'm taking the steps, and it's still scary contemplating this change. In fact, I'm shaking in my boots!

This is a big and frightening step. Not only because of the marks I have to make, but the fact that in a few semesters I won't be able to work while I'm in school because I will have to do student teaching. It's frightening because it's a change from being a secretary, and there's the fear that I will fail at it. The last time I tried to go to school and not work, I lost my house and had to quit school to go back to work. But I'll never know if I don't try. So, fear or not, I'm going for it. I'll be sure to keep you up to date on how I'm doing - even if I fall on my face. I just hope I'm brave enough to pick myself up off the ground and keep on going.

First Day of School - 7th Grade!!!

2010-08-23T10:17:00.002-05:00

First day of school. He's a 7th grader now. When did that happen?

Friday Five: "Too Damn Hot" Edition

2010-08-20T14:32:00.002-05:00

It's HOT, people! I had to spend my lunch hour zipping from pediatrician's office (to pick up school medication forms) to the middle school (to drop off said forms and the medication that goes with said forms) and back to work. All that zipping in and out of the car and into the heat and then into over-air-conditioning back to the heat and then to the inadequate air conditioning just about zapped me, people. In honor of this, and because it's too damn hot, my Friday Five this week is all about five cold things I'd rather be drinking and/or eating right this very moment.

1) Root beer float. It's so durn hot, and a nice root beer float is just so creamy and cold. I can nearly taste it going down!

2) Margarita (I'm with you on this one, Jessi!) I lurve me some tequila, and I lurve it best when it's in a salty, slightly sour, ice cold frozen margarita. Don't give me any of that strawberry margarita, so sweet I could puke, stuff. Gimme the original - but make it with Cuervo Gold, would ya?

3) Popsicle. The kind made with real fruit please. There's just something about eating cold, frozen fruit off a stick that brings out the kid in you and cools you down quickly. Plus, it's entertaining to try and see how much of it you can eat before it melts off the stick!

4) Frozen lemonade. I just love the brain freeze you get from its creamy, pucker-inducing goodness on a hot day.

5) Strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Heck, any ice cream would do as hot as it is today. If I could, when the weather is like this I could take a bath in it. ANYTHING to cool down!

What about you? What do you crave when the weather is so durn hot you think you accidentally got on the train to hell? What's the first thing you reach for when you just have to cool down?

As Good an Excuse as Any

2010-08-18T14:32:00.002-05:00

When I get my school money next week, I've set aside a fairly large chunk for school/work/church clothes for me and Jamie. Jamie doesn't need much more than bigger underwear (he grew SOOOO much this summer!) and new sneakers for school right now. The bulk of the new clothes buying will be done by me. Why? I honestly have a very good reason this time. It's not so much that I'm a clothes horse (well, actually, I AM a clothes horse. I just have a really really good reason this time). ALL MY PANTS ARE TOO BIG FOR ME. Isn't that a wonderful reason to have to buy new clothes?

All my pants are so big, in fact, that I can pull them off completely without unbuttoning them. I haven't lost so much weight in the top - but I'm still going to buy new tops. 1) I need something nice to go with the new pants I'll be buying, natch; 2) Most of my tops are so old they're stained and falling apart at the seams (literally); and 3) I just want to, okay?

And what did I do to lose enough weight that I have to buy new pants? Well, not much. We just got really broke (someone still isn't paying child support, but he's almost far enough behind now that he's facing jail time) and I had to put the brakes on eating out. (Granted, we do still get carry-out every once in a while, but not often.) We've been eating a lot of meals prepared at home. But - it's been so hot I haven't felt like cooking - so we're eating a lot of microwaveable stuff and cold veggie and pasta salads. The last huge batch I made contains Garden Rotini swirls, a drained can of spinach, a drained (large) can of tomatoes, a drained can of peas, Vidalia vinaigrette dressing, parmesan cheese and diced onions. It's delish and feels oh so good going down on a hot hot day!

Of course, as nice as it is to have to buy new pants because the current ones are too big, I still feel as frumpy and unattractive as ever. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be encouraged enough to do something about it when the weather cools off. Unfortunately, down here that isn't until after Thanksgiving!

RIP Sanyo 26" LCD HDTV

2010-08-12T10:33:00.006-05:00

This is what my TV looks like after Jamie decided to play balloon baseball in the house yesterday. He was using the long vacuum cleaner attachment as a bat. His hands sweat a lot. Plastic is slippery when sweaty hands hold it. Plastic vacuum cleaner attachments don't have enough heft to break through the TV screen, but they have enough to destroy the LCD display. So, when we watch TV, we can only see through the left side of the screen. I did not kill Jamie, because he felt bad enough about it already. But he is being punished. I took away his computer privileges, his Nintendo DS, and the money I was going to pay him for cleaning the house all summer. He also has had extra chores added. This goes toward the cost of replacing the TV.

Oh, and don't tell him I said this, but I'm finding this a little amusing today. And actually, this gives me an excuse to buy the Internet-ready TV I was wanting to put in the living room anyway (so I can stream Netflix into the living room, too, and in HD, to boot). I would have had to buy a Roku HD player to do that. And for the record, I did call to see if it would be possible to repair the screen of the current TV, only to be told that the screens now cost more than it would to just buy a new TV. I also called my insurance company, only to be told that the loss isn't covered by my current policy.

I think another thing contributing to my having gotten over my anger so quickly is the fact that this TV cost me nothing. It was Dad's. He bought it a couple of months before he got sick and went into the hospital. I brought it home with me when it became obvious that Dad would never get to leave the hospital alive. I felt it was better to bring the TV home than to have it be a temptation for someone to break in and steal it. Also, this wasn't one of the best quality TVs in the world, and I was already thinking of how to replace it (with an aforementioned Internet-ready TV), so really, Jamie just expedited what I was already planning on doing. Although I was going to wait until Christmas time to buy us a family present, this just means I'm doing it now, and that that is one less present we'll have at Christmas.

Although, if I do go ahead and buy a new TV, I'll stick this one in the closet of the study, in case replacement screen prices come down later. This TV is also usable as a PC monitor, so I would like to be able to put this in the study to use on the computer and for guests to use to watch TV (if we ever have any overnight guests). And if that new TV does appear, I think I'll buy a wall mount for it, as well. I'm thinking it would be smart if I have the TV up out of the path of danger. After all, those vacuum cleaner attachments make for a wicked bat, and Jamie's remorse will only last so long.

Funeral Invitation

2010-08-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to let you all know that you are invited to my son’s funeral. It will be tonight once I get home and see the damage he did. He called me and informed me (in tears and hysterics) that he was playing with a stick and a balloon, and the stick flew out of his hands and THROUGH the screen of our flat-screen HDTV. If you come calling at my house around 6:30, the funeral should be ready to begin. In lieu of flowers, I ask that you donate Xanax, Valium, or whatever else tranquilizer you may have on hand. Peace be with you.

Update on My Weekend Chores

2010-08-09T09:16:00.004-05:00

I figured I wouldn't get all my chores done this past weekend, but I am pleased to report that we did get a LOT done. Saturday, Jamie went over to his Big Bro's house for a "Star Wars" (Episodes 4-6) marathon. Like me, Bill greatly dislikes Episodes 1-3. Since Jamie was taking it easy, I did too. I picked up a few things here and there, and folded some previously washed laundry while I watched "Dr. Who" on Netflix, but other than that, I didn't do much that day.

Sunday, Jamie and I finished cleaning up the livingroom, re-tidied the bathroom, and I did two loads of dishes and washed three loads of laundry. The floor didn't get mopped and not all the dishes were done, but I felt the house was presentable enough that we were able to invite Spencer over to watch TV, play Legos and eat a spaghetti and meatball dinner with us. This gave Jamie a much-appreciated reward (having a friend over to play), as well as reinforced the idea that keeping the house tidy means more friends can come over more often.

This week, we continue to keep the bathroom and livingroom tidy, as well as doing more dishes and getting a start on Jamie's room and the study. We only have two weeks until school starts, so I want the house somewhat organized to help us both in our academic endeavors.

Friday Five: Weekend Edition

2010-08-06T10:30:00.002-05:00

This'll be short and sweet. In no particular order, here are five of the things I plan to do this weekend. It's all in the planning, people - but this in no way guarantees the planned activities will actually get accomplished. I make and break plans all the time. But, anyway, here are five things I'd like to get done this weekend.

Wash all the dirty dishes. We have trouble following through on getting the dishes done when they're supposed to be done. This could be because Jamie has inherited my hatred of washing dishes (duh, that's why that's his chore!). Or it could be because we're lazy. Or both.
Put the last few finishing touches on cleaning the living room, tidying up the bathroom (still mostly clean), and scrubbing the kitchen floors so Jamie's friends can start coming over again.
Get a reasonable start on the study - maybe 2 - 3 hours total, so it doesn't seem like such a big job to tackle.
Take a break and head to the library for half an hour or so. This is a welcome (and free!) diversion when we're tired of being stuck in the house.
Laundry. It's getting close to time for Jamie to go back to school, so I need to find and wash all his uniform shorts/pants, find the white uniform polos I bought on sale at the beginning of last school year since I knew he'd have to wear that color polo in 7th grade and wash all them. This is so I can hang them all up and take inventory of what he needs new for this school year. I know some of his pants will be too short, some of the shorts will have holes, etc. I want to have his closet all organized so I won't have such a battle when we go school shopping next week. He will need a few pairs of "regular" clothes for free-dress days, weekends and holidays, also.

So, those are my big plans for the weekend. Lots of drudgery and cleaning. This is why I make plans to do things, but they don't always get carried out. So, what about you? What are you doing this weekend (or what have you planned to do but know you probably won't do?) Inquiring minds want to know!

The Spazmanian Devil

2010-08-04T14:45:00.003-05:00

Jamie has a new nickname. I was telling my brother the story I'm about to share with you. He waited a beat and said something to the effect of, "Did you ever think your son is a bit of a spaz?" To which I emphatically replied, "YES!" So I've been calling Jamie "The Spazmanian Devil" here lately because of the way he trips, fumbles and jerks his way through life here lately.

"What prompted this?" you ask. The short answer is: Jamie's pizza cracked his wrist. He told his Big Brother that he was attacked by a pizza. The long answer is a bit more complicated.

Jamie has ADHD. It seems to get progressively worse each year. He isn't particularly hyperactive, but he is more and more twitchy, inattentive, impulsive and (at times) annoying as time goes on. This is particularly true in the summer months and on school holidays, because I don't like the side effects of his medication, so I won't give it to him if there's no school. But I've discussed that before, so I won't bore you with it again.

Anyway, the night of Monday, July 26, I splurged (after a trip to Half Price Books to unload several unwanted DVDs and books) on a trip to Pizza Hut for me and Jamie. Jamie would not sit still in the booth, fidgeting, squirming, twitching and such in his eagerness for the food to come. While doing so, he somehow got one of his sandals hooked up underneath the booth - but didn't realize it until the pizza came to the table. When it finally arrived, Jamie tried to jump up to get to the pizza and serve himself before I could. Unfortunately, with his shoe hooked up under the booth, all he wound up doing was launching himself up out of the booth on onto the floor - HARD!
As just about any kid would do, he instinctively threw his left hand out to try to catch himself. But he landed on it at a funny angle and - at that moment - I heard a little popping noise (we were the only ones in the restaurant). As Jamie was trying to get up, he put weight on his left hand and immediately said "OW!" and cradled his hand/wrist to his chest. He finally got back up in the booth and said "My wrist hurts!" Thinking he was probably just exaggerating, I went to the manager to ask for a bag of ice. I put it on his wrist and we commenced eating. (Note: I didn't immediately rush him to the ER for several reasons: 1) He's at a klutzy stage and hurts himself. all. the. time. If I rushed him to the doctor every time he fell down, I'd be drowning in medical bills. 2) It was storming really bad outside - as in the rain was falling sideways. 3) We were both very very hungry and I wasn't about to leave until we had eaten our fill. Do you know how long an ER wait can be?)

After we finished eating, I took the ice off his wrist to see how it was doing. It was 1/3 again the size of his right wrist. I had Jamie try to move his hand around and rotate it on his wrist, and he said "ow! ow! OWWWW!" Hmmm, okay, we were off to the ER.

Luckily, it was a fairly slow night at the children's ER and we were fortunate that they had an orthopedic specialist there already attending to another child who had hurt a bone. We got in fairly quickly (30 minute wait), had Jamie's vitals done and were in a room not too long after that. The ortho came and looked at his wrist, ordered X-rays, gave ibuprofen, etc., then said she'd be back after the X-rays were developed to see what was what.

Two Hannah Montana episodes later, the doc came back and said the X-rays were inconclusive. The area of his wrist that is hurt (she explained) is a low-blood flow area and is really hard to tell on an x-ray if it's cracked. Also, the swelling was making it harder to tell because the swelling could actually be holding a crack together so you can't see it on an X-ray. When she tried to manipulate his wrist, he was nearly in tears. Since she couldn't tell if it was a sprain or a possible hairline crack, she decided it was best to err on the side of caution and left orders for his wrist to be put in a plaster splint/half-cast type deal. A nurse came in an wrapped his hand, wrist and arm in cotton, then they put a strip of plaster around his thumb, encased half his wrist and up his arm on the side where Jamie had pain. Then the whole thing was wrapped in Ace bandages nearly up to his elbow. He was instructed not to get it wet and not to take it off, and to follow up with his pediatrician in one week.

This past Monday, we had a follow-up appointment with his pediatrician. He unwrapped it, took one look at it (still swollen, bruised and a bit misshapen) and said, "Go see an orthopedist." Originally, the orthopedist wouldn't be able to see Jamie until the 16th; however, a last minute cancellation got us in yesterday - with 45 minutes between when I was called and we had to be there.

We saw the orthopedist, and he examined Jamie - only to find out we STILL don't know if it's broken or not. We were sent to have Jamie fitted for a custom steel brace to immobilize his wrist (at least he can take it off to shower, but has to put it right back on afterwards), and told to go back to the orthopedist next Thursday, after getting new X-rays of the wrist on next Wednesday. At this point, I just want someone to tell me what's wrong with it, why it's still hurting him, and how long it will take for the swelling to go down and his wrist to be back to normal. But it seems that's beyond anyone's capabilities. In the meantime, he can't use it, can't play his violin, can't go swimming, can't go on rollercoasters, ride his bike or scooter (verboten so he doesn't fall and injure it worse), etc., etc. This is making for one lousy end of summer for a certain boy.

I guess that's what he gets for being a Spazmanian Devil. ;-)

Friday Five - Back to School Edition

2010-07-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

I know I still have quite a while to go (Aug. 23), but I thought I would do a Friday Five list of my favorite things about "back to school" time. There's just something about the start of the new school year that gets me in the heart (and the wallet) and makes me love all the brand new starts, the new possibilities, etc.

In no particular order, they are:

Coming home from work to find the house is EXACTLY the way I left it. No Legos spread all over the place, no pile of dirty dishes that mysteriously got dirtied during the day, no finding my bed turned into a fort - in other words, no extra chores for me to have to tackle in addition to getting supper started and a load of laundry or two.

Hearing my son's excitement as he tells me what cool/interesting/gross thing he learned in robotics/science olympiad/computer lab. I think this is the year they dissect frogs in science and the year he'll be learning how to write iPhone apps in computer lab (the wonders of a magnet school program!).

Having peace and quiet in which to eat and read when I go home at lunch time.

The wonderful possibility that THIS will be the year when he fully engages in reading real books, not just comics.

The fun of shopping for new school supplies and clothes (and the added fun that some of the expense of this has been taken out by the fact that I knew 2 years ago what his required uniform would be this year, and bought all the shirts when they were on sale for $3/each).

So, what about you? What do you most look forward to at "Back to School" time? Is it the prospect of peace and quiet? Is it getting back into a routine? What is it? Please share with me in the comments or drop me a note letting me know you've done this on your own blog. Enjoy the rest of your summers!

Friday Five - Jamming Edition

2010-07-23T11:50:00.004-05:00

Not too long ago, Jessi posted a Friday Five list of music that makes her immediately think of summer. This was a fine list. I was going to do my own summer music list, but instead I decided to do a list of the five songs that always ALWAYS make me crank up my radio and jam, whether I'm at home or in the car and no matter who I'm with. In no particular order, they are:

1. John Cougar Mellencamp - Jack and Diane

2. Soft Cell - Tainted Love

3. AC/DC - Shook Me All Night Long

4. Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar on Me

5. Bowling for Soup - 1985

So, there you have it. Yes, I know I'm stuck in the past when it comes to music, but it seems like it was just so much better back then. So tell me, what are five songs that you just have to turn up the radio when you hear them?

The Game Plan

2010-07-15T11:02:00.004-05:00

I met with a counselor at Wayland Baptist University on Tuesday to see whether WBU or Texas Woman's University would be the right fit for me. I already knew (mostly) the particulars of how the Master's of Arts - Teaching program works at TWU, but I wasn't sure all the requirements, deadlines, etc. at WBU. I quickly realized several things about WBU that - although I was aware of - I hadn't thought through all the ramifications. For the following reasons, WBU just won't work for me.

Because they are on a quarter system, they have four short (11 week) class periods a year. They also start earlier than other programs. The first class period is Aug. 16 - Oct. 30. I would be required to do 30 hours of classroom observation during the first class period. But, I'm out of vacation days and they don't reset until Oct. 4. This would make it difficult to fulfill the classroom observation requirement without blowing through all my vacation days in the first month I'm eligible. This doesn't work for me.
They do not have a spring break and don't observe most federal holidays. This means on most days when I typically have a breather and just enjoy spending time with my kiddo, I'd instead be in class or on the computer in an online classroom. Jamie needs my attention as much as possible, so this doesn't work for me, either.
They administer their financial aid in such a way that I wouldn't get any refunds until halfway through the semester. This would make it very difficult for me to be able to afford books and supplies I typically use financial aid funds to cover. Again, not working for me.
They are a private university, which means that they are more expensive than TWU (which is a state university). They offered me less financial aid than TWU and are more expensive than TWU, meaning less money back in my pocket. Hmmm, still not working.
Due to when their courses are offered and the required courses for the program, it would take six semesters before I was able to start student teaching. Not. Working.

So, I've decided to attend TWU's Master's of Arts – Teaching program and pursue certification in English/Language Arts/Reading (ELAR) 4-8 and 4-8 Generalist (you have to have both to teach elementary level classes. Sixth grade is still considered elementary education in Texas, even though the students are in a middle school). This means I can teach ELAR to anyone in grades 4 – 8, and also sets me up nicely to go back later and get my Master Reading Teacher/Reading Specialist certification, which is a critical shortage area.

Once I get my initial ELAR/Generalist certification, I can then take the exam for any other certification I want to add. Under NCLB, I am required to have enough credit hours of study in a core subject area to be considered "highly qualified" in order to teach that subject. "Highly qualified" typically means you have had 24 credit hours of study in that subject. Core subject areas are ELAR, Social Studies, Math, Science, etc. This is where all those years of indecision on a major have come in handy. I am "highly qualified" in both ELAR and Social Studies.

There are other certifications in which you do not have to be considered highly qualified, but in which you must have had at least 12 hours of study in order to be able to reasonably pass the certification exam. I will easily be able to add EC-12 certifications in Theatre Arts and Technology Applications (a critical shortage area). If I take the PPR exam for 8-12 grades, I can also later take tests qualifying me to teach Sociology and Criminal Justice at the high school level. In other words, I will be qualified to teach several different subject areas, making me more marketable.

Also, another good thing about the TWU program is that there is a possibility I can be in the classroom teaching by August 2011-2012. The program requires either 6 hours of student teaching (supervised teaching with a different teacher of record for the class) in one semester or a 12 hour internship (the graduate student is actually the teacher of record but has a mentor teacher assigned to them and has a team from their graduate program overseeing their progress) over the course of one academic school year. Interns are paid by the school district at a somewhat lower level than a certified teacher, and then the intern pays their master's program of record a fee to cover costs associated with their oversight.

All the school systems down here participate in internship programs and student teaching. It is more likely one can get a position as a student teacher, but internships are often used in areas where a teacher is needed for a class but there is a shortage of teachers available to teach the subject area. If I take 3 classes this semester, 3 classes in spring and 2 classes in the summer, I will have all my hours to be able to start an internship next fall, if one is available.

I will be talking with my TWU advisor and the school districts down here to try to line an internship up now so that I can begin teaching next year***. If there isn't a shortage and they aren't needing an intern to cover ELAR 4-8 (you have to student teach or have an internship in your initial certification area), then I will instead take 3 classes this fall, three classes in the spring, take the summer off, take two classes in Fall '11 and do my student teaching in Spring '12. Either way, I'll be in the classroom teaching in whatever capacity in a very short period of time. I'm so excited!

***UPDATE: I called my advisor this afternoon while my boss was out eating lunch. She said that internships are hard to get right now, but that student teaching posts are easy to find. She said it has to do with budget constraints. So, I will still try to get an internship, but am putting my back-up plan in place to student teach. If that is the route I wind up going, I will take the summer off from my degree plan and take some web design and computer programming classes to help me when I take the Technology Applications test. Also, that means I can finally design the company web page like my boss has been wanting me to do (but which I have been too unsure of myself to do).

Friday Five: Books Edition

2010-07-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

I've been doing a lot of reading here lately (as in ~2,000+ pages a week). I think it's because I know I won't have much time to read this fall when grad school starts. Or it could be that I read so fast that I practically devour the books in one gulp. Or it could be that I love to read so much that I never want to put the durn things down. Anyway, here's a list of five book series I'm currently reading and loving the hell out of (I went ahead and stated "series" because just about everything anymore is a series and I kind of like it that way. I was really disappointed that Robin McKinley has stated so emphatically that there NEVER will be a sequel to "Sunshine" because if ever a book ended in such a way as to make me want a sequel, that book is it!)

1. The Red Pyramid (Book 1 of The Kane Chronicles) by Rick Riordan. This is the same man who brought us the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. I. loved. this. book. Now I may have to go filch all Jamie's PJatO books and read them, since I never got around to reading them before. The Kane Chronicles also addresses mythology, except this series is based on Egyptian mythology, gods, deities, etc. If you like Egyptology (and I do) you'll love this series. The first book has a lot of good twists and turns. I'm eagerly awaiting the next books!

2. Darkfever, Bloodfever and Faefever (Books 1-3 of The Fever series) by Karen Marie Moning. This is a very interesting series about the sidhe set in modern-day Dublin. There's a battle brewing between the Seelie and Unseelie sidhe (isn't there always?) and the humans are going to be the greatest casualties, unless the sidhe-seers (humans born with the ability to penetrate the sidhe glamour and percieve what monsters are really lurking beneath). This isn't your average Tinkerbell fairy tale. It has teeth. I originally downloaded the eBook from Barnes and Noble because it was free. Once I read the first book, I was hooked, though and have buzzed through the next two in the series. I'm glad I discovered this series after she had established it and written several books. I love when I get to discover a series I've never read before and can read several in a row before I have to wait for a new book to come out!

3. Mona Lisa Awakening (Book 1 of The Monere series) by Sunny (no last name). This is a series about shapeshifters that is heavy on the erotica! I'm giving you fair warning in advance. This is not a book to be left lying around near a curious, precocious child who is liable to pick it up and start reading. It can be gory, sexy and downright carnal on many different levels. But it is a good series and very original.

4. Bullet (Book 5M of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton. It's not really the five-millionth book, but it's probably getting close by now). I've raved about these before. All I need to say is, Yowza!

5. Saturday, I'll be picking up the Lily Bard novels (by Charlaine Harris, author of the Sookie Stackhouse southern vampire mysteries) from the library. I should have all of them read by sometime next week. I'll let you know how I like them. Judging my some excerpts I've read, I shoudl like them just fine.

So tell me, what are you reading right now? Has anything just knocked your socks off? Please tell me, either in my comments or by posting a Friday Five: Books Edition to your own blog. Just please make sure to leave a comment here letting me know you've done so.

Wednesday Weirdness

2010-07-07T11:42:00.003-05:00

Last night, I had a strange dream. Strange dreams are almost normal for me by now, but this was a really strange dream, even for me. I dreamed I was still a reporter and had to go cover the parole hearing of a Manson follower to see if she got parole this time. I arrived at the courthouse a little early and went to the ladies room. While I was in the loo checking my make-up and such, the woman in question and a man with wild, crazy hair and eyes burst in, held me at gunpoint and forced me to help them escape. That's when I realized the man was Manson himself.

Somehow (and no, I don't remember exactly how it happened), we got outside and to my car, but only after they shot and killed a security guard. They forced me to drive them way out into the country, where they jumped out of my car and got into a car they had waiting for them out near the water tower on Gunnell Road in Scott County (yes, I know the water tower isn't really that far out in the country anymore, but in my dream it was). They then shot me in the head and left me for dead - except the bullet didn't kill me, it just deflected off my skull and left me with a raging headache. I was able to make it back to my car and drive myself home.

When I got there, I immediately called Jessi because I knew she was interested in the Manson case. She came over and I told her the story of what happened, insisting she not tell anyone it was me who helped them escape because I didn't want to go to jail for something I was forced to do. (How on earth I rationalized that no one had run my plates or identified me, I don't remember.) Jessi agreed but insisted I had to go to the ER to have my head wound looked at. I told her she was crazy because they would report a bullet wound, no matter how slight, to the police and then they would figure out it was me who helped Manson and his lady escape. But Jessi insisted so we wound up at UK hospital where we ran into Jamie R., who was a nurse there. So Jessi starts telling Jamie R. the story, even though I swore her to secrecy. But Jessi replied, "Well, you'll just blog about it anyway, so I might as well tell her." About this time, my cell phone rings and it's Manson on the line telling me he has my son and he is going to raise him as a disciple. This is when I started freaking out big time and woke up.

See? Strange dream. Very vivid and much more realistic than my usual dreams. I think I may have to stop taking Zyrtec at night. I've had freakazoid dreams ever since I started taking it. Although I did watch a very freaky episode of Doctor Who about werewolves and Queen Victoria last night before bed, I doubt my dream came from watching that becuase 1) no werewolves, 2) no Queen Victoria and 3) no time travel. Only Manson. Lots and lots of freaky Manson. I can live without Manson in my head, thank you very much.

Best Laid Plans

2010-06-29T20:44:00.002-05:00

What's that saying about the "best laid plans of mice and men"? Well, I think I can relate. I had big plans to work on my room while Jamie was gone so that it would be nice and clean (not to mention to give me something to do). Those plans have gone awry. Last night, I watched TV and read a really good book. I admit, I was being lazy. I was pretty much worn out from all the preparation to get him ready to go to camp, so I didn't feel like doing anything else. Plus, do you know how nice it is to watch what I want to watch on TV, and not have to worry about language or "adult" themes?!? Tonight, I've done nothing (again) on my room because I lifted a really heavy box at an odd angle at work, which has set my back to screaming this evening. Tomorrow night, I'm having dinner out with my girlfriends at our favorite girly restaurant, La Madeleine (do you KNOW how long it's been since I've had a night out with the girls?!?!?). Happily, I am not working Thursday or Friday (thank you for vacation days) and Jamie won't be back until around 1:30 in the afternoon on Thursday, so I may or may not work on it before I have to go pick up Jamie. If I don't work on it, though, I'll have some 'splainin' to do. I had to send three letters to camp with Jamie, one for each night he's there. In those letters, I kind of might have acted like I was working hard on the house while he is gone. Oooops! Oh, well. When we want a break from working on his room this weekend, we can come in my room and pick up stuff in here. It's only housework. It's not like it's going anywhere.

My Baby's Gone

2010-06-28T17:24:00.002-05:00

Jamie left for camp this afternoon. He wasn't allowed to take his cell phone, so he can't text or e-mail me 5 million times a day. My phone has been silent all afternoon. I'm sure the house will seem eerily silent when I get home. I may have to turn the TV on to cartoons to make it feel like he's home. I haven't had an anxiety attack yet, but I've got the Xanax on standby, just in case. Meanwhile, I have a room to clean, dishes to do, and dogs to take care of. Thursday can't get here soon enough...... I kind of liked making Jamie do the dishes. ;-)

Friday Five: Movie Edition

2010-06-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's summer movie season. This is the time when a lot of movie theatres put out their summer wanna-be blockbusters. I love movies! In honor of the summer movie season, here's my random list of five of the hundred-gazillion or so movies I want to see this summer.

1. Toy Story 3. I'm jealous; my son got to see it last weekend with his BB Bill. Seems like I don't get to go to the movies that much any more. Oh well.

2. The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I'm a sucker for Nic Cage, sarcasm and movies about magic. Seems like this movie will have them all.

3. The Last Airbender. I am a HUGE (read: obsessed) fan of the animated series. I want to see this movie for many reasons. First, I want to see the live-action interpretation of it. Secondly, I want to know what I'm talking about when I blast it for not being like the cartoon. ;-)

4. Despicable Me. Again, from the previews, sarcasm abounds in this animated tale. What's not to like?

5. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. The first C&D was hilarious, so I'll give the sequel a try. Plus, Neil Patrick Harris and Sean Hayes... C'mon, you know you wanna see it!

Now I ask you, my loyal readers. What movies are you dying to see? Or what movies do you think sound horrendously stupid? Leave me a comment here, or leave me a note telling me you did it on your blog. I'm curious to see what cinematic tastes you all have!

Rant Thursday: Parenting Edition

2010-06-24T09:23:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, I just don’t understand my kid. Mind you, I love him to pieces; but sometimes, oh sometimes, I feel like he’s some alien dropped down from another planet. We don’t seem to speak the same language and we definitely don’t have the same thinking processes. Some of this has to do with the fact that he has ADHD, some of it to do with him being male, and some of it to do with the fact that his hormones are starting to go crazy and have scrambled his brain. It happens to all children, just wait and see.

Specifically, these are my rants about my kid. I touched on this a bit on my facebook page, but I’ll say it again in case you aren’t my “friend” on fb. These are my top three rants about my kid.

He doesn’t understand why it’s important to flush the toilet (or put the seat back down), but he can sit and watch The Science Channel and understand, with near-perfect clarity, what the hell it’s talking about when discussing quantum mechanics and physics.
He can’t remember to put the gallon of milk back in the refrigerator, but he can rattle off, from memory, random facts about Albert Einstein.
He can’t replace the toilet paper roll on the dispenser after using the last sheet, but he can build a Rube Goldberg Machine of epic proportions (and leave it scattered all over my living room floor).

I know my kid isn’t me. And I do sometimes have to keep reminding myself of that fact. But there are times when I just flat-out don’t understand him!

What about you? What are your parenting rants? (And if you try to tell me that nothing ever frustrates you and that everything is always sunshine and roses, I’ll know you are lying, or that you have a live-in nanny.)

Clean Sweep

2010-06-21T10:24:00.003-05:00

***Warning. Reader discretion is advised. If you are a very tidy housekeeper and cannot stand the thought of a messy house, do not read this post. You will gag. Proceed with caution.***

My house is a mess. My house is such a mess that I refuse to let anyone come over and see how much of a mess it is. If I allowed anyone to see it, I'm afraid they'd stage an intervention. There are many reasons my house was allowed to progress to this level of disaster: 1) laziness and lack of energy on my part; 2) long working hours; 3) the fact that I have to clean the office at work makes me unwilling to clean once I get home; 4) Have I mentioned I have three dogs?; 5) I have a kid with ADD who can mess up a room just by breathing; 6) I've always hated cleaning; 7) Every time I mop the kitchen floor, it rains. Then the boy and the dogs track mud in all over my kitchen floors; 8) Did I mention I have three dogs?

Also, I have been trying to teach Jamie a lesson about cleaning up after himself. Unfortunately, I let the lesson get too far out of hand. The result is the house is a disaster, I can't find anything, and Jamie just plain doesn't care. I haven't tackled it before now because my house was such a mess that I felt overwhelmed by the amount of mess, and didn't know where to start, or even HOW to start cleaning. Every time I even thought about trying to clean it, I'd whimper, climb into bed, huddle under the covers and suck my thumb. Okay, not really, but I wanted to.

On Saturday, I had had enough. I couldn't stand it one more day. So I tried a new strategy - I went to the smallest room in the house (the bathroom) and started with one simple task. I sorted dirty laundry. I unearthed the three laundry hampers from the garage where they were hiding. A long time ago, with good intentions, I bought three separate hampers - a white one for white clothes, a light green one for light clothes, and a dark brown one for dark/red clothes. But I never really implemented them for their intended purpose. Saturday, I lined them all up in the doorway (so the dogs couldn't come in and I couldn't escape) and got sorting. I also had a trash bag with me. Clothes got sorted, trash got thrown away, and clothes on the bottom that had gotten wet and too mildewed/molded to save got thrown away. This resulted in more than 6 loads of laundry and three trash bags full of trash/ruined clothes. I set the garbage bags by the front door, went and got the broom and a dust pan, then swept up the dirt and such from the floor. Then I got out a spray bottle with bleach water and sprayed the areas of the floor where molded/mildewed clothes had lain. All this took me about an hour and a half to accomplish. (If you're wondering where Jamie was during all this, he was out watching Toy Story 3 with his big brother. Lucky kid. But better that he was out of my way for the initial volley of cleaning.)

I then went and threw the trash out in the trash bin and started a load of laundry (hot water, color safe bleach and 1/2 cup of vinegar on the "soak" cycle to help get out any remaining mold/mildew smells). Then I went to my room and watched an hour or so of "Dead Like Me" on Netflix. After two episodes, I went and checked on the laundry. By this time, my back was starting to hurt, so I decided enough was enough for the bathroom that day, and just concentrated on doing laundry. All told, I got three of the loads of laundry from the bathroom done that day (a "soak" cycle takes about two hours in the washer, plus an hour in the dryer).

On Sunday, the bathroom and laundry were tackled again, but this time I made Jamie stay home and help me. (He wanted to go do something with Bill, but I put my foot down and told him that I really needed him home to help me.) Around 1 p.m., I went in the bathroom and sorted/threw away/organized/put away all the junk littering the bathroom counter. Then I cleaned off the top of the toilet tank. I put Jamie to work folding and putting away laundry from the day before. Then I went and checked on the laundry, got more going, brought Jamie more clothes, and we sat together and watched TV on my bed while we folded/hung and put away the clean clothes.

Fast forward an hour, and then I went back in the bathroom and scrubbed the bathroom counters, sink and inside/outside of the toilet. This involved me sending Jamie to find out what the heck happened to the toilet brush (it had wound up in the garage, somehow). After this was done, I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen to load the dishwasher I had made Jamie unload earlier. Meanwhile, Jamie was still folding laundry as I brought him fresh loads.

After the dishes were done, I went back to the bedroom and helped Jamie fold while we watched some more TV. After another hour, we went back in the bathroom and used good old fashioned elbow grease and Borax to scrub the tile surround and the bathtub. I made Jamie do half of it, as well. Then we rinsed the bathtub and I sprayed any stubborn mildew/mold areas with bleach water. After that, I had Jamie go get me the scrub brush and a bucket, and we scrubbed the bathroom floor by hand with Borax and water (again, Jamie had to do half). Then I rinsed with a mop and plain hot water.

By approaching the project as a series of specific, set tasks, rather than the vague "clean up the bathroom", we accomplished our goal of getting the bathroom cleaned (dude, it sparkles!) and didn't feel overwhelmed in the process. We are going to use this focus and mindset to clean the rest of the house - one room each weekend, one set task after another, until the whole house is clean. If I start feeling overwhelmed, I'll take a moment to look at my clean and shiny bathroom to remind myself how good it feels to have a clean room.

During the week, we will continue to focus on laundry and dishes, whittling down those daily tasks that can be such time suckers if we put them off until the weekend. This will give us more time on the weekends to focus on one room. This coming weekend we are focusing on my room, with the understanding that during this week Jamie is to use the clothes hampers to pick up and sort laundry from the floor of my bedroom. This is something he can do while watching TV, so it's a job he doesn't mind very much.

The following weekend is my five day weekend thanks to vacation days and the holiday. We will wind up using just about every day of it to tackle Jamie's monstrosity of a room. I think doing it in short increments will allow us to still have time to do some fun things over the course of the weekend, though, and not feel overwhelmed by the task. If we can keep up the pace and do one room a weekend, though, we should be done with the whole house (including organizing the garage) by the end of July. Once it is all clean, we can paint the rooms that never got painted last summer. This will accomplish my goal of getting the house completely cleaned, organized and painted before I start grad school and Jamie begins 7th grade. Once we get it all done, it should be easier to maintain. I'll keep you all informed how it goes.

Five Little Things: Lovey Edition

2010-06-18T09:02:00.003-05:00

We all have things we love about our kids - things they say, things they do, and those little things that make them uniquely themselves. I love my kiddo for lots of reasons, but these are the five little things that make him uniquely himself that fill my heart full to nearly bursting:

1. His crooked little pinkies. Since the day he was born, I've loved his little pinkies. The very tips of his pinky fingers slant in toward his ring fingers at nearly 45-degree angles. I don't know why, but I lurve his crooked pinkies all to pieces, and have since I first noticed them on the day he was born.

2. The way he still will run up to me and give me a great big hug for no reason (although he won't do it in public anymore). But when I get home from work, he still loves to give me a big hug and tell me he loves me. For a 12 year old, this is a rare thing!

3. The way his mind is always working. He's really into building "contraptions" with his LEGO blocks - ones to do chores better, make space exploration easier, etc. He also likes to plot out ways to make his chores easier at home (but which usually make the work take longer. I have to give him points for trying, though!)

4. His kindness and patience with kids much younger than himself. He loves to babysit our friends' preschool and pre-K children, and often works with them in their Sunday School classroom at church. And they all love him, too. We can't walk through church without little ones lisping out "Look it'th Jamie! Hi, Jamie!" and running up to hug him around the waist.

5. His laugh. I love to hear him laugh and see him smile. He could light up a room when he beams a real smile.

So, those are the five litte things I love about my kid. Sure, I could go on and on and on about the things I love about my boy, but I limited it to those little things that help make him uniquely himself. What about you? What are the little things you love about your kids (or your pets, if you don't have kids, or your significant other, if you have neither kids nor pets?)

Friday Five - Addiction Edition

2010-06-11T08:57:00.002-05:00

Today I'll list for you my Friday five; five little things to which I am addicted, not literally, of course, but which, as Pioneer Woman says, "Make my skirt fly up." In no particular order, here they are:

1. Bones. Several of my friends watch this show and I had seen a rerun here on there on cable, but I had never seriously followed this show. In the past few weeks, the first four seasons of Bones were added to instant streaming on NetFlix, so I watched. Then I got addicted. I've averaged about four episodes a DAY since I added it to my video library - more on weekends. We are now halfway through the last season (streamed from Amazon on demand because it wasn't available on NetFlix) and I'm already jonesing for the next season to start in the Fall.

2. Warehouse 13. The second season debuts on Syfy next month, and I'm giddy with excitement. I was going to cancel my cable subscription, until I saw that W13 Season 2 was getting ready to start. I love this show in all its quirky complexity. And I'm STILL confused/baffled/awestruck by what happened in last season's cliff hanger finale. I have got to see what happens next!

3. The Fablehaven books by Brandon Mull. Original, exciting and lots of fun, these books are supposedly for adolescents, but - much like the HP books - are full of complexities, plot twists and just plain good storytelling that readers of any age will enjoy. I'm dying right now because I got the first four books as paperbacks from Big Box Retailer on steep discount. There's a fifth book, but it's still in hardback, so I can't afford it. This means I have to wait until it comes out in paperback, and I don't think that will be for a while yet.

4. A nice, strong morning cup of French Vanilla flavored coffee. Sure, it's hot out, so it would make more sense to reach for a caffeinated soda when I first get up, but my day doesn't feel right if I don't start it with a cup of FV joe. Even iced coffee doesn't give me the same jolt as does a nice steaming mug of FV coffee.

5. Shoes. I lurve me some shoes! I don't have as many pairs as I used to. Between Jamie leaving a favorite pair of my flip flops out where a certain stray could chew them up, moving several times and just plain wear and tear, my shoe collection has diminished. But - OH! - the joy of a new pair of shoes! I hate to go shopping for clothes, but will spend hours trying on shoes.

So what about you? What are your little addictions, your guilty pleasures that give you a little zing and make you squeal aloud? Leave a message about them in the comments, or just drop me a line letting me know you posted about this yourself in your blog.

An Informal Survey

2010-06-08T10:15:00.002-05:00

I’d like to take an informal survey of all the mamas out there I know. This survey is about jewelry and accessories. Mainly, I want to know what kind of jewelry and accessories you wear, if any. Do you still like to wear long, dangly earrings, or does your little one like to grab on to anything hanging from your lobes, ripping you a new hole or two in the process? Do you like to wear necklaces, or does the li’l booger immediately shove a necklace into his/her mouth, giving you apoplectic fits over the thought of too much lead in your baby’s system? Or are your kids older now, but their tendencies to gnaw on anything got you out of the habit of wearing any jewelry, so you still don’t think to put any on? Conversely, what’s your favorite kind of jewelry? Do you like sparkles and glam, or are you more of an “Earth Mother” natural jewelry type? Do you like bangle-y jangle-y bracelets, or are you more of a charm type person? Understated and elegant or funky? Gold, silver or hemp? Inquiring minds want to know, but I can’t tell you why.

When Your Mini Storm Trooper Is Exhausted...

2010-06-07T11:07:00.004-05:00

It is better to let him sleep, lest he blast you with his laser pistol.

At Least I'm Not the Only Twisted One

2010-06-04T13:24:00.005-05:00

Recently, Jessi posted about her attack of guffawing laughter during a supposedly scary scene while watching Interview with the Vampire in a movie theater. I'm glad to know I'm not the only twisted person out there. Then again, Jessi and I are friends (at least I consider us to be so), so it would make sense for a twisted person to attract other twisted people as friends. I don't consider all my friends to be as macabre as I, but there's a nice mix of the twisted and non-twisted varieties of people amongst my "peeps".

Anyway, there's a blurb at the beginning of Jessi's post that reads:

Mama Kat's Weekly Writing Prompt: I sometimes laugh when I’m uncomfortable…or being yelled…or in church…or at a funeral. Write about a time when you laughed at an inappropriate time.

My first question to myself upon reading this was "which time?" Was it when I got an attack of the snort-in-the-back-of-your-throat laughter at my father's funeral? Was it when I couldn't help laughing at the phrasing of a letter to the editor? Let me explain a bit about both. I'll start with the oldest story.

When I worked for a certain hometown newspaper, one of my initial jobs before becoming a reporter and photographer was to type up all the letters to the editor, wedding/engagement announcements, birth announcements, etc. for publication in the paper. One day, a woman wrote in very upset about the people who drove at a high rate of speed on her road. This woman wrote in grieving because someone was driving very fast down her country road, hit their black lab and took off. There is nothing whatsoever funny about this scenario. Except....well....except for in my twisted mind. See, her letter said something to the effect of "and our poor Rover* was sitting in the road and they hit him. He was hard to miss." I immediately started laughing. My editor wanted to know what was so funny. I read him the letter. When I got to the part where they said their dog was "hard to miss" I laughed even harder and said "Obviously!" He looked at me with utter horror and contempt and asked what was so dang funny about that. I said, "They said their dog was hard to miss. Obviously he WAS hard to miss, otherwise the driver wouldn't have hit him!" (I would like to point out here that, to the best of my recollection, the dog was okay. Please don't write me snarky comments about being a dog-hater. I love dogs. They're very tasty**.)

As for my father's funeral, I may have already told this story, but I'll tell it again. Last year, my father was buried with full military honors at a national cemetery. Part of the ceremony involves the honor guard ceremoniously folding the flag to present to the family members. There's lots of slow movements, gentle stroking of the flag, precise movements. It took them a good 5-10 minutes just to unfold and refold the flag. Watching them stroke and fold the flag, all I could think was, "I will love him and pet him and call him George". I started giggling, then I started laughing, then I started snorting. All the while I was trying to keep it down, so everyone thought I was crying. But, really, I was laughing (incidentally, this made me think of the Mary Tyler Moore show about Chuckles the Clown).

I'm sure there are plenty of examples of times in middle and high school when I laughed at inappropriate things, but I don't remember much of those days. My clearest memories are of speech tournaments, fall plays and musicals. If it didn't involve speech, theatre or band, I don't remember much of it. Sorry!

So tell me: Do any of you have memories of times you laughed inappropriately? Leave me a comment about it, or post about it on your blogs and let me know you posted so I can go read it. I have this burning need to know I'm not the only twisted one!

*name changed to protect an innocent canine

**surely you know I'm joking, right? right?

A Return to Ranting

2010-06-03T11:31:00.002-05:00

I'm stressing. I'm trying not to, but I am. In honor of my stress-filled life, I'm making a return to Rant Thursday. This week's rant - not knowing. Not knowing what?, you ask. Not knowing anything when I really need to know right now.

1) Still don't know the outcome of Jamie's health insurance appeal re: going a whole month with no health insurance. As of right now, he has none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I called yesterday and they still had not made a determination on whether or not they'll be able to make his coverage retroactive to June 1. This means I'm on pins and needles, because if he has an asthma attack, severe allergy fit or what have you, his doctor visit will be all on me. And guess what? I'm broke, so he won't be able to see a doctor unless we go to the ER. Which will mean a huge bill in a couple of weeks. This also means at this point that he can't go to camp unless I buy him temporary insurance for the month. See above re: being broke. Can't afford to buy him any insurance.

2) Still have no idea what types of financial aid I may be getting for graduate school. One school is still waiting on test scores from me. It takes money to take the tests. Can't take the tests without money. See above re: being broke.

3) Have no idea where I'm going to get the money to pay for the two months of student loan payments I'll have to make until I go back to school. See above re: being broke.

4) Still have no idea when, if ever, someone is going to pay his child support again. If he would just pay the stinkin' money he owes me in child support, I wouldn't have to worry about the three above items. I'd have enough to buy Jamie a month of temporary insurance, pay for the stinkin' tests I need to take, put some money aside for student loan payments... you get the drift. I'd be able to use the child support to take care of Jamie and use the money I previously used to raise Jamie to go toward those other things I need to do to make a better life for my child.

I hate not knowing. I was not blessed with much patience. I'm very frazzled right now and stressed out. I hate the fact that it always boils down to money. I want to hurry up and know where I stand so I can move forward with my plan to become a teacher. I know I will never be rich as a teacher. But at least I'll be comfortable enough that I can take care of my kid and know I can take care of the basic necessities without ever having to wait on THAT MAN to pay the child support he never wants to pay. I'll be able to pay my bills, get health insurance for us both, go to the doctor when I need to. I'll be able to do all that, and hopefully make a difference in the life and education of a child or two along the way. I don't think that's asking for too much, do you?

Upbeat or Just Beat?

2010-06-01T10:29:00.002-05:00

I'm trying very hard to stay positive. A very wise, kind, loving woman has told me not to worry about what I can't change and what I can't do anything about just yet. I'm finding it very hard right now to stay positive, but I'm trying.

On Saturday, I got the letter confirming that, while my appeal has been approved for Jamie to keep his medical insurance, he has to go the entire month of June with no insurance. His insurance reinstates on July 1. I called last week to appeal this decision, citing his health problems, upcoming monthly appointments, all the meds he has to take on a daily basis, etc. I called today, but no decision has been made yet on this appeal. So today is Day 1 of no insurance. This is also the beginning of the "Air Quality Alert" season here in Texas. This means the air quality is terrible and makes an asthma attack more likely. It's also supposed to reach triple digits this week, making an asthma attack more likely. His allergies have also kicked up into high gear, making an asthma attack more likely. (Do you sense a pattern here?) Please pray that my boy stays healthy! Please also pray that his health insurance gets reinstated, because he can't go to camp this month without it, and I can't afford to buy him temporary health insurance.

I'm also freaking out because I've gotten notices from just about all my student loans that I have to start making payments this month. I'll get deferments when I start grad school in the fall, but that doesn't help me much for the summer. I'm already stressing over covering all my normal bills; I can't imagine how I can add in student loans to the mix.

I'm trying to stay focused on getting through the next 4-5 semesters and getting my teaching certificates and my M. Ed. I'm trying to stay positive about how many subjects in which I will be considered "highly qualified" due to my frequent major changing as an undergrad. I'm trying to stay positive about finally making a comfortable living after I'm done - but it's really hard to focus on all that in the future when all this other stuff is blocking my view. One tends to get discouraged when one has to make the decision of either paying an overdue bill or buying groceries. I don't see how my mom provided for all of us when we were kids. I'm struggling to care for one; she had to care for three (and one of them with much worse health issues than Jamie has).

Five Things That Irritate the Pee Out of Me

2010-05-28T17:23:00.002-05:00

In response to Jessi's post, here's my list of five things that annoy the stuffing out of me.

1) Working late. On a Friday. On the Friday before a three day weekend. 'Nuff said.

2) My son not throwing away food related garbage (meal boxes, milk cartons, etc.) and just leaving them lying on the kitchen counter or on top of the fridge.

3) Answering technological questions at work for the 100th time (for the same person).

4) Putting my hand in sticky orange juice on the counter when I'm half asleep because someone didn't bother to wipe up his mess the night before when he poured himself some OJ with which to take his nighttime meds.

5) My son coming to me at the last minute before the bus comes saying "Oh, I forgot I need $5-$10-$15 etc. to go on the field trip/buy a yearbook/get a new notebook and I need it today".

500th Post and Miscellany

2010-05-27T08:48:00.002-05:00

This is my 500th post. I can't believe I've kept the blog up long enough to have a 500th post, much less that I'd have people still reading (yes, you are few, but loyal!). Thanks so much to everyone for sticking with me this long.

Yesterday, I did something that may be stupid. See, we live only about an hour or so away from Austin. Austin is the site of quite a few movie shoots, including the upcoming "Spy Kids 4: Armageddon." Jamie loves the movies, and I have to admit, I do, too. They're funny, wacky, clean entertainment. There's stuff in there that's funny to kids and adults. Best of all, I don't find them insulting to anyone's intelligence. Sure, they stretch the realms of possibility, but that's a big part of the fun. So when Jamie found out that they are casting for lead roles and extras for this movie (film shooting to be this summer) and are specifically looking for unknowns (there was a commercial and an article in the paper), he asked me to send them his photo and info. Yesterday, I did. I sent his photo (an 8x10 glossy of the photo in the previous post) and info to two different casting agencies associated with SK4, one in L.A. and one in Austin. These are reputable companies. I did my research on them. Now, nothing may come of this. I understand that and am fine with that possibility. I am not trying to be a "stage mother" and live my acting dreams through my kid. But since we live so close, I thought this might be a good way to add to Jamie's (nearly non-existent) college savings. Even if this particular movie doesn't pan out, there are others. Even if no movie ever wants him, there are TV commercials and print ads done in Austin all the time. And, if no one wants him for anything, that's just fine and dandy, too. It's neat just to send in the info and see what comes of it. Probably nothing, but that's okay.

In other news, more stress. I was able to successfully appeal to the state about Jamie's CHIP coverage. BUT - due to a weirdo rule - he is currently not going to have insurance for the month of June. If he has no insurance, he can't go to camp. If he has no insurance and he has a major asthma attack or ingests something he's allergic to, we're up a crap creek. I've put in an appeal request, but I won't know anything until June 10. Pray, send good karma my way, whatever you do, please do it. We need it. We also have some other financial stuff going on and would appreciate prayers, etc., on that, too.

Thank you all for sticking with me through 500 posts. Here's to 500 more!

Handsome Boy

2010-05-26T13:50:00.003-05:00

I'm a mom. I'm supposed to think my kid is cuter than a bug's ear. But, I have to say, his recent photos show that I have one good lookin' kid! And the nicest part? Most of the time, he's just as nice on the inside, too!

Parenting FAIL

2010-05-21T11:08:00.002-05:00

Last night was Jamie's last orchestra concert of his 6th grade year. (SIDE NOTE: I can't believe he's already almost a 7th grader! Where has the time gone?!?!!) I made sure I had plenty of batteries for the camera, but failed to dump all the old footage (which had already been uploaded to the computer) off the SD card. The camera ran out of memory and shut down right in the middle of their performance. This is an EPIC parenting fail. I'm hoping to make up for it by chaperoning the 6th grade orchestra's field trip tomorrow to Splashtown. If my sanity survives being surrounded by that many tweens at once, I will post about it at some point. Please pray for me tomorrow; I'm sure I'm going to need it!

Words

2010-05-20T09:57:00.003-05:00

I used to have words. Words that would pour out of me faster than I could write them down. Words that would paint new worlds, drag readers under and weave a spell 'round all who read them. Words that gave me a reason to be.

Then I made new life, and the words stopped. The words stopped speaking to me of people and places who existed only in my mind and heart. I didn't have time to spend on words; all my time was for my son.

And now my son grows older, but I still don't have any words. They tease me, flicker through my mind as my last waking thoughts, only to disappear the next morning. My words are gone, my voice is stilled, and I wonder who I am.

I'm So Not Ready for This!

2010-05-19T14:20:00.004-05:00

I guess it's my fault, really. I mean, I should have asked him to specify which friend. But it never occurred to me. When Jamie asked me the other day if he could invite a friend to come to Wednesday night dinner and church with us, I immediately thought of any one of a dozen of his friends. His male friends. So, I immediately said "sure". I didn't think anything of it until the next day, when Jamie announced, "Oh, by the way, CiCi* said she can come to dinner and church with us."

Excuse me? Wait. What?!? Is this the same CiCi with whom you spend hours texting on the phone? Is this the same CiCi of whom you speak at least 20 times a day? Is this the same CiCi that you have admitted is the object of your very first big time crush!?!?!

When I pointed out to him that he isn't allowed to do group dates until he's in 8th grade and no single dates until he's 16, he said, "But, Mom, it isn't a date! It's church!" Yes, it's church, but we eat dinner at church before the service, then you and the other kids go watch a movie with a message. Dinner + movie = DATE!

But he has a point. It's church. There are worse (much, much worse) places he could have wanted to go. So I'll allow it. Grudgingly. While my mother's heart screams "NO!". But only if Ms. Stephanie sits right behind you two during the movie. With a flashlight. And there better be 12 inches of space between you two during the whole movie. And yes, I will give Ms. Stephanie a ruler to measure it.

*Name changed to protect the innocent

**That thunking sound you hear is me banging my head against the wall, trying desperately to forget that my son has a date (of sorts) tonight. Can I just lock him in a closet until he's 30? Please?!?!

On The Brighter Side

2010-05-15T22:40:00.003-05:00

The good thing about being such a moody wench is the fact that, eventually, my dark despair turns into sunny optimism. Well, for a while at least. So, I'm taking advantage of a break in the gloom around here to post about the things that are giving me hope here lately.

I finally sucked it up and e-mailed the head of the Master's of Arts in Teaching (M.A.T.) program at TWU. This is the program that will give me a Master's Degree with initial teacher certification at TWU, my alma mater. To my utmost relief, the teachers are willing and eager to work around the whole "face-to-face"' meeting requirement for distance learning students. They have done so in the past and, the director ensures me, will continue to do so in the future. So, there's hope I can still participate in that program. All my documents are turned in, my file is complete, and all I'm awaiting is departmental review of my grades and recommendations. I hope to know something in the next week or two.
I finally decided that, although a Master's in Women's Studies interests me, there are more advantages to me teaching in the public schools than in academia. I was interested in teaching anyway, whether in K-12 or college. Due to the government programs to recruit qualified K-12 teachers, it makes more financial sense in the long run for me to pursue teaching K-12. I'd make a higher salary in higher education, but I'd still have a bunch of debt to pay off and would have to go further into debt to get there. By pursuing K-12 teaching, the government will give me free grants to pursue this degree, forgive $17.000 of my existing student loans, and forget about any outstanding debt after 10 years. Plus, there are more employment opportunities in K-12 than there are in higher ed.
My file is also complete at one of the schools here in town that is only about a 15 minute drive from my house. I went over Friday on my lunch break and turned in all the final paperwork to the financial aid department. This is a private university, but it also offers a Master's Degree program with initial teacher certification. My file is under review and I have a student ID number with which to check my application status. I should know something there in the next week or two, as well.
The other school here in San Antonio doesn't look as promising. Of all the things I've turned in and know, from checking my application status, that they have received, they've already lost two of them. I've received several phone calls from them about missing items that have already been logged in. I'm not stressing it, though, because this was my last choice school. They require the GRE (which is very expensive) and their program is still very new. It obviously has quite a few kinks to be worked out. I'm not worried about this one because I know from the other two schools I'm virtually guaranteed acceptance because of my GPA. It's merely a matter of who will give me the most financial aid.

So, that's life right now. Jamie's cruising through the final weeks of school, I'm cruising through work, and things are okay. My house is still a complete mess, but I'm not stressing about it too much right now. I'm keeping busy with music at church, going to services and other sundry churchly activities. I'm just taking a deep breath and trying to take things as they come. It seems to be working - for now. Ask me again in a week or two, and it might be a different story. :-)

Apologies and Thanks

2010-05-06T11:18:00.004-05:00

I've done this to you twice now. I get all down and discouraged, write a down in the dumps/I'm so insecure post, then trot off to continue my real-life angst and leave you all staring at a really depressing post. My apologies. I think the stress of impending grad school has driven me insane. I do want to sincerely thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. They are very much appreciated!

In an attempt to bring you up to date with what's going on, I offer the following items regarding my quest to enter grad school this fall:

Trying to get ready for grad school applications is a major stress. I had forgotten how expensive just applying can be, not to mention the fees to take the required tests. Grad school may have to wait another year just to raise the money for the dang tests and applications!
TWU doesn't require a GRE, but did require an application fee. Which I paid first, seeing as how they already have all my transcripts. BUT - it looks like I can't do that program, after all. Their supposedly "on-line" education classes require monthly meetings. In person. In Denton. Which is about a 5-6 hour drive from here. [sigh] So I wasted $50 in application fees for nothing.
All the other programs down here, except two, require the GRE. It costs $160. I qualify for a fee reduction waiver, but that can only be used on one test, and still makes the cost $80.
Most of the programs down here don't offer the certification(s) I want. Seems like there's a shortage of programs for Science 4-8 and Technology Applications EC-12. Only a couple of places offer those particular certifications with Master's Degree in Education.
Of the two places that do offer what I want and don't require the GRE (but only because of how high my GPA is), only one offers a Master's program. The other is a post-baccalaureate program only. If I'm going to do this, I want a Master's degree to go with it so I don't have to go back to school later to get one (as most school districts require in X number of years).
If I go to grad school, I'm going to have to not work (or only part-time) while in school due to observation requirements and student teaching. But the program that has the nice living stipend is one of the ones that doesn't offer the certifications I want.

So, that's what has contributed to my stress and my funk here lately. But, I'm in a much better mood overall than I was.

In other news, tonight I'm singing a Shaun Groves song, "Kingdom Coming", for our Nat'l Day of Prayer service at church. I first heard the song on Friday. I've learned it, but last night the super talented musician who is helping me suggested I sing it up a key, because the key it's written in is just a tad low. So, he e-mailed me a mp3 of the song in a higher key, and I'm working on that. And singing it tonight. I hope I don't make the congregations' ears bleed. :-)

Jamie is doing well and excited that he only has 19 days of school left in the year. He's also excited at the prospect of my going back to school to be a teacher. He thinks it's cool. He also likes the idea of me being home when he is.

Much love and affection to you all, and thanks for the encouragement!

Mishmash

2010-04-30T11:58:00.004-05:00

I've got all kinds of things zooming around in my head. I've got some sadness, some happiness, some anxiety and some calm. So I've got this big mishmash of stuff in my head and on my heart. In no particular order, here 'tis.

I've begun the process of applying for grad school. The first place I applied is to my alma mater, TWU. I figure I won't have to wait as long to hear if I'm accepted or not, seeing as how they already have all my transcripts and all my academic references work there. All they have to do is pick up a phone and call Dr. X and say, "So, whaddaya think of Ms. Snarkypants?" I'm also applying to some schools that are here in (or near) San Antonio. I'm applying for a couple of different programs - Masters w/Initial Teacher Certification (MS Science, MS Technology Applications dual certification), Library Science (because I'm such a book and information nerd), and I'm even batting around the idea of the Women's Studies M.A. program. True, this would ensure me a life only able to work in academia, but I think I could handle that. They also have a Ph.D. program in Women's Studies. I REALLY enjoyed all my WS classes I took as an undergrad. I like how so many different subjects can be viewed through the WS lens.

I've really been struggling with self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness here lately. This has been dragging me down in lots of ways, leading my mind to race a lot - and never shut up. Which has been preventing me from sleeping. Which has led to lots of reading and TV watching at 3 a.m. Not conducive to cognitive thinking the next day at work, let me tell you. Feeling like this has also affected other things, like singing, for instance. I love to sing and I always have. One of my earliest memories is listening to my sister's Farrell & Farrell cassette tape, singing along with the song "Through Your Eyes." At the end, there's a note that's held out for a while, and it's on the higher end of the range. I held out the note so long that my sister, not realizing it was me singing and not the tape, came running into the bedroom to see what I had done to her tape to make it hold out that long. She was very musical, and knew how long the note was held out on the tape. So it freaked her out when it seemed like the note went on longer than it should. I've always, always loved to sing. I sing when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm scared, when I'm lonely. But, as much as I love to do it, and as much as I want to do it, there's this voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. That my voice is horrible. That no one wants to hear me sing. That I sound like a frog croaking. Then I start remembering all the times growing up I was told by teachers or students or whomever that I should just shut up and stop singing. Then I doubt. And I worry. And I fret. So then I don't sing as much, even though I really want to. And then I get sad. And so the circle begins again. This has been bothering me a lot lately, because I really really REALLY want to sing something for the offertory music at church. And just when I think, "A ha! That's the song I want to sing!", those old doubts start hitting at me again.

I just found out someone I had a long-term relationship with (albeit off and on) got married. We never seemed to feel the same way about each other at the same time, so there was a lot of back and forth in that relationship. When I visited home in 2006, I saw him again. I made an off-hand comment that was really stupid, and he never spoke to me again. At least, I think my stupid remark is why he never contacted me again. Seeing as how he never told me, I don't really know WHY. We had plans to go out to dinner or something one night while I was there, and he never showed up, never returned a phone call, or anything. My attempts to contact him since then were never successful, either. It always left a little hole in me. In a way, finding out he got married is sad and happy all at once. I'm sad that he didn't think enough of me to tell me outright "You said something stupid and I didn't like it." I'm sad that he didn't think enough of the fact that we were friends first to ever return any of my phone calls, e-mails, or facebook friend requests. I always wondered "what if" with him. But I'm happy for him, happy that he has someone he loves and who loves him in return. I'm hoping now I can move on for good from that chapter in my life. Though, let me tell you, the whole experience has done nothing for my confidence when it comes to dating!

Susan and David are leaving next weekend to go home. I'm happy for them to be able to go back to their stuff and their friends and home... but sad that they are leaving, too. Safe travels, and we love you.

2010-04-30T00:49:00.001-05:00

So, I set up my blogger account so I can blog via text message. I'm tech savvy, right? But, how meaningful can texted posts be if they are only this long, hmmm?

An Evening with (Jamie's) Strings

2010-04-25T20:50:00.006-05:00

Not only have I been a bad blogger, leaving a morose snippet on my blog for way too long, I've been a bad mom, too, in that it took me nearly a week to upload and edit Jamie's strings concert from last week. Each spring, the school district hosts a district-wide "Evening with Strings" concert. The strings programs in the district are so plentiful they had to divide the event up into three different nights! The announcer said that Jamie's night, being the first night, was slightly smaller than the other two nights. At only 900 students that night, I can only imagine how many students played on each of the subsequent nights!

This year's theme was "A Little Rock n' Roll". Each school played an arrangement of a rock song. Jamie's school played "This Love" by Maroon 5. Now, I'm going to let my momma-pride kick in and say I think Jamie's school did the best. But, I will add that I heard several other parents from other schools who thought so, too. Good job, Krueger Orchestra!

There were 5th grade strings programs from 15 elementary schools, four middle school orchestras, and two high school orchestras represented. At the end of the night, they all joined together to play "We are the Champions" by Queen. It was, in a word, AWESOME!

Sorry it took me so long to get it up on here, and hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

Here's photos of after the concert, also.

Jamie right after the concert. Looks like he's worn out, doesn't he? He confessed that during the high school orchestra's 15 minute montage of Beatles songs, he fell asleep!

Spencer, Mr. Prado, and Jamie right after the concert. I think they're all glad it's over with!

An Ocean of Sadness

2010-04-16T07:00:00.002-05:00

There is an ocean of sadness inside of me.

It ebbs and flows, ever changing, ever moving,

waiting to catch me unawares

and drag me under,

to force me to submit to the tears I hate to shed.

They are a weakness and I must be strong.

Days, sometimes weeks, will pass

when the ocean tide stays out.

I can laugh, love and live.

I can be the mother my son deserves.

But the silliest things will bring it roaring in.

A sad commercial.

A homeless dog begging at my door.

Newspaper articles.

A sudden memory.

And it crashes over me - washes away my will

to do anything but to hide in my home.

I feel too much

and drown in my tears.

And the Winner Is......

2010-04-15T07:00:00.000-05:00

Remember this?

I hosted a giveaway of this luscious, preseasoned cast iron 6 qt. dutch oven. Using www.random.org, I picked one person who commented on my blog to be the winner. The following lucky commenter won the prize:

#1 - Tara - My favorite cooking memories involve my dad. He would make us doughnuts out of canned biscuit dough, egg sandwiches for Sunday night dinner (after church of course!) and could make better French toast or grilled cheese than mom. Sorry, Mom!

Congratulations, Tara! E-mail me your shipping information to stinkbumps@satx.rr.com so I can forward the information on to www.csnstores.com, the hosts of my giveaway!

Being the Mom is Not All Sunshine and Giggles

2010-04-14T07:00:00.001-05:00

Jamie was supposed to go to a much-coveted, highly-technical, Grant-Imahara-Would-Be-Proud underwater robot competition at the NASA training facility in Houston this coming weekend. It is rare for 6th graders to be allowed to go, much less possibly DRIVE the robots in competition. This is the year they're being allowed to do so, due to this group's above-average capabilities and a shortage of 8th graders going.

But Jamie will not be going. And he's pretty upset about it. To put it mildly. I think "downright pissed" would be a more accurate description.

See, I can't go on the trip. And it's overnight. To Houston, which is a "mink stole" (think about it) from San Antonio. And Jamie has recently proven grossly irresponsible when it comes to his medical issues. This trip would necessitate the group eating together in a restaurant. The teacher going said if I gave him a list of places Jamie could eat, he would TRY to accommodate Jamie's food allergies on the trip. Well, I don't know what Jamie can and can't eat at every hole-in-the-wall eatery in San Antonio, much less in Houston. A recent scare when Jamie shoved food in his mouth at a restaurant we'd never eaten at before, only to ask AFTER he'd done it what it was cooked in (to find out it was cooked in peanut oil) has proven to me that my boy's brain cells flee when he's hungry, so I can't count on him to remember to askwhat stuff is cooked in before he eats it. As a test, I also asked Jamie what he would do if the teacher pulled up in front of one of the many restaurants Jamie knows he cannot eat in, and he said "Oh, I just wouldn't eat any dinner/lunch/breakfast." [blaring horn] Nope! Wrong answer. The answer is supposed to be that you tell the teacher you can't eat there and you find somewhere else to eat. So that knocked out any confidence I might have had in Jamie's ability to fend for himself in the food area. Jamie then said, "Oh, well, I could just nibble a little something and hope it isn't cross contaminated." Nope! Sorry! Wrong answer again.

This is typical of Jamie's attitude here lately. He thinks that if he doesn't want something bad to happen, it won't happen at all. This attitude very nearly hospitalized him, if not something worse, last Friday at our church's Middle School Madness night.

On Thursday, Jamie knew his inhaler was empty. On Wednesday, he knew it was low. On neither day did he tell me "Hey, Mom, we need to get my inhaler refilled." Nor did he tell me at any time on Friday. On Friday night, despite knowing he had an empty asthma rescue inhaler, and knowing he's supposed to take it 20 minutes before strenuous activity, he decided to go ahead and play "capture the flag" with his friends anyway. He had an asthma attack - a very severe one. It was so severe, in fact, that had there not been a doctor who just happened to be there to pick up his daughters, who just happened to have an inhaler on him, I'd be blogging right now from the hospital - IF Jamie made it that far. Those were the doctor's words, not mine.

I've known for a month how much Jamie wanted to go to that competition. All I've heard day in and day out is how cool it would be to go to NASA and to drive an underwater robot. But because I can't trust my son to take care of himself like he knows he should, I had to tell him no. I had to tell him unequivocally, emphatically, "no" he could not go on an overnight trip when he's shown a total disregard for his own health and well-being.

I had to break his heart, and it sucks. Big time. I wanted him to go. I relish him getting such educational opportunities that most kids can only dream of. Plus, I really was looking forward to having some downtime of my own.

But better I break his heart, teach him responsibility and keep him alive for another day.

Yep, being the mom is not all sunshine and giggles.